


But Please, Don't Bite

by shyserious



Series: But Please, Don't Bite [1]
Category: One Direction (Band), Zayn Malik (Musician)
Genre: Alpha Louis, Alpha Zayn, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Angst with a Happy Ending, Animal Transformation, Animalistic Behavior, Anxiety, Beta Liam, Character Development, Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Full Shift Werewolves, Happy Ending, Ignores realistic wolf/pack dynamics, Intimacy, Loneliness, Love, M/M, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Omega Harry, Omega Niall, Omega Space, Scent Marking, Scenting, Slow Burn, Subdrop, Subspace, Touch-Starved, Werewolves, Wolf Cuddles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-28
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-05-23 18:21:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 122,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6125824
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shyserious/pseuds/shyserious
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Melodic little jingle sounded from a bell hanging over the doorframe and warm indoor air curled heavily around his shivering body for the first time in months. Harry suddenly felt a sting in the corners of his eyes and had to force down a broken sob. Fuck, he was a mess. Such a mess. He had to focus."</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi hi! 
> 
> This is my first time posting here and first time writing anything after almost four years. Also, first time writing in english (school essays don't count) ... So, yes, I'm a bit nervous about this! I started this project to ease myself back into writing and since I only read in english, it felt natural to try writing this in english as well. If I wasn't clear enough; english is not my first language and it might show in the writing. Sorry for any possible confusion and odd structures/comma placements that might come from my first language. I don't have a beta, all those mistakes are mine. 
> 
> Okay, now that that's been dealt with I would like to point out some things about the story!  
>  First, I'm a newbie to this fandom and all my information about anything related to this fandom comes from other fanworks and some pictures I've seen. That being said -Disclaimer here:- this story has nothing to do with actual, existing people. This is pure fiction, based on information coming from other fictional stories.  
>  Why did I write this? Because I find it cute, ha.
> 
> Second, this story completely ignores actual wolf pack dynamics. A/b/o dynamics don't fit into real wolf behaviour, so I said bye-bye to those. Omega in wolf pack is the lowest rank and those wolves are the 'punching bags' of the pack. They are the ones to eat last and they get bullied and picked on. They still are valuable members of the pack; it's important for the pack's stability to let off steam and by harassing the omega the aggressions don't build up into a proper pack fights as often. It's also been noted that the pack does mourn the loss of an omega pack mate. (I hope my info is not outdated, but this is what I've learned.) Yeah, so Omega =/= coddled little delicate flower in the real wolf dynamics. Now that we know that, we can throw away everything we just learned and do what we want, yay. 
> 
> Sorry for the long notes, just wanted to make sure I got those things said. I'm probably forgetting something but that's it for now. I would love to hear what you guys think about this, it's been forever since I wrote something and all feedback is more than welcome. 
> 
> Please do not repost, translate, or add on sites like goodreads (without permission)!!
> 
> ~~**Note!! The first 14 chapters I wasn't using grammatically correct english when punctuating the dialogue! From then on it's fixed and I'll be editing the rest of the chapters in the near future. Hopefully this doesn't bother you too much. :) Thank you!**~~ Fixed! Hopefully I got them all.
> 
> Title from Troye Sivan's - Bite.
> 
> The absolutely brilliant [art](http://rosketch.tumblr.com/post/145953797670/but-please-dont-bite-i-read-this-fic-recently) by [Ros/rosketch](http://www.rosketch.tumblr.com).

Harry glanced around the quiet street nervously. He had punched up his scarf against his throat with one hand to avoid the cold wind but the shivers still kept running up his back. A piece of paper carefully torn from a newspaper was getting wrinkled in the tight hold of his scarf free hand.

There were only few people on the street braving the freezing weather, all of them hurrying somewhere. Somewhere warm and inside, probably.  
Harry tore his gaze away from them and swallowed the longing feeling away forcibly. It was no help, no use to let his mind drift to those strangers. He didn’t know them, there was no place for him - to stay with them or to even just exist alongside them.

Cold air prickled his lungs and the soon following sighing exhale puffed out in the air as a hazy cloud. Tall street lamps coloured everything in murky, frosty hue.

Harry sniffed his nose quietly. The wind was throwing his hair viciously, getting the curling, long locks tangled and frizzy. He wasn’t wearing a hat. He didn’t own one.  
There was a couple of stores open on the street level, glowing and warm light shimmering through the big windows to touch the cobbled street outside. Harry was still on the wrong street, he was pretty sure. The numbers on the walls of the tall and grey granite buildings didn’t match the ones on his newspaper piece.

With his shoulders tense and scrunched up to his ears Harry forced himself to focus on finding the address. He tried to push away the nerves and prickling anxiousness that was running underneath his chilled skin. His wolf was panting in rigid exasperation, snarling at him to get back in the forest and stay there. Where they belonged.

Harry bit his teeth together and turned to the next street with a clenched jaw. It wasn’t true, no matter how much his wolf’s nature insisted. The forest wasn’t their home, it was simply a - temporary arrangement. Necessary, temporary arrangement, yes. Which had lasted the past eight months.

With a furrowed brow Harry stepped over a puddle that had started to ice over the edges. Harry knew his wolf was confused and getting more and more distressed with every passing day, and very rightfully so. Everything was a mess. An absolute mess and Harry feared that he was starting to be just as confused, scared even.  
Everyone knew that was a bad sign, everyone knew how it ended for the confused and terrified outcasts. When the human and the wolf got so lost in themselves that there was no way to tell where one being started and one ended. Confusion and fear could only brew down to one thing; aggression.

Harry wasn’t aggressive by nature, not even the slightest. Quite the opposite actually. But his wolf had that trait, like all wolves did. It was part of their survival instinct. His wolf was pretty mellow and docile, didn’t bother others and easily rolled over for the ones they were supposed to. However, Harry wasn’t so sure that would be the case if he kept spiralling down the hopeless path he was on. If he broke down his wolf would be left behind the wheel alone, even more confused and frightened. Forced into a free fall like that, Harry was sure the animal would just lash out to everything and anything, out of pure terror.

And Harry knew he would be the one to break first. His wolf was a lot stronger than him and was only able to focus on the now, unlike Harry, who lived in the past too much - whether he liked it or not.

So, the wolf had to be wrong. They didn’t belong in the forest, the solitude was hunting them there. Harry knew he needed to find a way to get human interaction. Wolves were pack animals and eight months of almost pure isolation was really pushing it. It was surprising he had lasted as long as he had. It wasn’t a choice, really, he didn’t want it nor did the wolf. It was just, well, safer in the woods.  
The wolf was wary of the strange territory and the strange smells of strange people from a strange pack. Everything was strange, everything smelled wrong and unfamiliar and everything was a mess. But yet Harry knew it was more dangerous to attempt to survive any longer alone in the loneliness of the forest. Here, trespassing in the nameless pack’s territory, his only worry was to be found out and chased out. It had happened before, some packs were more violent than others and he had some marks to prove it. But he had no choice. He wasn’t stupid and he knew he had to. It was safer to get a solid beating or tearing bite marks than to lose his mind. At least that’s what he tries to chant to himself to keep it together.

It had been a while now since the last time he tried to sneak in like this. He had finally learned his lesson; they could smell he didn’t belong and choosing small packs had turned out to be the stupidest thing he could have done. There was nothing “welcoming” or “cozy” in the smaller packs, like he had hoped and strategised. They were tight knit groups that were able to recognise their pack members by smell and appearance. They also viciously guarded and protected one another and when a suspicious, nervous wreck of a runt started circle towards their homes… Well, Harry understood where they were coming from - even though it didn’t make healing his wounds while panting on the muddy forest floor any easier.

All this had left him with a wolf that craved contact with others of their kind but was simultaneously terrified of meeting anyone new. The trust had been broken, hence why the forest was safer. The animal didn’t understand, the whole thing was too complicated for it in the first place. It didn’t understand why they had to leave their home, why they were staying in the forest when their home was in the other way. Why were they entering the grounds of other packs’ and why were they getting hurt, over and over again. If leaving the forest meant getting injured, then why were they here? The wolf didn’t understand how it was more harmful to stay in the solitude, even though it, too, craved the contact and bonds within a pack.

Harry couldn’t give in to the fear of getting hurt again or the wolf would hide them in the underbrush for the rest of time.

After forcing his shaky fingers open from around the piece of paper, Harry checked the building number once again. 61. Okay, he could do this.  
Harry peered around him swiftly, he tried to keep his head down too but no one seemed to be paying attention to him anyway… So far. Which was a good thing. This time he had made sure the pack was a big one, really big one. It seemed like an actual, proper town, and the smell of the pack reached around and over it completely. It was a good thing, Harry reminded himself. Good and possibly deadly, because there was strength in numbers and all that. Yay.

This time he had been skirting around the territory for weeks before getting closer. Too far out to be noticed without someone especially putting in an effort to find him but close enough to get a faint trace of the pack’s scent stuck on his fur and skin. Well, he wasn’t absolutely certain of the scent part - but it had to work, it was part of his plan and his plan was all he had right now.

55\. 57. 59… 61. And there it was. A tiny little coffee shop with a vintage looking door and two suffering flower arrangements swaying in hanging baskets on both sides of the door. The unforgiving wind that was whipping Harry’s hair around seemed to be just about to tear the poor flowers apart and away. With a wavering inhale Harry couldn’t help but wish to go with them.

Briefly squeezing his eyes shut he tried to loose the thought. Harry still had some fight in him, he wouldn’t be there otherwise. The wolf clearly had more than some fight left in it’s being, the snarling and clawing against his consciousness was starting to build up a headache. It really didn’t want to be there. Harry didn’t either, but yeah…

Harry licked his dry lips and tried desperately tame his messed up brown curls with the hand still clutching the tattered paper. It was no use, the wind blowed what seemed to be the whole mop of his hair to his face the second his hand lowered.  
Harry huffed quietly, took a deep, shaky breath and forced his shoulders down and head up. Couldn’t go barging in like the misfit he actually was, now could he? He didn’t need to seem any more suspicious than he already did. _Look normal_ , Harry told himself firmly, _look sane for once, for fuck’s sake!_

He couldn’t see much of the interior of the shop, only a little glimpse through the yellowed window on the door. The building was thin and tall and there were bigger windows only on the upper levels. Which meant the only way out, that he knew of, was this door. It didn’t sit well with him or with the wolf, it was always good to have at least two or three escape routes. Getting cornered wasn’t very high on his list right now. If only the store had windows at the front, then he could try crashing his way through them in case something were to go wrong and his way to the front door got blocked. Yeah, Harry wasn’t above that, if it meant he would then live to see another day.

Biting his lips and forcing a tuft of curls behind his ear Harry stepped to the door and pushed it open. He didn’t bother checking the address again even though he felt paranoid about it. He knew it was the right one.

Melodic little jingle sounded from a bell hanging over the doorframe and warm indoor air curled heavily around his shivering body for the first time in months. Harry suddenly felt a sting in the corners of his eyes and had to force down a broken sob. Fuck, he was a mess. Such a mess. He had to focus.

 _Focus, just focus, you shit,_ Harry snapped to himself, _want to die, huh? Get beaten up again? Useless. Shit. Fuck. Just focus, Harry!_

Harry was aware that his inner monologue was bundling up into a panicking, jumbling chaos but he tried to force it from showing. He didn’t see anyone yet and used the time that gave him to breathe in the smell of the shop. He was able to scent two people currently in the back of the store and dozens of others who had visited over time. It felt overwhelming to his senses and his wolf seemed to go crazy over it, it wasn’t safe here. Get. Out.

Honestly, Harry would have done just that if the swingy backroom door hadn’t suddenly been thrown open by a guy coming through and startled him.  
It was a big guy. All muscle and steady, strong posture and tattoos and shit, Harry was going to die. He was like stick figure compared to this person, probably a lot slower runner too and with way less stamina. His strength had started to die out quite soon after the lack of proper nutrition had begun to take a toll on his muscles. He had never been the muscle-y type anyway but he had been healthy, unlike now.

“Hey, man,” the guy called out with a big warm smile that somehow, out of all things, managed to terrify Harry even more. “Did you Mary Poppins your way here? That wind is brutal!”

Suddenly Harry’s wolf went quiet. His whole head went quiet. There was faint music coming from a small radio that was sitting on the corner of the countertop. Harry ducked his head at the sound of the guy’s light chuckle and felt his brows furrow. Was he supposed to answer that? What does one even say to something like that?  
To his relief he was quickly saved by another male’s voice chiming in from the back.  
  
“That stopped being funny after the first time, Payno,” the voice declared, all dry wit and sharp humour. The first guy, _Payno,_ just shrugged his shoulders good-naturedly and clumsily tried to wink at Harry, he wasn’t very good at it.

“Maybe, but it’s the first time he's hearing it today!” Payno quipped back, never losing his smile, until he suddenly seemed to realise something and his expression fell into actual worry. “It is the first time you have heard it today, right?”

“Wow,” the backroom noted, clearly pained.

Payno leaned over the countertop and looked at Harry while chewing on his lower lip, brown eyes concerned.

“Uh… Sure?” Harry breathed out the first thing his seemingly frozen brain threw at him. His voice came out shy and quiet and a bit raspy from not using it for so long. He tried to clear his throat discreetly.

The effect of his words was immediate. Payno’s whole being lighted back up and he seemed to puff up his chest in a burst of pride. Harry fought an instinct to step back. This Payno character just kept getting bigger.

“Awesome!” Payno said happily, clapped his hands together and Harry hoped his flinch went unnoticed. “So, what can I do for you today?”

“O-oh, um…” Harry stuttered, trying to piece together the sentence he had been practicing for weeks. “There was a, um… The paper said - you were looking for a new waiter, maybe?”

He wasn’t sure his words made any sense but he got them out and that was something. After a forced deep breath Harry tried to tug his hair into place again without looking too obvious about it.

“Ah, right. Sorry man, I’m pretty sure that job is already filled. The new waiter would be me, actually,” Payno laughed out shortly and rubbed the back of his neck looking apologising, like it actually pained him to have the job instead of Harry. “That’s a pretty old paper you’ve been reading, mate.”

Harry nervously rocked on his heels, wringing his hands together behind his back. Panicky wave crashed through him and his pulse seemed to spike almost painfully. _Shit, shit, shit,_ his thoughts jammed and played the same track over and over. He knew this wouldn’t work, he had to get out like yesterday.

“R-right, right, sorry! That’s okay, thank you, yes, it was quite an old paper, sorry!” Harry rambled out in a rush and started to back away towards the door. His face felt hot and his fingers were crushing together painfully, still clinging together behind his back. Eyes dropped to the floor his hair fell like a wavy curtain to guard his face.

The sound of the backroom door swinging and the other scent in the shop getting stronger caused a wave of ice cold dread settle in the bottom of his stomach. Maybe they had noticed, maybe he was being too see-through in his stuttering fear?

“How about we fire you, Liam, and hire him instead?” the newcomer smirked and hip checked Payno? Liam? when he reached him at the counter. The new guy wasn’t as big as Payno-Liam but somehow he managed to be way more intimidating. Pa- Liam looked like an overgrown puppy next to this - this demigod. Harry dropped his peering gaze back to the floor and clenched his teeth together. His mind was a panicking mess, the wolf awake again and loud as ever, and Harry really, really wasn’t trying to be funny, but this guy could kill him with just his jawline. The demigod hummed curiously. “He’s cute.”

“Hey! I’m cute too, you can’t fire me, Z!” Liam exclaimed grumpily, but somehow still managed to sound like he was holding back a laugh. Harry backed away slowly until he felt the doorknob against his knuckles.

“Sure you are,” Z snorted, shook his head amusedly, and then directed his attention back to Harry, which… not good. “Well, what’s your name then?”

“I - um… Harry, s-sir,” and okay, Harry clearly panicked there because really? Sir? The guy was probably close to his age, they both seemed to be. And Harry just called one of them sir. Because that is exactly what you do when you’re trying to stay off the radar.

“Oh yes, call me sir,” Z said slyly, mischief clear in his voice and his growing smirk revealed white, sharp looking teeth. Liam smacked him on the chest looking scandalised.

“Zayn! That’s so rude!” he breathed sharply and then gazed worriedly back at Harry. “I’m so sorry, Harry, he has no manners. Please, don’t mind him!”

Harry only managed to blink slowly, most likely still ending up looking like a deer in the headlights. Zayn was rubbing his chest while side-eyeing Liam dirtily and then proceeded to elbow the bigger man on the ribcage, painfully so, if the whine Liam let out was to be trusted.

“It was a joke, Leemo,” Zayn said with a bored eye roll and managed to appear completely uncaring over Liam’s worries and now, pain. Harry felt like he had been forcibly moved to the passenger seat for this, this… thing. Whatever this, what had been happening since he stepped inside the cafe, was. He had had a clear plan. Get in, ask for a job, get out. But now he was just standing there, hands stuck together behind his back and trembling from nerves that where washing over him in waves. He didn't feel like he was in immediate danger, but the situation was really unnerving and the anxiety that had been pushed to the background kept rising.

“Hey, hey, Harry. You alright there, mate?” Zayn’s level voice suddenly caught Harry’s attention over all the scattered loud thoughts that were rushing through his mind. “I’m sorry if that made you uncomfortable, I was honestly just teasing.”

Harry nodded, then shook his head and then nodded again. He couldn’t even remember what it was this Zayn guy was apologising for, he couldn't think. _Shit, shit, shit._

“Yes, s-sorry, yes! ‘m alright. Just, um - just a bit nervous, sorry,” because when you already look like a suspicious piece of shit, the best thing to do is to build up on it to make it all worse. Harry felt the sob from before trying to claw it’s way out again. Zayn chuckled, voice mellowed out to a softer tone than before.

“A bit nervous, huh?” he smiled curiously. Not meanly, Harry noted carefully. It was good, they weren’t attacking him yet. Maybe the scent thing did work, after all. “You were asking about the job before, right? Is that why you’re nervous?”

“Yes, um, yes, I - I guess that’s it. Sorry to bother you guys, I’ll just - go. I know there’s no… He said the job is taken,” Harry fought the words out of his mouth, staring the dark floorboards intensely. He wasn't used to talking this much and his voice was starting to go scratchy. He never had to and it was warmer and safer to stay in his wolf form. He took one more step backwards towards the door, forgetting he was already too close to it and his back colliding to the door made the little bell chime happily over his head.

“Harry, love. How good are you at washing dishes?” Zayn’s calm voice asked and Liam let out a tiny, odd chirp that went perfectly together with the still tinkling bell. Harry swallowed hard and his eyes snapped from the floorboards to the two strangers. Did he mean..?

“Uh, um, ‘m alright? I suppose,” Harry said softly, not letting the hopefulness bleed into his voice. Actually, he was quite good at washing dishes, he was used to helping around in the kitchen, or had been before. It was a shitty job but Harry didn’t care, it was a job. For him. Maybe. Liam smiled so big it had to hurt. It still made Harry’s nerves flare up, maybe it was the teeth. Wolf showing his teeth was a step away from getting his face bit off.

“I’m sure you’re more than alright, Harry! Right, Zayn?” Liam said, turning his ernest and pleading puppy dog eyes towards the darker male. “We will help you out too if you need, promise!”

“Yeah, man, you can come by on Monday if you’d like to try it out. I know it’s a crappy job but, you know,” Zayn said shrugging, like he wasn’t just offering to save Harry’s life. Harry wanted to curl up into a ball and cry his eyes out.

“Yes! Um, I mean - yes, please. I would… I would love that,” he uttered instead, swallowed with some trouble and bowed his head like a good little wolf whose life just maybe got saved by a pile of dirty dishes. “T-thank you.”

“This is so good!” Liam blurt out excitedly. “Can’t wait to tell the guys I don’t have to suffer with just Zayn’s stupid face around anymore!”

“You’re saying that like it’s the only face you see all day long. We do get plenty of people coming in every day, you know,” Zayn said with a flat tone. Harry wasn't sure if this Liam was actually as excited of a person as he seemed then and there or was he just trying to lessen Harry’s obvious discomfort. Zayn’s sharp eyes caught on Harry’s calculating look lingering on Liam and one side of his mouth pulled up into a half smirk. “I promise I’ll calm him down for the Monday, if you promise to show up, yeah?”

Liam huffed and looked like he was ready to full on pout but then Harry hastily nodded his head to confirm that, fuck yes, he was going to be there and the pout was gone.

“Great! We’ll see you on Monday then,” Zayn hummed, pleased. He leaned over the counter, slid his elbows on the top of it and rested his chin on his palm. “It was good to meet you, Harry.”

“Yeah, good to see new people on this side of the town,” Liam said, pointedly a bit calmer now but the big smile still going strong. Harry just nodded again, couldn’t open his mouth to imply that he was happy to meet them too, he honestly wasn’t even sure if he was. His mind too buzzing with the way the visit to the cafe had unraveled. It was clear though that he was being dismissed.

Harry nodded once more, finally forcing his fingers to untangle and stepped away from the door to pull it open just enough for him to fit through. The bell jingled again. He was about to step out, well, fall out more like, but he stopped himself just before the cold air was able to surround him completely.

“Um… Sorry again, and thank you, really! I, um - what day is it today?” Harry was standing halfway through the door, ready to bolt. But he had to find out. Was Monday tomorrow? In a week? Time didn't matter in the forest, he didn’t even know if it was actually eight months he had been there. Could’ve been years.

“It’s Friday, love,” Zayn’s said slowly, curiously. And Harry was off.

***

Harry couldn’t recall many details from his mad dash through the town towards the tree line. The second his body had succumbed back into the freezing outside air the wolf had taken over. Harry hadn’t fought it, it was the fastest way to get back and honestly, he had felt too exhausted to struggle the panicking animal. He was pretty sure there had been some really dodgy looking alleyways and maybe even backyards that the wolf had guided him through. Usually he methodically shied away from places like those but the wolf just saw them as the easiest route to safety.

It had worked, Harry had to admit. He was out of the town faster than he had thought was possible with his graceless legs and fatigued muscles. Now, in his haste to hide deeper in the woods, he got smacked sharply in the face by the low hanging tree branches, it was sobering. Too uncaring to push them aside Harry stumbled over heavy roots and underbrush, he could still feel the town like it was burning its eyes on his back.

Once the feeling subdued Harry came to a halt and the wolf shifted meekly towards the back of his head. Harry was out of breath and panting, sharp sting burning his side. He had to lean forward, support his hands on the jean covered knees and force his breathing back to normal.  
It took a while, his side was still hurting and his head starting to feel dizzy. With a low whine Harry straightened, inhaled long to calm his still erratic heartbeat and glanced around to get an idea where he was.

The trees didn’t look familiar but Harry could detect a hint of his own scent lingering in the air. Which wasn't very good, it meant he had stayed in the same part of the woods for too long. Sighing Harry shook his head to clear it and then took another calculating sniff. His scent was easy to find, especially because he knew what to look for. Harry hunched his shoulders, tugging the thin scarf higher to cover more of his throat, and finally managed to shove the crumbled piece of paper in the pocket of his tattered jeans. It was barely readable after Harry had been holding onto it like lifeline for so long.

With shaky legs Harry followed his own strengthening scent deeper into the woods and to the left. The trees started quickly to look more familiar and it was easy for him to find the one he was looking for. It was a massive spruce with strong weaving roots that arched up from the ground like a fluffed up cat’s back. There was a deep but narrow hole between two of the biggest visible roots. Harry kneeled on the forest floor and dug his hand in the hole. Crinkly and dirtied Sainsbury’s plastic bag came out with his hand and with a little shake it lost most of the moss and dead leafs and spruce needles clinging to it. Hopefully it wasn’t going to rain too heavily during the weekend or the bag wouldn’t be able to keep the wetness out.

Harry buttoned down his red and black plaid shirt that had definitely seen better days. He had double checked there was no visible dirt marks on it before entering the town, he even aired it for half a day to get rid of some of the rank. After carefully folding the shirt Harry hid it inside the plastic back and then moved to unzipping his jeans. Unlike his shirt the jeans were intentionally destroyed, which Harry now regretted. It had been “fashion”, back then. Now it was just ratty, dodgy and odd, and the rips on his knees let the cold air bite to his skin.

Harry straightened up from the kneeling position and kicked off his plain black shoes, the jeans followed soon after. He didn’t own the luxury of underpants anymore, those got nasty really quick and it was just easier to get rid of them.

His now naked skin didn’t get any mercy from the icy wind and goosebumps ran up his shivering back. With clattering teeth Harry arranged all his belongings in the plastic bag and then tied it up as tightly as he could without having to tear it apart the next time he needed his clothes. It was getting dark in the woods and the wind kept rattling the heavy branches against the tree trunks and each other. The air smelled like blue ice and chilled earth and with a shudder wrecking through his body Harry closed his eyes and tapped to the consciousness of his wolf, calling it forward.

The mossy ground felt steadier on four paws.

***

 


	2. Chapter 2

It was glum and muggy in the space underneath the two big rocks that had tightly pressed together over time. Water was dripping and running down from the walls of his makeshift den, even as the rain outside lessened to a drizzle. Harry curled himself up into a tighter ball, snout hidden under his damp tail. The dark brown fur that was keeping him somewhat warm had started to curl up and the topcoat had darkened with the moisture clinging to it. He was uncomfortable and hungry and tense with the knowledge that he had to leave the forest soon.

It was Monday. Finally. Harry had counted, paid close attention to the amount of light that sneaked into the forest through the branches. His wolf didn’t really have a sense of time, it mostly just went from meal to meal and from a safe den to another. But it was feeling antsy now, clearly recognising the anxiety pressing against Harry’s chest.  
Harry had a hard time remembering why this success had been a good thing and why it was necessary to just keep going. Right now it felt like the worst idea ever to go back. He got out once without a scratch, why the hell would he risk it again?

Deep sigh made the longer hairs of his tail fly up and tickle his nose, Harry brought a paw up from underneath his chest and rubbed his muzzle against it to get rid of the feeling. Without the warmth of his body heat his scrawny foreleg felt cold and exposed, and with drooping ears Harry methodically ran his tongue over the bony leg of his. It only warmed it for a second until making it worse. Harry knew this but the short relief often felt like it was worth it and usually, after obsessively going at it for a long time, only the irritated skin forced him to stop. Harry didn’t even want to think what that kind of behaviour was implying, and instead focused on not gnawing at his itching paws. He couldn’t show up to the cafe with bloodied hands, no, he had to leave his paws be.

With stiff movements Harry pushed himself up in the tight space, he was able to stand straight but with a lowered head so he didn’t hit the rock. With some effort he managed to crawl his way out through the little opening that hid the wolf sized hideout. His sides and fur scraped against the cold and unyielding rocks but for once his current scrawniness was a positive thing. The smaller the space he could fit himself in the smaller the possibility for a bigger “predator” to get to him. Basically, he was the fox and the rest of the world was the Terrier.

Outside the den the forest floor was muddy and slimy. The earthy stench of the rotting leaves and the smell of the animals living in the forest were mixing together, hanging heavy in the air. After a quick, calculating glance to his surroundings Harry yawned and planted all his legs firmly to the ground. With a strong twist of his body he got a good, strong shake of his fur going. Harry could feel dirt and little sticks and spruce needles staggering off of him. He hoped it wasn’t too bad. He didn’t want to show up to the cafe with blood on his irritated hands but being covered in filth and half of a forest wasn’t that pleasant either.

There wasn’t much he could do about it though. The forest didn’t come with showers, surprisingly, and it was hard enough to find proper, clean drinking water. Lapping up puddled rain from leaves and rocks was alright for getting some help with the dehydration but it wasn’t wise to waste it on washing up. There was a little stream running through the west end of the town but there was a house after a house built alongside it, all the way until the stream died down and went underground. So, dirty and filthy it was.

Harry stretched back one hind leg and then the other. Shaky muscles ached disapprovingly but he forced himself to bow down to stretch the rest of his sorry excuse of a body. He had to take care of the little he had left.

Straightening up, Harry peered up through the leaves and branches towards the ever grey sky. It was quite early, that was all that he could tell.

Begrudgingly pushing himself to a trot Harry followed the hidden paths towards the stash of his clothes. The drizzling left his fur full of little shiny droplets and every now and then he tried to shake them off, just to get covered again. _Such a mess_ , Harry thought tiredly,  _good luck looking presentable_.

He reached the tree hiding the clothes in no time. There was a faint smell of a rabbit near the tree but it had changed its course sharply, probably noticing the danger of running into a hungry wolf. Hungry, Harry was so hungry. It was hurting his stomach, had been hurting for so long now. He hated hunting, he hated eating in wolf form and he hated how much he missed the luxury of walking into a dining table and just taking what he wanted. It didn’t help anything to remember those things, it just made the hunger clench more viciously in his gut. With a shake of his head and a determined inhale Harry pushed the wolf away.

“Ah, crap! That’s cold,” he whined out with his now human vocal chords and scrambled to gather his belongings from under the roots. He tried to be quick opening the plastic bag but his fingers were shaky and the frustration made him too hasty. Annoyed growl rumbled from his chest. The forest stayed quiet around him.

The bag finally gave in and the knot opened, the plastic handles were thinned out and the colour flaking. Harry hoped he would come across a new runaway bag soon, those were surprisingly hard to find when you desperately needed one.

Harry pushed his hair behind his ears and pulled out the only set of clothes he had. They felt damp against his skin and the jeans clung to his legs when he tried to pull them on. The ends of his hair dribbled darkening spots on the plaid shirt’s worn out fabric.

Harry clenched his jaw to stop his teeth from clattering and forced his bare feet in the shoes. It felt uncomfortable without socks and he was pretty sure some dead leaves had sneaked inside his left shoe with his foot. It didn’t bother him too much, he was used to walking in the forest after all. Usually it wasn’t in the human form though.

Harry tried squeezing his humid curled ringlets to keep the shirt a bit drier but it didn’t feel like it was doing much. The flimsy scarf felt scratchy against his skin but he dutifully wrapped it around his neck. It created this weird illusion of safety, to have his throat covered up even a little bit.

Little sneeze escaped him and with a pathetic sniffling sound Harry hid the plastic bag back under the roots. There was dirty stains on his palms when he pushed himself back upright and the dirt didn’t budge even after some insisting rubbing. The skin on his hands felt itchy and he had to force himself to stop. His damp hair was tickling the sides of his neck so he occupied his fingers with the curling ends.

“Alright, then,” he said to no-one, just because he could and just because he felt like it, and started his trek towards the town.

The sky hadn’t cleared up by the time he reached the streets but the rain seemed to be teetering between light drizzling and stopping completely. Harry had no idea what time it was and - like he had realised sometime during the weekend - what time he was expected to show up. Harry was already over and done with the blazing panic the realisation had caused and was now heading towards one of the town’s clock towers. He figured it would be safe to go there sometime near the opening hours. So maybe eight? Or nine? Was that too late?

Harry licked his lips and pushed his prickling hands in the warmth of his armpits, the skin feeling raw and upset. Cursing the lack of his self-control Harry turned from the street to a little square and peered up towards the clock. It wasn’t as early as he had thought but not too late either, for his relief. The clock’s decorated hands were declaring it to be 7:52AM. Nodding to himself Harry headed back to the street he just came from and tried to remember the way to the cafe.

It didn’t take him long, Harry noticed somewhat grumpily, now that he had visited the place once. He might had been playing with a hopeful idea of not finding the cafe again and then being able to stalk back to the safety of the tree line. Yeah, that didn’t happen, and now he was lurking awkwardly near the shop’s front door again.

Little sign on the door read “OPEN” and Harry swallowed nervously. He didn't particularly feel like going in but the chills running through his body weren’t pleasant either - and he had already gotten a taste of the warmth behind the door. It was winter after all, or at least it really felt like it, and the constant state of coldness and shivering was getting old, painfully so. The wilting flowers in the hanging baskets seemed to agree.

“Try to be normal,” Harry whispered to himself, took a deep breath and pushed the door open before he lost his nerve.

“Harry, you are here!” Liam exclaimed the second he noticed Harry, the bell over the door barely managing to finish its jingle first. The warmth of the air felt almost bruising on Harry’s chilled skin and it distracted him from noticing the blond haired guy sitting near the counter right away.

“Yes, Li, we all noticed. Thank you for destroying my eardrums,” the guy sniffed and then turned his stool to throw a friendly smile towards Harry, who was still rooted to his spot by the door. “I’m Niall, nice to meet you. Harry, right?”

Harry nodded carefully, pulling his chapped lower lip into his mouth and licking over it once.

“Hi…” he managed and ducked his head to hide the warmth spreading over his cheekbones. Harry knew he was overthinking everything but he couldn’t help it. He wasn’t like this before and it frustrated him endlessly.

“You were right, Z,” Niall stated matter of factly, “he is cute.”

Okay, yeah, that really was not helping with the stupid blush. Also, what the hell?

“Ha, told you,” Zayn’s voice quipped right before he appeared from the backroom. Liam looked mildly annoyed and crossed his arms.

“I told you he was cute, too,” he pointed out accusingly, squinting at Niall and Harry was so, so confused.

“Yeah, well, you think everything with a pulse is cute,” Zayn countered and Niall simply nodded, curious gaze not leaving Harry. Liam opened his mouth to protest but closed it soon after without uttering a word.

“Hey, mate,” Zayn said to Harry then, finally addressing him. Not that he seemed to care much that they were talking about Harry as if he _wasn’t_ there. “Good to see you decided to show up.”

Harry managed some weird movement between a nod and a shrug and his still prickling hands found their place behind his back. Harry’s whole body went tense when Niall suddenly jumped up from his stool and appeared by his side way faster than his fatigued brain was able to catch on. Shit, what if he was sniffed out? The other wolf was really close.

“Come on then,” Niall said simply. He seemed to have a bit of an accent but Harry didn’t have time to focus on that because there was a warm hand wrapping around his upper arm. Without any time to react he was being dragged towards the counter and the few bar stools standing in front of it. “There you go.”

Harry noticed that he was letting himself to be arranged on one of the stools and just blinked dumbly at Niall who had a bright smile on face. His eyes were pretty blue and had spark in them. He didn’t seem like someone who would hurt others, but - you never knew. Harry swallowed a bit too loudly.

“You’re an omega too?” Niall asked suddenly, jumping a bit on his stool with a growing smile and leaned forward to sniff, no shame in his gestures. Harry’s fingers curled painfully in the hem of his shirt as he tried to force down a flinch. “Man, that’s awesome! There’s not many of us guys around here, and all the others are way older than us.”

Harry pushed a shaky, small smile to his lips and shrugged, staring at his own knees and ripped threads of black fabric. He hadn’t paid much attention to Liam’s or Zayn’s scents during his first visit, too busy freaking out and making sure he was as far as possible from them. The amount of people that had visited the cafe and left scents behind made it difficult to detect anything specific from afar. But now, after inhaling discreetly, it was easy to say that Liam was a beta and Zayn an alpha. Like, very easy to tell. So much so that Harry felt like rubbing his nose and maybe sneezing a bit - but that would have been rude and disrespectful. The musky scent was just a bit too overwhelming to his senses and for his nose that hadn’t properly scented other wolves in a long time.

Harry bit his lower lip and leaned carefully closer to Niall, whose sweet, vaguely floral scent was easier to bear. Harry hadn’t smelled a fellow male omega before, never even met one. There wasn’t many of them to begin with, or so he had heard, and Harry had grown up in a very secluded community, away from contact with any other packs. The scent was calming and Harry could feel his shoulders relaxing a bit, the spot on his arm where Niall had grabbed him felt overly sensitive.

“Oh, wow, that’s right,” Liam said, looking surprised, and then sniffed the air without trying to hide it, just like Niall had done. “That’s really nice, and so different from Niall’s.”

“Oh, wow! That’s right!” Niall mockingly repeated, huffing air through his nose. “Because apparently I always smell so fucking rank.”

Zayn snorted when Liam hastily clambered to lean closer to Niall over the counter, the movement freezing Harry to his spot. His heart rate spiked at the sudden closeness of the beta but he didn’t miss Niall’s little playful nudge against his thigh. The touch tingled.

“No, no, Ni! I didn’t mean that! You know I didn’t mean that, your scent is lovely,” Liam rambled hurriedly but didn’t seem overly worried, which Harry assumed meant that this kind of teasing topics were not unusual. “And so is Harry’s, it’s just different - and new.”

Niall harrumphed dramatically, wrinkling his nose and turning his face pointedly away from Liam, secretly winking at Harry, eyes twinkling in mischief.

“Liam, I think you should recite that lovely poem of yours to him again. Maybe that would help him forgive you,” Zayn smirked lazily, leaning his hips against the counter and watching closely for Niall’s reaction.

The omega gasped and whipped his head around to stare at the puppy-like beta. A low growl rumbled from his chest.

“Don’t you dare,” Niall gritted slowly through his teeth, eyes staring daggers and his whole being transforming into something sharp and gloomy. Even his previously calming, fresh scent spiked up to something more sour and citrusy, offensive.

“Don’t bully me, you two,” Liam whined, raising both hands in the air and mouth forming a pout like a little pup’s. “Also, I think you’re scaring Harry.”

Harry all but jolted at the mention of his own name. He had completely zoned out, senses too high wired and blasting warning signals, body curling inwards to appear as small as possible and away from the harm’s way.

Niall dropped the act like it burned and turned back to face Harry, blue eyes confused and concerned.

“Shit,” Niall breathed softly, eyes wide. “Sorry, love! We were was just playing, I didn’t… Just playing, promise.”

The blond omega looked so distraught that Harry was starting to feel guilty for just existing. He ducked his head even lower, shame adding to the mix of fear and confusion.

Suddenly, between one breath and another, he had gained a gentle but insistent pair of arms around his neck. Niall tugged Harry softly towards himself, one hand tangling with Harry’s curls at the base of his neck and the other was warm on his shoulder blade.  
The act tipped Harry’s balance and he quickly found himself snuggled in a tight, reassuring embrace, face pressed against a warm neck.

All at once, after one frantic inhale, his body went limp. Harry slumped forward like a rag doll, all control over his body gone, his wolf’s high pitched whine echoing inside his mind. All he could feel was the warm skin against his own and the steady hold tightening around him securely. Goosebumps were rapidly rising up on his skin, shiver after shiver wavering his core. The skin underneath his cheek felt almost too hot but still oh, so good. He didn’t know that being held could feel that way. Harry was drowning in the lovely scent of Niall’s, brain slowed down to a quieted crawl that didn’t allow him to think anything but _safe_  and _calm._

He was floating. It was warm and it was quiet and there was no space for worries in his fuzzy head.

After what felt like an eternity but still way too soon, a shaky whimpering noise made its way through Harry’s consciousness. It kept getting louder and more in focus - and it kept rising from his own throat.

“That’s it, Harry, come on,” a soft voice was speaking against his ear. “You’re okay, it’s alright. Come back up for us, love, show those pretty eyes of yours, yeah?”

There was a low hum of calming, encouraging words and the muddy, sweet haze started to lift it’s hold from his mind. Harry blinked slowly.

“There you are,” said a different voice, not minding the ongoing whimper pouring from Harry’s lips. It would’t stop, it was his wolf’s tone. “Here, drink this.”

A chilly edge of a glass was gently pressed against his lower lip and with some help Harry was able to down all the water in it. The glass was taken away and it left space for a silence, drinking had cut out the whimpering.  
Harry blinked again, and again. He suddenly knew that something wasn't quite right but he felt so good that it was hard to grasp that something. Furrowing his brow Harry turned his head a bit and blinked once more.

“Hi there,” Zayn smiled softly with a quiet voice, Liam was peeking over his shoulder, brown eyes full of emotion Harry couldn’t read. “You back with us, love?”

Harry furrowed his brows even more, trying to concentrate. Back with us? But - he hadn’t gone anywhere? A confused whine sneaked its way up and weakly fell from his lips. Comfortingly tightening hold around Harry drew his attention to the fact that he was being held. The sweet, floral scent registering as familiar in his mind. Niall. And Zayn. And Liam.

His body started to tense up.

“Hey, hey, hey, no, shh. It’s okay, you’re okay, just take a deep breath,” Niall pressed the whispering words against his ear, running his palms up and down Harry’s side and back. “Nothing’s wrong, you’re safe, yeah? Just relax. Take another breath for me, that’s right. That’s so good.”

The praise curled around his chest like another warm embrace, slotting in the spaces Niall’s hold wasn’t covering. _I was good?_ he wanted to ask but he wouldn’t, couldn’t. It didn’t feel right to ask, like it wasn’t his place. It was weird, confusing. Everything was confusing. All he could do was to keep doing just as he had been asked, and maybe, just maybe he would be told that again. He didn’t know why he wanted that, he just did.

“Would you like to drink some more?” Liam asked in a low, even voice and Harry turned his gaze back to the beta. Harry wasn’t sure if he wanted more, he felt funny, but he nodded timidly anyway, making both Liam and Zayn look pleased. It tugged at something deep inside his chest.

Liam disappeared from his eyesight and Harry tried to blink away the lingering haziness but it didn’t want to budge. Gentle fingers carded through his hair, untangling his messed up curls and pushing them away from his face, behind his ear.

“That was quite a drop you had there,” Zayn hummed, eyes kind and curiosity hiding in the corners of them. Liam came back with the filled glass and handed it over to Niall who helped Harry to take small sips. Niall, whom Harry had just met. Niall, to whom Harry had said one word to. Something was squeezing and growing inside his chest but the floaty feeling was covering it up like a fog.

“Harry-love, when was the last time you had a proper good cuddle?” Niall asked softly when the glass was empty again and put away. The now glassless hand winded around his waist. Harry could feel his face scrunch up in concentration. Words were difficult. Clear thoughts even more so.

“I… I don’t,” he tried to say but no voice came out. He cleared his throat but his tongue still felt sluggish.

“It’s okay, take your time,” Liam said and Zayn nodded his head in agreement. Harry licked his lips and took a deep breath, just the way Niall had instructed before.

“Can’t remember,” he managed to rasp out, feeling disappointed in himself for not being able to answer properly. Harry wanted to hide his face. Everything was so fucking confusing. “‘m s-sorry. I - I can’t remember.”  
  
“Hey, that’s quite alright, it’s okay if you don’t,” Zayn rushed to reassure him. Harry noticed how Zayn reached out to touch Harry’s wrist that was resting on his lap but the alpha’s hand quickly pulled back. Liam wasn’t touching him anywhere either. Harry’s fuzzy head couldn’t decide if he was glad or disheartened.

“Do you mean you can’t remember what has happened?” Niall asked slowly, breaking it down so it was easier for Harry to understand in his obviously disoriented state. “Or you can’t remember because it’s been so long?”

Harry swallowed and gave in to the urge to bury his face back in Niall’s neck. “Been so long…”

Heavy, growly huff spiked up to the air from Zayn and Harry instinctively pulled his shoulders up, shielding himself.  
  
“He’s not mad at you,” Niall comforted immediately, feeling Harry tense up again. A warm hand found its way back to Harry’s curls, shielding his face and helping him feel more hidden. “He’s mad because someone has clearly been neglecting you.”

Harry quietly shook his head, that wasn't true. There was no one to blame. Except maybe Harry himself, it had taken him way too long to learn his lessons and find his way to a pack. To - here..?

“Harry, can you tell us where you live? And who are you living with?” Liam goaded, still in the same soft way the all three seemed to be talking to him.

Harry felt so embarrassed. The emotion flushed over him like a hot wave, colouring his cheeks with a strong blush. Harry pulled his knees up, closer to his chest, and only now realised he wasn’t at the counter of the cafe anymore. He peered up carefully, trying to hide his red face. There was the sofa he was sitting on and then a tv across the room and a small coffee table in between which Zayn and Liam were using as a seat. Wide window to his right was casting in a dull light, Harry could see the heavy, dark clouds still hanging on the sky.

“Could you, please, answer Liam, love?” Zayn’s voice was still gentle but Harry had no problems detecting the firm edge that had been added on. He didn’t know what to say. He wanted to disappear. This wasn’t what he had planned, even though he didn’t really have a plan for after getting the job. But this wasn’t it. This was so overwhelming, would have been unsettling if he hadn’t been so comfortable in Niall’s hold. He had no way of telling if he was safe either, not the way his brain was lulling him into a possibly false comfort. He was whimpering again.

“I’m sorry, Harry, I know it’s difficult but we need you to tell us so we can help you,” it was Niall this time. The omega was scratching gently and so nicely over the side of Harry’s scalp with his careful fingers. It felt so good Harry wanted to purr, eyes slowly dropping half closed. Yet he couldn’t shake the shadowing feeling of him getting Niall’s fingers dirty. “Where do you live and who are you living with?”

“Live alone,” he mumbled, leaning his head against the heavenly fingers. There was a pause and then the fingers were gone.

“Harry, can you sit up? I need you to focus for a bit, okay?” Niall said in a tone that left no space for arguing, not in a same way as Zayn was able to though. The warmth of Niall’s chest pulled away but didn’t go far, Harry’s frantic hold on his shirt made sure of that. “I’m right here, H, I’m not going anywhere. Just need you to focus and being close to me is not helping you.”

“But ‘s nice,” Harry slurred, blinking. He felt woozy and unstable, but he wasn’t falling over from the couch so it was alright, he supposed. He heard an amused chuckle coming from all the other three.

“I’m sure,” Zayn smiled, tongue poking between his teeth and the corners of his eyes crinkling. Harry blinked.

After a few beats he forced down a swallow and glanced longingly at Niall but he clearly wasn’t coming back closer. Harry exhaled slowly and made an effort to breathe in through his nose. The place smelled heavily of alphas, spiked up with a wavering beta scent and with a sweet little undertone of omega sweetness.

“That’s good, Harry,” Liam smiled, encouraging him to take another breath. There was a scent in the flat that he didn’t recognise. “Is your head still fuzzy?”

“A little bit,” Harry answered shyly, still quiet, but calm enough not to stutter. The smile he got in return felt like a medal. It was so dumb, he didn’t need medals for talking. He used to know how to do it just fine.

“So, you said you live alone?” Zayn questioned after a short silence, leaning forward a bit and resting his elbows on his knees. Liam’s leg was bouncing up and down, capturing Harry’s gaze until Niall stopped the movement with a touch of his hand. Harry nodded slowly, tearing his eyes back to Zayn.

“Do you have someone visiting you or staying with you?” Niall continued. With his new found safety in non-verbal answers Harry shook his head, it didn’t even cross his mind to lie.  _They are going to beat the hell out of me,_ his mind supplied helpfully while his body refused to react in any other way than rising a darker flush on his cheeks and keeping his sluggish heartbeat steady.

“Wow,” Liam said softly, eyebrows lifting up in surprise. Zayn nodded.

“Yeah. No wonder he dropped like that then,” Zayn said to the other two in a low tone, brows furrowed in concern. Niall hummed in thought, preparing to say something but Harry didn’t like how they were talking about him like he didn’t hear them.

“‘m right here, y’know,” he braved out, words still heavy on his tongue and face scrunched up in a displeased frown. Niall snorted.

“Yeah, you’re right. Sorry,” Liam consoled but seemed more amused than sorry. Harry brought up an heavy hand to rub his eyes, only to find his cheeks wet. Well, wasn't this just getting more humiliating by every passing second.

“We promise to stop with the questions for now if you answer this last one, yeah?” Niall bargained gently but Harry knew what he was going to be asked again. “We can cuddle more after, if you’d like.”

Harry bit his cheek, that was unfair. So unfair. He was sure Niall knew it too but the other omega clearly wasn't above throwing the tempting offer out there like that. Harry stared at the wooden floor visible under the coffee table, between Liam’s ankles. He was supposed to be hiding. Be part of the “pack” and pulling it off by distantly smelling like he actually was. And then - something…

Maybe he was and had been farther gone than he had thought. The others kept saying it, he had dropped and he had dropped bad. It wasn't normal. Even him, with his limited knowledge on his own biology and secondary gender, knew that much. You weren’t supposed to drop from a casual touch, or fleeting hug from a stranger. What if he had already damaged his - everything. What if something had twisted wrong during all those months of abandonment, isolation and hostile reactions from other wolves. What if he was going to be dangerous to others? What if he already was?

Harry knew what would happen to him if that was the case.

So, when he was asked once more about where he was staying… He lied.

***

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, thank you so much for reading this! I'm so !!! to see this getting some hits and kudos and comments, I wasn't really expecting anything other than myself being happy about writing something again. 
> 
> I really hope you guys like this chapter and I would love to hear your thoughts and questions and speculations if there are any. 
> 
> Thank you xx
> 
> shyshyserious.tumblr.com  
> sshyserious@gmail.com


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Made-up biology, history and other information ahead, I hope it's not too confusing and makes sense, haha! 
> 
> A massive thank you to all of you for reading, makes me super happy to see you've liked this! I'll be answering all your lovely comments soon (when it's not 1AM...). 
> 
> Thank you xx

Soapy water ran down Harry’s wrist and forearm, sneaking to wet his shirt’s rolled up sleeve. His fingertips were turning pruney but his hands felt soft and the warm water was soothing the irritated skin. There was a rack full of simple looking coffee mugs sitting on the counter, Harry rinsed out the one in his hands and arranged it to the remaining space on the rack.

“Liam?” Harry asked, quite timidly and only raising his voice a bit. There was a small dishwasher for plates, bowls and cutlery whirring in the corner of the little backroom. The hum of the machine felt relaxing and it drowned out some of the voices filtering in from the cafe. Harry hoped his voice didn’t get lost in the mix.

“Just a second!” came Liam’s answer through the swing door, he seemed to be able to hear Harry no matter how quiet he was. Not that Harry was doing it on purpose, or for fun, he just felt like making too much noise would bother people.

The dishwasher gurgled noisily and something clinked inside of it, Harry glanced at it and reached for a hand towel to dry his hands. There was still a red light blinking on the machine’s front, signalling that it wasn’t done washing.

Harry pushed some hair away from his face and leaned against a deep freezer that was placed alongside the longest wall. He could hear Liam chatting away happily at the counter.

The day had been strange. So, so strange.

Not much more had been discussed after they had rushed back down from the flat - which was located upstairs, two floors up from the cafe - to turn the little “OPEN” sign back outwards. Zayn had taken the first turn at the counter and Liam had joined Harry in the back, leaving Niall to sit on a bar stool and bother Zayn.

The beta had explained Harry his job - His job! Harry had an actual job! - and showed where everything was. It was all fairly simple; wash the mugs in the sink, never in the dishwasher, and fill the racks with the clean mugs. Zayn or Liam would come get the mugs and take them to the front of the cafe. Load the dishwasher when clean cutlery and plates are needed. They would let him know.

Harry was pretty sure the dishwasher worked just fine for the coffee mugs as well. Hell, even the little instructions on the front of it were illustrated with mugs. However, Liam had insisted that it was only used for the cutlery and bigger plates, and the coffee mugs would just chip and even break. Zayn had nodded, uninterested of the topic and sneaking in the backroom when the cafe was empty, whereas Niall had informed in a loud voice that putting coffee mugs in the dishwasher was bad luck. Harry wasn’t so sure about that but Niall had only shrugged, stolen a cookie, and said it was a thing where he was from. Ireland, apparently.

Harry didn’t push the topic, he wasn’t going to ruin this job-thing by pointing out that using the dishwasher would cut the time spent washing in half. He was just glad he had something to do now, and the little nook in the back of the backroom was a perfect hiding spot while still being surrounded by people. It was monotonous and repetitive task, sure, but Harry found something very therapeutic about it. Grab a mug, wash it carefully, rinse and place on the rack, repeat. Simple but it took enough concentration to keep his thoughts in check. He didn’t want to dwell on what had happened earlier. Not yet.

Harry had spent pretty much the whole morning washing coffee mugs coming in straight from the finished customers. There was a clean, organised rack of mugs ready to go back to the cafe way quicker than the dirty ones were returned. Niall, who actually didn’t work in the cafe, had made it into his job to carry in each and every one of the used mugs to Harry so he had something to do in the back. Harry just hoped he didn’t steal them out of the customer’s hands in the eager enthusiasms of his.

The swing door squeaked and whooshed.

“Liam likes old nans,” Niall declared walking in, making Harry jolt with his sudden appearance. The blond zigzagged gracefully around wayward cardboard boxes and slid right next to Harry, jumping up to sit on the freezer.

“Do not!” Liam’s exasperated voice chimed in. Niall ignored the beta in favour of wrapping his legs around Harry’s waist and ruffling his curls. “That’s rubbish, Niall!”

Niall sighed, rolling his eyes.

“Do too. Why else would anyone let those crones near their cheeks?” the omega quipped back and with a poke to Harry’s left cheek he continued, “And I’m not talking about just these bad boys.”

“It’s called customer service, Horan,” Liam huffed, pushing his way in through the door, carrying an empty cake tray with both hands. “And don’t call them crones, that’s rude - and will get us out of business if one of them ever hears you say that.”

“Whatever, it’s not like they can hear anything anyway,” Niall shrugged, extending one leg from around Harry in a lazy attempt to trip Liam. The beta glowered at the offending leg and made sure to keep his distance when circling pass it.

“I’m not sure which I find ruder,” Zayn joined in the banter as he came through the back door from his probably fifth smoke break, “you thinking that calling someone a crone is rude, or you letting said crones grope your arse.”

“I don’t let them grope my arse!” Liam whined in protest, dropping the cake tray in the sink with a clank. “They just - do it!”

Harry could hear Niall snort behind him. The blond’s extended leg wrapped back around Harry and soon there was elbows resting on his shoulders and a chin laid on top of his head.

“Are you sure it’s not just ' _customer service'_ ,” Niall snidely remarked, wrapping a finger around a curling lock of Harry’s hair. Harry tried to force down the shivers the movement was causing but he wasn’t succeeding too well.

“Okay, great, I’m done with this discussion! Sod off, both of you,” Liam grumbled, untying his black apron and pulling it off with a harsh tug. Harry felt a bubbling amusement lingering inside his chest, watching these guys interact was like watching a match of ping pong.

Liam chugged the scrunched up apron to Zayn’s face, who didn’t even pull his hands out of the pockets of his jeans, letting the garment drop on the floor.

“Now that’s rude, Leemo,” Zayn said flatly, kicking the apron back towards Liam. The dishwasher made a clicking sound and Harry noticed the light on the front of it blinking green.

“Well, your face is rude,” Liam answered childishly, shrugging in a no-can-do way. He snagged the apron up and pushed it into a box that was already half full of dirty laundry. After kicking the box underneath a table near the back door, the beta turned towards Harry - who still had a Niall octopus wrapped around him. “You needed something, Harry?”

“Oh! Um… Not really,” Harry startled a bit with the sudden attention on him. “It’s just that I finished with the mugs. And I think the washer is done, too.”

“Well, aren't you a good little kitchen boy,” Niall praised, patting Harry’s head and making him blush. “So good that there literally isn’t any more space for clean mugs. I think you even washed the ones for special occasions, twice.”

“Oh,” Harry breathed out again, quieter now and cheeks warming up even more, but not because of praise this time. He had been way too over eager, hadn’t he?

Harry suddenly felt alarmingly uncomfortable and ducked his head. Niall let out a hushed little mewling sound and tightened his hold around Harry, pressing his chest firmly against Harry’s back.

“Ah, guys, just look at him! He’s so fucking sweet, it hurts!” Niall whined, hunching down to press his cheek against Harry’s flaming one. Liam laughed openly at the pair of them and Zayn rolled his eyes good-naturedly at the gushing omega.

Weirdly enough, Harry didn’t mind them teasing him- most of the attention was on Niall anyway- and the flash of uncomfortableness started to vanish as quickly as it had appeared. In a burst of courage Harry gently rubbed his cheek against Niall’s, making the blond gasp and still. Zayn snorted, eyes twinkling.

“Don’t break the blondie, Harry,” the alpha smirked amusedly, watching the said blondie happily cling on. “He’s pretty much adopted you already, scent marking him will just make it worse.”

“You’re just jealous,” Niall hummed, snuggling closer. There was a pleased little rumbling tone in his voice. “I’m clearly Hazzy’s favourite.”

Harry mentally added “Hazzy” to the growing pile of nicknames he had earned that day. These three were really creative with the names, he had to give them that. There was also a lurking worry about what Niall had just said. Harry felt his brows scrunch up.

“Um…” Harry swallowed. “I - I really like you all. You’re - really great. Not just, um, Niall. Yeah. All of you.”

The backroom was quiet for a few beats. Harry tried to push down a squirm.

“Shit, I really want to hug you or something,” Liam whispered, eyes big and hands clasped together against his chest. From the corner of his eye Harry could see Niall stick out his tongue towards Liam.

“Ha, sucks to be you, doesn’t it,” the blond voiced in triumph. Harry’s frown deepened.

After they had came back down from the flat there hadn’t been too many lonely moments. Niall had been jumping between the backroom and the cafe, chattering away, bothering Zayn and teasing Liam. The omega had been hugging, poking, nudging, and in one curious occasion, lifting Harry as often as he could. By the grumbling sounds and swats that had sounded from the cafe, Harry figured that Liam and Zayn were getting the same treatment. Clearly not enjoying it as much as Harry did, though.

Both the beta and the alpha had stopped by the backroom more often than not, helping Harry out and just talking about random stuff. Zayn had a habit of disappearing through the backdoor for a smoke and Liam had a habit of nagging him about it. In one way or another they were lingering around Harry and including him in their banter and playful teasing, even when he wasn’t really comfortable enough to say anything himself.

But they didn’t touch him. They didn’t even come close enough to touch him. Niall again, was all over everyone, all the time. Liam had had the bouncy omega hanging upside down over his shoulder at some point; they were play wrestling, messing up hair, jumping on each other’s backs, everything. As long as it was with Niall, or it was Niall who was doing it to Harry.

It didn’t make much sense. Harry wouldn't mind if they came near him, or touched him.

“Y-you could,” Harry said to Liam, still frowning and shoulders tensing up a bit in discomfort. Maybe they didn’t want to? Then… He would… He would respect that. “I don’t mind. Niall’s been doing it the whole day, I - I don’t mind.”

Both Liam and Zayn looked equally surprised, eyebrows raising up and curiousity filling their eyes. Harry tried to shrug dismissively under the intense looks but Niall’s weight didn’t allow him to move much. It was Zayn who recovered faster.

“Harold, you do know that it’s not because we don’t _want_ to be close to you, right?” the alpha said somewhat slowly, ensuring that Harry was keeping an eye contact with him. Silence fell over the backroom and it took Harry a second to realise they expected him to answer.  
  
“I, uh… I don’t - I’m not sure,” Harry stumbled over his words, confusion clear in his voice. He lifted a hand to nervously tug some hair behind his ear, forgetting that he had a Niall hanging off of him and almost smacking the other omega right in the face. Fortunately a startled noise stopped his hand in time, and Harry hastily mumbled an apology.

“Alright, then,” Liam started, cleared his throat and squared his shoulders, looking like he meant business. “Lets start with clearing up that _no_ , it’s not because we don’t want to be close to you. Okay? It’s not that, at all. I, personally, would love to force some hugs on you because it really, really looks like you need some.”

“It doesn’t just look like it,” Zayn butted in. “It’s like your body is screaming for it. You omegas need touch more than us alphas and betas do, and for different reasons. You… You know these things, right?”

Harry blinked, looking from Zayn to Liam, and then back. Well - sure, he knew that he had always liked to cuddle and be close to his pack mates, and that it had felt weird and uncomfortable to stray away from them for too long. The older wolves had also tended to coddle him, the only male omega, and the other omegas a tad bit more than the other pups.

They weren’t treated much differently but - it was there. It was hard to explain. Lingering pettings and piggyback rides when he had whined enough, even when someone else had just been told off about the same thing. The omegas had been groomed for a bit longer, too, but the betas and alphas tended to whine about it being annoying and trying to escape, anyway. Harry, however, had loved being groomed, still did. He liked the touching and cuddling… But it wasn’t like he _needed_ it. Right?

“I guess,” Harry mumbled, frowning and dropping his gaze to the floor. “It just feels nice, to be - you know…”

“I’m pretty sure it’s about more than just it 'feeling nice', love,” Zayn said, voice going soft, clearly realising that Harry wasn’t… Well, Harry obviously had no idea. He felt so lost.  
  
“It’s called touch starvation,” Niall voiced in, fingers starting to pet along Harry’s neck and behind his ear. “Can’t remember the medical term but basically, if omega doesn’t get enough physical contact and mental, um, closeness? I guess you could call it that. Well, it starts to feel icky.”

“Icky? Really, Niall?” Liam scoffed, unimpressed. “Omegas have gone insane, literally. And they say it physically hurts when it gets too bad. Anxiety, depression, stress… I don’t think that biting off their own skin can be covered with 'icky'. Just… It’s not good, Harry. It’s not good.”

Harry stared at his own bitten raw hands, heart suddenly bounding painfully. He felt like throwing up. He had known that it wasn’t good for him to be alone. Well, he had felt awful being alone, so much so that he had risked his health trying to sneak in to other packs’ territories. He hadn’t really questioned it, had just thought that he was lonely. The normal kind, not lacking things like _mental closeness_. What the hell did that even mean?

It had never even crossed his mind that he could just live in the forest, either. Pick a spot in an area where there was no pack borders crossing and make a home for himself. No, that felt absurd, even as an idea. And just, well, icky.

Harry was suddenly questioning everything, there was so much he didn’t know - about anything, about himself. Who even was he? _What_ was he?  
  
“You really should know these things, Haz. It’s dangerous for you not to,” Liam continued, frowning and clearly confused. Zayn nodded, eyes calculating and serious. “How don’t you… Didn’t your parents go through this when you were a pup?”

Harry tried to get his heart-rate to calm down. He was chewing on his lips, distress swirling underneath his skin. With a painful swallow Harry forced himself to shrug, wanting to avoid the topic.

“Then why don’t you? Touch me, I mean,” Harry uttered quietly. It felt weird to say that, embarrassing and needy, too intimate. And just - yeah, embarrassing. He felt like crying again. “If it’s so bad - for me… I really wouldn’t mind. It’s nice. It feels nice… and you guys are nice. I don’t really have many friends, anyone, and, and - I wouldn’t mind if you two touched me, too.”

Harry was devastatingly aware that he was rambling but it was hard to stop once he had started. It was all just so confusing, and nearing mortifying.

They were saying that it was bad for him not to be in contact with others, yet they were refusing to touch him? He was apparently showing physical signs of needing it, he was “ _touch starved_ ”, and still…

“You would drop,” Zayn stated seriously, halting Harry’s messy thoughts. Harry lifted his questioning gaze to the alpha. “You could barely handle Niall’s touch this morning. You went down so fast we didn’t even realise what was happening. And Niall’s an omega, too, it’s different for you with him, or with other omegas. With betas or alphas, it’s… Niall, help me out here, I don’t really know how it is.”

“Right. Like Z said, it’s different.” Niall nodded. “It’s kind of the same thing with everyone but - it just has different tones to it, and maybe the depth of it. You - You really don’t know about this, either? You don’t know what dropping means?”

Harry felt like escaping for the first time in hours. He wanted to hide from the scrutinising stares and from his own foolishness. He could easily tell that all the three thought it was astounding that he didn't know. It didn’t make sense to them, because these things clearly were common knowledge. They probably were - and Harry only knew some silly little details. Like how there was an existing word called ‘dropping’ and how the ‘dropping’ wasn’t supposed to happen from a small touch. That information didn’t help much, though, since he hadn’t even known what dropping _meant_. Harry felt so stupid, and somehow naive. Like he should know more, should’ve known since he was a pup - but he didn’t. And it was humiliating.

Harry shook his head, gaze lowering back to the ground. He could feel Niall sigh against his temple before the boy continued to run his fingers through the hairs on the nape of Harry’s neck.

“Omegas can drop. Usually, for the first time, sometime after they’ve hit puberty. You dropped this morning, so at least you now know what it feels like. It’s quite nice, innit?” Niall hummed, tugging gently at Harry’s curls and arranging them as he pleased. Harry nodded carefully. Yes, it had been more that just quite nice, actually. It was probably the best he had ever felt and he wanted to just curl up and stay inside that feeling forever. “It’s a headspace, sort of. To me it feels like a physical place where I go, almost like an out of body thing.”

“Dropping is not something we have to let happen, but we have to get the physical and mental contact somehow. Dropping just feels really great so why wouldn’t everyone want to do it? It can only happen if the omega’s wolf feels safe enough to let go, though. It’s an safety mechanism too, to ensure the omega gets the contact they need, and maybe… Maybe that mechanism went off for you?

“We weren't threatening or hostile and you were, are, really deprived from touch, so when I hugged you your wolf probably just snapped and - let go?”

“It’s an instinct for us to take care of someone who's dropping, especially for betas and alphas. It’s a sign of trust, usually, for an omega to drop with someone. But you… I mean, I don’t know, I might be wrong, but I guess your wolf was just trying to ensure you got what your body needed. Trusting that we would look after you.”

“And Harry, what happened today was really - extreme. It’s not supposed to happen like that. I can always control and decide when I let it happen and with who. It would be really risky to just randomly drop like that, what if we had been some sick arseholes? Left you there or done something horrible? Correct me if I’m wrong, but you didn’t seem to have any control over it happening, at all, right? It’s - dangerous. We let go so completely, literally lose the sense of reality and put our trust on the others around us, and if we weren’t able to control where and with who it happens…”

Niall sighed again, tightening his hold around Harry momentarily, seemingly getting just as much comfort from Harry as he got from Niall. Zayn had sat down on an upside down plastic box and Liam leaned against the opposite wall, they both had pinched looks on their faces.

“Dropping strengthens the bonds between pack members, too, it creates trust and feels comfy and generally is the best thing in the world. Now, about the alphas and betas. It is different. It feels stronger with a beta and even more so with an alpha - it’s easier to fall into it with them, too. It’s something about the scents, pheromones, and how our hormones and instincts and such react together. Compatibleness. With an omega it’s more like a comfy hug, with betas too, just stronger. But with alphas it’s something a bit different. It’s biology, I don’t know.”

“So… That’s why Liam or Zayn aren’t touching you. You dropped like a sack of potatoes when I, an omega, grazed you a tiny bit. You can just imagine what would happen if they did the same, right now."

"Looks like you’ve been building a better tolerance against my touch during the day, though. You’re not getting all woozy on me anymore, so you’re probably getting used to it, with me, at least. We don’t know how deep you would drop with one of them.”

“Or maybe you wouldn’t drop at all,” Liam tagged on, shrugging. “We don’t really know how this works. It’s not something that’s- supposed to happen like that.”

Niall nodded. Harry was getting a strong feeling that they really wanted to ask how he had ended up like he was. He appreciated that they didn't.

“Omega space is a good, healthy thing,” the blond continued, like citing from a book. “It is… It’s really worrying that that happened to you, that you’re in a state like that. And how don’t you know about these things? Someone is supposed to help you out with this stuff. They teach this at school, and pack’s —”

“Omega space?” Harry asked, cutting off Niall’s growing rant, perking up a bit when he realised the words sounded familiar. He had definitely heard that before. Well, he had heard the term being used but hadn’t known what it really meant. Other than…

“I - I don’t get it… Isn’t it only supposed to happen with your mate?”

Silence fell over the room. Zayn and Liam shared a look before glancing back at Harry.

“That’s a bit… Old fashioned,” Zayn said, clearly trying to word it nicely. Niall was playing with the curls behind Harry’s ear, twisting two strands together and swirling the twist around his finger. The omega hummed.

“When my nan was a pup, that was the common way of thinking,” Niall said, nodding agreengly. “Not really a thing anymore. People mated much younger back then anyway, it was just a natural part of the relationship to then get the closeness from your mate. But if someone didn’t find a mate, or didn’t want to mate, well… That was more of a problem.”

“Omegas still needed the contact with others, like we do now, but it was frowned upon to seek it outside the mate-bond, especially going as far as dropping with someone. Basically, society was just being difficult and judge-y piece of shit. It’s more like a comfort thing anyway, and we can get that from someone who’s not our mate, right? So why wouldn't we?”

“Though it can be very different with your mate, apparently. I wouldn’t know myself, no potential mates lining up for me,” Niall finished, sniffing dramatically. Liam rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, you wouldn't know. It’s not like you have different suitor or two wanting to court you every week, or something,” the beta huffed, shaking his head in amusement. Niall didn’t say anything but Harry could imagine the exaggeratedly innocent expression on his face. “But yeah, it used to be like that with omegas in the old times but nowadays that’s really backward thinking. A really unhealthy way of thinking.”

“Where do you live, Harry?” Zayn asked suddenly, out of nowhere.

The question made Harry’s heart clench painfully, pulse speeding up and the tips of his fingers numbing with panic. Why were they talking about this again? He had to think fast. What would he say? He had lied when they had asked about his living situation earlier upstairs, he had stuttered something about living on the edge of the town. The discussion had died down soon after that when they had realised they needed to head back to the cafe.

He couldn’t tell the truth now either, now could he? He couldn’t even tell where he was originally from. What if the word got around? Someone could realise that they didn’t recognise him from around town, or that they hadn’t got any wolves coming and joining in from his, apparently, “backwards” birth pack. It was unlikely that someone had even heard of his pack - tiny little community, far up north. The unfamiliar name would stick to memory, probably. No. He couldn’t risk it.

“O-other side of the town,” Harry forced out, trying to keep his voice even and the panic caged in. Playing it stupid was his only choice. “Why?”

“That’s over half an hour walk!” Niall exclaimed in a weirdly suffering voice. “No wonder you’re so skinny, doing marathons like that!”

“Shut up, Niall. Not the point,” Zayn cut out the blond’s dramatics and turned his gaze back to Harry. “The girls doing the evening shift are coming in any minute now and we usually hang out upstairs after our shift. Was just wondering if you’d like to join us before you head back home? Even just for a bit? There’s still some time before it gets dark, and we could walk you, after, so you don’t have to walk alone through the whole town.”

“We could even see how a cuddle pile would go with you. If you want?” Liam threw in, brown eyes crinkling at the corners. Zayn nodded.

“Yes!” Niall shouted, a bit too close to Harry’s ear. The omega untangled himself from around Harry, jumped down the freezer and clasped Harry’s hand with both of his. “Give me the keys! Harry, we are going right now!”

Harry’s heart tried to keep up with the emotions the rapidly changing conversation was lurching around. He hadn’t been found out, everything was alright. For now, at least. Relieved sigh pushed its way out, leaving Harry to try and hide it he best he could.

He had been storing in all the information he had learned about himself and other omegas, and made a plan to go through everything when he was alone again.

He wasn’t going to be alone for a while, though, or so it seemed. Niall was excitedly dragging him towards the back door, snatching keys out of Zayn’s hand.

“The food in the fridge is Louis’, don’t eat that!” the alpha’s voice followed them through the backdoor and outside to the cold air. ”Niall!”

“Yeah yeah yeah, you guys bring us the leftover sandwiches then. I’m hungry!” Niall chimed back, fitting one key in the bright red door that lead in the block of flats. The echoing stairway behind the door was dark and smelled of detergent.

“Come on,” Niall whined when Harry wasn’t quick enough to keep up with his energetic pace. Harry pushed hair away from his eyes and scrunched his nose at Niall, making the blond laugh.

“Who’s Louis?” Harry asked when they entered the flat in the second floor. Niall, barely stopping to kick off his shoes, bounced happily through the narrow hallway and jumped on the sofa right away, star-fishing with a groan.

“Tomlinson. You know? He’s another friend of ours,” Niall yawned, stretching his arms up before sitting up straighter and making space for Harry. “He lives here with Zayn but has been babysitting his sisters for the past few days. His mum’s been away for some pack business, or something. You’ll meet him soon enough, though. He’s nice, don’t worry.”

The name Tomlinson didn’t ring any bells but Niall’s words explained the still faceless scent lingering in the flat. Niall and Liam clearly spent a lot of time there, too, having their scents imprinted there so strongly.

Harry nodded his head even though Niall wasn’t looking at his direction. Chewing on his lip Harry frowned and glanced at Niall’s shoes, laying haphazardly on the floor, and then back at his own feet. With a deep inhale he decided that it was way more awkward to walk around barefoot, dirt and leaves smudged on his feet, than it was rude to keep his shoes on. Niall didn’t say anything when Harry sat down next to him.

When Liam and Zayn came up from the cafe some twenty minutes later, Niall ambushed them by the door and returned to the sofa with a lapful of sandwiches. Harry had been given a muffin at some point during the morning - eating it had almost made him cry - but this was an actual meal. An actual, proper meal. Harry wasn’t sure who wolfed down their food faster, him or Niall. They had different reasons for it however, reasons like starvation and bottomless stomach.

The bread tasted heavenly. Each bite was better than the other. He wanted to savour it forever but after going weeks without regular and nutritional meals it was gone in a heartbeat, and hitting his stomach heavily.

Harry leaned against the sofa’s armrest, feeling warm and full, sleepy. The guys had turned on the telly and were chatting amongst themselves. They didn’t try to force the conversation on Harry, and he was thankful for that.

He was thankful for a lot of things at that moment, actually. He didn’t even know where to start. His situation had changed so quickly, from living in isolation in the forest to being able to curl up in the warmth and safety, belly full, even just for a little bit. Harry knew he had to leave and return to the woods at some point before the evening, but in that moment he felt so content. It soon was very difficult to keep his eyes open.

Something warm was draped over him.

“Go back to sleep,” Liam hummed in a quiet voice. Harry blinked his eyes open drowsily, there was a blanket wrapped around his shoulders.

With a sigh Harry snuggled into it, curling up and eyes closing on their own accord. The room was filled with hushed conversation, filtering in and out his consciousness. The telly’s flickering lights painted his dreams in colourful hues.

***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> xx
> 
> shyshyserious.tumblr.com  
> sshyserious@gmail.com


	4. Chapter 4

There was a teasing, flickering light goading Harry up from his heavy sleep.

It was quiet. No birds chirping or tree branches snapping and groaning. Everything felt warm and dry. There was no sound of water dripping down the stoney walls, no chilly air filling his lungs with every breath. Only the bothersome light pressing against his eyelids, coercing him towards awakening. And a kettle, whistling.

With scrunched up brows Harry turned his head and covered his eyes with a handful of blanket. His next inhale was filled with a distantly familiar mix of scents, making his nose twitch and brows furrow even further. He felt warm and toasty, sleep hanging on tight, dreams blending up with reality. Harry flexed his fingers around the blanket. Which made no sense because there weren’t any blankets in his den, nor was he supposed to have fingers in wolf form.

Drowsily blinking his eyes open and uncovering them, Harry tried to make sense of his surroundings. It wasn’t the usual glum darkness and the unforgiving stony walls, the light streaming in from the window to Harry’s eyes was bright but grey. The whistling of the kettle had stopped.

Big yawn forced its way out and Harry rubbed his eyes to make his vision clearer. He was starting to feel wake enough to recognise his surroundings, remembered how he had ended up there and everything that had happened during the past week. What he couldn’t comprehend was why there was no one in sight, the living room quiet and empty, the screen of the telly dark. And why was there daylight in the room, it had just been getting dark.

Harry pushed himself up to a sitting position, starting to pull his feet underneath him before remembering he hadn’t taken his shoes off. The swallow that followed was almost painful. Harry felt so embarrassed, realising he had clearly fallen asleep, taken over the whole couch and brought his dirty shoes on the furniture in his sleep.

Anxious over his rudeness Harry untangled and straightened his legs from underneath the blanket, and… Stared at his feet. There was a pair of dark red fuzzy socks covering them, pulled up high over his jeans.

The mortification was sharp and heavy as it flashed into flames inside his chest. His pulse was acting up again, rising rabidly with his alarmed thoughts. They must have been so disgusted. So confused by his dirtied - everything. Harry knew he looked like he was homeless if someone happened to look close enough. And sadly, taking off his ratty shoes just to find his sockless, ‘oh, I happen to live in the forest’- feet, was definitely close enough.

With the shame colouring his cheeks in dark flush Harry tucked his legs underneath himself, hiding them. The blanket that was still wrapped around his shoulders was blue and soft and smelled mostly like his new, maybe, friends. Harry wasn’t sure at what point he was allowed to think them as his friends. At what point _he_ would let himself to think them as friends.

After all, friends, just like family, were just people. People that were close and their presence meant safety, protection and love. Until it didn’t. For whatever reason, it could stop and what was left behind was just a hollow, empty space where there used to be security. And it got harder and harder to allow anyone to get close when someone had lost that security too many times.

Yet Harry still knew he had to, even when it physically and mentally hurt to talk to people, try to spend time with them. It would have been so easy to just curl up inwards and hide. Hide, until there was nothing left but an empty shell that didn’t feel and that didn’t need anything but its own secluded peace and quiet. But he tried. Because even when it hurts, there’s only one life for everyone - and being an empty, broken shell would hurt much worse in the end.

Harry tried so hard to have faith in people, tried to have hope and trust and to be open. He wanted to believe that people were good and had their reasons to turn Harry away, even attacking him. However, he was never quite able to shake the thought that it was him that was the problem. Always being a bother, burden to those around him. Always being the odd one out.

Sometimes it really would have been easier to just curl up inwards - and hide.

Harry bit his teeth together, jaw clenching. His thoughts were taking the quite familiar and depressing route again, distracting him from the present. Why was he alone in the living room and was it really morning already? The others surely would have woken him up before it got too late, right?

With one hand Harry pushed messy curls behind his ear and with the other he tried to untangle the blanket from around his shoulders and under his thighs. His movements came to a sudden halt when a tingling feeling started to crawl up the back of his neck, his wolf abruptly in high alert.

“Oh, hey, you’re awake,” a startled voice said from behind his back. The owner of the voice was moving closer without appearing in sight, cornering Harry. The voice was unfamiliar and Harry could feel his hackles rising, warning growl curling up and threatening to escape from his chest. Heavy, dark hue was starting to cloud the edges of his vision. “Was just going to wake you up, I made you a cuppa if you —”

Sudden movement flashed in the corner of Harry’s eye, provoking an uncontrollable snarl escape him. Harry’s pupils were dilated when his sharp stare came in contact with a shocked pair of blue eyes. Tearing growl rumbled from his chest and when the stranger moved to step to the side, Harry’s consciousness went black.

 * 

“Louis, what did you do?”

“Nothing, I swear!”

“That doesn’t look like nothing, now does it? He’s completely out of it, for fuck’s sake!”

“I can tell, yes, why thank you, Liam! As if I wasn’t feeling awful enough without you bringing up the obvious. I - didn’t - do - anything!”

“Shut up, both of you. That’s not helping. Niall, try to get a bit closer, he might let you — ”

“Okay, yeah, nope, he’s not letting me. Wow, shit, that was close. What the hell?”

“Alright, lets give him some more space. Step back…”

“Come here, Ni. Are you hurt?”

“Nah, all good. All good! Stop pawing at me! And he’s just scared, you know he’s been just a ball of fluff, until now. Something’s wrong.”

“He just flipped when I came in the room. I was going to wake him up, offer a cup of tea and have a chat or something.”

“Really? Looks like it was one heck of a good talk, huh?”

“Oh, fuck off! I barely said a thing! He just started growling and when he saw me his eyes went weird and then bam, he shifted.”

“Well, he’s clearly not himself, that’s for sure. I don’t think he recognises us.”

“This is not good, guys… You know, especially with the whole dropping thing.”

“Did he really drop from just a quick touch?”

“Yeah, just like that. We thought he had a seizure or something, at first. I still can’t believe _he_ didn’t know what it was, though…”

“Louis, I think we should tell your mum. He… I think he might be close to feral.”

Words echoed inside Harry’s head, bouncing around, not allowing him to properly process them. His whole body was tense, paws hurting with it and scraping against the wooden floor, trying to push closer to the wall. There was a strange mist over his senses. Everything felt distant and numb, only the fear and tension holding his attention. The terrified but snarling growls spitting out between his bared teeth sounded like they were coming from faraway.

_— Ni. Are you hurt?_

_Something’s wrong…_

_Feral…_

Suddenly Harry was gasping for air, feeling like he had been holding his breath for far too long. His surroundings started to shift into clear focus, lights and shadows in sharp contrasts, the dark haze fading from his vision. His wolf went suspiciously quiet.

Harry’s ears were twitching, there was so much noise, so many words that were hard to put together. Four pairs of worried eyes were aimed at him, bodies towering over his now trembling one, only few steps separating them.

High-strung whine traveled up from the bottom of his throat and pushed out through his nose. All the talk in the room halted, silence giving space for new, even more desperate whimper.

Harry’s ears folded down and back, pressing tightly against his skull. His upper lip that had been curled up in a snarl pulled back down, tongue nervously licking over his chops. His posture was jerkingly falling from mindlessly threatening to pleading surrender. His tail was between his legs, pressing tightly up and trembling, like the rest of him. The whites of his eyes where gleaming while he tried to hide and flatten himself along the wall, whining not letting up.

“— are not putting you there again, Niall. There’s no way we can tell he won’t try snapping at you again”, the stranger was saying, whispering but with a strong edge in his words. Harry tried to keep his focus on the conversation and not to succumb back into his fear and distress. His wolf was trying to act up again, circling around in the back of his mind and pushing forcibly against his consciousness. It hurt.

“He won’t!” That was Niall. Harry’s whine took a higher note on realising that. “Just look at him, he’s clearly aware of what’s going on again.”

“Louis is right, Ni,” Zayn said, pulling Harry’s attention and panicking gaze to him. “Harry’s still terrified, the wolf could take over any second and it sees us as a threat right now.”

“But—” Niall started, wrenching Harry to look back towards him. The omega looked pained, gnawing at his bottom lip.

“I know, love… He wouldn’t if he was himself. But he clearly isn’t,” Liam joined in, tone calming and Harry could see the beta’s hand curling around the nape of Niall’s neck. “How do you think he would feel if he heard he had hurt you?”

Harry whimpered at that.

Had he hurt Niall? He couldn’t remember. Memories and thoughts were smudged and disoriented, bits and pieces missing. Only dark, void space was hanging heavily in their place.

 _Something’s wrong… Feral…_  
  
“Okay, then. Niall, I know you can take care of yourself but I want you to stay back. Your wolf is bigger than his but his will fight dirty if it has to, survival instinct and all that. It doesn’t know we’re trying to help,” the blue eyed stranger’s, alpha’s, voice was intense, calculating. He was shrugging off his sweater and t-shirt, handing them over to Liam. “And you two… Please. Don’t let him maim me.”

Zayn snorted shortly, making Harry’s ears twitch towards the sound before pressing tighter back against his scull. He was still struggling to follow the conversation, confused, scared. Niall was pushed backwards and he ended up peeking over Liam’s shoulder, eyes worried, with a tight grasp on Zayn’s forearm.

In the place of the new alpha there was now standing a large, fawn coated wolf.

Harry instinctively pushed himself backwards against the wall, strangled bleat tumbling out his mouth and his tail trying to wag in pacification. The alpha was too big for him to fight, too strong. Tight muscles were visible on the wolf’s front legs, shifting with the weight of his heavy body.

_Feral…_

Was this how he was going to be put down?

The mournful cry only barely covered the sound of his nails scraping at the floor, desperately trying to find a steady footing. There was a quiet whimper of an omega released in the air, the noise trying to fight for Harry’s attention.

“He’s so scared,” Niall whispered, fingers in his mouth, anxiously biting. “C’mon, Lou…”

The large wolf, Louis, Harry’s mind murmured, was lowering himself down to the floor, head turned to the side, not looking at Harry.

Harry quickly followed suit, shakily flattening his body against the wooden floorboards, head down and his side snugly against the wall. He wasn’t taking any risks angering the bigger wolf, and standing tall, towering dominance over the alpha, was a sure way of provoking a bad reaction. His tail was thumping desperately between his legs. _Don’t hurt me. Don’t hurt me. Don’t hurt me._

The alpha huffed air through his nose, licked over it and slowly crawled towards Harry, stopping after a couple of inches. He was still looking to the side, ears and mouth relaxed, the tail against the floor waving slightly.

Harry’s sad little pleading whines didn’t quiet down but they got a questioning edge to them. The alpha wasn’t attacking. If he hadn’t been inching closer, Harry would have thought he was being ignored. The alpha, _Louis_ , looked bored.

Sadly, the realisation didn’t help one bit when Louis was moving again, getting closer and closer, and Harry had nowhere to go. He couldn’t back away because of the wall and his sides were blocked by furniture. With a panicky, flickering gaze Harry tried to find a route away from the nearing threat. The living room’s doorway was blocked by Niall, Zayn and Liam. Harry turned his eyes to the window.

Before his mind was able to calculate a plan, a sharp, warning growl vibrated through his body, snapping his attention to a pair of piercing blue eyes.

Just as quickly as the eye contact was made it was ended by Harry forcibly yanking his gaze down. _Never look them in the eyes. Try to look smaller. Try to look harmless. Try not to die._

The alpha was now up on four legs, body still somewhat relaxed and the growl softening down to a low rumble. His head, however, was now turned towards Harry, eyes not leaving him. Harry’s heart was thumping painfully in his chest, Louis’ sharp look pinning him to his place. On his right, Zayn was suddenly blocking the window.

Harry was trapped. Cornered from all directions and forced to stay put. He didn’t think they would attack him, or at least he had thought so before, but the situation was different now. Something had happened, something that Harry had no memory of. It was absolutely terrifying. And then there was Louis, the new alpha, of whom Harry knew nothing about.

His only option left was to curl his front legs under his chest - and roll on his side in complete surrender.

Louis let out a pleased little grunt, sniffing the air and the floor while taking careful steps closer. Harry pushed his body against the wall, turning on his back, tail wavering and still tucked against his lower belly. His throat was stretched out and bared, no matter how much he wanted to cover up, and he was staring somewhere under the sofa, upside down, avoiding looking at anyone. His wolf was whining inside his mind, desperately wanting the alpha to recognise their submission.

After an agonising moment of silence there finally was a warm exhale of air spreading through the fur on his chest. Harry whined quietly, tail increasing the pleading flutters. He faked a yawn to broadcast his harmlessness, trying to relax any possible aggression in the bigger wolf.

_I don’t want to die like this._

The answering rumble was calming and sweet. A gentle touch of a warm muzzle pressed softly against the expanse of his throat.

Harry’s eyes rolled back, surroundings floating away.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mannn, how tricky can it be to mix up wolf-y and human-y behaviours without messing up the other side’s signals. Gah! :’) 
> 
> You guys still reading? xx
> 
> shyshyserious.tumblr.com  
> sshyserious@gmail.com


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here, have some more wolfy action! 
> 
> Oh and just to clarify something for this chapter: The human behaviour overrules the wolf instincts. The wolf's instincts are only acted out if the human side ‘lets’ them - or if something’s wrong, like with our little Harreh here.

Harry pressed closer to the source of warmth that was engulfing him.

It was more than nice. More than great, perfect. It felt like a snug, strong nest of safety and peace. He couldn’t move, didn’t even want to; everything felt so calm and free, relaxed. It felt so good not to think, not to make decisions and worry. He just floated there, feeling soft and light, and _good_.

Harry felt good. He felt like he himself was good, like he finally was at peace with himself - and with his wolf. It was liberating. The wolf was quiet and languid, only an airy presence existing somewhere in the smooth corners of the warm and safe space.

Harry wasn’t sure if he was dreaming. Everything was more or less fuzzy, details wonky and wavering, far away. His mind felt empty and his whole existence was floating, nothing hurt. In that moment there was only one consistent, anchoring presence tying him to the earth.

It was the steady rumble vibrating against the whole length of his back, and even though Harry couldn’t feel his own body, wasn’t in touch with it, he knew the low, calming reverberation was there.

It felt reassuring. Safety rolling through his senseless frame, curling around his joints and running through his veins, pushing warmth in to the very end of his core. The vibrating, echoing warmth was insistent and bold, overpowering everything else and making itself known. But it wasn’t asking for anything. It was just there, rumbling through him, and it was with him while still letting him be. Steady, comforting presence, making sure he wouldn’t float away.

Harry basked in the lulling feelings of softness and comfort, homey secureness had wrapped around his mind, shielding him from any invading thoughts. It was just an endless loop of safe, soft, warm, good, free…

Harry sighed.

It was the first physical feeling to register in his brain through the thick haze. Slowly, he could feel his own pulse, the gentle pressure thumping a lazy and sluggish rhythm all over his body. Warm, heavy body.

There was a tender tugging sensation near and around the backs of his relaxed ears, the feeling flittering between gentle pulls and soft touches. The rumbling sound seemed to be steadily getting louder but Harry couldn’t be sure if it really was, it could have been just Harry’s ears tuning back in.

With a groaning yawn Harry stretched his hind legs, muscles shaking, before relaxing again and snuggling closer to the still rumbling warmth. Warmth, that was also nibbling at his fur, smoothening it back down and then nibbling again. The motion was methodical and calming, moving along the back of his neck and up towards his cheeks.

Harry squirmed with a quiet huff, pushing towards the lovely feeling. He folded one paw up and underneath himself, leaning to the side but still staying on his belly, back pressing closer to the comfortable, toasty presence. The floor started to feel chilly against his skin despite his thick, isolating fur. Harry squirmed some more.

Gruff exhale of air pressed against the back of Harry’s left ear, making it twitch and flicker before abruptly stilling. The warmth moved.

After a moment of silence Harry’s muscles started to tense up, jolting and shivering, ready to react. Something heavy was draping itself over his shoulders, the soothing tugs on his fur moving over to the side of his neck. Playful, whiny grunt halted Harry’s subconsciousness’ efforts to rise panic, prompting his eyes to blink open.

It was too bright.

Harry squinted against the light, ears turning and trying to find hints of what was going on around him. His nose was filled with a heavy musk of a wolf, the scent was swallowing him up and surrounding him, blocking any other smells from getting strong enough to categorise.  
  
“All good?” someone, somewhere, asked in a soft voice. Harry blinked again, brain sluggish and hazy. His vision was full of wooden floorboards.

Harry didn’t know if someone answered but the atmosphere around him shifted, mellowing down to a relaxed lull.

Harry sniffed the floor next to his outstretched foreleg. All he could smell was the same, comforting scent of a wolf. There also was an extra paw resting next to his chest, partly hidden by his own dark brown fur. Harry gave it a sniff too, and then a curious lick when he got nothing but the same heady scent.

The amused huff that followed his actions made him still, the realisation bleeding into his jumbled and confused mind. Louis.

Harry let a questioning, soft whine push out through his nose, the unsure tone provoking the ongoing soothing rumble to get stronger. It was the same sound that had been echoing inside his blurry mind, inside his chest.

There was a stranger, an alpha, laying halfway on top of him. One paw was draped over his shoulders, heavy chest pressing against his upper back, and an expert tongue was confidently grooming over his cheek, gentle teeth tugging and pulling at his fur before smoothening everything down.

Harry forced himself to shift a bit, testing the waters and subtly gauging for the alpha’s mood. However, he didn’t get far, barely even managed to move his weight towards his front legs before there was an unhappy grunt and Louis was laying heavier on top of him.

Louis.

Harry tried to clear the haziness from his brain, flashes and images slowly crawling back together and sluggishly building up into completed memories. It was all really starting to feel like a deja vu. And frankly, it all was starting to get really old, too, really quickly.

Harry allowed himself to be flattened back against the floor, the pleased hum he got in return awakening something inside his chest. Trying to ignore the feeling, he lifted his gaze and peered around the room. The living room that clearly had some sort of sick thing for watching Harry, quite literally, lose his mind. That thought quickly joined the buzzing feeling in the ‘ignored’- pile, Harry couldn’t let himself dwell on these things right now. He was being suffocated by a big, grown ass alpha, after all.

Well, the said alpha was currently grooming the side of Harry’s muzzle, whining quietly when Harry turned his face upwards to see the room better. It didn’t stop Louis though, the bigger wolf just adjusting his position and pulling Harry closer with the paw draped over him. Harry’s round eyes met Zayn’s amused ones.

“I don’t think he’ll stop anytime soon, now that he got started,” the brown eyed alpha chuckled softly. He was sitting on the armrest of the sofa, clearly following the situation with great interest. Niall was right there next to him, both arms hanging over the back of the sofa, dopey half-smile on his lips. Harry’s little mewl just made it grow bigger.

“Mate, I would just enjoy it if I was you,” Niall smirked, eyes twinkling mischievously. “Louis grooming? Now that’s a rare treat. Also, you really need to get all the cuddles you can, like, yesterday.”

Liam huffed out a short laugh, nodding. Harry’s attention quickly drifted from the beta when a bit too enthusiastic tongue started to wash the inside of his ear.

With a grunt Harry shook his head, triangular ears flopping from side to side to get rid of the tickling feeling. Louis growled shortly, grumpily, and quickly caught one of Harry’s ears between his teeth, gnawing gently. Harry yipped, voice going high before lowering back down to a careful, disapproving growl. Louis ignored him, tugged at his ear petulantly and then groaned around it with a high pitched tone.

To his surprise Harry realised that the alpha was inviting him to play — and suddenly, with a twisting of bodies and short gruff grunts, they where wrestling.

The scuffle was a bit unfair with Louis’ wolf being so much stockier and stronger. The alpha also clearly refused to take it easy on Harry and nipped him in all the sensitive spots he could reach. Harry tried to give back the best he could and with growls and playful snarls they rolled over and around on the floor. Harry got some pretty good kicks in when he was rolled over and pinned on his back, their teeth knocking together with openmouthed, panting growls and chests pressed tightly together.

Louis grumbled at the impact, allowing Harry to roll back on his belly and twist around to snap at the alpha’s jaws. He got a tight grip on the tufting fur there, growled lowly from his chest and tugged. The alpha’s following snarl was sharp and Louis promptly pushed his snout away with a paw, wisp of loose fur flying in the air from Harry’s bite.

The playfight was over as quickly as it had started when Louis got a good hold of the scruff of Harry’s neck. The snarls died down and Harry let his body go lax, panting, and submitting to his defeat.

Louis was soon rumbling happily. The alpha stepped over Harry’s body without releasing his hold and situated himself along Harry’s side. The bigger wolf curled protectively around him, snuffling against his fur and making sure he wasn’t going anywhere. When Louis finally released the scruff between his teeth, he resumed grooming the back of Harry’s neck, pleased rumbles rolling from his chest.

Harry’s wolf was quite small, scrawny. He was on the taller side when in human form but it didn’t translate to his other shape, only the bambi-like, gangly legs were somewhat similar. And they where just as easy to trip over, Harry had noticed.

For once Harry was happy about the size of his animal. Curled into a tight ball, his body fit perfectly inside the warm embrace of Louis’. The lighter brown fur of the alpha’s meshed against Harry’s darker one, tail curled over his like a gentle blanket and the heavy weight of the other wolf’s head, resting over his shoulders and neck, felt secure and anchoring.

Louis was making contented little snuffling sounds, scenting the soft hairs tufting behind Harry’s ears and every now and then licking over them. Harry basked in the attention, being groomed was his favourite past time ever since he was still a pup, and it felt even better after such a long break from - anything. He felt comfortable and relaxed after their little scuffle, pulse slowing down. He felt cared for, and those were feelings he had started to forget in the lonely coldness of the woods.

His wolf was keening inside his mind, pushing against his consciousness, eager to please the alpha in Louis. Harry blinked heavily against the pressure, even though he felt the same eagerness to prove himself somehow.

Louis rubbed his cheek against the top of Harry’s head, making Harry’s wolf go crazy over the approving scent marking.

Happily whining Harry turned his head and nosed the underside of Louis’ snout and cheeks, gently nibbling with his teeth. Louis wasn’t guarding his throat from him and the show of trust caused Harry to squirm, tail thumping excitedly against the floor. Louis’ wolf probably wasn’t appreciating such ways to make Harry feel safe but it was submitting to the human side’s efforts, letting Harry groom over the long expanse of a throat and jaws.

Louis grunted at Harry’s wriggling, leaning over him to make him still. But it was hard to stop moving, Harry wanted to squirm closer and snuggle even tighter together. It was so, so nice, his body was tingling with it.

Harry let out a short little yip and his hind legs kicked against the floor. Louis didn’t look particularly impressed by his antics but let Harry twist and turn some more, bury himself closer and closer. Harry only got a low, growling warning when his hind leg dug into Louis’ underbelly a bit too harshly.

Harry finally stilled at that, whimpering sadly and ears pressing back to hide in his thick fur. Louis just snorted, and proceeded to lick a long stripe across Harry’s whole face.

“I would’ve gotten bit in the arse for that,” Niall observed from his place on the sofa, chin leaning against the backrest.

Startled, Harry only now remembered that there were others in the room, having been too focused on the _touch_ and _play_ and _closeness_. Liam had his eyebrows raised, amusement clear in his features as he watched how Harry carefully started to clean around Louis’ squinting eyes.

“You usually deserve it, you prick,” Zayn sneered, sneaking a hand in Niall’s styled hair and messing it up. “I doubt Harry is capable of hurting anyone on purpose. Unlike some.”

“Oi!” Niall squawked, batting at the attacking hand to make it stop. “I’ll hurt you on purpose if you don’t stop that shit!”

“Children,” Liam chastised them with a self-important sniff. “I think we all should just agree that it’s about how Louis “I hate sitting still and taking part on grooming” Tomlinson has turned into a softie. A tragedy, some could say.”

“Oh yeah,” Niall laughed, still tugging at Zayn’s stubborn wrist. “What was it? “Oh, but it’s so boring and gross, I don’t get it. I can just take a shower, way easier, innit?””

Liam snickered, nodding along Niall’s whining impersonation of Louis. “I wonder how he would look like if we braided his tail. Now that he’s into all this cutesy stuff.”

Louis snarled over Harry’s head and snapped his teeth together at Liam in a clear ‘try me’ gesture.

“I bet he would let Harry do it,” Niall cackled out, uncaring of the posturing alpha. Louis ignored the comment in favour of returning to the task in hand, which was, still, grooming Harry.

Harry felt so happy it hurt. Although, he felt a bit embarrassed too, he didn’t really know what was going on and he was surrounded by half-strangers. But… He couldn’t help feeling like _home_ there, and home was something he had craved for so long.

Yet there was a big ball of unsureness resting in the pit of his stomach. Just because these people were gentle and fun and understanding didn’t mean they wanted him to stay. Maybe they were nice enough to help him out when he was clearly struggling, just to send him on his way later. Even Harry’s birth-pack had wanted to get rid of him, just like the packs he had encountered over the months had wanted nothing to do with him. Why would these people be any different? No matter how great and lenient they seemed now.

There he was, cuddled up to an alpha he had known for… That’s right, he didn’t even know how much time had passed and yet he was feeling safe and warm and wanting to please. His wolf eagerly showing all the signs of submission and Harry doubted he would be any different in human form.

He knew he looked absolutely desperate, he _felt_ desperate. It didn’t feel quite normal either. All the gentle touches felt overwhelming, Harry’s brain in a steady state of fuzziness that had lingered there all the way from the previous morning when the incident with Niall had happened.

He doubted he would black out again right then but what did he know? It had happened way too many times now. His body and his wolf were clearly acting on their own, wanting and doing things Harry wasn’t prepared for. It was terrifying. And how was he supposed to know when he was heading towards the lovely, nice, floaty, _dropping_ — thing, and not the other kind of blacking out? The kind he still could remember nothing about. The kind he was afraid of the most, that made him fear for his life. For the other’s lives.

The constant shifting from content and calm to playful and wild and to anxious and scared was starting to take its toll on Harry. He was exhausted, had barely eaten the whole week and everything was so unclear. His pulse was rising again, body going rigid even though Louis’ soft caresses felt good on his skin. A panting whine hissed through his clenched teeth, head lowered to the floor and ears flattening tight against his scull. There would have been tears, had he been in human form. The frustration was clawing at him from the inside. _I need help. I can’t… Please, help me._

Suddenly, Louis shifted.

“Calm down,” he commanded, voice low and soft yet steely. Strong hand fisted to the scruff of Harry’s neck, pushing him down, pinning.

It felt alarming, his body tensing up further but as the firm grip tightened, flattening his body to the floor, it seemed to clear his head some. Louis didn’t let up or talk for awhile, but there was a soothing rumble rising from his chest. The same one Harry had now gotten familiar with.  
  
“He alright?” Liam asked quietly, out of Harry’s sight, making him feel like such a bother.

He felt awful. At least his pulse was calming down.

Sad whine sounded from his throat. Still such a mess, and now he had gone and dragged others in it with him. He should have stayed in the forest, let the nature handle him, bury him there with all the other wildlife.

There were soft fingers tracing down from his forehead, between his eyes and over his snout. He could feel Louis rest his cheek on the top of his head.

“You think too much,” Louis whispered, the words tickling the back of his ear. Harry agreed but he couldn’t help it. Or the pitiful whimper that escaped his mouth again.

After a few silent moments, the anchoring hold gently released his nape, hand petting over the now messily sticking fur to flatten it back down.

“Turn back, yeah?” Louis coaxed, not shifting from his protective hunch over Harry’s body.

Harry wasn’t sure if he wanted to. He didn’t know what to say nor did he even want to say much, too embarrassed of himself. Also, letting Louis’ touch go sounded like a horrible idea, and it would be weird after he changed back. Harry just knew it. He had all but rubbed himself all over the other wolf, for fuck’s sake. Something like that probably should have been the least of his worries, with the blacking out and talk about feral-scares and _touch starvation_ , but…

“Come on, love,” Louis hummed and nipped at Harry’s ear with his human teeth, causing Harry to flicker it in surprise. “I would really like to formally meet you, Harry. Not that your wolf isn’t lovely, but words are great, too.”

Harry huffed. He knew he couldn’t avoid talking forever, it didn’t mean he had to like it, though. Sighing in defeat Harry arched his back, gently dislocating Louis from his position. He sure as hell wasn’t going to change back with the other wrapped around him like that. Talk about awkward. It was bad enough already.

Harry carefully stood up, paws gracelessly slipping on the floor before finding balance, his pads felt sore and tender. After taking a deep breath Harry stalked some steps backwards, along the wall, before sitting down, head ducked.

The wolf went easily.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeaah, I don’t think wolves make any really long continuous rumbling sounds like that but hey, maybe they do and humans just haven’t found out yet! ( I couldn’t find any clear info about this so I decided not to care and now they do! purr purr mf )
> 
> Did you like the wolfy snugglecuddles?? Can you tell I love writing them, hehe.. xx
> 
> shyshyserious.tumblr.com  
> sshyserious@gmail.com


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh boy, this chapter just didn't want to come to an end. Here, 6500+ more words for you, you're welcome! :')

Shifting was always a bit uncomfortable but in a way that still felt oddly good. It was like a throughout full body stretch after staying in one position for so long that there was no longer feeling in the limbs. It hurt and prickled and throbbed but at the same time there was an underlaying tickling buzz that felt good in the worst way imaginable.

It was quick; bones snapping, lengthening and rearranging, fur, skin and muscle fluttering and twisting, stretching, growing and shrinking. It was almost like turning inside out — without turning inside out.

It wasn't like ‘going home’ when shifting from one shape to the other. Both frames were him and his, they were both the same home for his being, and shifting was like getting up and walking from one room to another without opening or closing any doors. The other shape was still there, inside him, waiting to be called forward again, and the wolf existed in both, too, not having any bigger ownership over either of them. Both forms were the same, him, they just manifested differently.

Harry felt the chilliness of the room differently now, his bare, human skin more vulnerable to temperature changes. Goosebumps ran up his spine, spreading over his shoulders and arms, making him shiver.

“Well, hi there,” Louis said lightly, breaking the silence. Harry kept his eyes on the floor, chewing his chapped lip that tasted a bit too coppery.

Harry was trying to size the situation and how awkward it was going to be. So far it seemed like Louis was going to act as if they hadn’t just been rolling around on the floor, tangled together. Oh, fucking hell, Harry had been licking at his lips like a praise seeking puppy. Dark flush rushed to his cheeks.

Harry pulled his knees up to his chest, ankles crossing to cover himself up the best he could.

“Sorry,” Harry mumbled in return, cheeks ablaze in humiliation.

He didn’t even know what he was apologising for, really. So much had happened, and it had only been a few days, _hectic_ days. There were so many things he should apologise for, and the list was just growing and growing, just like his anxiety over it. Harry didn’t know where to start or what to say — heck, he didn’t even understand most of the things that had happened in the past twenty-four hours! Something was really wrong. Really, really wrong, and still, all he could think about was that he wanted the touch back. Shit, he felt so needy… And weird and confused and lost and wrong — and dirty…

He didn’t know why he was feeling bad about himself all of a sudden. As if he had forced himself on these people, forced his problems and incapability to function like a normal person in their faces. But… How — What else was he supposed to do? Where was he supposed to go? Nothing made sense and everything felt out of control. He wanted to survive and be alright, yes, but did he want to do it by — using others? Bringing them grief? Stealing their time?

He wanted to apologise for his whole presence. Harry was aware that he was trouble — probably in trouble too. It wasn’t that Harry didn’t like himself - well, usually - and there wasn’t anything massively wrong with him as a person, but… There was something wrong _with_ him.

“Sorry…” Harry repeated, quietly and hunching his shoulders further. Hair was curling against his cheeks and shoulders, Louis’ scent lingering all over the ringlets. It made something twist inside his stomach.

How could he ever even look at the alpha again? An alpha that wasn’t even _his_ alpha.

Harry’s brows furrowed at his thoughts. He wasn’t sure how to feel about the things he had learned from the others the day before. About how they saw his birth-pack’s traditions and values as old fashioned and backwards. Those things… They were the only thing, the only way, he knew. Admittedly, he clearly didn’t know much about anything, and some of the things he had grown up with now started to seem a bit - irrational. But… These people were still strangers, right? Maybe they had their own customs and ways and ways of thinking, but it was all so unfamiliar to him. He had never had to even think about stuff like this. Before. He had just always done as he was told, because…. No need to think when someone does it for you. Harry had never questioned it, it had worked just fine for him for a long time. Until it hadn’t anymore.

Harry was startled out of his spiralling thoughts by Niall, who let out a strange sound between a snort and a giggle. The blond omega pushed himself off of the backrest he had been hanging over and got up from the sofa with the throw blanket gathered in his arms. Zayn took over the vacated spot and Liam remained seated on the coffee table, sipping tea.

“I wouldn’t worry if I was you,” Niall laughed, eyes kind and warm and it was so confusing to Harry, because what had he done to deserve any kindness from this happy, energetic omega? The blond stepped around the sofa and crossed the short distance to reach Harry. “I’m pretty sure he enjoyed it just as much as you did. Possibly even more.”

There was a ridiculous waggle of brows which Harry chose to ignore. He rather focused on accepting the dark blue blanket and wrapping it around his shivering shoulders - and avoiding eye contact with the certain alpha sitting a few feet away.

Zayn was chucking balled up pieces of clothing to Louis who had already pulled on a pair of well worn joggers. Harry’s own clothes laid all teared up on the floor, pieces of the ripped shirt visible behind the legs of the sofa. _His only clothes_.

Niall didn’t seem to catch on Harry’s devastated realisation, too busy leering at Louis and waggling his eyebrows at him, too.

“Yes, yes, yes, Horan. Whatever,” Louis dismissed from inside his t-shirt. His head popped through, fringe messed up and soft looking. He was _very_ handsome.

Harry blinked at his own thoughts and suddenly had a great urge to duck his head, cheeks warming up.

Thinking _that_ made him slightly — alright, a lot, uncomfortable, and worried that it would show all over his face, even though it was just an innocent observation. It would be mortifying if…

Harry stifled a sigh, forcing his thoughts to halt. It didn’t even matter. He didn’t know why he was suddenly getting so worked up over a small thing like that. It just… He was feeling really vulnerable, and it was one thing to be vulnerable physically — but emotionally…

There hadn’t been that many people in his pack, and none of them had been anything like this, for sure. Everyone were like siblings or relatives, and, well, after they became teenagers he hadn’t been hanging out much with the alphas that were his age, so he couldn’t really tell about them. Usually when he had seen them they had been in wolf forms and going or coming from hunting, and while all their wolves were beautiful, it really wasn’t the same. All his conversations with them were short and businesslike and more or less monitored by the older pack members.

But now, all of a sudden, he was surrounded by these — what to even call them? All of them were like something shiny and new to him. They were so relaxed around each other, and around Harry, too.

He had felt really intimidated by Zayn at first, by all of them, really, but mostly Zayn. He wasn’t yet sure about Louis, his wolf’s weird flip out distorting things.

However, his apprehension towards the darker alpha had quickly diminished when he had noticed that he was treating Harry carefully and with respect, without making it obvious. Harry really was amazed by them. Their confidence and strength and openness something he wasn’t really used to, especially when it came to Niall.

Harry had never seen an omega like that, and he couldn’t get enough of it. The blond was so rude and quick witted and had a sharp tongue on him but it didn’t come across as disrespectful, well, unless it was on purpose. It was exhilarating to see, and the others clearly enjoyed Niall’s shenanigans without taking him too seriously. Or getting angry, like Harry would have assumed.

Their structure and the way they interacted was so interesting and curious. There wasn’t really any differences between them, the hierarchy Harry was used to was - missing? Mostly at least, and it only showed up in weird places and in weird ways. Like how Zayn didn’t seem like he cared much about anything and let the other two run around the cafe doing whatever the hell they wanted, but somehow it still came off as if it was exactly what he had wanted them to do. It was so unfamiliar for Harry to witness that he had actually been somewhat relieved when the alpha had monotonously asked Niall to sit the fuck down and leave the knives be, and the omega had done just that, just like that.

Most of the time, though, it just didn’t make any sense whatsoever. Niall ran around poking and prodding and distracting everyone the best he could, declaring he was bored and somehow roping Zayn into bullying Liam with him. The beta didn’t seem too bothered by it, he played along and jabbed back at them both with some snarky, snotty remarks and by banning them from the cafe - with bad success, though.

It often seemed like Liam had the most control over them all, even though he was the one being teased mercilessly. _Even though_ he was the beta. Like how Liam’s whining about Zayn’s smoking didn’t make the alpha just overlook him like Harry would have thought. Usually Zayn had just stubbed his cigarette and apologised by smacking a wet kiss on the beta’s temple and got back to work. Although he would be back in the back alley an hour later, which — Harry didn’t know what to make of that.  
  
Harry had stopped trying to understand their dynamics quite quickly. He hadn’t even paid too much attention to it at first, too busy focusing on himself and keeping himself in check, and doing his job. But the more he thought about it the more he noticed it.

He didn’t get it and the whole thing kind of made his head hurt. He also had a hard time trying to see how he could fit in all off that. He wasn’t like Niall, he wasn’t harsh and loud and outgoing to that extent. He didn’t really see himself in any of these guys, either. He felt different somehow, like something was lacking. All the others had such bright energies and Harry just… was?

And, of course, now there was Louis, and Harry didn’t know how the alpha would change the whole dynamics, and everything. He didn’t know anything about Louis. To be honest, he didn’t really know anything about any of these four.

Other than that they hadn’t hurt him _yet_.

“Zayn, go get some clothes for Harry,” Niall said over his shoulder while helping Harry up from the floor.

And that… That was exactly what Harry couldn’t wrap his head around. He couldn’t help his eyebrows rising when the alpha just got up and wandered out of the room because yeah, that wasn’t how it worked where he came from.

He wasn’t sure if he liked it, it was making him uncomfortable and like he was missing something. It was odd.

“Come on then, Haz-Bear,” Niall said, steadying Harry whose legs felt alarmingly wobbly in the upright position. His muscles were aching, as if he had run for miles the day before and forgot to stretch it out after. He figured it had something to do with the blackout but he didn’t know what had happened, so…

With Niall’s help he managed to stay on his feet until they reached the sofa. He felt quite awkward only wearing the blanket and a bit paranoid trying to stop it from slipping off. It wasn’t necessarily a nudity thing, it was pretty usual to end up starkers with someone else close by when shifting shapes. It was, however, making him feel really exposed, especially since all the others were fully clothed. And there were alphas in the room, well, one currently, and it was just - uncomfortable. _So inappropriate_ , Harry couldn’t help but think, even though he knew that the situation was unusual and couldn’t be helped.

Harry carefully sat down next to Niall, curling his bare toes against the floor and hunching his tense shoulders. Niall wasn’t having any of it and wrapped one arm behind Harry’s neck and practically forced him to relax a bit. Harry leaned against the backrest and let his left side press tightly against the other omega.

“There we go, no need to be like a cat in the dog pound,” Niall said gently and patted Harry’s arm with a sweet smile. Liam and Louis snorted out almost identical laughs.

“Cat in the dog pound, huh?” Louis smirked amusedly. He was standing next to the sofa’s armrest, both hands on his hips and face relaxed. Harry stupidly risked a glance up at him and their eyes locked for a second, the alpha's smile widening. The hot feeling was devastating when it rolled over Harry’s body. He quickly ducked his head.

“Did you just make that up? Like, I’m pretty sure that’s not a thing,” Liam giggled. Seriously, honestly, _giggled_. Harry had to bite his tongue to stop a smile from escaping to his lips.

“Of course it’s a thing!” Niall insisted, rolling his eyes exaggeratedly but then giving Liam a fond glance. “I saw it online somewhere.”

“Yeah, about that, love. That doesn’t quite mean it’s an actual thing,” Louis teased, voice patronising and eyes bright with mischief. The alpha sat down on the armrest and Harry quickly noticed that he really needed to step back and come closer, both at the same time. With a swallow Harry stared at his hands.

“Sure it does,” Niall shrugged, not taking the bait. He turned his attention back to Harry and pushed one hand in his curls, starting to rake his fingers through them in the way he had noticed Harry clearly enjoyed. The omega was right, Harry leaned into the touch and his eyed felt like drooping. Licking his lips Harry clenched his own fingers tighter around the blanket to keep it in place.

“You feeling better, Harry?” Liam asked, sincere worry in his eyes when Harry peeked up.

The thing was that Harry wasn’t sure. He didn’t know how he was feeling, too many things going on at the same time. Everything happening too quickly and all of a sudden and out of the blue. Nothing made sense and everything was unfamiliar and new. But — he wasn’t in the forest, he wasn’t alone, and he wasn’t hurt. No. He was just casually sitting naked on the sofa in some half-strangers’ flat after having a massive blackout and then a cuddle with a fit alpha. The usual. Harry cleared his throat.

“I… I’m sorry I slept through the morning shift! Won’t happen again, I swear,” rushed out of Harry’s mouth, quite desperately, too, even though he hadn’t even thought about it until just before it was already out. He bowed his head in shame and stared at his fingers resting on his blanket covered thigh. They were quickly joined with Niall’s, who fit their hands together.

“Harry…” Liam breathed, obviously bewildered. Niall squeezed at his hand.

“You really don’t have to worry about that, love,” Louis said, voice soft and recovering from Harry’s surprising words.

“No, no, I really should’ve made sure I was there. I’m sorry, I - I don’t know what happened,” Harry muttered, pulling one feet over the other, trying to hide even a little bit. “It was so disrespectful of me, I’m sorry. I am honestly more than thankful for you guys letting me —”

“Harry,” Louis said firmly, cutting off his rambling, just as Zayn walked into the room with a pile of clothes in his arms, and a curious arch on his brows. “You really don’t need to apologise. It’s alright, it’s all good.”

“Yeah, and it’s not your fault anyways. We left you to sleep because you clearly needed it, didn’t even notice when Niall tried to wake you up,” Liam said earnestly, making Harry clutch to the blanket even tighter in embarrassment. “It’s not a big deal. We already know you do well in the job, really well, and also, Zayn’s parents own the place. They won’t mind we closed the cafe for a situation like this.”

“You closed the cafe because of me? No!” Harry gasped, suddenly alarmed. This was way worse than he had thought. “I’m so sorry, you can go back now. I’ll come with —”

“Harry.” It was Louis again, and with that one word Harry’s mouth snapped shut and he meekly relaxed back against the sofa. The small nod of acknowledgment he got for that from the alpha felt like a massive achievement. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Right. My parents won’t mind, man, they aren’t heartless,” Zayn said, sitting next to Liam on the coffee table, knees close to bumping Harry’s before carefully moving them to the side. Niall grabbed the pile of clothes and placed them on top of Harry’s hands.

Harry stared at the pile. There was a pair of black, hardly worn jogging bottoms, another pair of fuzzy socks and a long-sleeved, thick t-shirt that smelled like a soft combination of Zayn and Louis. Harry swallowed.

“Um…” he said quietly, lower lip catching between his teeth and uncomfortable prickle of embarrassment rising up the back of his neck. He glanced pleadingly at Niall, and the other omega caught on quickly.

“Okay, out! All of you!” Niall ordered, clapping his hands together and making Harry jolt.

Zayn rolled his eyes and stood back up, Liam following close behind him. Niall turned his head and squinted at Louis who looked weirdly pouty. The alpha didn’t linger though, he just raised his hands in mock-surrender and followed the other two out of the room. Probably in to the kitchen which was the nearest room from there.

“I can leave too, if you want,” Niall offered, turning Harry’s attention back to him and to the clothes on his lap. Harry licked over his lips, again, probably making them chap even more, and shook his head. He didn’t mind Niall. Them both being omegas, male omegas, made it feel like they had some sort of strange - bond. Well, at least Harry was feeling it, he couldn’t speak for Niall.

Harry glanced towards the doorway of the room to make sure they were really alone and then took a calming breath. His fingers we wrapping around the soft fabric of the joggers.

“Niall, can I ask you something?” he braved out, voice quiet but even. He didn’t look up from his lap.

“Yeah, sure thing,” Niall answered, right away, leaning closer to Harry to press their arms together, comforting him. Harry nodded, brows scrunching up, and trying to piece together a proper sentence.

“Um… Do you ever… Don’t they ever get mad at you for making them do stuff?” he finally settled on saying. He wasn’t quite sure how to word the whole thing he was confused about, because it didn’t make much sense to him. However, it felt like a good place to start, after the way the omega had bossed everyone else out of the room.

Niall snorted.

“All the time,” he said, amused. “But it’s not like they don’t really want to do stuff for me, or anyone, they just like to grumble. They make me do stuff all the time too, so I think it’s safe to say we are even.”

“But… So, they don’t, I don’t know, really, _really_ get angry with you? Like, for real?” Harry wanted to make sure, brows furrowing even further. He turned to face Niall and tried to search his eyes in confusion. He was met with a similar emotion.

“Uh, well, no? I mean, obviously we all annoy each other sometimes but it’s nothing serious or dramatic. Just the usual ‘being a friend with someone’- stuff,” Niall answered, head tilting to the side. “Why? Were you worried they would get mad at you for asking for something? Because, trust me, those three would be falling all over themselves to —”

“No, no, I didn’t mean that, I wasn’t going to ask for anything. I’ve got enough from you guys already. I just…” Harry hurried to say. He knew he was nearing dangerous topics with this but he really felt like he needed to know more. “I’m not used to it being like that, I guess.”

“Like what?” Niall asked, blue eyes curious and patient. He tugged at Harry’s hand until he got it out from beneath the clothes, and then laced their fingers together.

“I… Well… I’m not from around here, originally,” Harry said carefully, making sure that he wasn’t accidentally going to blow his cover. Niall nodded, eyes attentive. “The omegas, where I come from… They are not supposed to ask the alphas, or the betas, to do stuff. Like, um, it’s not - allowed.”

“What?” Niall’s tone was flat when he answered after a beat of silence, his brows up in confusion. He didn’t look very happy for some reason, so Harry scrambled on.

“It just… I mean — we didn’t _have to_ ask for things, I guess. It was their job to make sure we had what we needed, and if we didn’t have something, or get something, we didn’t need it. Right? Like… They — They were the ones making sure we had enough, not too little or too much. It wasn’t the omegas’ place to ask for things, it would’ve been, like, disrespecting the alphas’ and betas’ decisions and ability to take care of us.”

Niall looked like he was trying to subtly swallow something that tasted awful. Harry bit his cheek a bit too harshly and suddenly felt like pulling his hand from the other omega’s hold. He didn’t, though, Niall’s fingers were soft and calming and felt nice, and he was clearly considering Harry’s words.

“What if you knew you needed something but they told you no?” Niall asked finally, after a short pause. Harry hummed quietly, nervously playing with his lower lip with his free hand.

“Well, I mean, I must have not really needed it then?” Harry answered, shrugging lightly and gazing at Niall’s face to see his reaction. Harry wasn’t sure what the blond was hoping to hear but, apparently, that wasn’t it.

“Shit,” Niall whispered, eyes wide and lips thinning into a tight line. His cheeks seemed to be flushing with some emotion. “That’s… Wow. Do you really think like that, too? Or — or do you just think you’re supposed to think like that?”

Harry was confused, and a bit worried now, as well. He wasn’t sure what he had hoped to get out of this conversation, some answers, maybe, but this was just making him even more confused.

“Uh… I don’t… Sorry, I don’t know what you mean,” he said, apology clear in his voice. Niall took a long breath and exhaled with a heavy sigh.

“What I mean is that, do you really think that you, or any other omega on this planet, are not able to make their own decisions?” There was something sharp in Niall’s tone but he was still gentle with Harry’s hand, petting over his fingers softly. Harry swallowed.

“But — we don’t have to? Because we have someone looking after us and making sure we get what we need and so then - we don’t have to? Um, yeah…”

“So you’re saying that Louis, Zayn and Liam are doing a shit job by letting me do and think stuff on my own?” Niall didn’t look angry. No, his eyes were calculating, like he was paying close attention to Harry’s reactions. Harry wasn’t sure what he was seeing there, maybe the mini heart-attack that was clawing at his chest.

“No! No, Niall, that’s no it at all! I’m sorry, I didn’t… I didn’t mean to make you feel like you were doing something wrong. And, and they are all really wonderful, there’s nothing… They’re not doing a shit job. I’m sorry,” he rushed out, squeezing Niall’s fingers like it would somehow convince him not to get upset with him.

“No, it’s alright, Harry. I’m sorry, too, I shouldn’t have made it sound like I thought you were accusing me, us, of something. I’m just trying to understand where you’re coming from,” the blond said, squeezing his fingers back in reassurance and bringing up his other hand to wrap it over their joined ones.

Harry exhaled with a relieved nod. He would rather shut up for an eternity than make Niall upset with him. Especially if it was over something so foolish like Harry not understanding their _dynamics_ , or whatever it should be called.

“Do you like it that way? When you don’t have any control over things?” Niall asked softly, after the silence between them had started to stretch out. Harry furrowed his brows, shaking his head slightly.

“It’s not really that I don’t have any control over things. I just choose to allow them to decide for me, I guess,” he said slowly, thinking over the words so they came out like they should. The concentration on Niall’s features was making Harry feel oddly privileged, like the things he was saying really mattered and interested the other omega.

“What if you decide not to allow them, then? What if you say you want to do things like _you_ want to?” Niall sounded so serious, and Harry might have only known him for less than two days and yet he already knew that serious was rarely Niall’s go-to mood.

“I — I don’t know. I’ve never… I have never done that. I don’t know. It’s easier to just do like you’re supposed to,” he mumbled out, feeling a bit silly about his answer. But it was the truth. Kind of.

“Even when you don’t want to? Even when it feels unfair or unreasonable?” Niall pressed, lower lip disappearing between his teeth and his hold on Harry’s hand flexing. Harry was quickly starting to feel anxious, he had no idea what the other omega was looking to hear.

“I guess… It’s just how things are. That’s how it works there,” Harry said finally, after a pause. His voice was quiet and unsure, and he was trying to search something from Niall’s eyes, something that would hint what the other was thinking.

The answer took awhile, and it allowed Harry to work himself up into an anxious bundle of nerves. He was pretty sure his lip was bleeding, and his shoulders hurt from being tensed up in such a shielding position.

Niall sighed again, brows still scrunched together and a pinched look in his eyes.

“Why are you here then, Harry?” he asked quietly, and Harry couldn’t hide the sharp inhale the question forced him to take. Niall squeezed his hand tighter. “Did someone make you leave? Were you… When did you move here?”

Harry felt overwhelmed with the questions. He shook his head just to nod right after, and then shook it again. His mouth felt dry all of a sudden and his pulse was rising, his wolf circling again in the back of his mind, panting.

“N-no, I — I was… I left. It’s been - awhile, yes. S-something happened and, and I couldn’t stay. So I left, even though I knew it was bad. I did bad. I left. I - I —” he suddenly felt like there wasn’t enough air in the room and his lungs were closing up and crushing his windpipe. He gasped, the voice too loud in his ears and a hot prickling in the corners of his eyes was promising tears. A violent cough shook his body, it did nothing to help him get the oxygen in.

“Harry, love, c’mon,” Niall’s voice whispered against his ear. There was a tight arm around his shoulders now, forehead pressed against his temple. “You’re all right, yeah? We don’t have to talk about it anymore, now. Take a breath, it’s okay.”

Harry tried to force down a gulp of air but it felt shaky and hurt. Niall was petting his arm soothingly, coaxing his breathing back to normal, with him. So Harry tried again, and again.

“I’m s-sorry,” he managed to sob out when he finally felt like he wasn’t about to suffocate. Niall just shushed him gently, cleaning the runaway tears from Harry’s cheeks with the sleeve of his jumper.

“You don’t need to apologise so much, Haz. You have done nothing wrong,” the omega said softly after awhile, nose pressed against the hair behind Harry’s ear.

He couldn’t agree with Niall, no matter how much he hoped he could. He felt like he should never stop apologising. It was always safer to apologise.

“Harry, would it be okay if I asked the others to come back?” Niall asked gently, so, so gently and it was making Harry feel awful. He didn’t want to be the one who robbed Niall’s happy, bold spirit like that, even though he appreciated the effort. “You don’t have to but I think you might feel better if you let one of them sit close to you.”

Harry exhaled through his nose and tried to relax his brows from their deep furrow, it was starting to ache. He bit the inside of his cheek and shrugged.

“You - you are close to me already?” he asked shakily, voice barely a whisper and heart still thumping harshly against his chest. Niall snuggled even closer and rubbed his cheek over Harry’s ear and temple.

“I know, but remember what we were talking about yesterday?” Niall questioned, while letting Harry carefully return the scenting motion. It was calming. “About how it’s different with betas, and with alphas?”

Harry nodded slowly, his hands were shaky and clammy, but Niall held on.

“They could help you to calm down. I can tell you are upset — No, hey, it’s okay. It’s alright if you are, don’t worry about it, there’s nothing wrong with that.”

Harry was feeling agitated about it, and his wolf was acting all weird again. There was a heavy pressure around his mind and it was spreading over his chest as well.

“I… Okay, yes,” he pushed out hurriedly, worried and nervous, shaking. “Ni, I think - I think there might be something wrong with my wolf.”

If Niall shared his worries about the wolf, it really wasn’t showing. He seemed calm and his eyes were warm and reassuring when he leaned back to look Harry in the eye.

“It’s alright, he’s probably just worried about you,” he said, smiling a little and Harry forced himself to believe in that, even though they both knew animals didn’t work that way.

Harry nodded shortly and then again, trying to shake the shadowy feeling from spreading.

“How about you get dressed and I go get the others?” Niall asked, making Harry squeeze his hand tighter, eyes widening.

“Y-you’ll come back, too, right?” Harry asked, breathlessly and desperately trying to cling on the safe feeling Niall was giving him.

“Of course, you’re not getting rid of me now”, Niall huffed with a tiny smirk and gently pryed Harry’s fingers off to free himself. He used both his hands to push the hair on Harry’s face behind his ears, and then slid his palms down to squeeze his cheeks together, making Harry’s mouth pout. Niall looked delighted. “Would you like me to bring Louis, or all of them?”

Harry sniffled a little.

“Louis… and - and all of them,” Harry said, with some difficulties since his face was still held between Niall’s squeezing hands. The blond let out a laugh.

“You’re so easy to distract,” Niall smiled, shaking his head amusedly. It didn’t sound like a mean comment and it was probably true, Harry’s heart was slowly calming down and the pressure around his chest letting up. With a final squeeze Niall let go. “Alright then, a Louis and the all of them coming right up. Do you think you can handle the clothes? I can help.”

“N-no no, I can — I can,” Harry stuttered, wiping his clammy hands against the blanket even though it felt gross. Niall patted his head as he got up.

Nibbling the inside of his lip Harry separated the jogging bottoms from the pile, he pushed the rest on the seat next to him. Niall disappeared out of the room with a quick glance at Harry, making sure he was doing alright. Or, well, as good as he could.

It didn't take him long to get the whole set up on, even with the way he squirmed the bottoms on underneath the blanket. The socks were warm and the mixed scents of the alphas the t-shirt carried felt - comfortable? He felt a bit calmer being surrounded by it.

For an extra layer he tugged the blanket back over his shoulders and then pulled his knees up against his chest. The others returned to the room a bit too quickly for Harry to be able to think over what he had just agreed on. Think over - over think…

Niall swiftly sat down to the same spot he had vacated earlier and his hand found its way to Harry’s in no time. Liam carefully made his way over the coffee table and sat on the edge of it, before scooting over to make more space for Zayn.

Louis was hovering at the end of the sofa, playing with the strings of his joggers. Harry tried not to look at him. It was all so awkward, he didn’t need this much attention.

“Hey, if it just makes you more uncomfortable, you don’t have to do anything,” Niall said quietly in his ear, faking privacy for his comfort. Harry shook his head in the end. He didn’t, in fact, want to feel like shit any longer than he had to.

“No, it’s… Okay,” he said, not to anyone particular, just agreeing to the whole - thing. He could see Louis stepping a bit closer, the strings on the waist of his joggers now tied up in a neat bow. The alpha cleared his throat quietly.

“You sure?” Louis asked, and when Harry gave a tiny nod, he nodded back. “We figured you might drop really deep again if it’s Zayn, or Liam, for that matter, but maybe it won’t be as harsh… You know, with me? Since we already, um… yeah.”

The alpha looked just as awkward as Harry felt, and oddly enough, it was making Harry feel a bit better. Niall huffed something under his breath before rolling his eyes at Louis.

“That okay with you, H?” the omega asked then, head-butting Harry on the shoulder to get his attention. Harry just nodded again, and then tried to subtly squeeze closer to Niall when Louis carefully sat down next to him.

It was all a bit funny, too, since all he really wanted right then was to press his face against the alpha’s neck while holding on to Niall’s hand, and knowing that Liam and Zayn were there, looking over them. Harry just didn’t know how to get there.

In the end, he didn’t have to.

Louis hummed, clearly thinking about something and tugged up the blanket that was sliding down Harry’s shoulder. He shifted closer, not bothered by Harry’s knees that were up. Niall pressed closer, too, and rested his head on Harry’s shoulder, pulling one leg on the sofa to get more comfortable. Harry rubbed his jaw gently against the top of the blond head, making short eye contact with Louis while doing so. He got a small smile out of it.

Louis leaned over, their sides pressing together and the warmth of the alpha radiating through Harry’s clothes. He felt the now familiar tingly feeling spread from the spots they were touching, but he wasn’t feeling quite as overwhelmed, yet.

The alpha arranged the blanket around Harry again, fussing with it with careful touches. It took him a while to be satisfied with it for some reason, which Harry found relaxing - and also amusing. There was a tiny twitch pushing at the corners of his mouth but he resisted it by biting his lower lip.

Louis finally settled against the backrest, one hand looping behind both Harry’s and Niall’s necks and the other came up to tap the corner of Harry’s mouth. “We both know what you are hiding there, love, so you might as well let it out.”

Harry ducked his head bashfully, flushing at the alpha’s attentiveness.

Because of the sudden bowing movement, Louis’ hand dropped down and it curled around Harry’s waist, giving his side a little, encouraging squeeze. Niall chuckled from his spot against Harry’s neck, and Harry felt so warm. Harry wanted to relax into it, just melt.

With a lick of his tongue Harry released his lip he had been chewing on again, and let all the hopefulness and warmth curl together and bundle up on the corners of his mouth, easily lifting them.

“Are those really dimples?” Liam asked Zayn quietly, leaning against the alpha’s side to speak in his ear. Harry was pretty sure he wasn’t supposed to hear that, but it was making his smile just a bit bigger.

“Yeah, shit. That’s cute,” Zayn answered, easy smile hanging on his own lips. The alpha kicked up his feet and rested them on the sofa, next to Niall’s thigh. Niall wrapped his free hand’s fingers around one slim ankle.

Liam looked like the dimples on Harry’s cheeks were the best thing on earth. Honestly, the beta was so sweet that it made Harry hope he could hug him too. Maybe he would be able to, sometime soon. Louis looked weirdly proud, answering smile lighting up his blue eyes and decorating the corners of them with happy crinkles.

After some manoeuvring Harry soon found himself practically sitting in Louis’ lap, one bent-up leg reached over the alpha’s both and the fuzzy socked foot rested on the seat of the sofa. Niall sat up straighter to give Louis more space to arrange them as he wished.

The arm that was now curled behind Harry’s neck pulled him to Louis’ chest. With a surprised huff Harry ended up with a lungful of the alpha’s now familiar scent, the effect immediate, lulling and overpowering. He could barely feel how Niall snuggled against his curved back, arm looping around his stomach.

There were soft lips pressing against Harry’s hair, making him sigh and close his eyes, relaxing into it.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :'O Thank you for reading, lovelies, I'm really amazed by the positive attention this has gotten so far! 
> 
> Thank youu xx
> 
> shyshyserious.tumblr.com  
> sshyserious@gmail.com


	7. Chapter 7

The second Harry got close enough to smell the little hollow that was his den, he knew that someone had been there.

Tumbling over some arched roots he staggered closer, triangular ears turning to detect any sounds, his tail was tensely brushing his ankles. The surrounding air was clear enough; whoever the nosy intruder had been wasn’t there anymore.

Harry still tried to scent the air before getting too close to the den, it was better be safe than sorry. However, no one was there, the forest humming quietly around him in the darkening evening.

The mouth of the little tunnel that had lead down inside the hollow was dug up and messily widened. There was moss and dark soil spread and thrown around on the forest floor, the ground still smelling damp and fresh. The feeble roots of the forest grass had once held up a part of the tunnel’s wall that was now crumbled and the snug space under the rocks was clearly visible from where Harry was standing.

Whoever had done this hadn’t bothered covering up after themselves, there was no need since Harry would have been able to smell them anyway. Still, they could have been at least a little bit more careful. Sloppily thrown soil seeming somewhat rude to Harry, it had been his ‘home’, after all.

Not that it mattered anymore. Harry sure as hell wasn’t staying there any longer, the hideout was now all but a hideout, more like a gaping sinkhole.

With careful steps he retreated back and away from the grumbled den. Harry didn’t know who the other wolves were and it was hard to tell how many had been there. He could only separate two, maybe three different scents, none of which he could recognise.

Why had they been there?

Harry was nervous. All the sugary sweet relaxation that had made his body and mind feel at ease was now seeping away. The gentle ghost of the warm embrace was gone, the wind and the air freezing inside his lungs and on his skin. It had been so good for a while, nothing had hurt and nothing mattered. All the process and development from the past week that had taken a tiny step forwards, had suddenly taken five backwards. Or so it felt like right then.

He needed a safe place to stay during the dark hours of the days and he needed to _not be found_. At least not until he was able to figure out a plan that would allow him to stay. The fact that someone had found his hideout was… It wasn’t good. There was no way of telling if they had found it by chance. What if they had been looking for him?

Harry jumped over a fallen log and after carefully scenting the air he scurried between the familiar rocks and trees. He was moving towards the edge of the forest.

Harry had thought he had been careful enough, calculating enough, to stay hidden. No one was supposed to be looking for him there, no one even knew he existed.

Except…

 _No._ Harry scolded himself. He wasn’t going to let his stupid paranoia ruin the fledgling relationship that had managed to grow between him and the four, way too welcoming, boys. If he started to think that, believe that, and the wolf caught even a whiff of the nervous suspicion, the game would be over.

If Harry had learned something from the past few days, it was that he had no control over his wolf if something sudden and threatening was to happen. Or, well, something that seemed threatening when it was unknowingly sneaking up behind him — just to turn out to be one of the best cuddlers Harry had ever encountered. Okay, so maybe he had gained some positive… _things_ out of this whole ordeal but he couldn’t let that sidetrack him. Something was wrong and he didn’t know if it was - fixable.

Meanwhile, before figuring the whole mess out, the only thing he could do was to try and keep the wolf from panicking. Which was hard because Harry, too, had the tendency to react to things a bit too quickly and harshly nowadays. Also the fact that the wolf basically felt the same things as Harry made everything even more complicated. He would have to stop himself from feeling and reacting to be able to stop the wolf feeling and reacting. The wolf was his, and a big part of him, after all. There was no hiding from it.

With a frustrated growl Harry turned left just before the trees started to thin out. The town wasn’t visible from there yet but the smells had started to get stronger, which was still unnerving. Harry didn’t like to be too close to the centre of the territory and the fact that he had to go there at least five times a week didn’t feel too great. It felt awful, okay? He was sure he had to be breaking more than one protocol by not letting himself be seen and known.

But he had no choice, they would just chase him out just like all the other packs had. It was his best bet to try and get some pack members on his corner, to accept him, and maybe, when the time came, they would stand up for him or at least think twice before judging him.

However, why would they? There was no way around it; Harry was using them for his own benefit, and there was no way the others wouldn’t see it like that.

The familiar, uncertain anxiety was tickling behind his sternum again. Harry _knew_ that it wasn’t a lie to say he was using them  _but_  saying that didn’t feel right at all either. He… He needed them, yes, but he had also genuinely started to enjoy their company. There wasn’t anything sinister about it, Harry would hate himself if he ever did that to them. He would never forgive himself if he would end up betraying his new… friends. That just wasn’t him. And he knew what it was like to be completely, utterly betrayed, and he would never wish that for someone else.

But yes, originally, Harry had seen them purely as a way to get back in contact with people, with _anyone_ , and to get himself out of the woods. It - it could have been anyone.

Harry was starting to feel more and more distressed by his own thoughts. The darkness was heavy as it settled over him and the surrounding forest, and the chance of finding a proper den for the night was rabidly diminishing. There he was, pondering whether he was the shittiest person for making friends when he hadn’t been honest about himself, or because he was just so useless that he couldn’t even find a safe place for the night. He had been getting too comfortable. It would be the end of him.

In the end Harry was able to gather up all his luck and find a little nook for himself. It was an old, tall tree with arched roots that were covered in soft, dark green moss. The trunk was curved inwards, leaving a little space between the thick roots for him to curl up in. There wasn’t much cover, or anything to block the wind or the drizzle, even after he had dug up some ground to create a wide but shallow pit to lay in.

It sucked. Harry wasn’t used to luxury or anything but it wasn’t safe to stay out in the open like that, and it was uncomfortable and cold. There was dirt between his pads when he curled up into a tight ball, tail draping over his muzzle. His ears stayed perked up even after the pitiful sleep wiped over him.

Fortunately the morning came quickly for once. It wasn’t going to be a sunny day, far from it, but the drizzle was gone and the wind felt less harsh. With a long stretch Harry crawled up and tried to shake the sleep from his mind and eyes.

Harry shook his fur and licked over his snout before forcing himself into a trot, and heading for his clothes. He had relocated the stash the night before, right before he had headed for his destroyed den. The new hide was now almost at the edge of the forest, it was easier to reach and, if needed, the clothes were way faster to snatch up on the way back to the town. It was a wide, gaping hole in the side of a fallen log. The forest grass was covering most of it and the moss growing over the log made it harder for the rainwater to drip through.

Harry knew he was early but he didn’t feel comfortable lingering in the forest after the last night’s revelations.

After shrugging on the borrowed clothes - even though it felt… _wrong_ to wear them, Harry jogged down the sloped hill separating the forest and the town. He refused to glance back towards the tree line, the uncomfortable prickling burning the back of his neck.

*

Harry shivered on the bench across from the cafe. The sign on the door stated “CLOSED” and the flat’s window above was dark. He had no idea what time it was, there was no one to be seen and only a rare hum of a car from the bigger road behind the block of flats broke the silence.

The gravel crunched under Harry’s shoes as he drew wonky triangles on the ground. His fingers felt cold, even after hiding them between his thighs.

Harry was nervous about the day. He didn’t really know what to expect after yesterday and the day before. It shouldn’t be to bad, he supposed. The guys were more than nice, understanding, and they weren’t pushing or asking too many questions when it was clear that Harry didn’t want to talk. Harry was thankful about it but also painfully aware that his time would run out at some point. He couldn’t hide for forever, and he would have to learn how to trust again at some point. Even if it felt reckless and overwhelmingly difficult.

The little flowers hanging on both sides of the cafe’s door looked sad and wilted. The wind was making the darkened leaves flutter and Harry was wondering if there had even been any life in the plants since the summer. Maybe the cold winter had frozen them, created an illusion and left a small memory of the spring and summer to cling there. Harry couldn’t wait for it to be warm again. The winter wasn’t showing any signs of ending.

Somewhere near a door slammed closed, making Harry jolt from his thoughts. The sound echoed between the granite buildings, rising from the alleyway that lead to the backroom and flat’s doors. Tired looking Louis turned around the corner to the main street, tugging a beanie over his ears with mitten clad hands. He headed towards Harry right away.

“Hey man. Alright?” Louis said when they were close enough, his voice gruff and eyes sleepy. The alpha hid a wide yawn in the crook of his elbow before flopping down on the bench next to Harry. “How are you here so early?”

Harry shrugged in a way of greeting and tried to keep the sleeves of the shirt from slipping and exposing his cold fingers. The shirt was a bit too small for him to allow the sleeve paws.

“Just… Wanted to be in time,” he offered as an answer, shrugging again and swiping some stubborn ringlets from his temples behind his ear. The _because I fucked up yesterday_ was silent but Harry was pretty sure Louis heard it anyway.

“You must’ve been awake for more than half an hour if you already walked here from your place. Sorry, mate, but that’s just inhuman.” Louis wrinkled his nose at his own calculations and then yawned again.

Harry shrugged, a low, distant hum accompanying the movement. The chilliness of the wind was pushing inside the neckline of the shirt, the following shivers felt harsher now that he was trying to hide them.

“Why are you awake then?” Harry questioned softly. Trying to keep the attention away from his - anything. “You don’t work in the cafe, right?”

“Exactly!” Louis huffed sharply as he threw his hands up. Harry blinked at him and the sudden movement, but somehow didn’t flinch. “Tell the arsehole Malik that, he sure as hell won’t listen to me.”

“Zayn?” Harry asked curiously, and tried to restrain his smile at the alpha’s dramatic eye-roll and nod combination.

“Yeah, that arsehole. The wanker’s decided that it’s “only fair” that I have to suffer through these early mornings too. Apparently my pain _gives him strength_ to get out of bed, or something ridiculous shit like that.”

Harry had to bite his lip and duck his head to hide the amusement on his face. Louis was so grumpy and drowsy looking, hair messy where it was peeking out under his beanie, and brows furrowed in mock-offend.

Louis huffed again, sprawling lower on the bench with a petulant look on his face. He nudged Harry’s thigh with his own.

“Don’t laugh at my pain, Harold! How very rude,” he grumbled, the brightness of his eyes was an easy telltale of his playfulness. Harry’s smile just widened and for a second he felt brave enough to give Louis’ thigh a knock back. The alpha gasped, one mitten covered hand coming up to hold his chest, “The nerve!”

Harry stifled a laugh and lowered his gaze to the ground. He draw a wavy line in the gravel with the sole of his shoe, the ground starting to look a bit messy from his art.

“Harold’s not my name, you know,” he muttered after a short moment of comfortable silence. It felt weird to be the one to start talking but it was also - thrilling. Like he was doing something exciting. His cheeks felt flushed with the feeling. How pathetic.

“Sure,” Louis shrugged lazily, mirth in his eyes. “Harold.”

Harry snorted out laugh but quickly tried to cover it by rubbing his nose with the back of his hand. He shook his head and gave Louis an amused scowl, peering at him through his lashes. The alpha looked proper proud of himself.

“Git,” Harry muttered, a bit too carefully for it to be an effective comeback. The tiny smile that came with the insult completely ruining all the little edge that it might have had.

“Wow, Harold, calm down,” Louis chuckled, crinkles gathering in the corners of his eyes. Harry wrinkled his nose, smile refusing to disappear. The flush was darkening on his cheeks as he gently nudged at the alpha’s thigh in embarrassed reprimand. Louis nudged right back and smirked, “Gee, what a bad boy.”

Harry rolled his eyes and tried to focus on drawing another wave on the gravel below the last one. He was feeling a bit more relaxed by every passing minute, the alpha’s goodnatured teasing oddly making him feel better. Which was weird, Harry would have thought something like that would make him feel more anxious. Maybe it was because it was clear that there was no maliciousness behind Louis’ words.

Harry hadn’t really had a chance to properly talk to Louis the day before. Too busy, you know, being cuddled into unconsciousness… It was embarrassing, and weird. Remembering it made him blush, no matter how many times he thought about it. Not that he had been thinking about it, of course. That much.

Niall had assured him that it was nothing to be embarrassed about, apparently it was just something they did and would have done anyways, had Harry been there on not. _Everyone does it, Hazza, it’s like food; you’ll just get real grumpy without_ , the omega had insisted while refusing to let go of Harry. Not that he had wanted to be let go, Niall just had made a show of refusing to do so.

To be honest, he hadn’t even gotten to the point last night where he would have properly - _dropped_. He had felt a bit hazy and sleepy, but he was aware what was going on around him. The others had been chatting about something, well, except Niall who had fallen asleep right there, halfway on top of Harry.

Harry had felt so snug and comfortable between the two warm and calm bodies, the discussion around him, or the telly that had been turned on at some point, didn’t really interest him that much. The low rumble of Louis’ speech had vibrated against Harry’s cheek through the alpha’s chest and Liam and Zayn’s voices mixed into a soft hum in his ears.

He hadn’t paid attention, too focused on feeling safe and toasty, and now it felt - peculiar, that he knew nothing much about the sleepy looking alpha. Surely there were some rules about getting to know people first before snuggling it up with them?

Harry was determined to try adapting Niall’s carefree attitude and just let it be. If the other omega was all fine and happy with it, maybe there even wasn’t a problem, after all? Right. He was just overthinking again.

“Where are your mittens?”

The question startled Harry from his thoughts. He lifted his gaze from his feet where he had been drawing sloppy circles around the waves, and turned to look at Louis. The blue eyes were intense, but Harry was starting to realise that they always kind of were. It made him squirmy.

Harry knew that Louis was aware that he was wearing the same, borrowed clothes from the day before. The alpha didn’t say anything about that though, which Harry was grateful about. With a tilt of his head Harry threw Louis a questioning look.

“What?” he asked, when Louis just raised his eyebrows higher. The alpha waved one mitten covered hand in the air.

“Mittens?” Louis said slowly like to a dumb child, there was an odd fond tilt in his smile. “Mittens kittens, where are yours?”

Harry huffed out a laugh and shook his head in bemusement, _mittens kittens_ … Louis looked delighted again and Harry earned a poke to his left dimple. However, it didn’t take long for Louis to become impatient, and he was soon waving the mittened hand in the air more demandingly.

“It’s freezing out here, you don’t even have a jacket,” the alpha fussed, expression turning grumpy with the furrowed brow. The mother hen reaction was causing the smile to linger on Harry’s lips. Louis tugged the mittens off and handed them to Harry. “Take.”

Harry felt like laughing, giddy with the cheerful feelings twirling inside his chest, but he resisted and just shook his head. No way was he taking them, he had already taken too much.

“Don’t be dumb now, Harold,” Louis said, all businesslike, and pushed the mittens against Harry’s chest. “Let me save those massive paws of yours, can’t have them falling off.”

The comment made Harry feel warm and it reached all the way up to his neck. It was odd and unfamiliar. With a careful _paw_ he pushed the offered hand-warmers back towards Louis.

“It’s alright. You - you wear them, I’ll be okay,” Harry muttered with a little shake of his head. Louis’ grumpy face turned into a more determined one.

“Compromise, then,” the alpha announced with a nod and promptly dropped one of the mittens in Harry’s lap.

Louis made a bit of a show over stuffing his both hands inside the lone mitten. He glanced at Harry pointedly, and then made a weird, urging snake motion with hands. Harry snorted, properly out loud this time, and tugged the mitten over his hands with an amused roll of his eyes. He had some trouble fitting his fingers inside the warmed up space, but he managed by crooking them until his fingertips pressed against his palms.

Louis nodded approvingly and flashed him a bright smile that made Harry bite his lower lip between his teeth. The alpha’s sharp cheekbones and the tip of his nose were pinkish from the wind.

“Um… What are we waiting for, by the way? Can’t we just go in?” Harry asked, trying to stop the silence from stretching, even though it hadn’t been too awkward before.

He tried to be discreet looking at Louis who was folding his legs against his chest and curling up into a small ball. Harry knew the alpha really wasn’t _that_ small but curled up like that he looked so tiny.

“Oh, right. Liam. He has the keys,” Louis shrugged, cheek resting on his knees, facing Harry, and both hands snuggled inside the single mitten. “Apparently he’s the only one of us who won’t lose them in less than a day. Zayn’s mum was proper pissed when it kept happening, so she made the rule, and probably tried to adopt Lima at the same time.”

Harry answered Louis’ lazy smirk with a smaller smile. The blue eyes still had a drowsy heaviness in them but the gaze directed to Harry was curious. The eye contact made Harry warm up from the inside again, well, warm up even more, and he dropped his gaze to Louis’ jacket’s zipper puller, it was bright red and wavered in the air.

With a lick of his lips Louis looked like he was about to say something, only to be cut off by a small shout coming from their left.

“Harreh!” It was Niall, waving an uncoordinated hand in the air and barely missing Liam’s face. The beta seemed to be used to it and wisely halted his steps to let the sleep mussed blond walk forwards a bit before trailing after him again.

“Oh, it’s all about ‘Harreh’ these days then. I see, I see,” Louis grumbled when they reached the bench, letting his vans covered feet slide and drop back to the ground in exaggerated defeat. “Should’ve known you lot would swap me to someone younger and prettier the first chance you got.”

“Don’t be sad, Lou-eh,” Niall muttered half-heartedly, eyes still blinking sleep from them, and then proceeded to flop down on the alpha’s lap. Harry was kind of stuck in the part where Louis had maybe called him pretty. “You always knew the day would come.”

Louis huffed and winced as the blond relaxed his whole weight over his new throne. Niall patted the alpha's beanie covered head and then robbed the mitten that was barely tangling from Louis’ fingers after he had hastily separated his arms to catch the boy.

The mitten was tugged over Harry’s other hand so quickly that Harry didn’t even have time to open his mouth to protest. Niall abandoned his own glove in favour of squeezing his hand inside the mitten, next to Harry’s, and pressing their palms together. Harry had to admit that it was a lot warmer that way.

“I’ll have to try that next time,” Louis hummed, eyebrows up in interest and nodding acceptably at Niall. The blond smirked sleepily and leaned to rest his chin on top of Louis’ head. The alpha snuggled his fingers inside the lone glove and locked Niall in the circle of his arms, he hid a yawn in the omega’s shoulder.

Liam seemed to be the only one who was somewhat awake if Harry didn’t count.

“Did you get home alright, Harry?” the beta asked, brown eyes warm in a way that seemed like he was genuinely happy to see Harry. His tone or expression didn’t bring up the fact that Harry had supposed to wait for someone to walk with him the night before. Well, that had been the plan the other four had made for him when it had gotten darker outside.

Harry, while feeling really shitty about it, had sneaked out when the others had been busy looking for a spare jacket for him. There wasn’t really any way around it; he couldn’t fake away the fact that he was homeless.

“Yeah,” Harry mumbled with a small shrug.

Surprisingly it was enough to make Liam smile, and change the topic. Harry hid the relieved breath by leaning against the backrest, and focused on Niall’s fingers that tried to tickle his palm.

“Where’s Zayn?” Liam asked then as he dug a set of keys from his pocket. Harry could almost hear Louis’ suffering eye-roll without seeing him.

“Sleeping, that tosser,” the alpha said bitterness in his tone and sighing longingly. “Harry here is lucky that I saw him from the window, or I would still be in bed too.”

“Drop the drama, Tomlinson,” flat voice chimed in from the alleyway between the cafe and the block of flats. Zayn stepped in to the view and chucked the stub of his cigarette to the ground, stepping on it with an exhale of thick smoke.

Liam looked like he could barely contain a displeased outburst. With a huff and a pointed glare towards the darker alpha he marched to the cafe’s door. He was inside faster than anyone could blink.

Niall snorted out a laugh and tugged his hand out of the mitten with a last tickle against Harry’s fingers.

“I’m still not sure which one is more of a dramatic princess; Li-Li or Lou-Lou,” Niall mused happily as he jumped up to his feet.

“I will  _Li-Li Lou-Lou_ your arse,” Louis growled and swatted at the omega’s behind, making the boy chortle.

“Oi, cheeky!” Niall tittered and gracefully danced away from another swat. “You wish, Lou-bear.”

Louis stood up with a amused huff and watched the blond sprint towards Zayn and harshly collide against his side. The alpha barely blinked at the extra weight he was now carrying and easily head-locked Niall in place, he walked the squirmy Irishman inside the cafe in spite of the nasty profanities.

Harry only noticed he was smiling when he turned towards Louis. The alpha was already looking at him, corners of his mouth raised and fringe falling over his eyes, the corners of them crinkled.

“Ready to wash some more dishes, Harold?” he asked, eyes twinkling with gentle mirth and reaching a questioning hand towards Harry, Niall’s long forgotten glove grasped in the other.

Harry eyed the alpha, cheeks warm even when the icy wind clawed against his skin.

With a sigh he took the hand with his own mittened one and let himself be tugged up.

*

The next week and a half were tiring, almost exhausting. Harry couldn’t help but love it.

Well, yeah, sometimes he felt like he needed a moment of peace and had to hide away in the little bathroom in the corner of the cafe’s backroom. Or if they were lazing about in Zayn and Louis’ flat he sneaked in the kitchen when the others stayed in the living room, or in one of the bedrooms. But even then, he couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so good, even confident. The others let him have his space and then happily welcomed him back when he felt ready for it.

There had been some curious accidents along the way too. Like when Zayn had playfully ruffled Harry’s head while walking past just to have Harry’s eyes roll back and his body slump to the floor. Liam had caught him, barely, and the three of them had spent the following forty-five minutes all cuddled up, Liam quietly hissing orders to Niall and Louis so they didn’t have to close up the cafe. When Harry had started to come back to his senses his raising, panicked embarrassment had quickly been stifled with Zayn’s gentle _shut up_. And that was that.

His other cuddle-buddy had quickly been swapped from Liam to Niall when Louis had managed to drop a full tray of frosted muffins. The beta really hadn’t been amused by that but apparently he wasn’t able to hold grudges for very long.

Fortunately Harry was now used to being pawed at by all them. He had even reached the point where he could unapologeticly push Niall to the floor when the blond star-fished on top of him and almost crushed his lungs. His wolf had calmed down remarkably during that time too, Harry barely noticed the animal’s presence most of the time.

Everything was going smoothly and well when he was with the boys. The cafe and the flat felt like safe havens to him, like nothing could touch him when he was there. Sadly, the forest part of his life wasn’t going quite as well.

Someone was making an effort to find him. Harry was sure of it now. There was rarely an evening when he could go back to the previous night’s hideout and find it free from other wolves’ scents. It was unnerving, faceless figures pushing him closer and closer to the edge of the forest. His anxiety had made him give up soon after the lingering scents kept getting fresher, he had decided it was safer to stay inside the town. Something he had never thought he would feel.

Like a disgusting street-rat he was now curled up under an old shed on the edge of someone’s fenceless backyard. It was raining, the drops an icy mix of snow and water, and the shed and the air underneath it smelled thickly of mildew. His fur was wet, barely stopping the dampness from reaching his shivering skin.

He desperately wanted it to be morning already. It would be Saturday but the other boys had involved him into their plans to, once again, hang around in the flat and play Fifa. The same plan had taken place the weekend before; turned out Harry was alright playing the game he had never even tried.

It didn’t help much then, even though the memory gave him some hope and warmth. It was barely past the midnight and the wind was turning and starting to blow the icy mixture of the rain against Harry’s back.

Echoing howls reverberated from the direction of the forest, ringing across the town. It sounded like a hunt.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank youu xx
> 
> shyshyserious.tumblr.com  
> sshyserious@gmail.com


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey heyy!  
> I still don't know how this chapter managed to come together this fast?? Let's not question this miracle, hah.
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading this and leaving kudos! It's always so lovely to come here and see you've liked the story and left such sweet comments! Also a massive thank you to [Babs](http://www.thebestfansinhelp.tumblr.com) (gubeldood208) for helping me out with this and saving me from the ridiculousness that is english language!
> 
> I hope you enjoy this chapter. xx

“You know the dishwasher works just fine for the mugs too, right?”

Louis was being his usual unhelpful self, lounging on top of the freezer and whining about whatever he could think of. And just, well, being a nuisance.

It was now almost a month since Harry stepped foot in the cafe, and it had been a big relief to notice that when Niall and Louis were both in the same room, they usually burned up their little-shit energy on bullying each other. It only became a problem when they decided to team up together. Safe to say it was a pretty brutal ‘search and destroy’ kind of ordeal after that.  
  
“Yeah, I figured,” Harry hummed as he dunked a small bowl in the dishwater. His fingertips were pruney and red from the almost too hot water, white suds sliding down his wrists. With a small smile he scrubbed the bowl. It would take Louis about five seconds to…

“And..?”

Harry hid his amusement by pressing a cheek against his left shoulder for a second. So predictable. Good thing Harry mostly found it cute.

A small nudge to his side made Harry roll his eyes and straighten up. He pushed the Vans covered annoyance away with one sharp elbow and then placed the now clean bowl in the rack for washed dishes.

“I was told to not use it,” he finally answered without turning around, Louis’ impatient silence starting to get a pouty edge to it. Harry grabbed some mugs then and set them down in the water to soak. The unwashed rack was still half full.

“Right. And you always do what you’re told?”

“Sure.”

The dishwasher started to blink green after letting out a loud, unpleasant gurgle. Harry dried his hands on the dishtowel he had hanging over one shoulder and turned towards the machine. He had to sidestep passed Louis’ bratty leg swinging to be able to reach the buttons.

“How awfully proper,” Louis huffed, like it actually pained him to hear such truths. Harry shrugged with an amused hum, which was his usual go-to answer for when Louis was making an effort to be a twat. “You have never ever broken a rule? Ever?”

Harry sighed, a smile tugging the corners of his lips. No way was he going to give the alpha the satisfaction of seeing it though.

“I don’t think — Well, actually…” Harry started out, pondering. He hummed quietly to himself as he tugged the dishwasher’s heavy door open to let the steam out. He could feel how Louis had suddenly perked up significantly. “Wait. Nope, no. Never. Sorry.”

The swat that hit his arm was totally worth it. Harry sniggered softly as he finally turned around to face Louis. His cheeks felt flushed; they usually did when he was with the older man. Or boy, since the alpha looked like he was a second away from poking his tongue out at him.

“Don’t play me like that, you brute,” Louis sighed, brow furrowed. He was leaning back now, having Harry’s attention exactly where he wanted it, hands supporting his weight and feet hanging against the side of the freezer. “Here I was, ready to hear something juicy and get some inside information about the darkest of secrets of the Haroldkind, and then — nothing. Well, except that shiny angel thing you’ve got going on for you just got an actual halo on top. Awful.”

“Yeah, your life is so hard,” Harry said, nodding along as he crossed his arms across his chest and leaned back against the edge of the sink. Louis made a sad face in agreement. “I’m sorry you have to suffer here with me.”

“That’s okay, love, at least you apologised,” Louis nodded seriously.

Harry flopped the damp dishtowel from his shoulder over the alpha’s unsuspecting lap.

“Is he bothering you again, Hazza?” Zayn asked by the swing door, where he had stepped in just in time to hear the chorus of Louis’ weird and disgusted choking sounds. He had one dark eyebrow artistically arched.

“The usual,” Harry smiled, dimples visible, just as Louis’ dramatics quieted with a huff.

“Disgusting,” Louis grumbled, rubbing both hands against his black jeans, the towel barely hanging from the edge of the freezer. “Harry’s so mean.”

“Of course,” Zayn nodded and twisted his neck to peek inside the cafe to see if he was needed. “So you won’t mind getting my phone from upstairs? It’s charging on the kitchen counter.”

There were only the three of them working in the cafe that morning. Yes, well, Zayn and Harry were working; Louis was doing- whatever the hell he was doing. Niall had begged Liam to take him along for the weekly ‘cake tray run’, which meant that the beta had to get all the empty bakery trays back to the bakeries and also somehow manage the sugar-rushed omega at the same time. The sugar-rush was apparently an unavoidable occurrence: the bakery workers too enamoured by the happy and easygoing blond and feeding him full of all sorts of tasters.

Louis didn’t look too excited by the other alpha’s suggestion.

“Or, you could go get it yourself,” he offered. Harry stuck his hand inside the dishwasher, just to quickly get an answer that, yes, the dishes were still piping hot. Louis heard the little hiss Harry let out from the burn and with a suffering sigh tugged him away from the machine. He didn’t let go of Harry’s shirt even after a safe distance had been ensured.

“And leave you in charge of the cafe?” Zayn asked, looking at Harry and Louis as if they were an unusually amusing TV-show. Harry didn’t really appreciate it. He was the sensible one, after all.

“Well, I have Harry here taking care of me, and you’ll be back in like two minutes,” Louis countered, tugging at the neckline of Harry’s jumper. Liam’s jumper, actually. Probably.

Lately it had become an everyday thing for the other boys to dump a pile of clothes for Harry to pick stuff out from. Harry would endlessly congratulate himself over his sleek save on the topic: _I, um, feel less lonely at home wearing your clothes?_ Yup, he was a piece of shit. An absolute delight.

The bell chimed at the front door.

“Yeah, I don't think so. You need less than thirty seconds to destroy the world, and Harry is just too nice to stop you,” Zayn said dryly as he stepped back through the door and out of sight. “Get your arse upstairs, Tommo.”

It took Louis only a moment of grumbling and passive aggressive tugging on Harry’s shirt before he finally slid down from the freezer. He didn’t even drag his feet that much on his way across the room, Harry was impressed.

“Don’t hurt yourself while I’m gone, lovey,” Louis sighed, words purposely sugary sweet as he edged begrudgingly towards the backdoor.

“Only if you promise not to hurt yourself doing as you were told,” Harry smiled back innocently and Louis eyes twinkled in amusement. He wagged a finger at Harry.

“You’re getting a bit too cheeky these days,” he said with a smirk before stepping through the door. “Careful now.”

Harry huffed quietly, shaking his head with a small smile, and turned back towards the now hopefully cooled down dishwasher. He didn’t get too far though, as Zayn’s voice cut in almost right away.

“Come sit at the front with me, H,” he said, peeking through the swing door when Harry turned. “We’re all set on the clean dishes department for a bit, I’m sure.”

The alpha disappeared again and didn’t really leave Harry other options than to follow behind. He didn’t really mind sitting at the front with the others but doing it for too long made him feel restless. He didn’t want to seem like he earned his pay by sitting on his arse all day.

Harry sighed and snagged up the towel still hanging from the freezer. He draped it over the edge of the sink to dry and then shuffled to the swing door, pushing it open with his shoulder.

There weren’t that many people in the cafe right then, only an elderly couple in the corner and a girl who looked like a student, perched in front of her laptop and stack of notebooks. The second rush hour had probably just ended; Harry tended to hide in the back through those. Too many people in the snug room, too many scents and too many eyes on him.

Zayn was leaning against the counter, reaching over it and twiddling with the tiny radio sitting on the edge of it. The alpha glanced back at him when the swing door whooshed closed.

“You can have the stool,” Zayn said with a small quirk of his lips. “If the wobbling won’t annoy you too much.”

Harry didn’t mind; the stool was a perfect spot to spy on the people visiting the cafe, the display shelf full of pastries just high enough to hide someone behind it. Also the fact that the backroom door was only a short step away felt reassuring. Yeah, Harry maybe had some problems being around strangers.

He hopped on the stool, which really was wobbly but everyone was just too busy complaining about it to actually fix it, and crossed his ankles over the footrest. Zayn had settled on some unfamiliar radio station and was now turned over to get something out of the small sandwich grill the cafe had tucked along the back wall.

“Here, stuff your face,” the alpha hummed, tugging up a napkin by the cutlery jar and handing it to Harry with a plateful of sandwich and salad. A fork and a knife were balanced on the side of the thick, filled bread.

Harry already knew better than to refuse a meal from one of his friends. They knew how to be dramatic to the point of forced acceptance, and well, it would have been really stupid to refuse food when it was willingly given to him. Survival, and all that. Harry clearly was the master of it.

“It’s that healthy shit you like from that new bakery near the smaller Tesco,” Zayn said while making sure Harry actually started eating. Apparently he was too skinny still, and that was being fixed. “All hummus and kale and that not-rice stuff.”

“Quinoa,” Harry nodded around a bite, eyes giving the alpha a twinkle of amusement. Yes, he liked the taste of the _healthy shit_ but it was also about getting as many nutrients as possible. It was good not to be starving anymore, though he still battled with the guilt when Zayn or Liam refused to take the food out of his paycheck, no matter how pathetic his pay was.

The old couple was gathering their belongings around their table, the man helping the lady get her coat on. It was sweet and simple. Harry felt nice looking at them.

“Should we start paying you extra for babysitting Lou full time?” Zayn smirked, arms crossed and leaning one hip against the countertop. He was facing Harry, eyes calculating.

“What?” Harry blinked, swallowing a mouthful and licking breadcrumbs from his lips. Zayn shrugged his shoulders, head tilting to the side.

“Noticed how calm it’s been on this side of the cafe with you keeping him entertained,” the alpha hummed, eyes full of curious mirth, making a dark flush rise on Harry’s cheeks. _Oh no._ “You don’t mind having him?”

“Uh, no? I - I don’t mind,” Harry muttered, staring at the plate balanced on his thighs and nibbling at the bread. There was a short moment of silence where Harry could feel Zayn’s eyes on him. He knew nothing. There was nothing to know. Dammit.

“I figured.”

It took Harry forever to stop blushing and being aware of it made the whole thing worse. Zayn seemed endlessly amused by Harry, which happened often. The alpha wasn’t too vocal or direct about it though; he had his own ways of making Harry squirm, such as fleeting pointed looks and small tugs at the corners of his mouth. On some level it was way worse that the jabs he got from the other boys.

When Harry finished with the food, Zayn was quick to snag the plate out of his hands. The alpha stepped around the counter and walked to the table that was now vacated of the couple. With easy, practised movements he gathered up the plates, mugs, and trash from the table.

“You still hungry?” Zayn asked, nodding towards the pastry display when he was back behind the counter, as he placed the tableware in the rack next to the backdoor and threw away the trash. He softly bumped their shoulders together when passing Harry to wash his hands. Harry nudged back. “Just pick something from the fresh ones.”

“I’m good, thanks,” Harry said, shaking his head, and poking at Zayn’s ribs when the alpha wiggled his dripping wet fingers towards him. His squirmy sidestep was way too graceful. Harry hated Zayn a bit for that.

The student girl’s laptop bleeped with an incoming message. Harry was glancing across the cafe when something caught his eye through the window on the door.

Harry’s heart painfully skipped a beat.

It was _Declan._

The wobbly stool almost tipped over with the force of Harry’s dive. Zayn let out a confused sound of surprise as Harry hastily folded himself in the small space under the counter, curling his knees up to his chest.

“Wha— Harry?”

“Please, don’t —” The bell chimed to announce the presence of the newcomer, cutting off Harry’s desperate plea and making him snap his mouth shut.

With his heart in his mouth Harry stared at Zayn’s jean covered legs, silently pleading for the alpha to ignore him. Footsteps were getting closer, pushing Harry’s rapid pulse to beat louder in his ears.

“Good morning,” Zayn greeted, no traces of the hidden omega under the counter in his voice. “What can I get for you today?”

There was an odd silence where Harry didn’t know what was happening, and then something was placed on the counter and slid across it.

“Have you seen this lad?” Declan said, voice familiar in its low bass even though Harry had only heard him talk once. Zayn crossed one ankle over the other, weight subtly shifting to lean forward.

“He’s an omega. Went missing almost a year ago. We traced him to your town.” Declan was being short and gruff, no doubt staring Zayn down over the counter.

“Right,” Zayn said slowly. Harry’s heart was pounding painfully against his chest. Cold sweat was breaking out on his temples and on the back of his neck, his hands were clammy and fingertips going numb with panic. What if Zayn would..? He wouldn’t… He wouldn’t. Right? “No. I don’t remember seeing him, sorry. I don’t know about the girls doing the evening shift, though.”

Or all the people who might have seen Harry in the cafe while visiting as customers. Or someone from around the town.

Harry stared at Zayn’s bony knees, his skin peeking through the rips of the dark jeans. The alpha was leaning against the edge of the counter, seemingly relaxed. Harry had no idea how he did that; his own body tense to the point of pain.

“Smells like he’s been here recently.” Declan’s voice was laced with impatience, volume rising a tad. Harry pressed tighter against the underside wall of the counter, hands prickling and shaking.

“Yeah, well, I can’t help you with that, I’m afraid,” Zayn said in his normal, casual way, leaning both hands against the counter. “Do you maybe have an updated picture of him? This one’s from 2009, kid’s probably changed a lot. How old is he?”

“No,” Declan said, sounding annoyed now, and clearly not willing to elaborate. “Early twenties, not younger than nineteen.”

The backdoor swung open then, almost hitting the wall with the enthusiasm of the entrance. Louis’ legs staggered into Harry’s view but he halted mid step, clearly sensing something was off. And probably seeing Harry’s shoes peeking from beneath the counter. Zayn was quick to distract Louis from that fact.

“Hey, Lou,” the darker alpha greeted, voice carefully neutral. “Have you seen this kid? This man here is looking for him.”

“Huh, let’s see,” Louis said, voice curious as he stepped closer to the counter, caging Harry in. Being blocked by the two alphas oddly made Harry feel safer. They would keep him hidden, right?

“He’s an omega. Probably close to our age,” Zayn filled Louis in, tone changing slightly when the age question came up. Harry could only hope Declan didn’t pay attention to the faint difference, whatever the reason behind it was.

“Hm. Sorry, no. I don’t think I recognise him,” Louis hummed, leaning forwards and probably handing the picture back over the counter. “Is the lad in trouble? Have you contacted the pack Alpha, she might know something.”

“That’s none of your business, kid,” Declan grunted sharply, plainly evasive. Harry could almost feel Zayn’s and Louis’ brows rising in unison. It was clear that this man didn’t want to get mixed in the pack politics.

“The pack Alpha happens to be my mother, sir. I’m afraid that makes it my business.”

Oh. _Oh._

Tense silence followed Louis’ cutting remark, faux-politeness further tainting the already stiff atmosphere.. Louis’ fingers were curled over the edge of the counter, knuckles steadily turning whiter.

Louis’ _mum_. Shit. Shit shit shit.

“Of course, Mr. Tomlinson. My apologies,” Declan forced out. Harry could hear the man take a step back, endnotes of the conversation clear in his voice. “However, that won’t be necessary. We will find him, no need to bother the Alpha. Thank you for your assistance.”

“No problem. We’ll keep our eyes open,” Zayn answered in his best, professional customer-service voice, clearly looking forward to seeing the man gone.

There was no answer, tensely paced footsteps heading away from the counter. The happy little jingle from the door told Harry exactly when the man was out of the building. Zayn hummed in thought. “Have a nice day.”

Neither of the alphas moved from their position for awhile, making sure the coast was clear, most likely. Harry’s whole body was shaking, the previous fragile feeling of safety turning into a sour distress over being cornered. There was nowhere to go. Harry’s vision was clouding, the wolf like a dark hellhound panting against the back of his mind.

“Hey, Li,” Louis said suddenly, making Harry’s brows scrunch up in confusion. His ears were starting to ring, hands shaking where he had them pressed against his chest, tongue tasting coppery. It took him a second to figure out the alpha was talking to a phone. “You guys back soon? Something came up, we might need some backup over here.”

Freezing cold threat shot sharply up Harry’s spine, making him feel dizzy with the abruptness of it. What was that supposed to mean? Did they think Declan would be back? Would he be back with a less friendly approach? Why would he? Did Declan know Harry was there? What if Louis and Zayn now thought that Harry was dangerous somehow? Would they hand him over? Since when was Louis the son of the pack Alpha? Did she already know about him? Would she want to get rid of him? Would _they_ want to get rid of him? What if —

“Please, don’t tell him!” Harry gasped the second Zayn and Louis were fully visible, suddenly crouching down to see under the counter.

He was simultaneously trying to curl up into a smaller ball and push away from the alphas, tears were burning hotly in the corners of his eyes. This wasn’t supposed to happen. It had been months!

Why couldn’t they just let him disappear?

*

“Harry, Haz, calm down. No one’s going to hurt you. You’re alright.”

“At least he didn’t shift this time.”

“Yeah, because apparently I’m scarier than some fucking kidnapper.”

“I don’t blame him. You’re mental, after all.”

Harry’s brow was furrowed, he blinked his eyes to clear his vision only to have more tears wetting his cheeks. There was a faint sound of something getting smacked, whiny grumbling following.

“Man, your eyes are open but I have no idea if you’re seeing us.” It sounded like Niall. Maybe. “Only a tad bit creepy.”

Someone was holding him in place. Not in a painful way but strong enough to stop him from moving. The familiar scent of the flat was starting to pierce through the cloudiness of his brain.

“Hey,” Liam said, voice almost down to a whisper. “You back with us?”

Harry felt really disorientated, all the noise sounded muffled, like underwater. He was shaking, too, panicked for some reason. With a swallow he tried to focus on what was happening around him.

Zayn’s tattooed arms were wrapped around his stomach and chest, Niall had both of Harry’s hands squeezed in his and Louis was kneeling in front of Harry on the floor. Liam was hovering worriedly next to the bed. Because they were in a bedroom. Inside the flat. And not in the cafe. _Declan_.

“P-please,” Harry choked out, his chest hurting with the effort. “Don’t let him — He can’t know I’m here!”

“It’s alright, Harry, we won’t. Hey, shh. No one’s going to tell him anything.” Louis had his fingers wrapped over Harry’s knees, his worried blue eyes peering up, trying to catch Harry’s. The eye contact was calming, his wolf quieting with a whine.

“He can’t know,” Harry whispered brokenly. It was the only thing he was sure of in that moment. Declan couldn’t know. Anything else but Harry couldn’t be found out by him.

Louis rubbed his hands up and down Harry’s thighs, the movement calming, just like Niall’s touch on his hands and Zayn’s secure hold around his torso. Liam sat down on the edge of the bed, shoulder pressing against Harry’s and Zayn’s.

“Are you going to freak again if I let go of your arms?” Zayn asked near his ear, voice vibrating from his chest against Harry’s back. With a harsh swallow Harry tried to relax his shaking body, deep breaths difficult to force in. However, after awhile, it helped.

“Won’t freak. Promise,” Harry said, his voice raspy and tired from the crying that wouldn’t stop. With a reassuring squeeze Zayn loosened his hold. Harry could see the alphas share a look.

“Can you tell us who the guy was?” Zayn’s rumbling voice was reassuring but the question had the opposite effect on his pulse. “Do you know him?”

“N-no, no. I don’t know him, no. But I’ve seen him once before,” Harry blurted out, desperately trying to wipe the stubborn tears from his cheeks. “He’s from this- this other pack.”

Louis’ eyes were serious when Harry met his gaze again. No one said anything for a bit, silence falling over the room, Zayn’s room. Niall leaned down to rub his temple against Harry’s shoulder, fingers playing with Harry’s.

“He didn’t seem to know you that well either,” Zayn pointed out quietly, sounding thoughtful. Harry shook his head. No. The guy didn’t know Harry. And he wanted it to stay that way.

“His name’s Declan,” Harry sighed, sniffling. Louis tutted softly and reached up to wipe Harry’s cheeks with his sleeve. It was a bit gross, Harry wanted to turn his head to spare the alpha’s shirt but a gentle but firm hand on his chin stopped him. Harry tried to refuse any new tears from falling, with not much success.

“Are you in trouble, love?” Zayn asked softly, cheek pressing against the side of Harry’s head, hands curling around the tangle of Niall’s and his. Harry brows scrunched tighter together.

“I- I don’t… Not really, n-no. I don’t think so,” he said, feeling confused because, no, he was supposed to be far away from all this shit.

“You have an almost stranger asking after you around town with an out-dated photograph, and you don’t think you’re in trouble?” Louis wondered, eyebrows rising, but his hands remained reassuring on Harry’s thighs.

“I- I… I didn’t think they would come after me!” came bursting out his mouth before he was able to stop himself. Snapping his mouth shut Harry ducked his head and tried to blink the fresh tears away.

“Harry,” Louis said, voice so gentle and soft that it was making Harry’s tears fall faster. “Love, could you please look at me?”

With a shuddering breath Harry did as he was asked.

“You are safe with us here, okay? Nothing bad is going to happen,” the alpha said, bringing a hand up to get the fresh tears from Harry’s face and then pushing some loose ringlets behind his ear. “We’ll tell my mum first thing tomorrow, it’s a —”

“No! Please, Louis, don’t tell her!” Harry shouted out, getting more upset by the second, and struggled to free his hands from Zayn’s and Niall’s holds. When he was let go, he curled his fingers around Louis’ forearms, holding on with an anxious determination. “Please, Lou. It’s not… It’s nothing important. She doesn’t need to know.”

Louis’ lips were parted in surprise. Harry had to drop his gaze, staring at his own lap, teeth biting on his tongue.

“You said this Declan is from some other pack,” Liam said, breaking the short silence that was stretching after Harry’s uncharacteristic outburst. “What did you mean?”

Harry could feel Louis’ pulse under his fingertips. Breathing normally was difficult, he wanted to pant as the wolves would. With a painful swallow he tried to focus.

“It’s just… He’s familiar with the- higher-ups of my birthpack. They work together sometimes, and Declan’s pack has helped mine during the harder winters”, Harry mumbled out, the hair Louis had tugged away curling back down against his temple.

Declan was a name he had heard many times over the years but the man had rarely come to their territory. It was just the once that Harry had seen him, and he wished he never had. Harry licked his lips and tried to come up with something to say, knowing well enough that the boys wouldn't be satisfied with some half-arsed lie this time.

“I don’t know why he’s here. I mean, I’m- I’m pretty sure I know _why_ , but I don’t know why him,” Harry said, hoping that talking in circles would distract the others even a little. “I… I got into this situation — and, and I couldn’t stay with my pack. Something came up a-and… I had to leave. No. I mean, I left. Declan’s pack was involved but not him, really.”

“Did your pack hurt you, Harry?” Niall asked carefully, fingers now wrapped in the hem of Harry’s shirt. Harry gasped sharply.

“N-no! No. They’re not bad people! I swear!” He had to make that very, very clear. They weren’t bad! They always took care of him, making sure he had everything he needed. It was Harry who had behaved badly, if there was someone to be blamed. “I just… I just couldn’t stay anymore.”

It would probably always hurt to admit that. Maybe he should have stayed? Maybe he was just too selfish and weak-willed? He must’ve caused so much trouble for his pack members, and now even someone like Declan had to be bothered because of him. Thoughts like these were the ones he tried to avoid the best he could, but… Maybe they were better off without him…

“Why is Declan here? Harry. What happened?” Louis’ voice was firm, almost steely, and his eyes had an authoritative hold over Harry’s. It wasn’t an option not to answer, the command laced in the alpha’s voice was loud and clear, no matter how gently it was shaped and delivered. And Harry… He couldn’t answer.

“Is it okay if I don’t… I would- rather not talk about it. Please,” Harry whispered. It felt like a physical pain, even though he knew it couldn't be.

He wasn’t supposed to refuse like that. He knew it but he couldn’t answer and it hurt. It was humiliating.

 _Never disrespect your alphas,_  
_your elders,_  
_your betas,_  
_your elder omegas._

_Always do as you are told._

_Take care of the young._

_Be polite._

_Be kind._

_Be a useful and strong member for the pack._

Harry had to squeeze his eyes shut to get the chant to cut off. Some more tears rolled over his cheeks but he wasn’t willing to let go off Louis’ arms. He didn’t want the alpha to be upset with him. But he just couldn’t talk about it. He had let everyone down.

Harry raised his head, forcing himself to look pleadingly at Louis, and then at Niall, who sighed sadly next to him. Liam looked like he was lost in his own worrying, chewing on his lips.

“Please…”

Zayn wrapped his arms tighter around Harry, resting his cheek against the back of Harry’s head. Louis’ expression was full of concern, brows furrowed and lips parted. He turned his palms up to wrap his fingers around Harry’s wrists.

“‘M sorry, Lou… I- I can’t —” Harry forced out with a wavering breath, guilt expanding inside his chest. Louis cut him off with a shake of his head.

“Why are you apologising, silly?” he asked softly, small upwards tilt in the corner of his lips. The alpha slid his hands up and inside the loose sleeves of Harry’s jumper, resting them on the crooks of his elbows. “You did nothing wrong. You don’t have to tell us anything more than you want to. I’m so happy that you told us this much, thank you.”

With a shuddery exhale Harry nodded, holding the eye contact while focusing on the warmth the boys around him where sharing with him.

“I’m sure we would feel more comfortable if we all stayed the night, right?” Zayn hummed, unwrapping one arm from around Harry to curl it behind Niall’s neck. The blond looked way too serious as Liam nodded curtly, fingers raking the cropped side his head. “We could order in. The sofa easily fits three if we open it up, and all of us for a few hours of movies, yeah? Let’s forget all this for a bit, we can talk more tomorrow.”

*

The light in the kitchen turned on.

Harry lay on his back, staring at the ceiling, listening to Liam and Niall breathe in their sleep. The beta was hogging most of the sofa-bed, one leg kicked out and resting over both of Niall’s, his foot hanging off the opposite edge. His arm was reached out too, curled over Niall’s back with fingers tangled in Harry’s sleep shirt. At least he didn’t twist around or steal the sheets.

The clock on the dvd player blinked 3:42AM when a glass clinked against the counter in the kitchen.

With a sigh Harry gently detangled himself from the sheets and Liam’s arm, Niall remaining happily tugged against the beta’s side.

The floor felt chilly under his bare feet as he tried to quietly get around the furniture, forgotten popcorn, and crisp bowls. He had one hand wrapped around his stomach for warmth, while the other tried to rake some order in his pillow-mussed curls. A tap was opened in the kitchen causing the pipes to hum lowly somewhere inside the ceiling.

Harry knuckled his left eye and squinted against the brightness when he reached the kitchen’s doorway. Louis was sleepily going through his phone while sipping water from a tea mug. The alpha raised his head when Harry tiredly leaned against the doorframe.

“Couldn’t sleep?” Louis asked quietly, voice gruff and eyes having difficulty staying open. He closed the phone and slipped it inside the front pocket of his hoodie.

Harry shrugged and then nodded. He really was tired. Emotionally exhausted even, and for once it would have been safe to sleep without having to keep one eye open for the whole night. But the sleep just didn’t come. Harry dragged his eyes up from where Louis’ too long pyjama joggers scrunched up over his naked ankles.

“Just thinking about stuff,” he muttered, words scratchy against his throat and slower than usual. Louis nodded with a quiet hum and set the mug down on the counter.

“Want to talk about it?” he asked softly, just offering without pressure.

Harry shook his head and wrapped his arms tighter around himself. He made sure Louis saw his little appreciative smile before letting his gaze drop back to the floor.

“No, that’s okay. Thanks,” Harry whispered, curling his toes against the chilliness of the kitchen tiles. “It’s really nothing… Just- the stuff. It’s dumb.”

There was sleepy amusement in Louis eyes when he pushed away from the sink and silently walked closer to Harry. He looked so soft inside his oversized hoodie, with hair messy from sleep.

“You are dumb,” Louis whispered back with a secret smile, stopping right next to Harry and then gently headbutted his shoulder. The contact only lasted a second but it managed to fully warm up Harry’s insides. And also maybe his cheeks. A bit.

“‘m not,” Harry mumbled, lips tugging up into a meek upwards curve. He wanted to lean closer to the alpha, get closer to his warmth. It just… Somehow it just felt so different now.

Louis’ eyes reflected the kitchen’s yellow light as he smiled gently up at Harry. The eye contact stretched out in the sleepy lull of the night, only a lone car’s drone from the motorway murmured through the window.

“You can come sleep in my room, too, if you’d like,” Louis offered quietly, hands sneaking inside the hoodie’s pocket and teeth biting into his lower lip. “Or Zayn’s, he won’t mind either. I know Liam sleeps like he owns the world.”

“I don’t… I don’t know,” Harry said haltingly, brow furrowing and shoulders scrunching up a bit.

It sounded lovely. It really did. There was a sweet tingling in the tips of his fingers, urging him to appear unbothered and to just shrug and nod. But it just felt so different from the…

Harry chewed on the inside of his cheek. It was starting to get so devastatingly obvious that his stupid crush on the older alpha was not going anywhere. It had been quite easy to ignore in the beginning, to cover up as a thing that came with having some positive attention and caring touches once again. But the lingering, sweet tension had clung to Harry’s joints even after the novelty of having actual friends had mellowed out a bit.

It didn’t feel fair to accept the offer when Harry was feeling the way he was, it would be too much like taking advantage of Louis. Louis, who was just being considerate and caring and ever the sweet big brother he could be when needed. It would just be wrong.

Even though curling up next to the alpha sounded like a daydream… He didn’t even want to feel like that, he wanted it to go away. It was making him uncomfortable and wary, and he didn’t want to ruin anything with his greediness.

“Dumb,” Louis hummed, gentle mirth lacing his voice, pulling Harry from his spiralling thoughts. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll leave the door open if you feel like coming in later, yeah?”

Harry swallowed with some difficulty and nodded his head, gaze dropping down and fingers inching up to tangle in the hairs by his nape. Louis reached around the doorframe and clicked the light off, the sudden darkness blinding for a moment.

“Alright?” Louis whispered, voice like a little spark in the shadows. Harry nodded again, even though he wasn't sure if the other could see him, typically great night-vision still confused by the sudden change in lighting.

Louis stepped closer. He reached up, bringing one hand to lean on Harry’s arm for support, and briefly rubbed their cheeks together.

“Night, Haz,” Louis smiled, the crinkling corners of his eyes barely visible in the dim blue hue of the kitchen. With a short squeeze on Harry’s arm he stepped past him and headed towards the hallway, steps careful and quiet. “Try to get some sleep.”

Harry’s heart was still bounding long after Louis had sneaked back to his room.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hmm?? ;)
> 
> shyshyserious.tumblr.com  
> sshyserious@gmail.com


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hii! The 9th chapter is here, I hope you like it!
> 
> Thank you all for reading and commenting again!  
> Seriously; thank youu so much!! xx

Turned out it was easier to sleep in wolf form, curled up and squeezed underneath the living room’s sturdy coffee table. 

Harry’s birthpack had always spent more time in their wolf forms, sometimes days at a time. With the body of the wolf came a certain type of freedom; instincts- smells, sounds, tastes, everything- were stronger, bigger, better. Thoughts were easier to push aside to give more space to the feeling, smelling, and hearing. His focus was narrower, mind not as able to branch out and exhaust itself. What was important was what was there and then.

Harry felt oddly restricted inside the four walls too, his wolf used to the open sky and the endless forest. Suddenly spending the nights indoors felt strange and unfamiliar, and he didn’t want to get too used to it if he was soon to be on the streets again.

The boys and Harry didn’t end up talking the day after the Declan incident after all. Louis had been called in to babysit by his mum, _the pack Alpha_ , and Harry had insisted he wanted Louis, everyone, there for the talk. The theoretical talk, that is. Harry would be avoiding that chat like fire.

It had been a relief when all four had agreed with him, and feeling relieved had made him feel only a little bit like the greatest of human trash. And then Louis had gone and looked all crinkly eyed and oddly pleased… Yeah, that had left Harry feeling like complete shit.   

Now it was Saturday morning- or it seemed like it was morning, it was hard to tell since the living room’s only window had its curtains closed. Liam was sitting behind Harry a few feet away, sleep mussed and drowsy eyed, leaning against the armrest of the sofa. The beta had slept on the sofa last night, too lazy to open it up when it had become clear that Harry would stick to his little nook under the coffee table, and that Niall had already victoriously conquered most of Zayn’s bed.

Fifa was on the telly. Harry hadn’t opened his eyes yet but the game’s sounds were already familiar. Based on Niall’s voice the omega was located to Harry’s right, not too far, boldly narrating the game with some colourful language. Only Zayn was out of the flat.  

Two hands grasped at the thick fur of his back and neck and he was hauled backwards, nails raking nosily against the floorboards. Harry grunted out his displeasure as he was dragged away from his snug spot, squinting against the daylight.

“Harold,” Louis tutted, giving him a little shake with the hold he had on Harry’s fur. “What kind of behaviour is this? Sleeping the whole day away? You just coldly leave me to die of boredom, and with Lima and the blond bonkers, nonetheless.“ 

Niall booed loudly from the armchair he had dragged out from Zayn’s room the night before. He was more focused on the telly though, and ended the bickering at flipping Louis off. Harry huffed a bit grumpily when the attention didn’t shift away from him and curled up next to the cross-legged Louis, pressing his face beneath the alpha’s raised knee. It wasn’t quite as good as the coffee table but Harry wasn’t complaining. 

Louis was leaning his back against the sofa, a bit cramped between the coffee table, Harry, and Liam’s legs. He was pleasantly warm and smelled nice, like he always did. Harry sighed, tiredness weighing his eyes. 

The hands still in Harry’s fur gave him an annoying wiggle, making a begrudging moan whine out from his chest. Harry ended the complaining sound on a growly note while curling his front legs under his chest, petulantly settling for a snooze. He really wasn’t feeling like facing the day; he felt off and anxious.

“Oi! Don’t you growl at me,” Louis snorted, clearly amused. The comment still managed to make Harry nudge at the alpha’s leg with his snout in quiet apology.

Harry really couldn’t shake the wary feeling that was pressing inside his chest. He knew he was now just waiting for the whole thing to boil over, and he knew it was going to happen soon too. _It_ mostly meaning the impending talk he didn’t want to face. Couldn’t face. It wasn’t because he thought the others wouldn’t understand, no. It was because Harry knew that he himself wouldn’t be able to admit and accept the truth out loud. He wouldn’t be able to force the humiliating words out, when those words could ruin so much. 

He knew damn well what he had done, or hadn’t done, but admitting those things to someone else would make it more real, more devastating, more punishing. And Harry couldn’t bear that, he just couldn’t. It was too much. He had already lost one pack’s respect and acceptance, he couldn’t have it happening again. He wouldn’t risk it. No. Just no.     

“You okay, Hazza?” Louis murmured quietly, hunching over as he straightened his legs under the coffee table, moving away the knee that covered Harry’s face. It was like Louis could read the troubling thoughts straight out of Harry’s mind. 

Harry sighed softly, nuzzling closer to Louis in a way he usually didn’t allow himself to do. It was easier in wolf form anyway, everything felt more natural and connected. There was no need to spend too much time overthinking when the wolf would give him enough direction through its instincts. Which was risky for him, of course, given his situation with not being able to control the animal… But he knew how good it could be when the connection with the wolf worked like it should. 

It had used to be the ‘normal’ way of being for him, until the isolation had messed up something inside his head. It had been odd not being able to fall back into that give and take mindset with the wolf, the separation raw and suffocating. Harry didn’t understand how the other boys managed to live like they did; Louis was still the only one he had seen in his wolf form. It was almost - disturbing, so restrictive. Maybe the way the city wolves lived was abnormal after all. It was very different from what he had been used to, before, that was for sure.

Harry decided to close his eyes from the worrying and go with the tugging, instinctual feeling that was urging him to lean towards the freely given warmth and touch. With some twisting and squirming he was able to push his body up and against Louis’ chest, hooking his jaw over the alpha’s shoulder. His wolf was squirming happily in the back of his mind, prompting him to press the wet tip of his nose against the warmth of the nice smelling skin. 

Harry wasn’t paying much attention to what he was doing, trying to just be, and focusing on the _warm, comfy, nice_ feeling that was curling through the cloud of anxiety inside his chest _._ While floating closer to that weightless feeling of _safe_ , he had started to distractedly lick along the column of Louis’ throat, which… Right. That was a bit too far.     

Before he could even tense up Louis was wrapping his arms tighter around Harry’s body, pulling him over one leg to sit between the V of his legs. He pressed his face against Harry’s neck, not bothered by the tickling fur, or the way Harry’s hind paw and its nails dug into his jogger clad inner thigh. Harry found his tail wagging softly between his legs on its own as a happy little whine pushed up in his throat. Louis hummed against Harry’s fur, rubbing his cheek along the back of Harry’s neck and over one twitchy ear. 

“C’mon, Curly, you should shift before Zayn gets back,” Louis muttered softly against his ear, hugging tighter for a second and then, being the wanker he was, biting down on the tip of Harry’s ear.

Harry grumbled, opening his mouth wide with a moan-y whine, and carefully gnawed at Louis’ shoulder. He shook off the biting hold from his ear, knocking his own teeth against the side of the alpha’s head, ruffling his hair.

“Gross, Harry,” Louis complained, curling one arm up and grasping Harry’s lower jaw, palm in his mouth, uncaring of the tongue and spit. 

Harry grunted, letting Louis tilt him away from his shoulder and lay on his back over the alpha’s lap. He did gnaw on the hand holding his mouth though, he wasn’t _that_ useless around Louis. Not always.

Liam poked at Harry’s hind leg that was sticking up in the air, making him kick back a bit. Harry growled around Louis hand, purposefully licking over the skin. To annoy the alpha or to get a taste? Well, no one had to know the answer to that.     

“Lou’s right, though,” Liam huffed with a chuckle. “You know the payday deal, yeah? Everyone has to be present and have actual working thumbs so he can give you the payslip.”

Harry did know that but he was all too happy to ignore it in favour of staying right there on Louis’ lap, licking at his hand. Um, yes…

“Why are you acting like a grumpy cub, Haz, huh?” Louis smirked down at him, shaking Harry’s head with the hold he had on his jaw. Harry just growled back and, with a pleading look, tried to convey his reluctance to move and shift, or exist anywhere else other than in Louis’ lap. Louis’ eyes were full of amusement when they met his. “Uh-huh. That’s not helping. Up we go.” 

Louis pulled his bitten hand out of Harry’s mouth, only giving him a second to apologetically lick over the row of teeth marks littering the skin before he wiped his palm against Harry’s fur. His sad little tail-wag got an eye roll from the alpha, just before he was lifted in the air without a warning. Harry wasn’t really proud of the startled voice that left his mouth but hey, it made all the others laugh, so… 

Louis curled Harry’s body tight against his chest, avoiding the four flailing legs that were sticking towards the ceiling.

“Stop wriggling, I won’t drop you,” Louis huffed, carrying Harry around the sofa and towards the hallway and his room. Harry wriggled some more just to hear Louis laugh against the side of his head. “Cheeky.”

Harry was dropped unceremoniously on Louis’ queen sized bed and soon after a pair of joggers were flung on his head. Harry shook his head and gave Louis a glare, the effect ruined by the jogger’s leg hanging off of his ear.

“Right. About as intimidating as a kitten,” Louis snorted, unhooking the fabric and letting the garment fall on the bed. He then pointed a finger at Harry, “I’ll go get you a shirt from Liam’s pile and you better be working those human vocal chords when I get back.” 

After a tap on Harry’s muzzle the alpha turned around and marched out of the room, not turning back to check if Harry was doing as he had been told. Which, of course he was… 

With a sigh Harry pushed the wolf away and then scrambled to get the joggers on before he would get caught starkers on Louis bed. Which, wow… Alright, he probably shouldn’t be thinking about stuff like that. Also, Louis’ pillows smelled really nice. 

Harry snuggled closer to the pleasant smell and was just about to squirm under the blanket when the clearing of a throat stopped him. 

“Impossible,” Louis said with a shake of his head when Harry turned to look at him sheepishly. Harry just hoped he wasn’t breaking any boundaries, he had just been a bit lost in the nice scent of Louis. _Fuck, get a grip._

“Oops?” Harry offered with a smile that was on the shyer side as Louis crossed the room. He sat on the edge of the bed, handing a grey, long sleeved t-shirt to Harry. 

“Oops all you want but you’re not going back to sleep,” Louis smirked at him and shooed Harry’s hands away when he got stuck in the shirt struggling on his back. His hair was a proper mess when his head finally popped through the right opening.

“But ‘m tired, Lou,” Harry muttered, tugging the sleeves over his fingers and the hem down to cover his tummy. Louis was quiet for a bit, sneaking a hand in Harry’s hair and pushing it away from his face.

“You’ve been asleep for the most part of these past few days,” Louis hummed, brows quirked, as he gently tugged at a knotted curl. “What’s up with that?”

Harry tried to shrug but it turned out to be a bit difficult while lying on his back. And also because Louis had tipped to his side and was now pressed next to Harry, leaning his head against one palm to peer at him.  

“Just… Tired,” Harry mumbled, even though he already knew it wouldn’t satisfy Louis. The arched eyebrow confirmed that. “I don’t know… I’ve just been feeling off, or something.” 

“What do you mean ‘off’?” Louis asked, leaning closer, half of his chest now against Harry’s so he could reach his hair easier. Harry was lying stock-still, sure that Louis could feel his pounding heart against the inside of his arm where it was pressed over Harry’s chest. 

When Harry didn’t answer fast enough, he got an impatient tug on his hair. 

“I don’t know. Nervous? Anxious? Maybe. It’s dumb, I don’t know,”,Harry said quietly, way too aware of his own body and how Louis’ was so close. 

“It’s not dumb,” Louis said, gently pulling at the curl until Harry met his eyes. “It’s not dumb, okay? Is it because of the Declan guy?”

Harry tried to shrug again, it was a pathetic attempt but Louis seemed to get the gesture anyway. After a searching look the alpha sighed quietly, tickling Harry’s cheek with the ends of the tuft of hair. 

“You know we have to talk about it, right?” Louis said, brows scrunching up as Harry’s body went tense with the words. He moved to rake his fingers against Harry’s scalp in hopes of calming him down and making him relax. It did help… “I didn’t mean we have to right now.” 

“I don’t- I really don’t want to talk about it, Lou,” Harry whispered, eyes pleading, his heart not showing any signs of calming down even after his body had relaxed. Louis was so close. So close. Why was he so close? “Like, at all.” 

Louis looked troubled, chewing on his lower lip, and suddenly Harry was feeling overwhelmingly sad. 

He knew his brows were scrunching and the too familiar burn in the corners of his eyes was building up again. He bit his teeth together, jaw clenching. Harry didn’t know why he was feeling so bad all of a sudden but it was crushing and it kept happening and he could only do his best to hide it. It wasn’t enough. 

“Hey,” Louis said softly, voice and features full of concern as he leaned up, trying to meet Harry’s eyes. “Are you upset? What is it?” 

Harry shook his head, forcibly swallowing down a hiccup. It had been easier to hide behind the wolf form, these unpredictable bursts of sorrow not as visible in the canine skin. He was just so scared. All the time.                  

The barely audible sad whine Louis let out only managed to make Harry feel worse. Still, he allowed the alpha to rearrange him, push him until he was the one to lean against Louis’ chest, head tucked under his chin. Harry didn’t feel like he deserved the secure arms wrapped around him, or the soothing rumble, or the careful lips on top of his head. 

It all felt too nice when on the inside he just felt like shit. He felt like he was doing everything all wrong. He was abusing the trust and the kindness these boys so freely gave to him, and he couldn’t even make himself be honest, show them he trusted them too, show that he was worth their time. It was horrible. Harry was surrounded by these great, wonderful people and yet he felt so alone still. He didn’t want to seem ungrateful. He wasn’t. He just couldn’t open up. He felt like he was locked up inside his own head with no idea what the key was. He was too caught in the past to be fully in the present, to give the boys the respect and trust they deserved. 

“Stop thinking,” Louis whispered, one palm sliding down from Harry’s hair to cover his ear. It was a soft, commanding tone and Harry really wanted to follow the order. But even when the hand was muffling the sounds coming from the outside, and Louis’ heartbeat thrummed where his other ear was pressed against the alpha’s sternum, the thoughts just twisted and circled inside his head. 

It was the smooth mixture of Louis’ pulse and the low rumbling from his chest that finally pulled Harry into a jittery sleep. 

He woke up sometime later when the flat’s door banged. Then again when Louis rubbed a hand up and down his side while nuzzling against his hair. There were tiny little butterfly kisses placed along his temple and Harry wondered if Louis knew that he was up. He probably _wasn’t_ fully awake though; only Niall gave him that many kisses, and that was usually when he was tormenting Harry. 

It was sweet. Harry was drowsy and feeling a bit better than before the nap- not as tired, at least. He turned a bit, hiding a yawn against Louis’ hoodie, and then pressed his nose against the alpha’s throat. He smelled like sleepiness and warmth and safety and Harry couldn’t resist nosing against all that, huffing out a content breath. His brain was blissfully empty. 

“You tricked me,” Louis rasped with a sleep heavy voice, giving Harry a squeeze, face pressed against his curls. “Weren’t supposed to sleep.” 

Harry hummed something nonsensical, stretching his legs towards the end of the bed. Because he was in Louis’ bed. With Louis. 

“Zayn called us downstairs,” Louis yawned, smacking a noisy kiss on Harry’s forehead when he sluggishly twisted into a sitting position. Harry grunted as he slid on the bed, one arm and one leg still thrown over Louis. “Up, up up up.” 

Sometimes Louis relented before Harry’s sad eyes and pathetic whining but this clearly wasn’t one of those times. The alpha stood up from the bed, stretching his hands towards the ceiling before he grabbed a hold on Harry’s arms, tugging him up like he weighed nothing. 

“Don’t give me that look,” Louis chuckled as he started to steer Harry towards the door. “You know it’s not good for you to lie in bed all day.” 

“It’s nice,” Harry mumbled, even though he knew he had already lost the battle. Louis bit him on the shoulder in retaliation, making him jerk a bit even though it didn’t hurt. Harry glared at the mirthful alpha. 

“It’s worrying,” Louis answered, playful but with real concern peeking through it all. 

The others were already in the hallway, Zayn digging through his black sports bag which seemed to be full of food. He lifted his gaze when Harry and Louis reached them. 

“Yeah, mum went a bit overboard again,” Zayn huffed, chucking a loaf of bread to Niall who reached around the kitchen doorway to place it on the counter. 

“I’m not complaining,” the blond said, peering inside the bag. Liam rolled his eyes, unimpressed. Zayn straightened up, finally having found the envelopes he had been looking for and handed one to Harry after checking it was the correct one. 

The envelope had a payslip and way too many notes in it. Harry didn’t have to open it to know that, it was identical to the one he had gotten a few weeks back. 

Harry folded it in half and stuffed it in the pocket of his joggers, hoping to get an actual ‘paid by him, owned by him’ pair of jeans with that money. He was probably going to hide half of the money somewhere in the flat again, too. It was way too much for just washing dishes. 

“The beta’s been back to the cafe,” Zayn said then, like it was a comment about the weather, as he handed the other envelope to Liam. Harry felt the hairs on the back of his neck stand up, his hands quickly getting clammy. _No. No, no, not this again._ “The girls have kept quiet like we asked them to but I think they’ll want to tell my dad about it.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake! This is getting ridiculous!” 

The sudden loud shout had Harry jolting. He turned around, eyes wide and shoulders tensed. It was Niall. He looked oddly angry, one hand raking through his hair, eyes hard. Niall never raised his voice like that. Niall never looked at him like that. “What does he want? Harry, do you not know what he’s after or are you just not telling us? Is he dangerous? Tell us something, please! Anything.” 

Harry just stood there, silently mouthing words he didn’t have, everyone’s focus zeroed on him. He could barely contain the sudden tremor of his hands, his pulse was picking up. What was going on? Why was this happening? Louis met his pleading eyes, looking ready to step in, just to be cut off. 

“How can we help you if we don’t know what’s the matter?” Niall growled out, slashing the silence, hands flying up in frustration. 

Harry stepped backwards a bit, his back facing the flat’s door and fingers tangling together with anxious twists. Something unfamiliar was building up inside his chest, crawling up his throat and curling on his tongue, ugly and heavy. Liam reached to touch Niall’s tensed shoulder, but the hand was quickly shook off. 

“Harry—” 

“Maybe I don’t need your help! Why can’t you just let it be!?” Harry snapped, cutting off Niall’s rigid voice. His own tone too harsh, too sharp even to his own ears. 

His mind clouded with jarring anxiety the second the words left his mouth. Harry stepped back, shocked by his own reaction, both hands shakily rising up to his chest, fingers still tangled together. Where the fuck had that come from? He didn’t talk like that! He needed to get out. This was going all wrong. Why couldn’t they just let it be? He was going to throw up. 

“Oh, I don’t fucking know? Maybe because we care about you!” Niall exclaimed, voice rising to a barely contained shout. Liam was looking helplessly between them, hovering by Niall’s side, brown eyes wide. Louis had his arms crossed and a tight expression was pinching his face, Zayn looked much the same.     

“You don’t even know me!” Harry heard himself bite out through his teeth. His heart was beating painfully against his chest and tears were threatening to overflow. There was a dangerous gleam in Niall’s eyes that made him step back even more, back pressing against the wood of the flat’s door.

“Well whose fucking fault is that!?” Niall yelled, his blue eyes looking just as wet as Harry’s felt. It was sickening to see, and even more so to know it was because of him. “You never tell us anything! We never know what you’re thinking! Or feeling! We can only guess and usually at that point you’ve already lost your shit!” 

Harry tried to force down the lump in his throat, breathing heavily through his nose. The walls were curving inwards, closing in, and the air was quickly thinning out of oxygen. 

“Niall,” Zayn said lowly, a clear hint of warning circling the edges of his voice. Harry could hear a quiet rumble starting to rise from Louis’ chest. 

The wolf’s panicked presence exploded against his consciousness. Piercing pain flashed behind his eyes, forcing out a gasp and making him hunch over, his vision turning blotchy and hazy. Coppery taste of blood was heavy on his tongue.         

“I _left_! That’s what’s the matter!” His voice sounded muffled to his own ears. The daylight he knew had just been lighting up the hallway was gone, the walls and the ceiling darkening with a grey hue. It felt like he was trying to breathe in thick smoke. “I left my pack, my _family_ , when I knew they needed me!” 

Harry was shaking, the trembles were rocking through his whole body. Anxiety was clawing inside his chest, its devastating pressure crushing around his windpipe. He should just tell them. Get it over with, fall blindly backwards and hope that hitting the bottom wouldn’t break him in too many pieces. 

Harry was so lost, he didn’t know how to put himself back together, he didn’t have the instructions to show how to do it right. He wasn’t right to begin with. Some of the pieces were missing completely, but he didn’t know which ones and why they were gone. Harry just knew there were gaping, tearing holes inside his chest, and the only thing he could do was try and look at the bigger picture to get things right. But he couldn’t think. He couldn’t breathe!         

“But why did you leave!?” There were tears now, the frustration clearly overwhelming Niall. Harry couldn’t tell if there was wetness on his own cheeks too, everything feeling numb on the outside. He could barely see anymore, his vision flashing between focused and unfocused, colours fading or sparking too bright. His wolf was pushing, pushing pushing pushing, and Harry tried to push it back with all his will. A strangled whine ripped from his chest, he couldn’t tell if it was him or the wolf.

“It doesn’t matter…” Harry couldn’t hear his own words properly, the wolf too loud and violent inside his head. Then Louis was stepping closer. He could sense it through all the chaos. 

Harry bared his teeth. At least it felt like he did, even though he didn’t know why he would. The snarl was wet with tears, or maybe saliva, and it sounded out of control - and it was him. He made that sound. 

The alpha stopped. The other omega didn’t. 

“How could that be enough!? Don’t you get it, Harry? You keep saying that you left but all I hear is that your pack must’ve done something to make you leave!” The omega’s face was flushed when Harry’s vision momentarily tilted from unfocused towards clarity; the blue eyes were icy but desperate. His cutting voice was lashing through Harry’s heart like a freezing cold knife. 

Suddenly the darker alpha was there, grasping the nape of the yelling omega’s neck, pulling him back. The other alpha stepped to the right, hiding the omega from Harry’s sight with the beta but they couldn’t block the noise. “Someone is after you and we don’t even know what and who we’re protecting you from! Who hurt you, Harry!?” 

“Niall, stop. Now.” 

“I can’t! Not when I know he’s hurting! We have to do something! Why aren’t you doing anything!” 

“No, Niall. You’re making it worse right now! Just- look at him!”

Harry didn’t know who he was supposed to look at. He didn’t even know where the voice had came from. There was no one there, flickering shadows thickening into a dark, overflowing mass.   

* 

He didn’t shift. 

He was in the forest. He didn’t know why he was in the forest, it was more dangerous there. But it felt freeing and familiar to be surrounded by nature, the scents soothing his frayed mind.    

His vision was all wonky and wrong. Harry didn’t know how he had ended up there; curled against the rough bark of an old tree. He knew he hadn’t shifted because he was still wearing his clothes. He had managed to fight the wolf back, keep it from overtaking him. Force it away from the somehow familiar people, stop it from hurting anyone, from hurting him. 

It was snowing. Cold, wet flakes floating down towards him from between the high-up branches. It wasn’t enough to colour the ground white yet, but the wind whipping from the north was cold and relentless. Harry yanked the shirt over his head, joggers following behind and ending up in a careless pile on the ground. He wasn’t wearing shoes, sockless feet dirty, soles littered with small, open cuts. 

The wolf had quieted for now. Harry had to believe it was contained enough because he couldn’t stay in human form. Just couldn’t. He wanted to be freed from this restrictive _humanity_ of his; he wanted to scratch it off, tear away the horrible feelings that prickled just underneath his pale skin. 

So he shifted. Swapped his form to another like turning a page of a book, only to notice the next page was echoing the previous one. The suffocating thoughts didn’t disappear, not even when he started running. The forest around him turned into a blur of browngreengrey, his speed diminishing the details.

 _You fucked up. You fucked up again._  

Harry’s paws were hurting, he wasn’t looking where his hasty steps were falling. Twigs and bushes and snow were snapping and whipping his face and body, but he felt numb.

He needed to go back and apologise. He knew this but just pushed on to run faster. He knew he needed to apologise but he also knew he would have to explain. He didn’t want to explain but yet he felt forced to do so. It was a never ending cycle. 

Why wasn’t it enough when he said it didn’t matter? It was about pride and loyalty and embarrassment; he had stained the pack’s pride by being too weak to stay loyal and thus brought shame to his family’s name. Those things mattered the most in any pack, and if he could avoid reliving the humiliation over his decisions, he would.

It was all so stupid. Everything had been going well but then the fucking beta, Declan… A nasty growl ripped out, rolling up from his chest and shaking with his panting breaths. 

Harry felt so frustrated, so helpless. He didn’t know what he was supposed to do, he didn’t even have any idea where this all was supposed to end! Had he really thought he could just march to some pack’s lands and find a nice little handful of friends and then- what? Live there happily ever after? No questions asked? No past showing up to hunt him? 

Harry was running towards the east side of the town, the edge of the forest curling and bordering the streets and buildings almost in a shape of a horseshoe. He was still pushing forwards, even when the trees were farther and farther away from each other, the cover of the woods thinning out. The muscles of his legs were burning, lungs aching and breath coming out whiny.

He stumbled over a moss covered rock, his feet slipping and sending him tumbling down on the forest floor, rotting leaves and dirt flying up in the air. 

With a whimper Harry allowed the tension and the urge to run slip away from his body, forcibly curling his back and legs inwards. He panted against the fluffy, long hairs of his tail, flakes of snow falling icy against his muzzle. The ground was cold under his belly, the damp dirt and the friction from the fall had coloured the paler fur of his forelegs brown.

Harry was more than just miserable, lying there, gasping for breath and gasping for answers. He was sure Niall was upset with him, the rest of them too. He had just stormed out like some crazy idiot who couldn’t handle himself or confrontation. But he had panicked, okay? There had been no way out of that conversation, the pressure getting too suffocating to handle. Harry knew he had blacked out, but that’s about it. What had happened afterwards was still a mystery to him. Once again… Had he lashed out at them? Had someone gotten hurt? He just knew there had been too much noise, too much pressure and he had needed it to stop.

He knew the boys meant well but it just… He didn’t want to talk about it, his past, and he had made that clear. There wasn’t anything left to say the boys needed to know. What he had were only details and embarrassment. They would think differently of him, probably already did… He just kept hurting people, disappointing them. Harry had fucked up. Such a mess. Again and always, such a mess. Always breaking promises and trust. He had used to be so good. He knew he could be good. He would have to fix this. He would fix this. 

The forest around him was suddenly too quiet, only his gasping panting breaking the silence. Harry probably should have seen it coming before it happened. 

Something hit against his back with force, his fur grasped harshly, painfully. A panicked snarl left his mouth as he was forcibly hauled up from the ground.

  
*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...
> 
> shyshyserious.tumblr.com  
> sshyserious@gmail.com


	10. Chapter 10

Harry’s stomach hurt where it was pressed against the stranger's shoulders. 

The alpha’s hand was tightly holding Harry’s muzzle, the other locking his hind legs in place. His forelegs were free but they were hanging uselessly towards the ground; he knew there was no point in fighting now. 

There was another man walking closely behind them, a beta. He was keeping his attentive eyes on Harry while simultaneously tapping on his phone and glancing around them. They had circled back to the town, edging the outskirts of it. The houses were big there, but secluded. Harry had never been to the area before. 

The alpha carrying Harry draped over his shoulders was big and sturdy, expression serious as he effortlessly held Harry’s weight. He was unfamiliar, as was the beta, but… It had taken Harry a while to realise what the nagging feeling of familiarity in the back of his mind meant; only when the air had cleared after they left the forest did it click.

He recognised the scents of these men. They were the scents that had lingered all over his destroyed dens. 

The realisation did nothing to ease his nerves or stop his body from trembling. Neither of the men had said much during their short trek- only sharp, snappy comments when Harry had kicked and trashed, getting a good gash going on the beta’s arm. That was, until the alpha told him that it wouldn’t be a problem to knock him out if he so wished.     

They entered one of the massive houses. Harry couldn’t see much with his head trapped in place by the alpha’s firm hold but the outside of the building was pristine white plaster. The neighbour house looked much the same. They went in through the back door. 

The first thing he noticed was that the house smelled of detergent, the scent of it too strong to Harry’s nose, making it itch. The walls were bare, white, and the big space echoed as he was carried across a wide living room. The beta turned left, towards a stairway, as the alpha continued through a door on the other side of the room. 

Harry whined out quietly, twisting a bit for the first time since the forest. Dread was suddenly curling more intensely in his gut as he was left alone with the big man. 

The alpha grunted but only tightened his hold on Harry’s hind legs. The new space looked like a meeting room, its interior decoration a mix of Victorian and modern, less bare than the previous room had been. 

The door was kicked closed behind them, and, once it clicked, the man gave Harry a pointed look. Harry stared back, ears pressed against his skull. 

“Don’t bite,” the alpha said, the _or else_ hidden in his strict, gruff voice. Harry just blinked unsurely, whimpering when he was hauled down from the man’s shoulders and placed on his feet.

The alpha let go of him. He didn’t stop Harry from scurrying to the corner of the room where he pressed against the wall, tail trembling between his legs. He just looked at Harry pityingly, which only made Harry curl up tighter while staring at the floor. 

Harry didn’t dare to look up when the door opened again, nor when the beta from before walked in and set a pile of clothes on an expensive looking sofa in the middle of the room. 

“Shift,” the alpha said, now standing by the door while holding it open for the beta. “You’ll want to be dressed when we come back.” 

With that Harry was left alone in the room, the lock on the door clicking loudly. 

Harry didn’t move from his hunched position, staring at the spot where the two strangers had disappeared. His ears were twitching, trying to catch any sounds from outside but the room seemed like it could’ve been soundproofed. Harry licked nervously over his muzzle, soothing the ache the alpha’s tight hold had left behind. He couldn’t hear anything.

After a few stretched moments Harry forced himself up on four shaky legs. He kept his head down, taking careful steps, almost crawling towards the set of seats in the middle of the room. Harry didn’t go around the sofa that was blocking his way- he fit easily pushing through underneath it. 

He wanted to curl up there and pretend he was hidden. 

He couldn’t though. The alpha had said they would be back, and Harry didn’t want to make him lose his temper. So he crawled all the way out from beneath the sofa and, with a painfully thumping heart, forced the clawing, fighting wolf back.

The shift left him with a headrush, white lights exploding in front of his eyes. Harry tried to take in a deep breath, but only managed a wavering gulp of air. He tried to stop his hands from shaking too, but he was teetering on the edge of panic. _Focus. You have to focus._

Harry squeezed his eyes tightly shut before forcing them open. He hastily tugged the trousers down from the pile on the sofa, stood up with wobbly knees and struggled them on. The only other thing he had been given was a black jumper, and he quickly shook it out. However when he pulled it over his head something made him halt. 

Harry felt his brows scrunch together as he brought up a shaky hand and grasped the chest of the jumper. He lifted it up over his chin and nose, and inhaled.

It smelled of Louis.  

“Hello.”

Harry jolted at the sudden voice, heart jumping to his mouth as he dropped the fabric from his face.

The door was open again, and the alpha from before was holding it open for a sharp looking woman.   

“I’m the Alpha of the Tomlinson pack,” she said, voice polite and calm, but steely at the same time. “We’ve been looking for you.” 

Harry stared at his shaking hands, head ducked and tilted to the side, showing his throat. He knew he was supposed to greet back, always be polite and show respect when he was acknowledged like that, but the lump in his throat was suffocating all attempts of speaking.

The Alpha nodded to the man behind her, having him close the door. Harry had his head ducked but he could see the big alpha move to stand by the doorway. 

The Alpha, _Louis’ mum_ , then crossed the room with a few quick steps and swiftly sat down on the plush seat next to the sofa. 

“Take a seat, please,” she said, nodding towards the sofa, command clear in her voice even when she sounded pleasant. Harry’s knees felt a lot like jelly as he dropped down on the edge of the soft cushion. He didn’t lift his gaze from the floor but Harry could feel the Alpha looking at him. 

“Thank you. Now. Could you possibly enlighten me as to the reason why you and your companions have been staying on my lands without addressing the head of the pack?” she said, more curious than anything, but Harry still felt his muscles lock with tension.  “What business do you have here?” 

The silence stretched out while Harry tried to make his mouth move around the words.

“I’m… I’m s-sorry, ma’am, but I-I don’t understand? I don’t have companions,” Harry forced out, voice weak and eyes burning as he stared at the floor. The Alpha hummed. 

“Zack here, who takes care of the safety issues of the pack, has been very clear that at least four more wolves have been in the town unauthorised,” the Alpha said, nodding towards the man standing by the door. “Do you believe Zack has been mistaken?” 

“N-no! I mean yes!” Harry breathed out sharply, quickly glancing at the man. He didn’t look offended by Harry’s stumbling words but Harry still rushed to explain. “I-I mean, there might be other wolves- I know there’s at least one who’s not from this pack. B-but- but I’m not with them. Him. I’m alone, I don’t… I’m alone.”

“Do you know why they’re here then? Or who they are?” the Alpha asked, voice softening around the edges. It might have been because of Harry’s halting, pathetic stutters but the words, gentle or not, still made Harry tense up even more. His shoulders trembled and fingernails pressed sharply against his palms. 

He shrugged. 

The Alpha breathed out through her nose, thoughtful, patient. She crossed one leg over the other.

“What’s your name, love?” she asked then. Harry could see her tilting her head. 

“H-Harry, ma’am,” Harry said softly. The silence that followed was suffocating. 

Harry stared at the floor, pulse beating in his ears. He almost started to think he had somehow answered wrong before The Alpha spoke again. 

“Of course it is”, she finally sighed. There was an amused quirk lifting her lips. “Zack, could you please phone Louis for me? Tell him to get his sorry arse over here right now, and bring the others with him.”

Harry blinked at the fond tone and playful words, the sudden change from the professional and no nonsense persona almost jarring.  

“Oh, and please, bring us some tea, would you? I think this might require a cuppa.” 

* 

“Why didn’t you just come meet me?” The Alpha asked, leaning forward to offer Harry a pastry from the tray. They were the same sugary ones that were sold in the cafe. Harry shook his head, trying to wrangle even a hint of a smile to his face as he declined, not wanting to seem impolite. 

“I-I didn't know I could… I just- It didn’t go well in the past,” Harry answered haltingly, words struggling to finding their way together. The steam was long gone and faded from the tea cup meant for him, but Harry made no move to pick it up from the table. 

“Packs up north, I take it?” The Alpha guessed, eyes intense in a way that reminded Harry so much of Louis that he had to look away again. He swallowed nervously and looked down to his still shaking hands, brows scrunching with the Alpha’s words. 

“Y-yes?” Harry answered, tone shadowed with confusion. The Alpha nodded.   

“They are quite known for their more- hostile ‘ _closed borders’_ policy, I’m afraid,” she said, brows rising a bit in distaste but clearly trying to keep it clean. “Most of the bigger packs in the country have no problem with visitors. People come and go, but they are supposed to sign in and let the pack know they are there, and why.” 

“I-I… I’m sorry,” Harry said, embarrassment and anxiety colouring his cheeks in dark flush. 

He felt so stupid. What else could he say? It didn’t even feel like the Alpha was chastising him, really, but he knew he had done wrong. 

“Don’t worry about it, love. We’ll have it sorted out,” she said, smiling a bit before bringing up her cup to take a sip of tea. She had made it the same way Louis did. “So you’ve been staying with someone in town? Other than the boys?” 

Harry cleared his throat, shifting uncomfortably in his seat. He shrugged again, fingers curling together. 

“N-no. Not really,” he said quietly. The Alpha didn’t say anything but the prompting quirk of her brows made Harry swallow with some difficulty. “I, um… T-the forest? A-and then in someone’s backyard for a bit, w-when my hides got found o-out and messed up.” 

“Yes, that would be our doing, I’m afraid,” the Alpha hummed but she didn’t seem too apologetic. “The forest is not a place for a lovely young man like you, Harry. How come you didn’t tell any of the boys?” 

“T-they would have told you… S-so I just- kept it quiet. And, and I’ve gotten quite good at hiding, I suppose. So it’s not their fault they didn’t notice.” The Alpha hummed again, looking at Harry with a tiny tilt on her lips. 

“Louis has already told me about you, alright,” she said, crinkles appearing in the corners of her eyes. Harry blinked. 

“He- he has?”

“He has, yes. But he’s also clearly decided to leave some details out. For your sake, I'm sure. He tends to be awfully loyal when he's fond of someone.”

The Alpha’s intense eyes on him had Harry blushing harder. He licked his lips, brows scrunching up a bit.

“Please, Alpha, don’t tell them about the forest, they'll just be upset,” Harry said, his voice tiny and sad even to his own ears. He forced himself to be brave enough to glance the Alpha in the eyes, pleading. 

“Of course I won’t,” she said right away, considering look on her face. “I would like you to do it yourself, since I'm definitely not allowing you to live on the streets any longer. That's not healthy, nor is—”

The door was wrenched open; the alpha by the door barely turned his head. 

It was Louis who rushed in, cheeks flushed and snow melting on his grey beanie and messy fringe. 

“What, mum? Now really isn’t a good — Harry!”

Harry met Louis’ eyes with a nervous swallow. A mixture of surprise and relief settled on the alpha’s features but he wasn’t able to say anything more when the closing door was jerked wide open again and a red eyed Niall stumbled in. The omega barely stopped to scan the room before his eyes found Harry’s. The blond was across the room faster than Harry could blink, or register how Liam and Zayn appeared in the doorway too. 

Niall all but attacked Harry’s side, falling against him with all his weight, hands wrapping tightly around Harry’s waist. His jacket was still chilly from the outdoor air, wet where the snow had melted and started to absorb in the fabric. 

The omega pressed his face against where Harry’s shoulder and neck met and hugged him tight. Harry rubbed his cheek against the top of the blond head and hummed quietly, anxious to see the other so upset. 

Harry lifted his gaze when Louis sat quietly on his other side, their shoulders pressing together. Louis’ fingers found their way to the hem of Harry’s jumper and curled around the fabric. The sofa’s armrests were soon taken by Liam and Zayn as they settled on both sides of them. Harry felt like he could breathe a bit easier. 

“I’m sorry, Ni,” he whispered, turning his focus back towards the clinging, sad lump against his side. He opened his mouth to say something more but was cut off.

“No. Shut up,” Niall sniffed, tone harsh and steely. “Just- shut up.”

Harry swallowed, glancing at Louis, and then at Zayn over Louis’ shoulder. They both looked like they had been outside for a while. Liam too, when Harry turned his head to see the beta. Harry lowered his eyes, shame weighing them down. 

“So. Louis  _dear_. Would you care to explain to me who this is?” The Alpha broke the tense silence, pointing an exasperated hand towards Harry. Louis shifted, fingers curling and uncurling around the hem of Harry’s jumper. “Does ‘ _Harry_ ’ ring any bells?”  

Louis cleared his throat, then opened his mouth, and sighed. 

“Yeah, so, remember when I was asking about the omega touch-starvation? And about the uncontrollable dropping?” The Alpha nodded, unimpressed. “Well, he’s why I was asking.” 

“I see.” The Alpha sighed, very much like Louis. She looked like she wanted to pinch the bridge of her nose but her hands still stayed relaxed around the tea cup. “I also remember you mentioning that this whole scenario was purely theoretical with no factual basis, whatsoever.” 

Louis shrugged, staring at his mum, expression blank. 

The eye contact held on for a long time, intense and worrying. Harry wanted to nudge Louis, make it stop, but he only dared to lean heavier against the alpha’s shoulder.  

“But… Why is Harry here?” Liam asked suddenly, confused and recklessly breaking the stare-down.

Harry’s heart jumped, agitated by the disrespectfulness, and he ducked his head. From the corner of his eye he could see Liam raising his brows as he looked between the Alpha and Harry.

He didn’t get told off. 

“Yes. Harry love, why are you here?” The Alpha asked, leaning forward to put the cup down. It clinked against the saucer.

Then she turned her eyes to Harry. 

Harry licked his lips, nervousness raising its head again. The arm he didn’t have wrapped around Niall was resting on his lap, fingers pressing against his thigh, nails digging into his skin through the trousers. Harry glanced up at the Alpha again; her eyes were reassuring.

“Would you tell us?” she coaxed, voice soft and encouraging. It wasn’t really a question though, and it made Harry swallow hard, nails pressing deeper to his thigh. 

That was when a hand sneaked next to his, then under his palm. Harry raised his eyes and met Louis’. The alpha turned his hand underneath Harry’s so their palms were pressed together and then gently entwined their fingers. Harry felt like crying, but he squeezed back when Louis tightened his hold. 

“I…” Harry let his gaze drop, forcing a shaky breath in as he stared at Louis’ hand in his. His heart was starting to race again, the pulse picking up with every passing second. _Just tell them! You already messed up… It’s the least you can do._  

“It’s okay, Haz,” Liam said quietly when the silence stretched out. Harry struggled to find his words as he battled with the doubts that were clouding his mind. He squeezed his eyes shut tightly. How was he supposed to go against the Alpha? 

“I’m- I’m not supposed to be here,” Harry said with a thick voice, swallowing around the suffocating feeling clawing at his throat. “I never told anyone I was coming here or- or that I was staying here. I just… did. I needed a place to stay, somewhere where there would be other people too. Because- because I had been alone and travelling for almost a year, I think. A-and my wolf had started to act funny and _I_ was feeling awful, too, and I felt like I would go mental if I didn’t… I just had to be around people. I was feeling so isolated and the wolf couldn’t handle it and my pack was- away, a-and…” 

Harry paused to calm his breathing. It didn’t really help. 

“I tried to find a pack that would let me stay. I just- I couldn’t be alone anymore. My wolf was starting to overpower me and I was alone and it got restless and aggressive and I couldn’t c-control it. 

So, um… I was still pretty far up north when I first tried to reach out to an Alpha of one of the packs there. I… It didn’t… They got really angry. O-or I think they were angry, I didn’t get close enough to be sure what it was. They just… They attacked. A-and it just kept happening. No matter where I went the packs just… They wanted me gone- and they made sure I stayed away too.” 

Harry glanced up at the Alpha, blinking hard to stop himself from crying. He didn’t want to look weak. He was always crying. The Alpha’s brows were furrowed and she looked serious. With a small nod and a hint of a warm smile she encouraged Harry to go on. 

“They were all small packs. I had figured they would’ve been more welcoming but… I got- I got hurt a lot a-and it started to be more and more difficult to go close to the others. I knew I would probably just end up getting hurt again, but I just had to… The wolf- I couldn’t control it. I knew it needed to be around a pack because it can’t handle being alone for too long. And I had been alone for months. But the wolf started to get anxious and afraid of the others, and I mean… I was too. It’s not like I wanted to get hurt but it would’ve been worse if I’d given in to the wolf.” 

“S-so, I had to find a way to be around people but because of what had happened with the other packs, my wolf started to resist. It- it didn’t understand why I was going to places where I would just end up hurt, _it_ would end up hurt; I don’t think it really cares about me that much.”  

The room was quiet around him. Almost quiet enough for Harry to pretend he was alone; talking to no-one and reliving his past just to torture himself. Still, Harry wasn’t sure if he was glad that the others didn’t interrupt him. It was nerve wrecking to be the one talking, just like it was odd to actually be heard like that. It was all so unfamiliar and he really wanted to just stop and disappear and- he couldn’t. He had to get it out.         

“I decided to move further down, find bigger packs and just… I figured it would be safer if I didn’t even try to meet the Alpha. They were usually the ones to react badly at first sight… So I- I came here. And the pack is massive. I’d never seen a whole town that was under one Alpha. It was terrifying. 

I was able to stay close enough, for long enough, to make it seem like I had been living here for a while… And- and then I found this newspaper where someone was looking for a waiter for the cafe in town and I just- I decided to go for it. I… I told you I lived across the town and had been for awhile a-and it’s not really a lie because- because I _have_ been staying there. I just- I just don’t live in a flat. Because I didn’t have the money for the rent or, or a bank account so I could pay anything and the landlords would’ve contacted the Alpha to check on me and I just couldn’t. So I stayed around…”  

“I figured that maybe you’d let me— That maybe I’d somehow find a way to stay.” 

Harry cleared his throat, blinking wetness from his eyes. He had his head ducked, eyes focused on his and Louis’ hands, the alpha was still holding on tight. Harry’s voice was getting hoarse from talking so much and from trying to hold back the tears. He licked his lips and inhaled a shaky breath. 

“I know that I should’ve just gone talk to the Alpha, I knew it back then too, but… I didn’t want to get hurt again; this pack was so much bigger than any other I had come across before. I thought- It seemed like the least risky option at the time. I mean, I could’ve gone back home but… That’s not really an option for me either.” 

Harry wiped a stubborn tear wetting his cheek to his shoulder, not willing to let go of Niall or Louis. Not until they would make him.    

“And now Declan is here because of me. He’s one of the wolves who you’ve been trying to track, I think… He’s been asking about me.” 

“The beta who’s been showing up around the town?” The Alpha cut in, making Harry look up in confusion. He nodded carefully, making her move her scrutinising gaze to the other boys. “Right. I guess you four forgot to mention that he had been asking about Harry here.” 

Harry peeked to his sides to see all the others looking away in avoidance. Louis pulled a face to his mum, scrunching up his nose. Harry looked between them all, trying to understand. 

“I’ve been updated about your situation, Harry. However, clearly a bit selectively, it seems.” The Alpha didn’t look very impressed, and Harry’s brows furrowed. Niall leaned tighter against his side. 

“We didn’t know what to do,” Louis said quickly, catching Harry’s eye, and looked pleading as he brought up his other hand to squeeze Harry’s in both of his. When he was satisfied with what he saw in Harry’s eyes, he turned back towards his mum. “And we promised him we wouldn’t tell. So we left some- _details_ out.” 

The Alpha raised a brow but didn’t say anything, choosing to turn back towards Harry instead, giving him a nod, signaling him to continue. 

“Right… Um, right. Declan- I really am not sure why he is here asking about me. I didn’t- I didn’t think they would…” Harry squeezed his eyes shut again, lashes clumping together wetly and shoulders tensing. Louis leaned closer to his side then, thumb petting over the back of his hand. Harry forced in a deep breath as he opened his eyes, meeting Zayn’s encouraging ones over Louis’ shoulder. He couldn’t hold the eye contact. 

“I… I left my pack at some point last winter. Um, it’s a smaller pack, even smaller than the one Declan’s from. They’ve a bigger territory and- and better hunting grounds for the game, and better standing with the surrounding packs too. We get almost everything from the nature, it was really rare to get something from an actual store. The people up north, they, um… They have some really strong opinions about the- city wolves. About the way they- _you_ live.” 

“But, um… We- we needed help. The winter had been awful; everything was either frozen or dried up, all the little hunting grounds we had were getting deserted. And- and I guess my pack’s Alpha asked for help from the other pack- Declan’s pack…” 

 _Harry sat on a squishy quilt in the main den’s floor, legs crossed and hair pulled back in a messy bun. Evina, a five-month-old princess, was sprawled on her tummy next to him, one tiny fist stuffed halfway inside her mouth, chubby cheeks wet with drool. Harry smiled down at her and gently pulled back the soft, pale green cap that kept sliding down over her eyes._  

 _“Uh-huh, I bet that tastes awesome,” Harry said quietly as he leaned to pick the girl up from under her arms._  

 _Evina kicked out happily with her plump legs while gurgling around her fist, blue eyes big and focused on Harry. He smiled at her, making the gurgling intensify as well as the uncoordinated kicking._  

 _“Huh. You’re going to be running in no time, aren’t you, princess?” Harry hummed, helping her balance herself onto a sitting position. Evina tittered, almost having mastered the skill of sitting up with little help, and then squealed, delighted, popping the fist out of her mouth. “Yeah, sitting first though.”_  

_The baby blinked up at him, toothless mouth open in a happy smile, before snorting out a drooly giggle. Harry scrunched his nose but nodded his head at her as she flailed her tiny fist in the air. The drooling was gross but princesses gotta do what princesses gotta do._

_“Oh, thank you, love,” Harry said, purposely exaggerating his delighted expression when the wet fist was shown up to his face. Evina gurgled, wriggling on her bum a little and waving the hand until Harry pretended to munch on it. The door clicked open behind them._  

 _It was Ana, one of the older omegas, and she smiled down at them as she walked over. When Evina saw the omega she sounded like those little monkeys from one of the few nature videos they had, low “hoo hoo hoo” noises accompanied by kicking feet. Harry picked the baby up, not minding the wet fingers that curled on his shirt collar, and stood up, smiling questioningly at Ana._  

 _“Do you need us to move?” he asked, adjusting Evina’s cap again, tilting his head at the same time to dodge the curious fingers reaching for his hair. Ana stopped next to them, smiling wide as she tickled the sole of one kicking foot, making Evina squeal._  

 _“Oh no, no. I came to take her off your hands, actually,” Ana said, leaning down to grab a dummy from the quilt where Harry had left it on a napkin. She pushed it into Evina’s enthusiastic mouth before grabbing her under the armpits and pulling the baby towards her. Harry blinked in confusion as he helped the woman get a good hold._  

 _“But… I’m supposed to babysit her ‘til six?” It was only half past twelve, the clock on the wall informed him. Ana looked unbothered, the corners of her eyes crinkling._  

 _“I’ll take care of her, don’t worry,” she said with a laugh but quieted quickly as the den’s door opened again. Harry ducked his head when he saw it was the Alpha coming in, Ana following suit._  

 _“Ah, Anabell, great. You’ve got the little princess?” the Alpha said, smiling at the babbling baby who was doing her best to spit out the dummy that was hindering her talk._  

 _“Yes, sir,” Ana said, smiling politely and lifted her head now that she had been acknowledged. She turned slightly towards Harry and pointed at the floor. “Be a dear, Harry, and help me get her things.”_  

 _Harry knew his brows were scrunched, but he did as asked. He quickly folded the quilt and gathered all the bright coloured toys in Evina’s baby-bag. Ana took the quilt under one arm and Harry helped her to hang the bag over her shoulder. Evina grabbed a strong handful of Harry’s shirt while he was leaning over, making Ana huff out a laugh when she refused to let go._  

 _“I see. Harry’s still your favourite,” Ana chuckled. Harry smiled unsurely, overly aware of the presence of the Alpha behind them, as he tried to free the fabric from the baby’s hold._  

 _Evina wasn’t having any of it though. She held on even when Harry tried to distract her by tickling her tummy._  

 _“Come on now, sweetie,” Ana said softly and wriggled one finger inside the baby’s hold, forcing her to let go of Harry. Evina wasn’t happy about it at all. Her chubby little face scrunched up immediately, toothless mouth opening to a wide, protesting wail and the dummy falling out and catching in the crook of Ana’s elbow. “Oh dear. I know, shh.”_  

 _Harry stepped back, biting his lip and wringing his hands together behind his back as he watched Evina let everyone know about her displeasure. The Alpha smiled amusedly as Ana tried to calm her down, whispering something against the baby cap covered head and humming quietly as she walked towards the doorway. The Alpha stepped back and pushed the door open for them._  

 _“Thank you, Alpha,” Harry hear Ana say before she disappeared through the door with Evina still going strong in her arms. Harry stared down at his feet, waiting for the Alpha to leave or ask Harry to go._  

 _“Alright, come on in,” the Alpha said instead. He was still holding the door open when Harry peeked up, curious and confused._  

 _Harry licked over his lips and walked carefully closer to the wall so he wasn’t standing so obviously in the middle of the room. Several people walked in, all higher-ups and close friends with the Alpha. There was also a beta Harry hadn’t seen before; he wasn’t from their pack. Euan was the last one to walk in, looking nervous but excited when Harry risked a glance up at him._  

 _“Please, take a seat,” the Alpha said to the room as a whole, pointing a hand towards the large dinner and meeting table. Harry took that as his cue to leave, the people in the room already sitting down and discussing amongst themselves. He walked quietly towards the door._  

 _He was almost there when the door suddenly slid closed, the Alpha retracting the arm that had held it open. Harry stepped back in surprise, but didn’t lift his gaze, waiting for the Alpha to speak._  

_“You too, Harry. We have something important to discuss.”_

Harry had to pause again. Everyone was so quiet around him, sitting still and listening to every halting and stuttering word Harry was forcing out. A headache was building behind his eyes, and his throat felt more itchy and raw with every sentence. 

Louis had leaned his head against Harry’s arm at some point, lips pressed to his shoulder and the beanie collecting some of Harry’s stubborn tears from his cheek. Niall hadn’t moved but he seemed to be tensing up.

Harry stared down and tried to breathe. He couldn’t stop now that he had started.

“Y-yes, so… T-they took the cub away and the Alpha said that we needed to- to talk. And that it was important. Declan was there, a-and some alphas from my pack. I only really knew... I only knew Euan.”

Harry’s knuckles were hurting and turning whiter as he tried to swallow down the hitch in his breath.

“He… He was a bit older than me and… We weren’t really supposed to talk to the alphas, not the ones that were our age at least and- and I didn’t! B-but Euan- he was _n-nice_ whenever I saw him around, the others just ignored us omegas, s-so I knew him a bit better. He was… Nice..."

It was hard to breath.

"I didn’t understand why he was there though; usually they didn’t allow the younger alphas in i-important meetings. And, well, o-omegas were never allowed s-so I… I thought I must’ve done something wrong.”

 _Harry stared down at the table, the Alpha sitting on the chair next to him had one arm draped over the back of Harry’s. The unfamiliar beta was placed across from them, and Harry could feel his eyes rake over him every now and then. It was making Harry uncomfortable._  

 _They had been sitting like that for a while now, the discussion going on about the hunting lands and food and the secureness of the borders and Harry was so confused in the middle of it. Why was he there?_  

 _Euan was sitting at the other end of the table, same side as the beta,_ Declan. _He wasn’t participating in the discussion but seemed to be listening carefully, grey eyes moving between the people that were talking. He glanced at Harry every now and then but only caught his eyes once. The alpha gave him a big smile before Harry quickly looked down again._  

 _“We can work with that,” the Alpha said slowly, thoughtfully from next to Harry, and nodded at Declan. The beta tilted his head in agreement._  

_“That’s good,” Declan said shortly, leaning back against the backrest of his chair. The Alpha nodded again._

_“It is. Very good,” he said, smiling, and turned towards Harry. The movement had Harry’s heart jump to his throat; it was very rare for the Alpha to want anything from him._

_And now he was looking at him. Underneath the table Harry dug his fingers into his jean clad thighs._

_“Now, Harry, I’m sure you’re curious as to why you’re here.”_

Harry was squeezing Louis’ hand a bit too hard, he was sure. The alpha didn’t move away or show any signs of discomfort though, so Harry just swallowed and breathed in a wavering breath.

He glanced at Liam when the beta shook off his jacket, beanie already in his lap and hair sticking up. _Just keep going, keep going, keep going…_

“H-he said that they had, um… They had found me a- _a mate_.” Harry could feel Niall tense up even more at those words, the omega's fingertips pressing harshly into his skin by his hipbones. Harry swallowed. _Keep going, keep going…_  

“The Alpha said I would be going to live with the other pack s-soon. The _Rowland’_ s pack; Declan’s pack. And- and I was so confused. I had always thought I would be finding my own mate; that’s what they’d taught us. That’s how it’s supposed to go.”  

“B-but then I was just sitting there and I’m not- I’m not allowed to talk, you know? But I wanted to understand, and all the higher-ups seemed really happy about it a-and… Euan just shook his head when I opened my mouth, but I didn’t talk- I didn’t talk!”

 _Harry’s pulse was racing, heart hitting against his chest like a fist. A_ mate _? But he was barely old enough, wasn’t even allowed to be around the alphas of his own pack yet. It wasn’t proper._

 _His mouth was dry, eyes wide as he blinked at the table top. He didn’t want_ a mate _. Not someone he had never met. That wasn’t what mating was about, was it? It was supposed to be someone he was close with, someone who cared about him and Harry about them._

 _“This is Harry; Omega from the Styles’ line of the Hyde pack”, the Alpha said, placing one heavy hand on the nape of Harry’s neck, squeezing gently. The beta was staring at him. “Harry, this is Declan. The first beta of the Rowland pack. You may greet him now.”_  

 _Harry forced himself to lift his head from the bowed position, the Alpha’s hand unfamiliar and calloused against the skin of his neck. He raised his eyes and met the brown ones across the table._  

 _“Nice to meet you, sir,” Harry said, quietly but clearly, just like he had always been taught, and then lowered his eyes back towards the table._  

 _“There’s a good lad,” the Alpha said, patting at Harry’s upper back, making him bite the inside of his cheek. Harry didn’t have to keep his eyes down now that he had been introduced, but he didn’t feel comfortable looking at the beta. The Alpha, however, was rising his brows at the man expectantly. “Well?”_  

_Declan hummed, eyes never leaving Harry._

_“He’ll do.”_  

“‘He’ll do’,” Harry laughed sharply, repeating the beta’s words, hysteric edge to his voice. “‘ _He’ll do._ ’”  

Harry sniffled a bit and tried to clear his throat, the aftertaste of his hollow laugh burning on his tongue.

“That’s all he said. Nothing else, just: ‘He’ll do’, a-and then he got up and left. Most of the people there left with him, s-showed him out, and- and the Alpha was really happy with me and he s-said I did good. _I did good._ ”

 _The Alpha stopped Euan when he was about to follow the others out of the room, the boy looking like an excited puppy being noticed like that. The Alpha tilted his head towards the chairs across the table, directing Euan to sit down again, before turning his attention back to Harry. The hand resting on his nape was feeling heavier and heavier._  

 _“You’ll be good for your mate for me, right, Harry?” The Alpha said, smiling and pulled Harry to his chest, affectionate, as if they hugged like that all the time. Harry tried to force air into his lungs; they felt like they were full of cotton. He had never felt anything like that before. “You’re doing a great thing for our pack, love, you’re helping everyone. We’re so proud. I’m so proud.”_  

 _And just like that, as quickly as it had appeared, the suffocating cotton seemed to get thinner, the Alpha’s voice and words and touch gently reeling it out. Harry swallowed and breathed in, the familiar scent of the pack and the Alpha curling around his senses._  

_“Y-yes, sir,” Harry rasped out, eyes still glued to the table. His hands were shaking but he kept pressing his fingers deeper and deeper into the skin of his thighs. “Thank you, sir.”_

_“Good lad.” Good lad. He was a good lad, and he did good._

_“What can I do for you, sir?” Euan asked then, the Alpha having invited him to talk with a nod._  

_Euan had taken a seat where Declan had been before, grey eyes bright and posture straight as he literally was on the edge of his seat._

_“You will be taking Harry up to Rowland’s tomorrow morning,” the Alpha said, clear and all alpha. Euan nodded right away, expression turning into a serious concentration. ”You’ll see him there, make sure the travel goes safe and sound, understood?”_  

 _“Yes, sir,” Euan said, earning a nod. Harry could hear the Alpha’s even heartbeat where his ear was pressed against the man’s chest. It was calming._  

 _“You’ll make sure they treat him right and if anything,_ anything, _happens or you find out he’s been hurt, you bring him back. Am I being clear, Euan?”_  

_“Yes, sir.”_

_“You’ll stay there with him, as long as he needs you to. At least until he starts his heat.”_  

 _Harry blinked, heart suddenly skipping a few beats. His whole body started to tense, the hairs on the back of his neck standing up._  

 _“Yes, sir.”_  

Harry felt the humiliation flush up his face, his ears, and the back of his neck where he could still imagine the ghost of his Alpha’s touch. 

His hand was hurting. It took him a few shaky breaths to realise it wasn’t him holding on too tight anymore; it was Louis. Harry didn’t want to raise his eyes, he didn’t want to see what the others were thinking. Hearing himself talk was awful enough, hard enough. 

“Y-yeah… I was- I was s-supposed to… They wanted me to...

It was for the good of the p-pack, you know? We- we had nothing and we needed all the help we could get. We had cubs in the pack; E-Evina wasn’t the only one, just the youngest. Th-the Rowland’s would help, they had promised to help in anyway possible, a-and I just needed to go to live with them.” 

Harry forced himself to glance up. The Alpha was sitting in the same position still, one leg crossed over the other, hands resting on her lap. Her expression was neutral, more serious than blank though. Her tea was long forgotten and chilled on the table. 

“After the Alpha had gone through the- _the instructions_ , he left. H-he said something again about being so thankful and proud of having someone like _m-me_ in his pack, I can’t remember what he- I can’t remember. B-but then it was just me and Euan. _”_  

“T-the Rowland’s live even higher up north than m-my pack, but i-it’s more to the northwest though. I’ve never been there a-and I’ve only seen their Alpha once. Euan was really excited, he said he had never visited another pack before and h-he said it was an honour for him to take me there and it would probably help him to get in the Alpha’s good books. A-and then he asked me if I was excited and told me that I s-should be really proud a-and everyone was so thankful that I would help the pack through the low, a-and then- and then I got upset. I knew I shouldn’t have because I should’ve been h-happy that I could be… That I would be helping. And I tried to s-stop, b-but I couldn’t.” 

 _“What’s wrong? Hey, what’s wrong?” Euan breathed out, worried. He stood up and quickly walked around the big table, kneeling by Harry’s chair. “Don’t cry, please. Tell me what is it?”_  

“Euan, he… He got all worried and just kept asking ‘What’s wrong? What’s wrong?’ over and over again until I just snapped… I think I was crying and, a-and I was making him upset too.” 

 _“I- I don’t… How could I mate with someone I don’t even know?” Harry hiccuped, wiping his face with the backs of his hands. Euan’s eyes were big and so grey, his ashy blond hair neatly combed behind his ear, and he looked like it pained him to see Harry like that. “W-why does it have to be Declan? He’s s-so much older.”_  

 _“Oh,” Euan breathed quietly, then shaking his head with an awkward, short laugh. “It’s- it’s not Declan. He was just here to finish the negotiations, and to officially meet you as the representative of his pack. The Alpha- You’ll be the Alpha’s mate, Harry.”_  

 _Harry stared down at the boy kneeling by his side. Euan’s eyes were earnest and bright, and he seemed relieved that Harry had suddenly quieted down with tears clinging to his wet lashes._  

 _“Euan,” Harry gasped, barely able to make his voice audible. He was feeling faint. “The Rowland Alpha is-  He’s over fifty years old.”_  

“He didn’t get it… Euan. He- he just… It’d be an honour to be mated to an Alpha, any Alpha, but the Rowland’s are influential a-and respected and I just got more upset because I knew that, it’s true, but couldn’t- I wouldn’t…” 

Harry had of course heard of those kind of age gaps within mated pairs before. That was why there were so many older, widowed omegas in his pack, having outlived their mates. But Harry had never wanted that, at least not if it wasn’t- real. Genuine. He had wanted nothing to do with any of it. He still didn’t. 

“I-I just kept asking why someone e-else couldn’t b-be the one to- to… B-but Euan said t-that I was what the Rowland Alpha wanted b-because I was rare and I would- I would strengthen their pack a-and they’d take care of me and I’d help my pack b-because they would get anything they needed from the Rowland’s after I was m-mated.   

A-and I know the Rowland Alpha i-is a good man. H-he’s smart a-and well liked and f-fair. And my pack- they wouldn’t just choose whoever, okay? T-they wouldn’t just have me go live with someone who couldn’t guarantee me a good life.” 

There was a rumbling growl starting to rise from his left. It sounded like a mixture of Louis and Zayn. It was spiking his heartbeat even more but he couldn’t stop yet; he had to get it all out. 

 _Harry hadn’t slept that night and the morning had still arrived too quickly. It had all been a blur, minutes and hours twisting together until the sun had started to rise._  

 _He wasn’t allowed to take anything other than the clothes he was wearing with him, he quickly learned. It would’ve been rude to assume the Rowland’s couldn’t provide anything and everything for him. It was unsettling, just like the fact that it hadn’t been Ana who had been sent to get him, like it usually was. It had been the Alpha himself, and he seemed to be in a rush._  

 _Euan had joined them outside the third den where Harry’s room was. The young alpha seemed to be nervous and kept glancing at Harry worriedly as the Alpha led them away from the buildings and further in the woods. Harry tried to stop himself from looking back but he really just wanted a chance to say goodbye to the few people he was somewhat close with. That would mostly mean the baby Evina._  

 _Harry didn’t have family from his own line. No siblings or cousins or parents or grandparents. He hadn’t asked about them in a long time. He had learned not to._  

“The Alpha said we were expected to be there by midday…” Harry said quietly, voice cracking. 

He was still staring at Louis’ and his hands, the room quiet again as the growling had waned with his words. Harry stared at the tattoos on the alpha’s wrists. 

Something nasty twisted inside his chest, and he wrangled his hand from Louis’ hold. 

 _Harry tried to keep up with Euan’s fast pace on the rough terrain, the little pouch of clothes tied to his back was uncomfortable and kept smacking his shoulders. The alpha had to slow down a few times before he just settled for running by Harry’s side, dark fur shiny in the morning light._  

_On a normal day he wouldn’t have had any trouble keeping up with a pace like that. Harry was pretty sure he could’ve even been faster than Euan. But it wasn’t a normal day. It was all wrong._

_He_ knew _he was doing the right thing, and yet he still felt like was going to keel over if he had to take even a single more step forward._  

_So he stopped._

_The leaves rushed in the air from under his paws as he skidded to a halt._  

“I just- I j-just couldn’t… A-and I knew it was what I w-was supposed to do! And it wasn’t s-supposed to be a problem, I just had to do as I was told. B-but I _couldn’t_ . A-and Euan was there and he j-just tried to make me run again because t-that’s what _he_ ’d been told to do, and- and he just kept pushing and pushing—” 

 _Harry’s heart was erratic in his chest, he could feel the whites of his eyes flashing as he snapped his teeth at Euan. Panicked snarls were seeping from between his teeth, lip curled up and ears pressed back._  

_But the alpha wasn’t letting up. He just kept nudging Harry, physically pushing him to get them started running again. Euan’s wolf was bigger but Harry didn’t want to move, couldn't move, his panic already having lighted up the fight or flight instinct inside his wolf. Harry didn’t even remember why he was so frantic; his mind had gone blank with the fear that was rising from somewhere deep within his gut._

_In that moment Harry did just as the cornered animal he felt he was would: he bit._  

“I couldn’t let go,” Harry said. 

He didn’t try to wipe the tears from his face anymore, his free hand clenched to a fist over his thigh, knuckles white. Louis’ fingers had curled around Harry’s wrist; stubborn and firm and counting Harry’s pulse under his fingertips.

Harry felt so cold from the inside but he couldn’t tell if it was the room or just him. His breathing was picking up more and more, but there wasn’t enough air.   

“I couldn’t let go, m-my jaws just- they clamped down a-and locked and I was biting down on his th-throat!” 

 _There was a rush of warm blood in his mouth. It was painting over his muzzle and dripping down to his chest and forelegs where Euan was trying to force him away with his own muddy paws._  

“I didn’t mean to, I swear…”

The Alpha was suddenly there, kneeling in front of Harry, both hands gently holding his face. Gentle thumbs were swiping over his temples, fingertips pressing against his scalp, hair falling over the fingers and the backs of her hands. Harry could feel Niall’s shaky breathing where his cheek was pressed against his shirt. 

 _The forest had been rocky and uneven for the better part of their run. It was still rocky and uneven when Harry finally wrenched his tearing jaws off of Euan’s throat, and it was still rocky and uneven when they clashed together again— and it was rocky and uneven when Euan slipped and fell._  

“I- I just—” Harry was panting for air, the familiar icy grip squeezing his windpipe. “I j-just left.” 

_He turned around and ran._

* 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How are we feeling after all that? xx
> 
> shyshyserious.tumblr.com  
> sshyserious@gmail.com


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: There's a brief discussion of rape in this chapter. It's really just a mention, nothing that's happened. I wanted to let you know just in case. :)
> 
> Also, this one is not beta'd. Sorry for the possible mistakes, hopefully it's not too bad! 
> 
> Thank you for being patient and reading this and being awesome! xx

The room was quiet around him and yet too loud at the same time.

Harry’s erratic breaths were echoing from the walls, gasping and out of control. It was overwhelming his senses, the noise loud like a forceful, unforgiving river. And he was underwater; the freezing cold water blinding his eyes and pushing up and in his nostrils and mouth, blocking them. The suffocation was crushing him. His lungs hurt- and so did his chest and his head and his _heart_.  

It was the worst. And he deserved all the pain in the word until he couldn’t take it anymore. He welcomed it. He willingly asked for it.

There were firm hands stopping Harry from clawing at his chest and throat, but he still tried to. He had to get the suffocating pressure away from around him, from around his windpipe. But even before the hands had stopped him it hadn’t helped; it had only added sharp stings of pain all over his skin.

Nothing helped, nothing could take it away. Nothing could ever take away the memories of what had happened- of what he had done. He still tried to, everyday. He tried to forget and push those horrible images and flashing pictures out of his mind. But it was him, it had been _him,_ and he couldn't stop being _him._ He couldn’t get away. And he needed those images to be there too, to remind him.

It was Harry that had done it and now it was Harry that was facing his own past, his own failures, his own- bloodied hands. And Harry was hurting because of it. He was terrified of himself, he was terrified of _everything_. But how did he _dare_? What right did he have to be upset? He shouldn’t have any rights to be _anything._ He wasn’t the one who had… Who had been—     

“I just left,” Harry gasped, voice thick and wet and the words bleeding together, barely understandable. He had been chanting that for a while now, he realised that on some level, but the one phrase record was stuck. Just like the image of blood and red, wet fur and desperate eyes were stuck inside his mind.

Harry felt like he was losing it, the bottom of everything he had managed to build to keep himself afloat had finally been wrenched away. He had tried to forget it all, pushing the memories away and keeping them locked down and hidden- and detesting himself for doing it. Harry didn’t have the right to forget.      

After what felt like forever there were other noises seeping through the rumbling river thundering in his ears. It was halting and stuttering and made no sense yet Harry tried to cling to it.

“I think you need to _tell_ him. Don’t ask, just make him do it.”

“Zayn, what—”

“No, Lou. He might be right.”

Nothing was right. How could anything be right? How was he supposed to live with himself? How—

“Harry. Look at me.”         

His vision was blurry with tears, headache a steady pressure behind his eyes- but something shifted. Between one blink and another the room rushed to focus, his darkened vision clearing. It was like gasping air for the first time after being submerged for far too long.

“That’s it, love, take a deep breath.” The words were spoken quietly against the side of his head. The voice was familiar, soothing but firm, just like the fingers that were curled around the back of his neck.

Harry tried. He forced down a swallow and a wet sob to get the air in. There were hands holding his own down, his wrists pressed unyieldingly against his thighs. Harry slowly noticed how his whole body trembled and his lungs hurt in a familiar way.

It was getting ridiculous; the sense of deja vu unmistakable. How many times would he have to end up a crying, blacked out mess before there wouldn’t be anyone to help him out of it? When would he cross the line? When would it be too much? When would _he_ be too much?

It just kept happening and he wanted it to stop but he needed it to keep happening so he wouldn’t be able to forget.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

“Harry.” It was the Alpha. Her voice was firm, just like her hands were around Harry’s wrists. “You need to breathe. You’ll be fine, just breathe.”

Harry kept shaking his head because he was never going to be fine, he was sure of it. Yet, with a gulping breath, Harry did as he was told.

It felt like forever before the ache in his lungs let up. Harry tried to blink the tears from his eyes, sniffling, head ducked in devastation. He felt shaky and spent and hoped he could take it all back. Hell, he wanted to go back in time and just do as he had supposed to do. Maybe then… Maybe Euan… Fuck, this was exactly why he had tried to shut this part of his memories off. It overwhelmed him, it was crushing.

“Sorry,” Harry whispered once more, a lot more coherent than his earlier sobbed chantings. The Alpha squeezed gently on Harry’s wrists before letting go, trusting him not to try scratching himself again. Which, yeah, the skin on his chest felt sore and stung.

With a sigh Harry brought one trembling hand up and tried to wipe his face dry. Niall was still curled against his side, arms holding tight around his waist. The other boys were right there too. They were all there and it didn’t seem like they would be going anywhere anytime soon. Harry didn’t understand.

“D-do you w-want me t-to leave?” he managed to force out, voice hoarse and trembly. Harry could feel the bodies on both sides of him tense but with a heavy swallow he glanced up at the Alpha.

She looked thoughtful and serious and held Harry’s eyes for the longest few seconds Harry had endured in a while. She was still kneeling in front of him which felt jarring, but honestly, who was he to say anything?

“No, Harry,” she said finally, voice level. “I want you to have a place to stay and I’m offering you the option to stay here with the pack.”

Harry sniffed, brows scrunching even though he felt a flicker of hope inside his chest. “B-but I… I just t-told you I… W-why w-would you let m-me stay a-after that?”

It didn’t make sense. He had done something horrible, how could he ever be trusted? Harry couldn’t even trust himself. What if he blacked out again and did something- something—

“Was your intention to hurt that boy, Harry?” the Alpha asked, cutting off Harry’s internal turmoil. The question punched a gasp out of him.

“No! No, I swear!” Harry’s eyes were watering again with the new desperation. He hadn’t meant to do anything bad, he didn’t want to be bad. “I didn’t mean to, I didn’t p-plan it! I swear, I j-just panicked and i-it happened so f-fast! I—”

“Hey, Harry. Harry, shh, we believe you. It’s okay,” Louis said by his side, cutting the panic from rising too high. Gentle fingers pet through his hair in a shooting rhythm. “It was an accident.”

Harry looked up at the Alpha again, he didn’t know why, maybe to see if she would confirm what Louis just said? Take it all away? Weren’t Alphas all-powerful after all?

She gave him a small nod, eyes thoughtful.

“Accidents happen,” she hummed, agreeing. “And I am so sorry you had to go through something like that.” Louis nodded, Harry could feel it against his shoulder. “But I am also very sorry that you were put into a situation like that to begin with.”

Harry’s brows furrowed even more. “I’m s-sorry, m-ma’am, but w-what do y-you mean?”

“They tried to force a mating on you, that’s what she means.” It was Zayn and he sounded properly pissed. Harry risked a quick glance to the alpha’s direction: his face was stormy and he had his arms crossed tightly over his chest. He was staring down at the floor, dark brows furrowed.

Harry swallowed, then sniffled. He had to shrug, not knowing how to answer, and in the end he didn’t have to because Liam let out a small noise of disgruntled confusion.

“How would that even… They wouldn’t actually, like,” the beta huffed, clearly trying to to find the least offending way to ask his question. “Would they actually _force_ it, you know? Like, the act…”

Zayn sighed, “It’s called rape, Liam. The word you’re looking for is rape.”

Harry could feel Louis whip his head towards the darker alpha, and was no doubt glaring at him. Zayn glared back but before the two were able to start mouthing off to each other Liam hurried to cut in.

“Yeah, well, that,” he said, turning his worried eyes to Harry. “Would they- how could that work? You’d have to… They’d have to make you bite—”

“Fuck. Off. Liam,” Louis growled, pressing closer to Harry as he turned to glare daggers at Liam instead.

Harry whined quietly, low in his throat, and nervously pressed his nose against Louis’ cheek, hoping it would distract the alpha from the- whatever it was that was going on. It did, though the unhappy growl didn’t quite quiet.

“I- I d-don’t think it c-can be a- a _rape_ if it’s not f-forced?” Harry said to Liam, leaning back when he figured Louis wasn’t going to leap over him to wrestle the beta. The beta in question looked more and more confused.

“But how could it _not_ be forced?” Liam asked with a shake of his head. “You didn’t want it, they just told you to do it. Made you do it.”         

“W-well, I would- I m-mean…” Harry sighed, trying to get the words together. “It w-wouldn’t be f-forced if I… If I- It would’ve b-been- for the pack? I w-would’ve done it f-for the pack.”

There was a beat of silence.

It was the Alpha who broke it.

“Oh dear…” she sighed, pinched look on her face. Harry could tell Louis was mad, his knuckles were turning white where his fisted hand was resting on Harry’s thigh. Niall’s breaths were coming haltingly, otherwise he stayed quiet, too quiet for it to ever be considered normal for him. “I don’t think I can give you the kind of- _words_ and help that you need and deserve, love.” She sighed, deeper this time. “But I’m sure we’ll find you someone who’s specialised to situations like this, someone who can help you better than I ever could.”

Harry only nodded, not knowing what else to do, even though he wasn’t quite sure what he was agreeing to. Talk about what, really? Situations like what?

“However, I want you to really listen to me when I say this,” she continued, resting a hand on Harry’s knee and levelling him with a serious look. Harry nodded again, swallowing, shoulders tensed. “What your pack did was wrong.”

Harry’s first reaction was to disagree but the Alpha firmly shook her head. “You are a person, Harry. You can’t be sold or bought or given away like an object, not without consent. That is horrible and that is wrong.”

Harry pressed his fingertips against his thighs in the nervous habit of his. “But I-I wasn’t _s-sold_ —”

“They would’ve benefited from it, you said it yourself,” Zayn cut in, voice gentler now that he was speaking directly to Harry. “Protection and help, maybe even money, from the other pack, right? In change of you? Babe, that’s pure business.”

Harry was quiet.

It sounded wrong. He knew what Zayn meant, he understood the words just fine- but it still sounded wrong. It had to be wrong. Harry couldn’t wrap his head around it, it didn’t make sense. It was all wrong.

“Love,” the Alpha started gently, then paused for a second while Louis tugged Harry’s hands to his, stopping Harry from digging his fingertips harder against his thighs. “It’s alright to be confused and upset about this, I’m sure it’s a lot take in. And I don’t want you to just blindly believe us, or anyone in that matter. I want you to _think_ for yourself.

I truly hope that your pack was acting from a place of love and caring but I can’t tolerate abuse, and I won’t. That’s not how things are done here.”

But… His pack cared about him. They wouldn’t… He had never been mistreated, never been hit or hurt or even yelled at without a good reason. It didn’t make sense, it wasn’t abuse, was it? It was for the pack. You were supposed to do anything for the pack. Right?

“I’m sure you’re a smart lad, Harry, and you’ll figure this out in no time,” the Alpha said, her eyes looked sad when Harry peeked up. Louis’ thumb swept over his knuckles distracting him from getting too anxious over the fact that it was Harry who had caused the Alpha to look like that. “We’ll help you to get there. If you’d like us to, that is.”

It was an option. He had an option.

And yet he didn’t really have any place to say no.   

“Thank you, Alpha,” Harry said quietly. He stared down to his knees where the Alpha’s hand still rested.

Harry wasn’t sure what he had expected to happen when the truth finally came out but- this probably wasn’t it. No one was mad. He wasn’t being banished. He wasn’t being shunned. Harry didn’t really understand what was happening, or why. But he decided to just go with it, just like he had survived the past year…

The Alpha patted his knee gently. “We’ll take care of you, love. And we’ll be just fine, you’ll see,” she hummed, tone lighter as she leaned back and got up from the floor. “I’ll go take care of this so we can get the whole situation figured out. You’ll be fine staying with Zayn and Louis, hm?” 

Harry nodded hurriedly. “Yes, ma’am.” He suddenly wanted nothing more than to get back in the safety of the flat.

The Alpha nodded at the man, Zack, still standing by the door. “Track that beta for me, please,” she said strictly as she crossed the room. Zack tipped his head and pushed the door open, following the Alpha out.

After a beat of silence Harry felt his body finally relax a bit against the backrest. _Shit. What was- What the- Just… What?_

“My mum has a name, you know?” Louis broke the silence after the door clicked closed. He was clearly forcing his voice to a lighter tone. Harry was fine with that. He didn’t feel like he could talk about it any more right then. “You don’t have to call her Alpha or ma’am all the time.”

Harry was quick to shake his head.

“But- that would be really impolite…” he mumbled, head tilting a bit and finally turning to face the alpha. Louis lifted his brows, squeezing Harry’s hand. _Maybe there was no need to be that nervous…_

“No but seriously, Niall calls her ‘alpha-mum’ half the time,” Liam chimed in, a small grin lingering on his lips when Harry turned his head towards him.  

“The _Royal Mumness_ made her snort,” Niall butted in quietly from against Harry’s chest, speaking for the first time since he had told Harry to shut up. It felt like it was a lifetime ago and Harry almost jolted at the sudden words. He battled the startled reaction down.

He felt something loosen inside him. There had been so much going on that he didn’t even know what stressed him the most. However, having Niall _not_ be all quiet and miserable and just- not himself felt like a soothing wave inside his body.   

“Is Louis the _Royal Dumness_ then?” Harry whispered, carefully but loud enough for everyone to hear. It was silly and _stupid_ , such a childish thing to say, but it made Niall chuckle. Harry couldn’t but join in when he heard that, relieved, breathless giggle falling from his lips. _Maybe it would all work out…_

The blond straightened up a bit then and lifted his head from his hiding spot, eyes red but a bit brighter. Liam gently reached over to ruffle Niall’s hair, small smile on his lips.  

“Oi,” Louis called out, only a faint trace of bite visible in his voice, knocking his and Harry’s shoulders together, jolting Niall in the process too. He never let go of Harry’s hand. “I’ll have you know that it is the _Royal Bumness_ to you plebs.”

Zayn huffed out an amused breath and unceremoniously tugged Louis’ beanie over his eyes.

*

It didn’t take them long to get back to the flat. Apparently being the son of the pack Alpha meant that you were able to get someone drive you around if needed.

The house they had been at wasn’t even Louis’ family’s home, it was just some sort of meeting space for pack business. And apparently Harry was pack business now- and in a different way that he had been when he had originally been brought in the building. A day could change a lot, it seemed.

Going back to the flat with the boys was way easier than Harry had feared, too. There clearly was some silent agreement that they weren’t going to discuss the _Thing_ any more that day. There was a lot to be said and to be done but they all needed a break.

It was a relief. It felt like any other day. Well, maybe with a little more touching though. Okay, a lot more touching. And well, okay, maybe it wasn’t like any other day. Not quite.

Usually Louis didn’t cling on him like that; insistently nudging Harry towards his room the second they got inside the flat, pretty much ignoring the other boys completely. Not that Harry was complaining, like, you know… Because- It was _Louis._      

“Holy shit, Harry,” Louis breathed against Harry’s shoulder as the door clicked closed behind them. The alpha was wrapped around Harry like a cuddle-aggressive koala or something. It was a bit startling but Harry just hugged back. He was still getting hugged after all what had happened that day? No way was he letting go. “Shit, are you alright, love? Do you- Can I do something? What—”

Harry cut him off with a shake of his head, small smile tilting his lips upwards. The alpha’s ramblings warmed his insides, managing to relax him further. He didn’t really need anyone to do anything. It wasn’t like there was much that Louis could do anyways. Harry just wanted to… He just… He just wanted to think about something else for now.

Louis took a deep breath and seemed to be collecting himself. He leaned back and pulled his arms from around Harry’s shoulders, bringing both hands to rest against the sides of Harry’s face.

“Promise that you’ll tell me, _anyone_ , if you need anything, okay?” he said, eyes intense as they stared at each other. Louis was really close, like. _Really._ “I don’t care what it is, Harry. No more secrets, yeah?”

Harry swallowed, cheeks flushing under Louis’ palms. It was distracting, his mind and thoughts were slowing down to a lazy drawl as he nodded haltingly. Louis was being serious and Harry should focus, he really should. Guilt flashed somewhere in the back of his mind, but he just… Stared.

Louis blinked.

Something shifted in his eyes, his brows furrowing for a second before he blinked again.     

“Can I kiss you?” Louis asked. He sounded almost distracted, like he maybe wasn’t supposed to say that out loud.

And that… Did he really just ask that?

Louis’ eyes cleared a bit after a stretching moment of silence. During which Harry was just standing there, mouth ajar and eyes wide and his heart fluttering in his throat like a little bird. For a second a trace of panic flashed in Louis eyes, making him hurriedly lean back.

“Or… Do you not- want to?” he rushed out, biting his lip, hands sliding down to rest on Harry’s shoulders.  

Right. _Right._ Well, this really gave Harry something else to think about, that was for sure.

“But- Do _you_?” Harry asked in an incredulous whisper when he finally was able to control his voice again. Louis’ brows jumped higher.

There was a moment of silence again as they both uncertainly stared at each other.

Until there was a twitch in the corner of Louis’ mouth.

“You really are a bit thick, aren’t you?” the alpha huffed breathlessly, words laced in amused fondness. Harry found himself pouting, just a little, heart still pounding.

“Heyy,” he managed to utter out, weakly, cheeks flushing, and ducked his head to hide the little smile that was adamant on clinging to his lips. “That’s not very nice…”

Louis laughed quietly, still breathless, and sounding somewhat unbelieving. A warm hand curled behind Harry’s neck, startling him to lift his head back up.

The look in Louis’ eyes wasn’t that amused anymore. He looked determined.

Fingers tangled around the hairs in Harry’s nape, holding but not hurting. Harry blinked in surprise, eyes widening and a bewildered swallow visibly bobbing his throat. Louis stepped closer, their chests pressing together.

“Can I kiss you, Harry?” he asked, head tilted a bit so he could reach Harry’s eyes better.

Harry nodded shakily- and just like that Louis’ lips were against his own, soft and warm.

It felt like a headrush; tingling shivers running up Harry’s back, making the hairs on the back of his neck rise, goosebumps no doubt spreading all over his arms. It was stunning and Harry’s mind emptied in a rush, his wolf nowhere to be seen.  

Louis kissed just like he held himself; strong and firm with a bit of sharpness, but all that was tied together with overwhelming warmth and careful tenderness. And Harry…

Harry had no fucking clue what he was doing.

He didn’t really have time to dwell on that realisation as Louis stepped even closer, trapping Harry between the door and his body. One hand found its way under Harry’s shirt, resting on his skin, fingers spreading over the dip of his back. The hand didn’t move further, it just stayed there as a burning and soft pressure holding Harry in place.     

Harry felt all tense and floaty at the same time. His thoughts were a stuttering mess, his head too quiet to catch on anything helpful, and his hands hovered by Louis’ sides with no idea of where to go.

It was so new, so different than anything he had experienced before. Harry was terrified. What if he was doing something wrong? What if copying Louis wasn’t enough? Did it feel bad? He didn’t want it to stop but he also wanted to hide, nervous tingles running up his neck where Louis’ other hand’s fingers were holding him. Harry knew he was blushing hard, too aware of it. Too aware of everything.

“You alright?” Louis whispered then, leaning back and pressing their foreheads together while trying to catch his breath.

Harry blinked, the alpha’s eyes just a blur of blues and blacks from so close up. Why had he stopped? Was it that bad?

“I- I don’t know,” Harry breathed out, licking his lower lip in a daze. He had just kissed Louis. _Louis._

“Do you want to stop?” Louis asked, voice hushed, bumping Harry’s nose with his own, eskimo kissing, so, so carefully.

Harry felt his brows scrunch together, Louis fingers on his back petted his skin; up and down, up and down. It was distracting. It was so nice. “No?”

Louis hummed, kissing Harry’s cheek with lips curved in amusement. The fingers at Harry’s nape raked along his scalp, tugging softly at the curls, making Harry tip his head against the wood of the door.

“Are you asking me or..?” Louis said, tone sparked with a teasing lilt as he moved his lips from Harry’s cheek to mouth along his jawline. Harry couldn’t stop the little whiny grunt escaping from the back of his throat, head tipping further back.

Louis was so good at this. His lips soft and gentle and knowing, teeth clever where they shortly pressed against the soft skin under Harry’s jaw. Harry wanted to squirm; restless energy growing inside him, but he didn’t want to get away. Harry swallowed and squeezed his eyes closed, trying to make sense of his thoughts.

“Want to- more,” Harry managed to utter. Louis was doing this suckling thing, mouth hot and wet against the sensitive skin under his ear. “More kisses. Please.”

Louis pulled back then. Which was- not what Harry had intended. Harry’s fingers tangled around the hem of Louis jumper as if they had a life of their own, finally finding a place to hold on to, and preventing Louis from pulling further away. Nervousness was rabidly bleeding back to Harry’s veins as he moved his head to see the alpha. _Had that not been the right answer? What if—_

Louis looked happy. The smile on his face so big that his eyes were squeezed and crinkles had formed in the corners of them. His eyes were bright and sunny and Harry’s heart was suddenly beating even faster.

“W-what?” Harry stuttered out, confused but the alpha’s smile was contagious and tried to tug at Harry’s lips too. Louis shook his head, looking so fond that Harry almost felt embarrassed by it.

It made him feel a bit useless again too- _all of_ Louis made him feel useless. It made him ponder what he was supposed to do and if he should ask again what the smile was supposed to mean, and all this while being stuck staring at Louis’ lips.

“ _More kisses, please,”_ Louis mimicked to himself, almost too quietly for Harry to hear. Then the hand on Harry’s back pulled him forward as the alpha pressed even closer.

Louis’ chest was firm against Harry’s, their bellies touching and there was a thigh between both of Harry’s. Louis stubble was harsh against Harry’s cheek in a way that made his toes curl.

Harry got a peck. Quick press of lips against his own that was gone too fast, even with the little chasing movement Harry caught himself doing. Harry blinked, brows furrowing.

Louis’ eyes were full of mirth when he gazed at Harry, looking slightly upwards as Harry stood a bit taller than him. He looked happy and playful and relaxed where Harry was still all nerves and shakiness and confusion. Harry licked his lips again, wondering if he was tasting Louis, and followed how the alpha’s eyes dropped to his mouth.

At that he felt a fluttering surge of- something. A realisation that maybe Louis was just as affected by this as him but just had it better under control? That maybe he wasn’t doing it all wrong after all?

Their eyes met again; the direct, stretching contact making Harry want to fidget. The hand on his back never stopped the soft petting and the fingers still tangled on his hair stayed in place, keeping Harry right there. Harry squirmed a bit, dropped his eyes to Louis’ lips and then back up to meet the blue ones.

Louis just kept looking, something mischievous twinkling behind his eyes. Harry licked his lips, not caring if they would end up all chapped at this rate, and bit down on the bottom one. Louis clearly wasn’t going to do it. And Harry wanted to… He just had to…

Louis fingers in Harry’s hair stopped him from leaning forward. The sudden tingle made Harry whine out shortly, confused and frustrated, but apparently that movement was exactly what Louis had been waiting for. Hoarse, approving rumble started to raise from his chest, freezing Harry to his spot.

The sound was sending sparkling little jolts through his body and Louis’ lips finally pressing back against his just intensified the feeling. Harry clutched on the hem of Louis’ jumper while giving his best to match the movements of the alpha’s lips.

He felt so clumsy but it was also so, so good. His breath was hitching, knuckles turning white, and he was feeling too hot. Harry could soon feel the sweat gathering on his temples, flushing up along his sides, and his palms getting clammy. But this was really happening.

Louis tongue was brilliant where it was massaging over Harry’s lip that Louis had just caught between his teeth. Harry wanted to know how to do that, how to kiss Louis back in a way that had the chills running up his back too. But he had no idea, he didn’t have a clue what he was doing. Harry tried his best to just kiss back even though he felt graceless and a bit too shy. Louis didn’t seem to mind, or notice even, and just sucked gently on Harry’s lip.     

With an overwhelmed, weak bleat wavering it’s way out Harry pushed closer to Louis, just to be pressed back and tighter against the door.

Somewhere in the back of his mind Harry was happy about it, more comfortable when the options and decisions were taken away from him for that small moment. He didn’t have to think how to move his body nor if he should get closer or move back. Louis had that covered and Harry trusted Louis. Harry trusted him so much, maybe too much even.

He didn’t have to think, didn’t have to worry; he could just be and feel. For a second it felt a lot like dropping.

“Huh…” Louis hummed, out of breath and eyes wide with bewildered amazement as he pulled back after a long moment.

They stared at each other for a quiet second, panting breaths pressing their chests tighter against each other with every inhale. Louis looked like he was trying to say something but with a small shake of his head he ducked in to press their lips together again, like he couldn’t get enough of it, like he couldn’t stop long enough to form words.

The series of pecks were sweet and innocent, making Harry finally feel brave enough, sure enough, to move his hands away from the hem of Louis’ jumper. The alpha clearly wasn’t planning on going anywhere so Harry shakily uncurled his fingers from the fabric and carefully brought his arms up. He looped them around Louis’ shoulders, humming happily when he noticed how the position made him feel like they were even closer than before.

With a pleased sigh Louis leaned his forehead against Harry’s, nudging Harry’s nose with his own.   

“I’ve been wanting to do that for weeks,” Louis murmured, voice hoarse but light. His eyes were bright and still held on to the awe that Harry had seen there before. He didn’t know what he had done to make Louis look at him like that. After all, Harry had given the alpha all the possible reasons not to want to look at him at all.    

Harry knew he looked flustered. His lips felt bruised and tingly, and he couldn’t get enough of that feeling. Harry fought down the urge to bring a hand up to play with his lower lip where he could feel his racing pulse. He couldn’t stop running his tongue over it though and Louis clearly couldn’t stop staring at the movement.

Louis slipped out the hand he had under Harry’s shirt and splayed his fingers over Harry’s side, smoothing the fabric down. Harry missed the skin-on-skin warmth and contact of it instantly but was quickly distracted when Louis raked his fingertips through his curls again.

Louis leaned closer with a hum, rubbing their cheeks together. His scruffy stubble was scratchy but oddly enough Harry wanted to just get more of that. The thought of that made Harry blush harder.

“Sorry I bounced you like that,” Louis huffed out when their breathing started to return back to normal, petting hair behind Harry’s ear. The alpha had the audacity look awkward, faint flush high on his cheekbones. Harry just blinked.

“What?” Harry said, voice syrupy slow and confused, brows furrowing. Louis’ fingers traced gently along Harry’s ear, lighting up all the nerve-ends there.        

“Yeah. I just… This was probably the worst timing but… I just _really_ wanted to kiss you, okay?” Louis sighed, dramatically rolling his eyes up and leaning heavier against Harry’s chest. He was pouting. _Pouting._ “I know that you might have- different thoughts on this sort of stuff and I should’ve maybe, like, slowed down a bit. Waited. Or something.”

“This sort of stuff?” Harry parroted dumbly, brows pressing closer together. Louis hummed, nodding, and leaned back enough to meet Harry’s eyes properly.

“Like kissing. And being around alphas and, you know. Uh, dating and- stuff.”  

Right. _Right._ Because Louis was, in fact, an alpha. Harry had just snogged with Louis, _an alpha_. He had just snogged with an alpha who had by no means showed any interest in mating with him- for the rest of their _lives_. And they had already spent a good moment kissing, right there, against the door in a flat full of people. As if they were in some raunchy adult film.

Harry tried his best not to panic when it all suddenly hit him. _This was bad._ He had… _This was bad, right?_

“No no, it’s…” Harry babbled out suddenly, rushed, while shaking his head. “I mean, sure, I… It’s- I need to go to the bathroom. Please.”

Louis’ brows shot up in startled surprise, Harry’s sudden change from dazed to evasive and rushed no doubt throwing him off.

“Sure?” he said, eyeing Harry carefully as he stepped back right away, letting Harry’s arms fall off his shoulders. “Are you alright, Haz?”

“Yes, yes, absolutely. Brilliant. Thank you,” Harry rambled, not really paying attention to what he was spouting out of his mouth.

He twisted around, pulled the door open and fled.

Harry really was planning on locking himself into the bathroom but once he was in the hallway he noticed Niall in Zayn’s room. Harry stumbled in, locking the door behind him and then turned to stare at Niall with big eyes, panting.

The blond was sitting on the bed, crosslegged, with a phone in his hands as it charged. With quirked eyebrows he blinked up at Harry, expressions shifting between confused and amused.

“I think I…” Harry whispered, quite frantic. “I think… Louis kissed me?”

“Fucking finally!” Niall grinned, perking up noticeably and started to tap away on his phone. Harry halted, mouth ajar. “Liam and Z better pay it up.”

“What? No. What?” Harry uttered, stumbling over his words, brows furrowing. With a shake of his head he inched closer to the bed. “No, Ni, I mean… _I just kissed Louis._ ”

Niall was still writing away on his phone, victorious grin barely contained with teeth pressing over his lower lip. He nodded agreeably, peeking quickly up at Harry before glancing back down to type- whatever it was he was typing. After a few beats his fingers halted though and he turned to properly look at Harry.  

“Yes?” Niall answered, slowly, clearly just catching on Harry’s internal turmoil, and set the phone down on the bed. “About… Time?”

“What? I- But… I’m not-” Harry stuttered. He knew he was stuttering, he knew he was sounding like a total prat and he didn’t need Niall’s smug face to confirm it. “I’m not supposed to kiss him!”

It came out a lot like a hiss, a scandalised hiss at that. Niall just rolled his eyes and shrugged, he really wasn’t taking this seriously enough.

“Why not?” Niall asked then, matter of factly. “You like him, right?”

“I, well, yeah. But—”

“So there you have it,” Niall grinned again, not caring that he cut Harry off. “You like him, he likes you, you may now snog the, uh”, Niall flailed a hand in the air as if it would clear something up, “the Louis.”

“But Niall,” Harry whined, cheeks flushing. He wrangled his fingers together, frustrated and embarrassed, thoughts a confused mess. Niall sighed exaggeratedly.

“Fine, fine, alright. Sit,” the omega huffed and when Harry got close enough he was tugged on the bed. Harry was wrestled down from his knees and arranged to sit against the headboard. Niall quickly copied the position and snuggled to Harry’s side, throwing a leg over both of Harry’s. “So, what’s the craic then?”

Harry sighed, leaning his head against the headboard. This day was too much.    

“I’m just so confused…” Harry said after a beat of silence, curling his fingers over Niall’s knee. Niall hummed.

“You know it’s alright to be confused, right?” Niall said, tilting his head to the side. And, yeah, Harry knew that but it didn’t make all _this_ any easier. Harry shrugged.

“I know,” he said, then shrugged again as he played with the fabric of Niall’s jeans. “I just- don’t know what to do.”

“Right… So, what are you confused about exactly?” Niall asked, batting Harry’s fingers away when he started tugging on a loose thread at the seam of the jeans. “Like, kissing Louis? Or kissing in general? Kissing an alpha? What?”

“Well, I mean… All of it?” Harry said, brows scrunched together. “I guess.”

Niall gave him a look, and when Harry wasn’t quick enough to elaborate he got a prompting hand motion that matched the exaggeratedly raised eyebrows.

“It’s just… I’ve always thought that all that- _kissing_ stuff is for like mates, and, yeah… And it wasn’t really even an option, you know, before, because it wasn’t proper to hang out with- Like, it’s just not proper? And, and I didn’t even realise or remember that until… Because- I really liked it, I think? But I’m not supposed to just go around kissing people! That’s… not okay, I think. Also, why would Louis even kiss _me_? He’s an alpha and—”

Harry’s words quieted when he noticed that Niall was trying to hold back a laugh. Harry glared at him.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! But you’re just so adorable,” Niall whined out, palm pressed against his mouth and elbow leaning on his raised knee. Harry stared, confused, always so confused. “I know it not funny to you but holy shit that was your first kiss, look at you!”

Harry blushed even harder at that.

“Niall!” he huffed, nudging the blond’s thigh. “It’s not cute, it’s embarrassing!”

“They grow up so fast,” Niall snorted, reaching to pet Harry’s hair but Harry dodged. The laughing quieted soon when Harry just kept poking at the leg draped over his.

“Embarrassing,” Harry emphasised, pouty and nearing grumpy because Niall was way too amused by this.

“Whatever, so is your face,” Niall jabbed with a sunny smile. With a sigh Harry decided to let that one go, he was just happy that the omega was closer to being his cheery self again. “Also, since when have you been ‘going around kissing people?’” Niall huffed. “You kissed _Louis_ , not half the town.”

“Well… I guess,” Harry mumbled, toying with his lower lip, pulling at it. It still tingled. _For fuck’s sake._ “But I probably shouldn’t have, right?”

Niall’s brows did a weird scrunch-rise thing before settling to a considering furrow. He opened his mouth to say something but sighed instead. With a little shake of his head he turned towards Harry, catching his eyes, playfulness gone from his for now.

“Right, listen, Harry. I would love to just tell you what you should or shouldn’t do, or what’s right and what’s wrong, but I’m not going to do that. Okay?” Niall said, tone serious as he held the eye contact. “You have to figure that out yourself. I know you’ve been living your whole life with people that have taught you to be a certain way and to do certain things, but there are other ways of living and being, you’ve seen that now. I guess- I think you need to just find out what feels right for you. No one else can decide stuff like that for you, not some alpha or beta, not even if it was _the_ Alpha. It’s up to _you_.

I know you’ve been taught to think otherwise but- I’m just saying that you have this option now too, you know? If… If you’d feel happier with the way you were brought up then... I guess we’d just have to figure something out. You don’t even have to stay here with us, you know, if you feel like it’s not right for you. Obviously we all want you to stay, but I just want you to know that you can do whatever you want, yeah?”

Harry turned his head to stare at his hands, considering the words.

“And, like, the kissing thing? No one gives a shit,” Niall said boldly after a short pause, shrugging when Harry looked back up at him with wide eyes. “Yeah, it’s not a big deal. Well, obviously it’s a big deal for you and Louis, and me because I made money out of it, but in general it’s nobody else’s business. Even if you wanted to go and kiss, or hell, even shag, your way through this town, then be my guest. I’m not saying that people wouldn’t raise their brows at you, and Louis would probably be really bummed, but the point is: you could. It’s your decision. If that’s what you want to do, do it.”

Harry fish mouthed for a few seconds. Right. _Right._

“Well… I don’t want to- _shag_ through the town,” was what finally came out and Niall just smirked at his horrified expression.

“Good to know. I figured as much, you really don’t seem like the type anyway,” Niall said, unbothered. Harry’s face was in flames. He couldn’t believe they were talking about this. “Also, Louis would be even more annoying than usual if you did. Can you image the amount of whining we’d have to listen?”    

“Uh, no?” Harry breathed out, trying to keep up and staring at Niall, wide-eyed as ever. Niall pulled a suffering face.

“You two, seriously. Useless”, he complained. “‘ _But he doesn’t like me! Why would he like me? But he’s so pretty, Niall, I can’t breathe, Niall!_ ’ I wish I could smack you both sometimes.”

Harry stared some more. “You made that up,” he accused, blushing harder and harder. Niall threw his hands up.  

“Did not! You just two minutes ago cried about why he would kiss you! And what do you think Louis is like? Well let me tell you: he’s currently panicking because he thinks he pushed you too far and now you’re going to run away and he’s planning on jumping out the window.”

“What? No he’s not! How’d you know that?”

“I have inside sources,” Niall smirked, all conspirational, but then patted the phone by his side before grabbing it. “ _‘Don’t let him jump. H is alright: just went through his puberty. No signs of facial hair yet, only lovebites.’_ Send.”

Niall cackled as Harry gasped and tried to snatch the phone.

“You didn’t! Niall!” Harry grumbled before he suddenly stopped mid-strike to think back, “Lovebites?”

“Yeah,” Niall grinned, poking a finger under Harry’s jaw. “Are you sure you two just kissed?”

Harry hid his face in his hands with a pitiful whimper, trying to ignore Niall’s gleeful belly laugh. His face was burning.

There was a light knock on the door. Niall jumped up, not slowed by Harry’s panicked deer in the headlights expression.

“No, no, no, Niall!” Harry hissed, halfway ready to leap from the bed and hide underneath it. He was so not ready.

“Oh, shut up, it’s just Liam,” Niall said, waving an unconcerned hand while unlocking the door with the other.

“Yes, it’s me,” Liam rushed out breathlessly, eyes bright as he slipped inside the room. He was staring at Harry. “Did you kiss Louis?”

“I hate you all,” Harry whined, crossing his arms and glared down at the bed. Niall locked the door again and bounced back to flop down next to Harry.

“Tell me,” Liam pleaded, puppy dog eyes on full force. “I don’t trust Niall and Louis probably just had a dream again.”

After a short staring contest Harry huffed, “Well, fine. Yes we did. It’s not like I wanted to keep it a secret or anything,” and then turned to glare at smug looking Niall. “Also, what dream?”

“Told ya,” Niall smirked obnoxiously up at Liam, poking his side as he sat down on the bed. Liam easily caught both of Niall’s wrists and stopped him. “I’m expecting my earnings by tomorrow evening.”

“I don’t know if I should be sad that I lost or just happy that it finally happened,” the beta sighed.

“What dream?” Harry tried again.

“You should definitely be happy. Maybe Lou will shut up for a bit now,” Niall mused, not bothering with freeing himself. Liam hummed, tilting his head thoughtfully.

“Yeah, well, he definitely wasn’t shutting up just now,” he said, glancing at Harry from the corner of his eye. Harry was still stuck at the dream comment. “Zayn’s trying to trick him to fall asleep, I think.”

“How’d he do that?” Harry chimed in, giving in and trying to get back in the conversation.

“Well, basically you just let him talk until he tires himself,” Liam shrugged, teasing smirk then rising to his face. “I feel sorry for Z, though. When I left Louis had convinced himself that you hate him.”

“Tosser,” Niall coughed, eyes mirthful.

“I don’t hate him, that’s not it,” Harry huffed, blush refusing to vanish from his cheeks. Liam cocked up an eyebrow, questioning. When Harry didn’t go on, Niall sighed loudly.

“Haz thinks he’s a slag because he kissed Lou,” Niall stated, making Harry yelp disgruntledly and then nudge him with narrowed eyes. “What? That’s pretty much it, isn’t it?”

“Well… You didn’t have to be so _crude,_ ” Harry grumbled, glaring. Liam huffed out a laugh, brown eyes warm as he leaned to ruffle Harry’s hair.

“I promise that that doesn’t make you a slag,” Liam smiled. “Niall once had two dates at the same day and only went because of the free food. He kissed them both too.”

“I did. The food was good,” Niall snorted, finally tugging one hand free from Liam’s grasp to check his phone again.

“Does that make Niall a slag?” Harry asked, feigning innocence and joining in the banter.

“Of course,” Liam said right away, nodding, and dodged Niall’s fist coming down on his thigh. “But, you see, we love him anyways.”

“Fuck off, Payno,” Niall sniffed, smacking the beta successfully this time. “You had no problem eating the leftovers I brought over after. That makes you a slag by association.”

“What a punch of slags we are,” Liam sighed sadly, tipping his head back to stare at the ceiling. “And on the second thought, Harry might actually be the super-slag of this flat after all. That hickey _is_ absolutely racy.”

Harry ducked his head even though he knew Liam was just teasing. However, he couldn’t stop the tiny smile tugging at the corners of his lips.

Niall gently nudged Harry’s leg with his elbow, having noticed the smile.

“See?” he said quietly, smiling too. “It’s not the end of the world, yeah?”       

In the end it still took Harry a few hours to even consider leaving the room. And even then he only left because Zayn came in with his key and threatened to kick their arses if they didn’t fuck off from his room. Even Niall was kicked out this time because Zayn needed “an absolute fucking silence, for fuck’s sake. Get. Out.”

Niall and Liam stumbled sleepily towards the living room, both turning to waggle their eyebrows ridiculously at Harry when he faltered by Louis’ door. Harry just stared down at the floor, biting his cheek and refusing to feel too embarrassed. The pair quickly disappeared from his view, leaving Harry to battle with his nerves on his own.  

Was he seriously considering doing something that stood for the exact opposite of what he had always been taught?

He wasn’t even considering it actually, he had already decided. That’s what the Alpha had asked for him to do after all, right? To think for himself.

Sneaking inside Louis’ room was easy after realising that.

It was dark, clock already way past midnight, the room only dimly lit by the street lights near the tall window. Bright red digital numbers of a clockradio blinked at Harry from the bedside table, the numbers still in summer time even though they were nearing closer to the spring. It seemed like a really Louis thing and Harry found it stupidly cute.

Harry tried to be quiet as he crossed the room from the door to the bed. Louis was snuggled under his blanket, hair tufting against the pillow. His cheek was pressed against it too, causing his mouth to pout slightly. Harry tried not to be too endeared but failed miserably.

He quickly also tried to focus on something else when his brain vividly reminded him how those lips in question had felt against his just a few hours ago.   

Harry gathered all his bravery and kneeled on the edge of the bed, carefully nudging Louis’ shoulder through the blanket.

“Louis?” Harry whispered, bottom lip pulling between his teeth in his unsure nervousness.

The alpha grunted groggily, brows scrunching together before his eyes slowly blinked open. They looked dark in the dimness of the room. “Louis? Can I… um, do you mind if I..?”

Louis yawned as Harry trailed off, and then blinked at him again, brows punching up further. Harry was trying to figure out if the alpha was awake enough to answer him.

With a lick of his lips he opened his mouth to ask again only to be cut off by a sleep warmed hand that curled behind his neck and gently pulled him down. With a surprised huff he ended up sprawled next to Louis, causing the alpha to hum, pleased.

Harry laid there quietly for a moment before wriggling a bit, trying to get comfortable. Louis sighed deeply, clearly half asleep, and tugged at the blanket until Harry was able to snuggle under it.

“Thanks, Lou,” Harry whispered, feeling a bit too giddy for it to be the middle of the night. Louis just huffed against the pillow, curling a hand over Harry’s waist and then pressed close enough to hide his face against Harry’s arm.  

“No pr’blem, H’rold,” came the mumbled, sighing answer. “Thought you’d f’llen in the loo…”

Harry had to bite down on his lip as he watched Louis’ breathing deepen and slow down back to an even sleep.

Harry was flooded with an odd mixture of relief and calm as he turned to stare at the ceiling. He stared for a long time, thinking over the day and how it had gone from horrible to even more horrible and form amazing to weird in such a short time.

Laying there in the dark, pressed against Louis’ sleeping form, Harry felt better. And that was _better_ than he had felt in a long while.

  
*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *gasp!*
> 
> Still with me? Thoughts? xx
> 
> shyshyserious.tumblr.com  
> sshyserious@gmail.com


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just finished writing the last scene of this chapter and I have been writing this the whole day and I can barely see anymore, yaiks. I'll come back and read it over tomorrow and fix the mess I've made haha! But I finished it! :)
> 
> This really wasn't coming together as quickly as I had hoped and planned but I think I finally got the atmosphere I wanted for this one. I hope you like this! 
> 
> Also, once again, I'm so thankful for all your comments, I read them over and over again whenever I feel like my writing isn't going anywhere and because they make me happy. Thank you! xx

Harry stirred from sleep sometime in the early morning when the light coming through the window was still just a hazy, soft hue.

He was feeling warm, too warm. The clothes he was wearing, the ones from the Alpha’s house from the previous day, were a bit too small for him and felt too confining in his sleepy state.

Harry was laying on his belly, tightly pressed against Louis’ side with the alpha’s arm resting over his shoulders and a leg hooked over both of his. Harry nuzzled groggily against the warmth of Louis’ shoulder and stretched his legs towards the end of the bed, muscles trembling with it. He squirmed a bit, pointing his toes in a languid stretch while huffing through his nose and then blinked sleepily, trying to keep his eyes open.

The jumper he had on smelled like Louis but so did Louis himself and Louis didn't have irritatingly itchy seams that dug into Harry's skin like the jumper that had twisted around his torso. Harry scrunched up his nose, feeling a bit more awake, and sighed out a tiny breath.

Louis was sleeping quietly, eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks and breathing even. His hair was a fluffy mess and Harry carefully pushed the feathery fringe back from his forehead. Harry’s movements were sleep-heavy but he managed without jolting Louis. It was hard not to stare.

With a small, yawn-y sigh Harry squirmed and managed to turn on his back. He carefully moved the arm draped over him to rest on the bed and slowly sat up, hoping that the movement wouldn’t make the alpha stir. Fortunately Louis only twitched his nose and curled the arm against his chest, fingers softly grasping around the edge of the pillowcase. Again Harry had to force himself to look the other way.

With a tired huff Harry tugged the jumper over his head and off, shivers immediately rushing up his back as the cool air of the room curled against his skin. He folded the jumper neatly and then pushed it on top of the wonky arrangement of books and magazines that had piled up on the bedside table.

After a quick glance towards Louis and making sure he was still asleep Harry pushed the joggers off too, as quickly and quietly as he could. He didn’t bother folding those and just pushed them on the floor; he already felt like a creeper enough rolling around starkers in the bed while there was someone else sleeping in it.

Harry let the wolf swirl out from the back of his mind and welcomed the calm lightness the shift brought with it.

More relaxed and sighing happily he padded back right next to Louis and laid down. He breathed in the familiar scent of him, licked over his chops and fell back to sleep.

When Harry jolted awake after what felt like two seconds it was because a sharp jab landed on his chest.

Sharply rising warning growl stilled all the movement, including Harry’s, before an apologising whine soothed the rumble down. After a few beats of silence Harry dared to let out the sleepy yawn he was holding back and then blinked his eyes open.

He found himself with a faceful of tawny, pale fur that smelled familiar even in his sleepy state. Harry huffed, making the invading hairs fly up where his muzzle was pressed against them.

Harry’s ears were lazily tilted to the sides, twitching every now and then, trying to catalogue all and any sounds. However, he room was quiet, so with a little shake Harry lifted his head to get a better look of his surroundings.

Louis was giving Niall a grumpy, judging look down his snout and Niall was pretending to look apologetic. His bushy tail was wagging too happily for his expression to be completely genuine and the alpha clearly wasn’t buying it, nor impressed.

Harry blinked, his brain slowly realising that he was surrounded by the bodies of wolves, not humans. Niall’s blue eyes were bright and his wagging tail was thumping against Harry’s side. A happy yip rolled out with the yawn that spread Harry’s jaws wide, his own tail joining the party.

Louis didn’t even try to hide his obvious eye roll when Harry started to excitedly squirm around to get closer to Niall and then to Louis, and then back to Niall. Harry couldn’t help it, it felt so nice to suddenly be so close to the others like this, all fur and tail and teeth.

The corners of Niall’s mouth and the rest of his canine face were stretched like he was grinning and he squirmed obnoxiously, mimicking Harry, just to trash against Louis to annoy him. Harry couldn’t stop the happy whine escaping from him, his wolf too close to the surface to be bothered by things like human embarrassment, and licked over Niall’s muzzle and cheeks. He was half way on top of the tawny wolf, nuzzling and gnawing on his ears, and Niall was playfully nipping right back.

Louis was laying stiffly on his belly, forelegs pointed straight forwards and head held high to avoid any too-excited attempts of affection. There was a hint of amusement hiding in his eyes though and it had Harry’s tail thump pathetically even faster. With a huffing grunt Harry pushed closer to the alpha, flattening Niall against the mattress in the process, and knocked their muzzles together.

Niall snorted but otherwise didn’t complain, apparently content enough to be used as a steppingstone. Louis let Harry rub their faces together, closing his still sleepy eyes as Harry licked over the corners of his mouth.

Harry leaned closer until he was lodged between the alpha and Niall, one hind leg sticking up over the blond’s back.

Louis was warm and his wolf big enough that Harry felt like he was hidden from the world when he snuggled into his side. Louis’ pleased rumble resonated in Harry’s bones, lulling him into a content, sleepy haze. Niall stretched out, free to move now that Harry’s weight wasn’t on him, and rested his head over his front legs with a yawn.

There, sandwiched between the two, Harry felt happy enough for a slightly overwhelmed whine to push out through his nose. He probably would have been tearing up if in human body. Gladly he wasn’t, they had seen enough of that from him already.

Louis nuzzled behind his ear, licking over his cheek and between his eyes until the little whimpering notes quieted. Then, with a heavy, tranquil sigh the alpha buried his head against Harry’s chest, laying his head on Harry’s forelegs and letting Harry rest his own over the softness of his shoulders and neck. It was too easy to slip back to sleep for the second time that morning, blissfully toasty and cared for.

“Found him,” a voice called softly from the door, squirming it’s way into Harry’s consciousness. It was Zayn.

Niall’s grumbling pushed Harry further awake. The bed shifted and when Harry peeked his eyes open, Zayn was nudging at the omega. “Come on, Ni. You promised to help with the tables, yeah?”

Harry stretched, lazily licking over his lips as he lifted his head from on top of Louis’. Zayn scooped the deliberately unmoving Niall in his arms like he weighed nothing and gave Harry a lopsided grin when their eyes met.

“Come downstairs later if you feel up to it, hm?” Zayn whispered, the look in the brown eyes sweet even as he ignored Niall who had just stuck his cold, wet nose against his neck.

Harry nodded, determined not to miss another day at the cafe, even if he still felt a bit wrung out after yesterday. Zayn nodded back, adjusting his hold on the tawny, sulky omega before carrying him out of the room.

Next to Harry the alpha yawned widely, eyes squeezed shut with it. Louis pushed his paws straight in front of him to stretch his body, rump in the air, and then slowly sat up, shaking his fur. The yawn was infectious, deafeningly humming through Harry, muting his senses for a second. When he opened his eyes again Louis’ wolf was gone, replaced with the human form.

“Hm, that was nice,” Louis rasped sleepily, arms stretched up, his back popping with it.

Humming quietly he dropped his arms and knuckled the corner of his eye with one hand, the other landing on Harry’s neck.

Gentle fingers knotted in his fur, squeezing softly before giving him a tiny, already impatient shake. “Come on, come on, come on. Change back, please. Want your vocal chords.”

Harry grunted, ears drooping to the sides; he was comfortable and warm and wasn’t really feeling up to moving a muscle. Insistent wiggle shook his upper body again and with a sigh Harry pushed the wolf in the back of his mind. Yeah, well. Maybe he was a bit easy.

“Hi,” Louis said quietly, chin propped on a raised knee.

“Hey,” Harry mumbled turning his face to the side to see the alpha better. And, yeah. That was a lot of skin right there. Like, a lot. All of it, really.

With a rush Harry was blushing, hard. He knew it was all innocent but he couldn't help it. They were _naked_. In _bed_. And holy shit was Louis gorgeous.

Harry tried his best to hide- _all that_ from showing on his face but Louis, being more and more in tuned with Harry everyday, caught on and swiftly tugged the duvet over their bodies, not making a big deal out of it. He lied down on his tummy next to Harry and leaned his head up against one arm, smirking down at him.

“Cute bum, love,” he said, eyes twinkling. Harry groaned loudly and hid his face back in the pillow. He should have known, it was Louis after all.

“Shut up…” he whined, muffled, flushing all the way down to his chest. Louis laughed softly and reached to tug on a curl by Harry’s ear.

“It is,” he insisted, smile visible in his voice. “You’ve got nothing to be embarrassed about.”

“Do too,” Harry grumbled, not turning his head even though it was getting hard to breath against the pillow. “You saw my _bum_.”

Louis snorted, tugging at the curl some more, trying to get Harry to face him. “C’mon, I’ll show you mine if you stop suffocating yourself.”

They lied in silence while Harry mulled over the words, his mind an odd mix of suspicion, excitement and horror. Louis kept playing with his hair, tugging and twirling it, and sometimes tracing the edge of his ear.

“You won’t really, right?” Harry asked in the end, turning his head a little. He eyed Louis carefully, trying to get a hint on what he was thinking. Harry wasn’t really sure if he was asking because he worried that the alpha actually would or because of the opposite.

Louis raised his brows and then, after a short pause, waggled them. Harry’s blush was reaching new levels.

With a chuckle Louis dropped the act and shook his head.

“We’ll go at your phase, Curly. My bum can wait,” he said reassuringly, smiling a bit and looking at Harry as if he was something equally cute and amusing.

“I’m sure it’s a nice one,” Harry offered quietly, curling his fingers over the edge of the duvet and pulled it up to cover more of his shoulders. Louis smile grew into a delighted grin.

“Oh, it’s a nice one alright,” he leered, squinting at Harry. “But you know that already, don’t you, Harold?”

Harry glared at the alpha, refusing to answer; the flushed state of his face was already an answer enough. Louis seemed to think so too, his eyes brightening and grin turning even sharper. Harry growled.

“Don’t bully me!” he huffed bravely, pouting just a little. He gently kicked Louis’ leg under the duvet, only to realise a second too late that Louis was still naked under there. Harry tried to pretend that the way he quickly arranged himself back to his side of the bed wasn't glaringly obvious.

“You’re pretty cute though, it’s hard to resist,” Louis hummed, his features smoothening to something softer. And, yeah, Harry was pretty sure that still counted as bullying but it was hard to pretend to be cross when he was being looked at like that. “You still feeling up to going to the cafe later?”

Harry nodded, turning to face Louis a bit more, grateful for the change of the topic The alpha’s fringe was messily fanned over the hand he was leaning his head against and the morning light was reflecting from his eyes. Harry felt like a stupid, crushing little cub when his mind declared that it was like looking at the Sun. He had to swallow and force himself to focus. “Yeah. I mean, I don’t want to miss more work than I already have.”

“You really don’t have to worry about that, Haz,” Louis said right away. “It’s all good.”

Harry furrowed his brow, chewing on his lip. It didn’t feel like it was all good. Harry didn’t want it to be all good, he wanted to work for it. Earn his place and income- and the respect of the others. Everything.

Louis was looking at him, eyes mapping over his features, expression open and soft. He was waiting for Harry to talk, taking in all the emotions flickering in Harry’s serious eyes.  
  
“I don’t want to be a charity case,” Harry finally said quietly, carefully, staring at his fingers while he tugged at the edge of the pillow. Louis let out a tiny noise of disagreement.  
  
“You’re not a charity case, Harry,” he said firmly and sure, and pushed a hand in the mess of Harry’s curls. “You’re pack.”

“But I’m not. Yet. Not really…” Harry sighed, shrugging, and then leaned against Louis’ hand, quietly asking for more petting. Louis didn’t hesitate to rake his fingertips along Harry’s scalp. The contact made it easier to stay relaxed, easier to actually express his thoughts out loud.

“Hey, no. I don’t care if it’s ‘official’ or not. To me you are pack, and to the other’s too. We want you here. You heard my mum too.”

Harry exhaled heavily, turning on his back and glancing up at the alpha. The change of position had Louis’ hand sliding from Harry’s hair to his cheek, thumb sweeping gently over the sleep warm skin.

“Okay?” Louis asked, brows raised and lips moving into something resembling a pout.

“Yeah. Okay,” Harry said quietly after a few beats of silence, giving in to Louis’ sincerity, wanting to believe in it.

“Good,” Louis said with a pleased nod, eyes brighter. He leaned in and pecked Harry on the lips, then on the tip of his nose.

Right. Because that was a thing they did now.

Harry blinked dumbly for a bit, staring at the gorgeous, funny and caring alpha that apparently wanted him, Harry, around. And wanted to kiss him on the nose. For no other apparent reason than that he could. So he did.

“Are we freaking out again?” Louis hummed, smiling softly as he tried to gauge Harry’s reaction, a hint of nervous worry hidden in the corners of his eyes and mouth.

Harry licked his lips, brows furrowing in concentration, and shook his head before leaning up, pressing their lips back together.

*

Harry’s mouth felt bruised, probably looked like it too if the way Louis’ looked like was any indication. It didn’t stop them from leaning in over and over again for more kisses though; Harry wasn’t sure if anything could now that they had gotten started.

They probably should have spent at least some of the morning talking about, well… _Everything_ that had happened and was going on. However, it was just too easy to get lost in the happy, excited newness of the situation they had managed to find themselves in. There was time to talk later, time to figure out what it was that they had going on between them, and time for everything else too. Harry didn’t want to crush the lovely butterflies in his belly when he had just met them.

It took them a small eternity to get up from the bed, dress up, and stumble to the flat’s kitchen to have a late breakfast. The time they took to actually finish their food was a bit ridiculous too. They were too busy concentrating on each other to actually eat, well, until Louis said he could finish his sandwich faster than Harry. After that it got a bit messy.

The clock was ticking towards the midday when they finally left the flat. Liam had been texting them to come down, just to hang out in the back. They agreed to show up and Harry was sure he would be able to sneak some dishes in the washing machine while ‘hanging out’. He could be subtle enough if needed.

Even getting down the stairs took them a bit longer than it usually would. Louis was clinging on Harry’s back, legs wrapped around his middle as he refused to let go now that he ‘ _finally got to touch_ ’. His words, not Harry’s. Not that Harry’s words would have been much different. But, yeah. A lot of touching. Harry loved it.

Louis was nipping at Harry’s jaw when they wobbled down the last steps of the stairway. It had been quite of a risky performance but neither of them had ended up with a cracked skull, so. Win?

Niall was the only one in the back when Harry gracelessly struggled to keep the door open for long enough to squeeze in without dropping the unhelpful alpha from his back.

“Ooh, is this the walk of shame?” Niall’s delighted voice boomed instantly after he had noticed them, some hooting following the words. Louis pointed Harry towards the freezer, where he headed obediently. He was a good ride. A _piggybag_ ride. Just a- whatever…

“Your face is a shame, Leprechaun,” Louis sniffed and wiggled until Harry let go of his legs. Then he promptly tugged Harry around until they were facing each other, pushed him against the freezer and leaned in to continue the kiss they had just broke off upstairs.

And that was pretty much how the next hour went.

Harry was embarrassed by it but he couldn’t remember if he had ever felt so nice in his entire life. He was happy and kind of floaty too and really, _really_ didn’t want it to stop, so he just followed Louis lead. And Louis, well, he was just shameless and looked smug every time he noticed Harry’s blush darkening.

Niall went from cooing to cackling and then to taking photographs and sending them to Liam and Zayn all in the span of five minutes. When Liam came to check up on them a little bit later Niall was announcing his plans to send the pictures to the Alpha-mum too.

Fortunately Louis managed to steal the phone in time and while he was occupied doing the damage control Harry was able to empty a load of dishes and refill the washer.

Harry was just placing the rack of clean coffee mugs next to the sink when arms sneaked around his middle.

“Do you really think I don’t know what you’re doing, love?” Louis laughed against the back of Harry’s neck, smacking a kiss there before tightening his hold, swaying them.

“What do you mean?” Harry said innocently, playing dumb, and curled his pruney fingers around the alpha’s wrists. Louis nipped at his neck, right along the collar of his t-shirt, making Harry shiver.

“U-huh,” Louis smiled against Harry’s skin, not sounding convinced at all. “You really are a crap liar.”

“Excuse me, but I’ll have you know that I am actually a great liar,” Harry said, puffing his chest, the movement forcing Louis to stand up on his tippy toes.

The alpha quickly brought an end to Harry’s posturing by biting his ear, jolting an surprised whimper out of him as he slouched back to his normal stance.

“Okay. No, no. Just- no. That’s enough. I’m not watching this weird foreplay ritual of yours,” Niall declared, stomping across the room and knotting a fist in the back of Louis’ hoodie. “This was cute for the first ten minutes but enough, okay. No more. Louis. Out.”

“Oh, come off it, Niall,” Louis huffed, trying to twist away from the blond’s hold. Harry stepped to the side and leaned back against the freezer, tiny smile on his lips as he watched his friends tussle.

Niall managed to tug the alpha almost all the way to the door, them both huffing annoyedly at each other. “I want to hang out with Harry too, you maggot! I can’t do that if you’re sucking his face off! —Zayn!”

Louis stared pleadingly at Harry, one hand still pulling at Niall’s hair by his ear, the other now reaching out towards Harry. Zayn pushed the swing door open, stepping in, one brow arching up as he took in the scene.

Harry shrugged apologetically at Louis as he crossed his ankles, pulling at his flushed lower lip with two fingers. “Maybe we could, like, have a little break?”

“Yes. You should definitely have a little break,” Niall agreed loudly, accent thickened with the exertion. He pushed Louis, who was amusedly spreading his arms at Harry and pretending to be coldly betrayed, towards the swing door. “Zayn, take it. Keep it away. At least two hours.”

“I feel so loved right now. So wanted,” Louis deadpanned as Zayn threw an arm around his shoulders. The darker of the two easily steered them towards the front of the cafe, leaving Niall stand in the middle of the room, hands thrown up in victory.

“I’ll keep you entertained, don’t worry,” Zayn hummed, patting at Louis chest and ignoring his pouty face.

“Yeah, well, I wanted kissing, so,” Louis huffed loudly, flapping his hand in the air dramatically as if it somehow described snogging. Zayn gasped and then surged to smack a wet kiss on Louis’ temple, missing a bit and landing it closer to his eye.

“Oh, knock it off!” Louis whined as the door swung behind them. “Why do you have to be so gross. Disgusting.”

Niall turned towards Harry, arms still raised.

“I have rescued you, young Harold,” he grinned and then bounced across the room, knocking into Harry as he reached the freezer. He jumped on it and got comfortable, taking his time.

“Now, tell me everything,” he said as he propped his chin in the palms of his hands, elbows leaning on his knees. Harry silently raised his eyebrows. “What? I want to hear the details, not see them.”

“Right,” Harry huffed with a smile. “Well, too bad because I’m not telling you anything.”

“But Harry!” Niall whined, eyes widening and lower lip pouting out. “You can’t leave me hanging like this, it’s not fair. I need to know these things so I can kick Louis’ arse if he’s being ungentlemanly!”

Harry rolled his eyes and pushed away from the freezer, heading towards the trash bags that were waiting by the backdoor to be taken out.

“Did he go for the second base without asking first?” Niall wondered after him, making Harry flush with the sudden mental image. The blush only got darker when the memory of the brief chat about bums flooded his mind.

“What? No,” he said quickly, voice tiny with embarrassment, and glanced back towards the innocently smiling omega.

“Are you sure, Harry? It’s okay, you can tell me. Did he touch your tits?”

“Niall!” Harry coughed, eyes widening and face heating up even more. Niall grinned, sitting straight and leaning back on his hands, eyes full of mirth.

“Did you see his cock up close then? Is it big?” Harry snagged an apron from the hook by the door and threw it at Niall, the ball of fabric hitting the omega on the chest.

Niall cackled, completely and purposefully ignoring the fact that seeing people naked in the shape shifting community was the norm. That didn’t stop Harry from feeling mortified though. It was different with Louis. It was just- _different_.

“I hate you,” Harry said, glaring, and shook his head. “Also, isn’t Louis your friend too? Why are you asking about his- cock?”

“Oh, don’t worry. His _cock_ is all yours”, Niall chirped gleefully. “It’s just good to know these things. Blackmail material, you know.”

“No,” Harry said.

Niall opened his mouth to say something else but Harry stopped him with a raised hand and a glare.

“No. This conversation is over now, thank you,” Harry sniffed, willing the blush to go away. He turned back towards the backdoor and hauled one of the trash bags up from the floor. “Come on, help me out with these.”

“Oh, _fine_. Let’s never have fun, ever,” Niall grumbled, whiningly exaggerating every word. He hopped down from the freezer and marched past Harry, grabbing the bag from his hands.

Harry huffed out a laugh as the blond dragged the trash out the backdoor, the heavy door banging after him. With an amused shake of his head he bent down to get another bag for himself. At least the- _cock_ conversation was over. For now.

“Liam?” Harry called out, tightening the knot on the bag. He didn’t have to wait long for the beta to peek his head through the swing door. Harry nodded towards the clean and dried coffee mugs waiting on the rack next to the sink. “Those are ready.”

“Oh, right! Thanks, Haz,” Liam smiled warmly before turning to glance over his shoulder at the counter. “I’ll take them after I’ve served the line. Z’s supervising Louis cleaning the tables.”

Harry snorted, “Yeah, good luck with that.”

“That’s what I said too,” Liam grinned before disappearing back to the front to serve the customers. Harry readjusted his hold on the bag and shouldered the door open.

The cold winter air hit his skin sharply, pushing through the flimsy t-shirt he had on. With a shudder Harry held the door open with his boot clad foot, making sure it wouldn’t close on the bag, before letting it bang shut.

The sound echoed between the two buildings for a second before dying out. Harry hunched his shoulders to shield himself from the cold and turned towards the rubbish bins, only to find the rest of the alleyway empty.

“Niall?” Harry called, brows scrunching together as he looked around. The only answering sound was the echo of his own voice.

Pouting a little Harry tried to see past the bins and the mouth of the alleyway without actually having to subject himself to the jump-scare.

“Niall? Are you trying to scare me again?” he whined, suspicious. “It won’t be as fun if I already know what you’re trying to do, you know.”

The alley was quiet, the entry door for the block of flats locked at the end of it and inside the light of the stairway was off. Harry pouted a little more and cautiously edged towards the trashcan standing by the wall, near the mouth of the alley. When he got closer he could see the bag Niall had been carrying sitting by the bin.

“Come on, Ni,” he huffed, glancing around. “Not funny.”

Harry was getting anxious now. There was no way Niall was willingly hiding inside the trashcan and the alley didn’t really offer any other hideouts.

“Niall?”

Harry kicked the side of the tall bin, the sound coming off hollow. He still counted to three before wrenching the lid up.

The scare he had been prepared for never came but the dread from finding the bin empty hit him hard. Something was off.

Harry hauled the trash bag inside, then the one Niall had abandoned on the ground. He let the lid fall back down with a loud slam and nervously bit on his lip. Glancing towards the backdoor over his shoulder he pondered going back inside and getting Liam, just in case it wasn’t one of Niall’s jokes. But maybe it was just him being paranoid with everything that had happened in the past year. He didn’t want to overreact over a prank or something stupid like that.

Before Harry could decide on anything a hand smacked tightly over his mouth and an arm wrapped around his middle.

The scent was unfamiliar, an alpha, filling Harry’s chest with fear and it had him trashing, trying to wrench himself away from the hold. His gasping yells came out muffled against the hand.

“Keep it down,” a man’s voice hissed in his ear, only urging Harry to struggle more. “You’re alright, pet, we came to get you. It’s alright! Come on now, you have to be quiet!”

The words did nothing to calm Harry down, quite the opposite. He didn’t want to do anything the man was saying, he just had to find Niall and get back inside. Harry tried to desperately break free from the hold but the man was easily overpowering him, dragging him backwards and not slowed even the slightest by the fact that Harry’s feet barely touched the ground as he trashed.

“Louis!” Harry cried the second he managed to wrench his head to the side and the stranger’s hand slipped. He was gasping, shoes scraping against the pavement as the man hauled him away. The alpha grunted, annoyed, and tried to smack his hand back over Harry’s mouth. “Lia—mh!”

“Calm down!” the man demanded hurriedly, his fingertips digging harshly into Harry’s cheeks.

“Shut him up already,” another voice commanded just as hastily from behind them. Twisting around in growing panic Harry could see a glimpse of a grey van parked by the mouth of the alley. It was calculatedly hidden from the view from both the backdoor and the cafe’s front.

Harry bit his teeth into the meat of the man’s palm.

“LOUIS!” His voice sounded too thin, too quiet; like it would never reach inside the building. Tears of desperation and fatigue blurred his eyesight as he refused to let them just take him. This couldn’t be happening, things were supposed to be getting better. Where was Niall? Had they taken him too? Was he hurt?

The man dragging him was shaking his hand with a pained noise but the arm around Harry’s middle just tightened its hold. Harry whined low in his throat, the reality of the situation flooding him, fear expanding inside his chest as he kept kicking the man, elbowing him everywhere he could reach.

“For fuck’s sake,” said the voice from behind them, impatient and fed up. “This is useless. We don’t have time for this.”

And then something hard hit Harry in the back of his head and everything went black.

*

The ground was moving.

Shaking vibrations and jolts nudged Harry’s body, buzzing him back towards consciousness while feeling slowly seeped back to his muscles. The ground was cool against his skin, metallic and rough. He didn’t feel too good.

Harry’s brows furrowed in discomfort. His head was aching, a dull pain pulsing from the back of his head.

 _“—so who the fuck is the blondie, Arran?”_ pissed off voice growled somewhere nearby, muffled and the words almost too quiet to hear over the low hum of a car.

He was in a car. Back of a van, he noticed when he squinted his eyes open.

 _“I thought he was the boy! I was told to ‘get the omega,’ how was I supposed to know there were two? There’s never two! They’re supposed to be rare, what the hell,”_  another voice answered, just as annoyed as the first one. There were no windows in the wall separating the back from the front of the van and the only source of light was the darkened windows on the sides of the car. _“And I never saw the picture, Declan has it. I wish I had though, feisty little thing, the blond one. My nose is still fucking bleeding.”_

At that, a satisfied snort suddenly broke the even hum inside the back of the van. The source of the noise was way too close to Harry, having him jolt and his heart jump painfully to his throat. Quickly snapping his head to the side, eyes wide, Harry tried to see in the dimness around him.

Across from him, by the other long side of the van, was Niall, tied up, hands behind his back and ankles bound together in a way that couldn’t be comfortable. There was a too big piece of fabric in his mouth and a fire in his eyes when Harry’s gaze reached them. He was sitting, leaning against the van’s side, and his hair was sticking up messily in a way it never was normally.

 _“Well, now we have to figure out what we’ll do with him,”_  the voice from the front said. _“We only came for what’s ours, we don’t need a war over stealing their omega.”_

 _“Amanda can sort that out. I already texted the others, they’ll have a plan when we reach them._ ”

Niall looked beyond pissed. The bruises that were forming along his arms and the left side of his face suggested that he really had put on a good fight. Clearly not good enough that he would’ve managed to escape but at least he had gotten some hits in.

Quiet whine escaped from Harry, his stomach churning at the sight of the battered boy. It didn’t look horribly bad, it definitely could have been worse. It still was his fault though, that much was obvious already. Even the smallest of the bruises was one too many and awful enough.

Niall hummed questioningly through the fabric in his mouth and ran his eyes quickly over Harry’s body, concerned, looking for injuries. Harry shook his head; he did feel a bit sore and tired but nothing hurt too much.

Niall relaxed back against the side of the van where he was sat, looking relieved. He had his knees up against his chest and his arms looked uncomfortable twisted behind his back. Harry pushed himself on his elbows and quietly scooted on Niall’s side of the van. He wasn’t tied up, probably because he had been knocked out when they had tossed him in.

Harry sat up next to Niall and tugged the fabric from his mouth.

“Are you okay? Are you sure you’re not hurt?” Niall whispered first thing when he was able to, eyes searching Harry’s. Harry nodded. “You weren’t moving…”

“I’m fine. You are way worse, trust me,” he said in a hushed voice as he turned to help Niall out of the ties. It took them a while to get the knots to open but after Niall’s hands were free, they were able to untie his legs in no time, the ropes unfolding and pooling on the floor of the van.

Worriedly biting his lip Harry tugged Niall’s hands in his and gently touched over the reddened skin of his wrists. It probably looked way worse than it actually was but Harry couldn’t help feeling guilty.

“I’m sorry you got pulled into this, Ni,” Harry whispered, defeatedly and ashamed. “They came for me, it was just a matter of time, I knew it, and now—”

“Don’t you dare,” Niall hissed, eyes determined and serious, and Harry swallowed back the end of his sentence. Niall turned Harry’s palms up to clasp a hold of them and then tugged him tighter against his side. “I’m glad I’m here with you, Harry. _Glad_. Because you’re not going through this alone again.”

“You got hurt,” Harry tried but Niall just shook his head, not letting him go on.

“This is nothing,” he said, rolling his eyes with a sigh. Then he smirked. “You should see the other guy.”

Harry huffed in fond, tired amusement as he leaned his head against Niall’s shoulder, their hands still wrapped together. It was really no use to spend time arguing over what should have been or could have been when the reality was that they were stuck in this van with a couple of strangers. There was no way to tell where they were headed to or who the men sitting at the front were. Only thing that was certain was the fact that they hadn’t gone willingly.

“They must be freaking out so bad…” Harry mumbled, thinking back to the cafe, wondering if their absence had been noticed yet. He didn’t know how long he had been out and it didn’t really feel like it mattered. His past had finally caught up on him, them, and Harry wasn’t sure if he would be able to run any longer.

Harry turned to hide his face against Niall’s shoulder, breathing in deeply and hoping for the omega’s familiar scent to calm the ball of anxiety inside his chest. It was a tiny relief, the scent, a hint of home in the middle of a horrible situation. His wolf was erratic still, pacing against the back of his mind, snarling and panting, ready to fight.

Niall hummed quietly, lacing their fingers together.

“They’re probably halfway here already,” he said with a sigh and tilted his head, resting it on top of Harry’s.

“Yeah,” Harry replied softly after a short pause. He just hoped that the others would know where _‘here’_ was because Harry sure as hell didn’t. “Probably.”

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (ps. This is upbeta'd again and I think the position is open if anyone is interested. I'll keep posting even if I don't find someone to proofread this, don't worry. :') I just wish this to be as well written as it can for you and with my non-native englishness it's sometimes tricky.  
> So, feel free to email me at sshyserious@gmail.com (2x s in the beginning) if you have some extra time in your hands and have some understanding of the lovely english grammar.** 
> 
> Actually, feel free to email me about whatever, [just to say hi, or to talk about the story, weather, baby animals, positive vibes...])  
> Thank you for reading xx
> 
> shyshyserious.tumblr.com  
> sshyserious@gmail.com 
> 
> **Update: I've got the beta thing sorted for now. Thank you for your lovely messages! :) My email stays open though if someone feels like chatting xxx


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hii! :) Here's chapter 13, I hope you like it!  
> Massive thank you to [Becca](http://tippy-toe-tommo.tumblr.com) for proofreading and being super lovely in general!  
> 

It definitely wasn’t a good plan by any means.

Hell, it could barely be called a plan at all — but it was all they had and they needed it to work.

Niall looked small and fragile where he was positioned right in front of the double doors in the rear end of the truck. His triangular ears were pointing up attentively, one towards Harry and the other twitching with any sounds coming from the outside of the car.

Harry knew that he wasn’t any better physique-wise but there was no use dwelling on the fact that they were both easily overpowered; their omega bodies not designed to be big or extremely strong and intimidating. _But_ , they were fast.

And that was the foundation of the plan. That, and the element of surprise. No one was expecting two “ _scared_ _”_ and “ _vulnerable_ _”_ omegas to do anything other than fucking cower and malleably wait for someone to _“_ _swoop in_ ” and make decisions for them… Yeah. Niall had gone on a little heated, hushed rant about how they would get their own arses out of the trouble just fine, no _swooping_ needed, thank you very much.  

Because of that they were now perched side by side right by the double doors, paws dug into the dents on the truck’s floor, ready to bounce. Yet still, when the engine finally died, the car halting to a stop, Harry had never felt more discouraged.

Niall’s deep, determined exhale was the only sound in the otherwise quiet truck. Harry tried to shake the tingling, nauseating tension from his joints as he adjusted his stance. This had to work. Even though their chances were slim to none. It just had to.

The slamming of the truck’s front doors shook the whole car, forcing a hint of a whine to crawl up Harry’s throat. He hated this. Absolutely, fucking, hated this. This kind of thing was supposed to be in the past. He didn’t want to get hurt and he wanted to see Niall get hurt even less. He hated conflicts, despised them, and yet his life for the past year seemed to have been nothing but one.  

A gentle nudge against Harry’s muzzle shattered the growing, panicked bubble inside his chest. Next came a sharp nip pinching his cheek and a pair of blue eyes told him to cut the bullshit. Niall flashed his teeth in a quiet snarl and Harry quickly snapped his own back at him.

Apparently that was enough to assure Niall that Harry hadn’t completely succumbed into a useless mess and with a huffy nod he turned back towards the doors.

It was quiet for what felt like forever before a tinny, short jingle of an incoming text message cut through the silence.

 _“Alright,”_  a voice said, right behind the doors. _“We’re good to go.”_

Then there was just a hollow click of the lock and distant scrunching of the gravel, almost inaudible over the hectic beat of Harry’s own heart.

The daylight was blinding when it surged inside the car but there was no time to wait around. Eyes squinting against the brightness and with a snarling bark, Harry lunged.

Niall was like a light coloured shadow in the edge of Harry’s vision, his leaping jump mirroring Harry’s. During that short moment, between when Harry’s hind paws left the floor of the truck and before he hurled headfirst into the shocked looking beta, Harry could only think how idiotic it all was. There was no way this could end in any other way than badly.

And then his paws hit the ground.

The beta went down stumbling, falling on his back with the weight of the two wolves. Harry could see the other man a few steps away, too close. He yelled something, grasping at Niall and his hand smacked against the omega’s side.

It was all over in a heartbeat.

Niall twisted from the alpha’s hold, loose hairs from his fur floating in the air, and he sidestepped to get away, colliding against Harry’s side. For a second they were both looking for a steady footing.  

Then, they ran.

First, it was just a blur of white snow and grey gravel but it quickly changed into a softer terrain under their frantic sprinting. Trees were growing closer together, the road disappearing and giving way to the frosty forest ground. Twigs were snapping and whipping, stingingly giving way for their rushing bodies. They just ran and ran and ran.

The woods had slowly changed from a spruce dominated one to a deciduous forest; the branches were naked above their heads and the ground was hidden under a layer of fallen leaves.

Harry’s muscles were aching, his pads too numb to feel sore, and he could hear Niall’s gasping breaths getting heavier with every step. Still, they forced themselves to keep moving, zig-zagging and circling with no other clear destination than getting away.        

When they finally stopped it was because Harry stumbled over his own feet. The forest was quiet around them, only their panting breaking the humming of the nature.

Harry had no idea where they were, they had been in the back of that truck for what had felt like hours and nothing along the way had looked familiar. Niall was shivering, his tawny fur wet and clumped with dirt and mud. His ears were droopy but every time he noticed Harry looking at him he made an effort to look sharper and less miserable. Harry forced himself to do the same, even though they both knew it was just a desperate way for them to pretend that everything was going to be okay.       

Harry shook his fur to get rid of some of the water that tried to seep its way through his undercoat. The icy rain didn’t show any signs of letting up and Harry knew that they needed to find someplace warm and dry quickly. Or, well, as warm and dry as a wintery forest could offer.  

Harry huffed out an anxious sigh, his heartbeat starting to calm down, and licked over his muzzle to warm it up. It didn’t help, of course, it was just a momentary relief before the chill was back, twice as bad. And Harry knew this. He knew how it was to be cold and wet and miserable. He had done this all before except… Except now he wasn’t alone and it wasn’t just him that needed to figure out a way to not-freeze during the night.

He had done this before. He had done this and he had managed to live through it alright. He could do it again. He _had to_ because Niall needed to be warm and safe and Harry had done this before and he knew how to turn a forest into a home and he _had to make it work_.

Harry crossed the few steps that were separating him from Niall, who was sitting defeatedly in the mix of mud and dead leaves. The omega was oddly quiet and still, staring ahead like he was lost inside his own head. The shivering hadn’t stopped, maybe just gotten worse.       

Harry gently headbutted Niall’s shoulder and then nuzzled against the side of his neck. The light, tawny fur was cold and damp when it shifted under Harry’s touch but the familiar smell of Niall and omega and- _pack,_ warmed something inside Harry’s chest. Niall’s tail shifted tiredly. It wasn’t even close to a proper wag but it was enough to translate the silent _“I’m good”._

But it wasn’t _good,_ really.Not good enough.

Harry whined softly and nudged his snout under Niall’s. When he didn’t get any proper reaction Harry nipped at his jaws and then proceeded to lick over his cheeks and the corners of lips. Still nothing.

Harry danced around a bit, his long, scrawny legs making him stumble gracelessly as he rubbed his side against Niall’s. He let his tongue loll out and ears relax with a rumbly mewl. Harry forced his tail to wag harder, his rump moving with it as if he was some obnoxious cub.

He didn’t like the dulled, worn out aura lingering around the usually bright spirit that Niall was and Harry needed that to change. He needed that fight back that had been there earlier because there was no way Harry could be strong enough for both of them. Hell, he was already slipping; his wolf a muddled mess of manic anxiety and nerves. He needed someone to be strong when he couldn’t be anymore, and that someone couldn’t be his wolf. They had already seen how well that went.

Harry exhaled loudly as he snuggled against the slightly bigger body. He squirmed and whined and let out little playful yips as he tried to get Niall out of the whatever shock he was in. They really needed to get going.

Harry felt ridiculous but it was worth it when a tired yet amused grunt was finally pressed against the back of his neck, fluffing up his damp fur. A rush of relief hummed through him and he curled around Niall the best he could while standing up.

Niall shook his head, blinking hard, and his posture relaxed after a few beats of silence. With a comforting rumble he turned his head to lick Harry’s cheek and then he staggered to his feet as well.

Harry rubbed their cheeks together once more before lifting his nose to sniff the air. It was still as icy as ever but there were no hints of other wolves following them. Yet.

With a huff Harry urged Niall to move and quietly they slinked between the trees, using the dimming daylight as a cover.

*

Niall was still shivering and Harry was starting to worry.

They were curled around each other underneath a fallen tree that rested over a large rock. Harry had dug some moss up to enlarge the space and create the little cocoon for them. It was still quite a snug fit for the both of them but it kept the warmth a bit better than a larger burrow would. And yet, Niall was still shivering.

It was obviously better to stay in their wolf forms and keep the thickness of their furs. It was a lifesaver, really, but the problem with that was the lack of ways to communicate. Only thing Harry could do was to nudge Niall every now and then, and receive a tired blink or twitch of an ear back.

Harry was shivering himself but it was nothing new; he knew how much his body could take and how it reacted. It wasn’t awfully bad for him yet, just the normal amount of _“_ _fuck, shit, so cold.”_ Niall, on the other hand, seemed to have skipped any and all middle grounds to full on trembling.      

It was already pitch black in the forest and the temperature kept dropping as the evening went on. It had snowed for a little while, which was actually good; Harry had learned that the snow helped with staying warm, even a thin layer of it isolating some of the chill. However, it really wasn’t enough for them, and Harry tried his best to be a wolf-shaped blanket for Niall.   

With a sigh Harry lifted his head from where it had been resting over Niall’s back and he tried to listen for any out of place sounds coming from the surrounding woods. His ears twitched, attentively pointing up, but there was nothing unusual. The air smelled clear, like moss and winter. There was also the familiar mix of Niall and Harry, but with a whiff of miserable anxiety.

Harry turned his head to see Niall better over his curved, tan furred back. The blue eyes looked sleepy but alert as he met their gaze, which was good, Harry supposed. He wasn’t too sure if it would be a good idea to let Niall actually fall asleep, it was easier to keep an eye on him when he was somewhat functioning.

With a questioning whine Harry poked his muzzle against Niall’s cheek and then nudged him until he lifted his head up from where it was resting on the ground. There was a note of annoyance in the huff Niall let out but Harry just counted that as a win. If he had enough energy to feel annoyed at Harry, they were still good. Probably. Hopefully.

“ _You need to stay awake,”_  Harry tried to convey with his eyes, blinking exaggeratedly and then shaking his head, ears flopping with the movement. Niall squinted at him in the darkness, looking unimpressed as he shifted his muddy paws so they were hidden better underneath his belly.

 _“I hate you,”_  Niall’s tired eyes said loud and clear inside Harry’s traitorous mind. Which, okay… It was probably for the better if he stopped imagining their conversation right there.

Harry growled softly instead and sniffed around Niall’s ribcage where it smelled like bruised skin and strangers. It wasn’t a nice scent at all and it was something that Harry never wanted to smell again if- _when_ they got home after all this. He leaned in as gently as he could and with careful movements ran the side of his face against Niall’s fur.

His ear got gnawed at and Niall tensed up momentarily but at least he got rid of the smell.

Harry didn’t know how long they stayed there huddled up together, both poking each other awake in turn. He had quickly lost the track of time and the darkness became just a void of paranoid silence.

Until suddenly it wasn’t quiet anymore.      

Their heads jerked up in unison, ears standing up attentively as they anxiously waited for something more than the snap of a twig that had sounded off. It was dark, too dark to see properly, and the wind had turned, making it difficult to catch anything from the air either.

The sound came again.

This time it was more deliberate; quiet shuffling movement before something snapped against the ground.

Harry stood up silently, defensively, and his head lowered down in the tight space as he stepped over Niall’s body, shielding him. Even before he moved, Harry knew that Niall wouldn’t be happy with their positions but he didn’t step away. Niall kept quiet because it would have been stupid to make any sound, even though it seemed like they had already been found out.

The source of the sounds edged carefully closer and closer, clearly moving on four legs and purposefully letting themselves be heard.

Head low Harry kept his stance over Niall’s body, refusing to let him up. It seemed like there was only one wolf approaching them and if that was true it gave Niall the chance to make a run for it while Harry held the newcomer back.

Harry followed the shadow flittering against the darkness of the trees, ears turning with every noisy, dragging step. It sounded like the wolf was moving the dirt and leaves around to make as much noise as possible. Harry didn’t know what to make of it but for once he didn’t plan on being the one waiting around.

A rumbling growl started from Harry’s chest and it pushed out wetly from between his bared teeth.

All the movement stopped at the sound of it, even the forest seemed to still. Harry could feel Niall’s trembling against the backs of his legs and it made him widen his stance to seem bigger. He just had to seem bigger and stronger until Niall was safe. Harry could do that. He had to.

The wind shifted, only for a fraction of a second, and the snarling growl died in Harry’s throat with a pathetic, strangled sound.

That was… But it wasn’t…

A questioning whine broke through from the darkness as Harry tried to get hold of the scent the wind had held. It was- familiar. But…

_Euan._

Harry’s head wrenched up so fast he almost hit the tree trunk above their burrow.

A curious huff came from the darkness, prompting Harry to step forward shakily. High whimper punched out deep from his chest as he sniffed the air again. It was… _It was._

A biting tug pulled at the fur on the underside of his chest but Harry easily shook Niall’s hold off, stepping over him and properly emerging from their hideout. The shadowy figure shuffled closer, carefully, until they met in the middle of the small, snow covered opening between tall trees.

It was still hard to see but the snow reflected all the little light that was coming from the night sky. The wolf’s fur was dark and it smelled so familiar, like a vivid memory, when it brushed over and against Harry’s muzzle.

The sound that forced its way through Harry’s teeth was too loud for the quiet woods, echoing hauntingly from the rocks and the barks of the trees. But Harry wasn’t listening to it, no. He was gasping for breath, fighting back tears that couldn’t fall in the wolf’s skin. It was him.

Harry let himself be tackled on the ground, the alpha’s delighted yip like a wave of relief inside him. It was a blur of familiar scents, gentle nips and flailing paws. Euan snuffled along Harry’s chest and cheeks, letting him lick his chops in turn. Harry was whining, he knew he was, but the sound was insisted; so relieved and eager. It only died down when the tip of his muzzle came in contact with the fur under Euan’s jaws.   

The skin was thicker there, webbed and uneven. The fur that would be dark brown, almost black in the daylight, was growing blotchy and thin. It didn’t smell hurt but Harry knew exactly what it was and the realisation was like a burning fist around his clenching heart.

With a devastated, bleating moan Harry slumped against the cold ground, chin ducked and ears pressing tightly against his head. He had done that. _He,_ Harry… He had almost—

Euan just rumbled softly, leaning down to rub their cheeks together. It was something they hadn’t done even before- _everything,_ and it just managed to remind Harry of how little they actually knew of each other. And yet, Harry had already left a forever mark on the young alpha.

It was when Euan moved to nip gently at the softer skin under Harry’s jaw when a sharp growl rose from their left. The alpha stilled. Harry could feel the air moving against his fur as Euan scented the air, the growl turning into a biting, wet snarl. Harry quickly squirmed back on his feet from under the bigger wolf.

Euan moved aside easily, softly nudging at Harry’s shoulder to check on him, before he stepped sideways closer to the snarling omega.        

Niall had his teeth bared and his head lowered as the whites of his eyes flashed in the dark. Harry whined quietly, shifting closer to the tawny wolf- which seemed to be the right move; Niall clearly just wanted to be between Harry and the dark, towering alpha.

Euan tilted his head with a light, playful huff, and leaned down on his forelegs, rump in the air and tail hanging relaxed towards the ground. The alpha even yawned, eyes squinting, before he dropped down on his belly and licked over his muzzle.

Niall’s pose didn't relax.

Harry looked worriedly between the two of them; the big alpha lounging by his feet and Niall looking ready to tear something apart. With a nervous grunt Harry nudged at the fur behind of Euan’s ear and then walked past him, turning his focus fully on Niall.

Huffing out a questioning, soft bark he pressed right up at Niall’s chest and nuzzled over his cheeks trying to calm him down and show him that it was all good.

It was all good, _Euan_ was _there._ He was… Harry wanted to cry. Again.

The feeling came through as a soft, shaky whimper and it prompted Niall to cut the building snarl short. He quieted to lick over Harry’s snout and then finally, after a short, tense moment, leaned back against him, abandoning the defensive stance. Although his eyes were still glued to Euan.

Actually, his eyes never left the alpha during the next hour and a half they spent trekking through the forest. Just like Niall didn’t leave Harry’s side, not even when it would have been easier to climb over the uneven forest floor with a little more space. He didn’t stop growling at Euan either, even snapped his teeth at the alpha if he got too close.

The morning was starting to lighten the surrounding woods when they suddenly broke through the tree line. It was a small, circular opening with two cottage-like buildings at the further away edge of it. A red, new looking car was parked behind the smaller building, and the whole place reeked of wolves. Harry’s steps halted, head dropping lower as he cautiously sniffed the air.

He couldn’t distinguish the scents too well, everything too muddled up together. It could’ve been people from his birth-pack, but not all of them. Or maybe they had been there before? Harry whined quietly, ears pulling back as he turned to look at Euan, searching for- something. Answers, maybe. What to do? _Fuck, Niall would hate that_ …

Euan just shook his fur, grunting softly, and then stepped towards the smaller building, urging them to follow. Harry licked over his muzzle nervously, turning to look at Niall and gauging his reaction. The omega looked tense, eyeing at the surrounding woods and the buildings suspiciously.

Niall’s head snapped down sharply when a door creaked open. Harry jerked just as quickly to see the cause of the sound.

The heavy looking door of the smaller cottage had opened, slim, middle-aged woman having stepped outside. She looked quietly towards them for a few stretching moments, and then, very pointedly, left the door open. She crossed the yard silently, disappearing behind the bigger building.

The sound of a door opening and then clicking closed seemed to break the spell that had locked Harry’s muscles in place.    

 _“I’m so blaming you for this. Forever,”_  was visible in Niall’s narrowed eyes as they skittishly followed Euan to the cottage. _“If I get hurt, it’s your fault,”_ his silent sneer said when their nails clicked against the wooden floorboards. _“What the hell, Harry!?”_ his widened eyes screamed when the door suddenly slammed closed behind them, locking them in. Just… the two of them.      

“What the hell, Harry?” Niall hissed the second he was able to, forcefully tugging a blanket over his shoulders from the wooden bench that stood by the back wall. With chattering teeth he threw the other one to Harry.

Harry licked over his dried lips, head ducked, and curled inside the warm blanket. He leaned heavily against the wall where he had just shifted skins, knees tucked under his chin and arms wrapped around his legs. His skin was cold and it felt like there was a ball of ice sitting in the bottom of his stomach. Harry swallowed and then tried to quietly clear his throat.

“It’s… He— Niall.” Harry’s voice thinned out to an overwhelmed plea. He looked up hoping to get- even by begging- Niall to sit with him, not to be cross with him, but the omega had already stepped closer. Niall sat down right against Harry’s side, holding on his blanket, and he didn’t look angry. Harry curled towards him with a relieved, shaky breath. “He’s… That’s Euan.”

“Euan?” Niall said, voice quiet and laced with confusion. “But… He’s- okay?”

Harry coughed out a tense laugh, fingers curling tighter in the fabric of the blanket. “Y-yeah, he’s… I think- Yeah.”

“That’s good, Harry,” Niall whispered when Harry’s voice died out. He detangled one arm from the blanket to wrap his fingers around Harry’s. “That’s so good. He… It’s going to be okay, see?”

“I thought- I thought I had—” Harry tried the words out weakly, breathless.

“But you didn’t,” Niall said firmly, cutting Harry off and didn’t allow him to go on. “You did what you had to, to get away. And yeah, he got hurt but… He’s okay. You saw him. He’s okay.”

Harry whined low in his throat. “But I didn’t _have to_ get away, Ni. It wasn’t his fault a-and I— Did you see him? I did _that_ —”

“No, Harry. Stop it,” Niall growled, fingers squeezing a bit tighter. He was still shivering with the cold and Harry just wanted to wrap him up properly but his mind was a stuttering mess, his wolf in high alert and pacing, stopping him from thinking clearly. “You know that’s not going to solve anything. You’re just going to drive yourself crazy over something you can’t change. It’s done, it’s in the past, and I really need you to stay calm for me now, okay? _Okay?_ ”

“Y-yeah. Yes, okay,” Harry breathed out shakily, blinking hard to get rid of the wetness in his eyes and of the shard of glass somewhere behind his breastbone.

Niall leaned in so he could rest his head on Harry’s shoulder, exhaling a quiet breath.

“Good. Because I have no idea what the hell is going on and I’d really like to have you with me.”

*

 _“I told you we should’ve just sent someone from his own pack and this whole mess would’ve been avoided,”_  a muffled voice came through the walls, making Niall jolt and straighten up from where he had been nodding off against Harry’s neck.

It didn’t take long for the door to click open, revealing the woman from before, carrying a tray full of food and water bottles. A man with a greyed hair held the door for her.

“Hello, loves,” she greeted kindly, and then ushered the man to close the door so the cold air didn’t get in. “You both must be hungry.”

They were. Harry’s stomach had been grumbling for food for a long while now and Niall must have been the same. It didn’t mean they would mention it though, not even when the delicious scent from the tray curled around them. Harry swallowed, staring at the floorboards, and followed the woman’s- an alpha- movements from the edges of his vision.

She placed the tray on a little stool by the door and then picked the whole thing up.

“Here, come on then,” she said lightly, walking closer while the man stepped over to the tiny, cooled down fireplace and started working on starting the fire.

Niall was tense and shivering, and he was full on staring at the approaching alpha. It made nervousness bubble inside Harry and he wanted to tell him to stop but he didn’t dare to talk, old habits kicking in hard.

The alpha set the stool down in front of them with easy, relaxed movements and then proceeded to open the lids from containers full of steaming hot soup.   

“We were really starting to worry. What on earth were you boys thinking, running into the woods like that?” She didn’t sound chastising, just curious, conversational, and maybe a little bit relieved. Harry still hunched his shoulders and tucked his feet closer to his body. The woman tutted. “It’s all right. You’re safe now and that’s all that matters.”

Niall shifted tensely, clearly trying to hold back the shivers that were working through his body. He was still glaring, jaw clenched and arms curled against his chest, ready to bounce. The man- a beta- was eyeing him carefully from the fireplace.

“Is someone bringing the clothes?” he said, moving his gaze to the alpha who nodded.

“Yes,” she hummed, uncapping a water bottle and setting it down next to Harry’s blanket covered feet. “Hopefully soon, the poor lad is shaking.”

Niall tensed up further at that. Harry licked his lips nervously and inside his mind begged for him not to do anything harsh.

“What’s your name, love?” the alpha asked then, picking up one of the soups, and offered it towards Niall. The omega didn’t even acknowledge the food, he just glared up, challenge in his eyes.  

“That’s none of your business,” Niall spit out sharply, and, yeah… That was harsh enough.

Harry felt so distraught it was hard to get enough air in. It was like two completely different worlds colliding, and Harry couldn’t do anything to soften the blow.   

“Oh…” The alpha sounded surprised, taken aback, but she hid it well from showing on her face. It was quiet for a few beats but she quickly noticed that Niall had no intentions on taking the food, so she offered it towards Harry instead. “Well. My name is Amanda and we’ll get you both all warmed up soon enough. The soup will help, I’m sure.”

“Thank you, ma’am,” Harry said weakly as he took the container with shaky hands. The alpha, _Amanda_ , helped him to balance it on his knees, and then adjusted a plastic spoon in his fingers. Niall didn’t look too happy about it; he glanced at Harry from the corner of his eye, thigh pressing tighter against Harry’s like a warning.    

“You’re welcome,” Amanda said, smiling a little before she leaned back. She eyed the tray and then Niall but in the end decided to just stand up and leave them to it.

A light knock on the door had Harry jolting, almost spilling the food all over himself.

Amanda nodded and the beta was quick to push the grate back in front of the fireplace to keep any wood from falling out, the fire already dancing inside it, and then walked to the door.

“I got some extra blankets too,” familiar, soft spoken voice said in a way of greeting from behind a pile of clothes. It was Euan, now dressed in warm winter knits, ashy blond hair messily swept back from his grey eyes. Eyes that zeroed on Harry the second the door closed behind him.

“Make sure they eat,” Amanda said to the younger alpha, patting his arm as she passed him on her way to the door. Euan nodded, smiling, and not breaking the eye contact. “Ta, love.”

Soon it was just the three of them in the cottage, the fire crackling and growing bigger in the fireplace, although not quite big enough to warm them yet.

“Euan…” Harry called out, voice raspy as his mouth felt dry suddenly. He placed the food carefully on the floor, eyes following eagerly as the alpha crossed the room with the blankets and clothes.

Euan kneeled on the floor, near Harry, small smile stretching bigger on his young looking face. He shifted on his knees- and that was enough.

Niall let out a familiar, barking snarl. The sound full of warning, the “back off” loud and clear. He leaned heavily against Harry’s side, looking ready to leap over him.    

“Niall!” Harry gasped, brows furrowing as he wrapped his fingers around the blond’s wrist. It didn’t have much effect on the warning rumble. “I told you who he is already, cut it off.”

“I don’t care who he is,” Niall hissed. “He still brought us here!” He didn’t relax even when Euan sat back on his haunches, palms up in the air. “What was the point of running off the truck now?”

Harry shook his head, brows scrunching closer together with the distressed tension that was coiling inside him. “But it’s _Euan._ He wouldn’t—”

“Just because he’s alive doesn’t mean he’s doing the right thing!” Niall snapped, shutting Harry up like he had been smacked. It stung; both Niall’s harsh tone and the fact that there probably was some truth behind his words. “You’re so fucking gullible sometimes.”

Harry dropped his gaze like keeping it up would hurt, shoulders hunching and hair falling over his cheeks.        

“Um…” Euan started carefully, breaking the tense silence that stretched over the room. He glanced between Harry and Niall a few times before he apparently just decided to ignore the murderous one, and concentrated on Harry. “You okay?”

Harry blinked, fingers tightening around Niall’s wrist.

“Are _you_ okay?” he rushed out after a moment of struggling to find his words. Harry eyed the scarred skin that stretched over the alpha’s throat, heart clenching at the sight of it. Euan shrugged. _Shrugged._

“Yeah,” he said distractedly, eyes searching something from Harry’s expression. “I’m not the one who went missing for a whole year.”

Harry opened his mouth to say something but Niall beat him to it, “He wasn’t missing. He was just fine- unlike now. Not thanks to you.”

“Niall,” Harry whispered pleadingly, tugging at his wrist, but the blond just shook his head, eyes stormy and mouth a thin line. He clearly wasn’t going to drop it.

“No,” Niall sneered, glaring at Euan. “What is this bullshit? Explain, _alpha._ ”

His tone was laced with venom and exaggerated, mocking courtesy. It had Euan tilting his head and brows rising up in surprise. He glanced at Harry before sighing deeply.

“Well, I don’t know what Harry has told you—”

“Everything,” Niall grit out, eyes flashing dangerously, and he looked like he wanted to throw himself at the alpha and really make it hurt. Harry slowly curled his other hand around Niall’s wrist too, just in case.

“Right. Right…” Euan nodded, looking uncomfortable, and he licked over his lips trying to find the right words, staring down at the food tray. With another sigh he turned his eyes back at them. “So, I… I told them that we were attacked. And that when I woke up you were gone.”

“You… What?” Harry sat up a bit straighter, brows furrowed in confusion. Euan shrugged one shoulder and rubbed his face with his other hand, suddenly looking a lot more tired than before.

“Yeah, I just… I didn’t know what would happen if they found out,” he said quietly, ruffling his fringe and then pushing the hair behind his ear. Niall scoffed. “I didn’t even… I didn’t know if you were hurt or- or what even happened, really.”  

Harry swallowed heavily, his heart beating faster as they skirted around the topic. Niall clearly wasn’t slowed down by that problem.

“ _What would happen if they found out_ , huh? To Harry, or to _you_?” he questioned sharply, not giving the alpha any slack. Euan opened his mouth but then closed it with a shake of his head, a pinched look clouding his features. “Yeah? Were you afraid of what they would think of you when they heard you were beaten up by _an_ _omega_ _?_ ”   

“Niall, stop it,” Harry growled, yanking at the boy’s arm. Did he actually want to fight? What the hell. “What are you _doing?_ ”    

It seemed like neither Niall nor Euan were paying him any mind though, too busy staring each other down. There was an annoyed tilt starting to build in the corners of Euan’s mouth.

“To both of us,” the alpha said steadily, but his eyes narrowed, stubborn and irked. “But I don’t think they would’ve believed me even if I had told them.”

Harry was glad he was already holding onto Niall because he definitely wouldn’t have been fast enough to catch the omega as he suddenly lurched forward, teeth bared. Euan jolted back, not expecting the challenging movement, but he quickly snarled back, shoulders tense.

“Yeah? You want a rematch right now? _”_ Niall spit out through his teeth, pushing at Harry, trying to get free from his hold. “I don’t think anyone will doubt anything after I’ve been through with you, you piece of shit!”

“Fuck’s sake, Niall!” Harry barked out, tackling the posturing omega, and tipping them both over with the force of it. They ended up laying on the floor, Harry’s whole weight binding Niall down. “Calm down! How is this helping anything?”

“I don’t care, I just want to punch him,” Niall wheezed, growling until Harry smacked him in the chest, a bit harder than he had originally meant. “He’s disgusting! He was just going to take you to- He had no problem having you do- _the thing!_ ”

Silence rang inside the cottage after Niall’s loud outburst, only the fire’s soft hum flickering in the background. Harry sighed.

“Just… Please, Niall,” he said finally, defeated and tired. It really wasn’t helping anything, and Harry didn’t even know why Niall was getting so worked up over it. It was Harry that had messed up, even if the way Niall had been brought up didn’t agree with it. “I don’t want to fight.”

For a second Niall looked like was going to keep mouthing off, brows furrowed and jaw jutting. But then he sighed too, begrudgingly relaxing against the floorboards. “Fine. But I’m not going to like it. _Him._ ”

“Thank you, Ni,” Harry breathed out, voice small and relieved.

He pushed back up into a sitting position and tugged at the blanket so it covered his shoulders again. Biting his lip he glanced around to see if their little tumble had sent any of the food flying. Fortunately it hadn’t.

A short glance up was enough to let him know that Euan looked just as grumpy as Niall, grey eyes gloomy as he stared at the floor. It could have been funny if the situation was different.  

“You told them we were attacked,” Harry repeated softly, making the alpha look up. “What happened then?”

“They thought you were taken,” Euan muttered, nose scrunching. “It took me a while to get back to the den with the, you know…”

“Yeah…” Harry answered weakly, gaze dropping with the weight of it all. Euan was quick to shake his head.

“It’s okay,” he said firmly, and when Harry’s eyes wandered back towards his throat he reached to touch Harry’s raised, blanket covered knee. “Really.”

Harry let out a shuddery breath he had been holding before nodding his head. Niall was glaring daggers at the hand on Harry but he stayed quiet.

Euan nodded, as if that could settle the whole thing. As if it could ever be enough.

“Your trace was a few days old already when we were able to have someone track you. I wasn’t able to talk much, at first, and I didn’t really know- what happened… There wasn’t really much to work with,” Euan said, shoulders hunching. “I just… They figured someone had taken you and I just- went with it. And… Like I said, I didn’t know if you were hurt, or if you were actually taken later on. Everyone was really worried. Especially when the traces hinted that you were getting hurt…”   

“I- I was fine,” Harry mumbled quietly, curling his toes beneath the blanket, and pushed a bunch of unruly curls behind his ear. Niall stopped guarding the hand on Harry’s knee to give him a hard look.

“You were not,” he said, huff laced in his clipped tone. “You were anything else but fine- but then we found you. You’re getting better.”

Euan glanced at Niall, licking over his lower lip a bit nervously while clearly preparing to say something risky. The alpha cleared his throat and then locked his eyes with Harry.

“Did they- Did his alphas force you to stay?” he asked, determined to keep the eye contact even when Niall sat up from the floor, snarl on his lips.

“Don’t you fucking dare, you—” Niall started to growl, voice raising.

“No, they did not,” Harry cut him off, certainty clear in his voice. It had Niall snapping his mouth shut with a clenching jaw. “I wanted to stay. I- I want to stay. There.”

Euan looked bewildered at that but he quickly seemed to swallow down any of the questions that had popped in his mind. Instead he retreated the hand from Harry’s knee and scrubbed his face. With a sigh he pushed his hair back, rubbing down the back of his head and then left both hands resting behind his neck.    

“Right,” Euan said with a heavy exhale, thoughtful eyes wandering around the two of them. “Well, they managed to track you down in the end. I was sent to look for you too, after you kept dodging them. Figured that a familiar scent would catch your attention… Because, you know, it seemed like you were there against your will. Or that’s what we thought. I mean… Why else would you- We thought they weren’t letting you come home.”

Niall breathed loudly through his nose, showing just how much he wasn’t having it with the conversation. Harry leaned to softly bump their foreheads together, tilting his lips up reassuringly, and silently asking him to let Euan finish.  

“We found your clothes in the forest the other night, and the payslip too. It had the cafe’s address on it…” The alpha scrunched his brows, his gaze dropping. “But I guess- you really didn’t want to be found then?”

Harry swallowed with some difficulty, shoulders rising with the discomfort. “I, um… I just… I really like it there, Euan.”

“And we like it when he’s there too,” Niall added quietly, the words just a light breath against Harry’s skin.

Euan puffed his cheeks before heavily letting out the air from his lungs.

“Well, _shit._ ”

* 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) ?
> 
> shyshyserious.tumblr.com  
> sshyserious@gmail.com


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hii, you lovely people! :)
> 
> The chapter 14 is finally here! I’ve decided to post it now even though it hasn’t been beta’d yet, so keep that in mind while reading, please. I’ll update the beta’d version here when I get it! :3  
> Feel free to tell me if you find something super confusing though and I’ll fix it!
> 
> I’m a bit nervous about this chapter but it’s over 11K so yay?  
> I really hope you like it, thank you for all your lovely comments and patience!  
> xxx

“We’re going to drive back up,” Euan had informed them as he walked back in the cottage, having left outside to give Niall and Harry some privacy to dress up. “There’s more room and better food at home, proper heating too.”

That was now half an hour ago.

Harry and Niall were wrapped in their borrowed clothes, blankets around their shoulders and huddling close together. There was a thin layer of snow on the ground, crunching under their ill-fitting shoes as they walked across the small clearing towards the car parked near the tree-line.

“Come on then boys, we need to get going if we want to make it there before dark,” the still nameless beta called out through the open door of the vehicle, already strapping himself in with the seatbelt.

It was already pretty dark, Harry noted in his mind, glancing up at the sky where the stars were starting to push through the blackness. Niall shivered, tightly pressed against Harry’s arm, his expression gloomy and apprehensive. It had Harry chewing on the inside of his cheek, tension and nervousness sympathetically syncing with Niall’s.

Euan hauled two stuffed full hiking backpacks in the trunk of the car, helping Amanda to get everything that was left in the cottages packed and going. There had been more people staying in the bigger building but they had left earlier, hoping to reach the Hyde’s Den before midnight. _The Den_ … Harry’s _home_? It… What did ‘ _home_ ’ even mean? Did Harry even have one?

Niall was standing quietly by Harry’s side, arms crossed and brows furrowed as he watched Amanda scoot to the front seat of the car while Euan slammed the trunk shut. Harry could tell the omega wasn’t happy about the situation at all, but he tried to remember how it must feel for him and not brush off his agitated carefulness. Niall didn’t know any of these people. He was in the middle of a strange forest with a bunch of strange people who had all but kidnapped him, knocked his friend out, wouldn’t let him, or Harry, leave and had put a young, previously assumed to be dead alpha in charge of them. Yeah. In Harry’s opinion Niall was handling this bloody fantastically.

Harry himself, on the other hand, wasn’t doing quite as good. He was constantly worrying and anxiously trying to figure out how it all would end. He was worried about Niall, who was in this mess because of him, just like Euan was. He was worried because Niall and Euan didn’t get along- _at all_ , and he was worried because he wasn’t sure if he could trust Euan after all, not after Niall had planted the seed of it in his mind.

And then, Niall… He only had Harry’s word. He was blindly trusting Harry here, agreeing not to run off only because Harry _wanted_ to believe that they were with friends and not foes. That no harm would come to them if they stayed with these people.

But what if Harry was wrong? What if something bad would happen just because Harry was “ _so fucking gullible sometimes_ ”?

Niall shuffled even closer to Harry, their feet starting to feel the chill of the forest floor. He was practically swimming in his borrowed clothes; shirt sleeves hanging over his fingers and the jeans too long even after the waistline had been rolled over and over. The omega nudged Harry’s shoulder with his own, effectively cutting off Harry’s spiralling thoughts and even halting his agitatedly pacing wolf for a bit.

“Are we sure about this?” Niall whispered tensely. His arms were still crossed but he was now biting at the skin of his thumb. He kept his eyes forward, tracking Euan who had just opened the back door and turned around with raised brows, motioning for them to get in. Harry swallowed.

“I don’t know,” he answered just as quietly, honestly. His shoulders were hunching and chin dipping down in nervous shame. Maybe… Maybe it was just good that Harry hadn’t been the one to make the decisions growing up: the ones he _had_ made had turned out to be disastrous after all.

Niall glanced at him calculatingly, then around the clearing and the now empty cottages.

After a short pause he seemed to come into a some sort of conclusion because he sighed, heavily, and then grabbed Harry’s hand in his own and tugged him towards Euan and the car.

“Alright?” the alpha asked Harry when they were close enough, tiny, concerned crease forming in between his brows. Niall scrunched up his nose and looked away, not at all subtle with it. Harry just squeezed his hand before nodding at Euan.

“All good,” Harry said with a forced, shaky smile. His voice came out weak and unconvincing and it had Euan’s brows pressing together further. He looked like he was going to say something but then Amanda turned around in the front seat, peering at them curiously from behind the headrest.

“Are you boys ready?” she asked, tone soft and mum-like, just like it had been when she had served them the food. Harry wondered if she was, in fact, a mother but he wasn’t comfortable enough to ask. It didn't really make a difference anyway, the truth was that she was a complete stranger.

With another loud sigh Niall nudged Harry towards the car, not letting go of his hand but urging him to go in. He even went as far as to snarl at Euan when the alpha seemed to be thinking about claiming the middle seat. Euan just raised his hands in the air, palms up and his brows following suit.

“Easy there,” Harry heard him mutter huffingly and with that Harry decided that it was better to rush in and tug Niall with him before the two started barking at each other again.

The door slammed shut, confining them inside, the engine groaning to life.

“Please, no running off this time, yeah?” the beta hummed good-naturedly as he turned to look over the back of the seat to see where he was backing.

Niall scoffed just as Euan’s seatbelt clicked locked.

“Why? Should we just sit around waiting?” Niall bit out, not even blinking when Harry tightened his hold around his fingers. “You could be taking us anywhere? Why are we even here?”

“Well, _you_ are here because Arran fucked up,” Euan answered him simply, shrugging, and not fazed by Niall's tone. “He’s from the Rowland pack and had never seen Harry- and no one expected there to be two male omegas. One’s rare enough. Like I said, we were just trying to get Harry out without causing a scene- but… Yeah. That didn’t happen.”

“Well, that’s fantastic and all but it doesn’t really explain why we’re still here,” Niall said sweetly, too sweetly, fingers flexing in Harry’s hold, their movement echoing the suspicion that emitted from his mock-polite tone. Euan really rubbed Niall the wrong way, that much was clear. “How about the three of you let us go now, then? I’m sure we can make it home in no time.”

Amanda sighed in the front seat, hands folded in her lap and eyes following how the forest started to move faster and faster behind the car’s window. She didn’t get the chance to answer though as Euan’s clipped tone slashed through the hum of the car.

“How about you just sit right there while we all drive up to the Den together, safe and sound, without anyone wandering alone in the forest in the middle of the night? And when we get home, we’re going to meet your Alpha and your friends there?” he gritted out sharply, the words making Niall’s mouth snap shut, stopping whatever the omega had planned on saying from coming out. “How does that sound to you, huh?”

Harry leaned forward so fast he got caught on his locking seatbelt. He tugged at it distractedly while turning to see the alpha past Niall’s tense figure. Harry knew his eyes were wide, more with relief than with surprise, and a sense of calm washed over him as he met Euan’s gaze.

“Really?” Harry still confirmed quietly, hopeful, before biting down on his lower lip. “They’ll be there?”

Euan just nodded, expression staying sour and his grey eyes dark with irritation. Clearly sensing the tense and annoyed atmosphere hanging over the backseat Amanda reached back between her seat and the door to squeeze Euan’s knee, to calm him down. The younger alpha exhaled through his nose before leaning heavily against the backrest, arms crossing over his chest.

“We’re not some horrid beasts. No matter how much you’d like for us to be,” Euan grunted at Niall, tone growly and rough, before he pointedly turned to look out of the window.

Niall’s jaws clenched visibly when Harry glanced at him but the omega remained silent, eyes lowered, staring at his knees.

*

It had been late when they finally reached the Den. The roads had been dangerous; black ice everywhere, and it had started sleeting almost right away after they had left the forest and the cottages.

It had felt so surreal to walk through the familiar yard. Everything had looked just like it had been before, months ago, even through the darkness of the night. There hadn’t been many lights in the windows, the surroundings of the buildings’ quiet and sleepy.

Harry had clutched on Niall’s arm, head ducked and nervous energy keeping him in high alert as he sneaked quick glances around the yard and the houses he grew up in. Niall had just been groggy, having fallen asleep halfway through the ride despite his wary suspiciousness.

One of the houses, which usually was used for small gatherings, had had its biggest room turned into a sleeping area for Niall and Harry. There were mattresses on the floor, also heaps of duvets and pillows. Even the clothes they had been wearing prior to their escape from the truck were washed and neatly folded on the edge of one of the mattresses.

They hadn’t seen anyone on their way there, the night quiet and dark. Amanda had walked them to their ‘room’, bidding them good night by the door, and Harry hadn’t been able to shake the surreal tint from his sleepy, muggy brain.

He was so tired and yet too keyed up to fall asleep.

“D’you think they’ll be here?” Harry whispered to the darkness of the room, breathing in the familiar scent of home that didn’t smell like home anymore. Harry squeezed his eyes shut for a bit, swallowing around the lump in his throat.

“They better,” Niall rasped back, voice already heavy with sleep as he shifted underneath the big blanket they were sharing. They had chosen to curl up close to each other rather than them both having their own mattresses. Harry was more than happy with the decision when Niall cuddled up against his side with a tired puff of an exhale. “Try to get some sleep, Hazza…”  
  
When Harry blinked his eyes open what felt like a second later, there was a pale yellow sunlight streaming in through the window.

Niall was sitting next to where Harry was still snuggled up in the blankets, his blond hair all messy and sticking up in every which way.

It took Harry a moment of yawning and waking up to realise that Niall was glaring at Euan who was sat cross legged on the edge of the second mattress.

“M-huh?” Harry mumbled, brows scrunching together as he rolled over to his belly, head coming to rest on Niall’s thigh. Niall dutifully buried his fingers in Harry’s curls.

“Morning,” Euan said softly, looking like he had just about woken up himself. Belatedly Harry hummed something incoherent as an answer, cheek pressed against Niall’s leg. “Your friends are here, just arrived. They’re meeting with the Alpha now, I think.”

“Why aren’t you there?” Niall inquired before Harry had properly even processed the words. Even though it didn't show up in his voice Harry could easily feel how Niall had perked up at the mention of the others.

“Not allowed,” Euan shrugged, unbothered, and knuckled at his eyes.

Harry hummed and yawned, curling one arm from underneath himself to wrap it around Niall’s waist. The blond was furrowing his brows at Euan’s words but for once didn’t seem like he wanted to have a go at the alpha.

Harry straightened his legs simultaneously as he arched against Niall’s capable, heavenly hand in his hair. He was feeling heavy with sleep still, limbs clumsy and stiff.

Before Harry was able to stretch the sleepiness from his joints there was a sudden, heavy bang against the room’s door.

Euan’s head shot up, focused and attentive. His features turned sharp and lost all the boyishness he usually carried.

The door-handle clanged loudly- once, twice- before the door lurched open, revealing a massive, _massive_ wolf.

In a blink of an eye Euan had moved sharply towards Niall and Harry, shielding them. The alpha looked ready to shift, teeth baring, sharp, warning growl building up from his chest.

And the wolf… The wolf was enormous! He was like a… He was—

“Liam!” Niall yelped suddenly, breathlessly, catching on who it was that had caught them all off guard. Harry stilled, having been ready to bolt backwards, dragging Niall with him. But…

The blond omega making grabby hands towards the unfamiliar wolf had Euan sitting slowly back down, eyes shifting carefully and calculating between the two. And that… Liam? Woah.

Clearly, unlike Harry’s runt of a wolf form, Liam kept some of his human characteristics when he shifted. The wolf’s chest was wide and his forelegs muscular, just like the rest of him, and his paws were strong and heavy-looking. But his eyes, now that Harry was calming down to notice, they were the same warm puppy brown.

Harry willed his heartbeat to slow, Liam’s familiar scent rolling subtly over his senses as the beta trotted towards them, only briefly pausing to sniff at Euan.

Not paying much attention to the alpha Liam stepped onto the mattress, promptly walking over the sheets and throw pillows; his main goal apparently just to slump on top of Niall and Harry.

Which he did.

Niall grunted, having one big forepaw digging to his belly, while Harry got a faceful of greyish brown fur where he was still leaning his head on Niall’s thigh. The beta squirmed restlessly, whining out lowly and turning his head to sniff at both of them, eyes full of concern and relief, his tail wavering unsurely.

With a shaky smile Harry pressed his cheek against Liam’s side, from the corner of his eye he could see Niall burrowing his fingers in the thick, coarse fur of Liam’s neck.

“Liam…” Niall repeated, his voice suddenly turning shakier and unfamiliar, the usual boldness withering out. Harry lifted his gaze, fingers curling into the fur within his reach, and saw Niall hunch down to wrap his arms properly around Liam’s neck and shoulders.

Harry couldn't help the sad whine pushing up from his throat, clearly witnessing how close to the breaking point the blond omega had been, despite his calm and strong appearance.

Liam’s ears twitched.

He huffed out a low, growly sound and then nudged at Niall’s side with his snout. Then he did it again, and again and again, not stopping until Niall chuckled out a wet laugh. The omega straightened up from his slouched position and grabbed Liam from the fur under his cheeks, reaching down to smack a noisy kiss in between his eyes.

“It’s not like we missed you or anything,” Niall tried to tease, voice still odd and hoarse but filled with more of the familiar spark than it had been a moment ago. Liam just nipped at the fingers that were now petting over his muzzle.

Harry glanced up at Euan who was sitting in the same spot where he had backed off, observing quietly, fingers gently tugging at the edge of the sheets. Noticing Harry’s gaze the alpha lifted his eyes from where he had been looking at Liam’s broad form and tilted his head, raising his brows at Harry.

“Friend of yours?” he confirmed softly, eyes curious with a tiny hint of doubtfulness hidden within.

Harry sighed, and then nodded.

“Yeah. He’s… Yeah,” Harry said, licking over his lower lip. “Hadn’t seen his wolf before, so…”

Euan’s brows shot up higher in surprise, clearly confused by how it was possible not to see someone’s wolf when having stayed with them for so long. Harry shrugged, the movement jerky.

“I know… It’s just- different,” he said quietly, then shrugged again, twirling Liam’s fur between his thumb and index finger. “Still haven’t seen Zayn.”

Euan hummed, brows staying raised and the look in his eyes making it clear how unimaginable it sounded to him.

Harry could relate to that feeling since it was exactly what he had gone through when he had noticed that it just wasn’t a thing. The ‘ _spending about half of the day in one form and the rest of it in the other_ ’ thing. It was- odd. Different and odd, but Harry had gotten a bit more used to it by now. Especially after he had noticed that nobody minded that he liked to spend time in his both forms.

“I’ll go get him some clothes,” Euan said, glancing towards the curled together pile of them. His knees cracked as he stood up and with a lazy hand he swiped his sleep mussed hair back away from his eyes. Harry smiled up at him, the curve of his lips subtle but thankful.

“He’ll need bigger clothes than us,” Harry told the alpha, wanting to be even a little bit helpful in the middle of the mess he had caused. Euan paused by the door at Harry’s words and turned his head to throw a tiny smile at him. “And… Thank you, Euan.”

With a quiet huff Euan lifted both his hands to show Harry a quick thumbs up, the movement barely managing to draw Harry’s eyes away from the webbed scarring twisting over his throat.

“I’ll be back in a bit,” Euan said before stepping out of the room, quietly pulling the door closed behind him.

“Wait. _That_ Euan?” a familiar voice questioned from Niall’s lap.

“Liam, please!” Niall complained immediately, dragging the blanket over Liam’s now naked body.

Harry couldn’t help the surprised, barking guffaw that escaped him when he accidentally got an eyeful of Liam’s butt. He had to smack a hand over his mouth to stifle the too loud giggle, while with the other he helped the beta to cover himself.

“What?” Liam said innocently with a happy smile, brown eyes warm and the corners of them crinkling. “Also, again: Euan as in that Euan?”

“Yes, that Euan. Not- _gone_ \- but he’s a douche,” Niall said, before pushing at Liam’s shoulder. “Now get off, you lump.”  
  
Liam sat up obediently, cocooned inside the blanket, and just looked at them both for a few silent seconds with wide eyes.

“Thank fuck you’re both alright,” he blurted out with a heavy exhale. The corners of his mouth were pulling down and with falling shoulders he leaned against Harry, pressing their cheeks together before nuzzling his face in the junction of Harry’s neck. “That was horrible. Shit. Never again.”

Niall leaned closer, making sure to touch the both of them, and sighed heavily. He seemed to relax for the first time since… Since before this all happened. Harry had to squeeze his eyes shut.

“Hey,” Euan said when he returned only a few minutes later, breaking the three of them out of their little cuddled up daze. The alpha nodded his head and handed a pile of clothes over to Liam. “I’m Euan, nice to meet you.”

“Euan?” Liam wondered, “Huh. And to think that I’ve just heard from a reliable source that you’re, in fact, A Douche,” he continued instead of a greeting, head tilted to the side and pretending not to hear Niall’s delighted snort.

Harry pouted a bit, his brows furrowing with the uncomfortableness that instantly started building inside his chest. However, Euan just rolled his eyes, throwing Liam a half smile after glancing briefly at Niall. “Yeah, I’m sure you have.”

“Cool. I’m Liam,” Liam said, taking the offered clothes from the alpha, “Thanks for these.”

“No problem,” Euan said, shrugging one shoulder as he sat down. And… That was that.

Niall looked affronted by the way the discussion had went, mouth ajar and eyes accusingly squinted as he glowered at Liam. It was probably only because they had barely been reunited with the beta for about two seconds that Niall didn’t let him have an earful.

Harry still wanted to make sure the situation didn’t turn into a mouth-off, quickly shifting to the side to give Liam space to start tugging on the clothes, and then asked, “Where are the others? Did they- They are here too, right?”

Liam huffed out a tired, sombre laugh from inside the knitted jumper. He tugged the fabric over his head, hair gone static and mussed, but he just pushed it back with a careless sweep.

“Yeah, we’re all here,” Liam said with a sigh, shifting to tie the strings of the ancient looking tracksuit bottoms into a neat bow. “You have no idea guys… It’s been shit. I’m just- I’m just so glad you’re alright.”

Liam looked up, knuckling the corner of his eye while smoothing down the front of the jumper with his other hand. “Lou went nuts, like, proper nuts. He was- _is_ livid… His mum too. And Louis had a row with Z over something... It’s- I don’t even know, it’s just been really awful.”

Harry swallowed, fingers curling into the sheets he was sitting on. However, before his mind was able to lunge itself into the obvious direction, a sharp smack landed on his upper arm.

Harry jolted, shamefully ducking head snapping back up and his eyes flying wide open, startled.

“Stop it,” Niall ordered, the blue of his eyes full of authority and stern determination, a finger pointed at Harry’s chest. “We’ve been over this, Haz. Not your fault.”

Harry hummed evasively, rubbing at his arm where it still stung a bit. He had to admit that the shock from the smack had managed to cut off the route of his self-loathing thoughts. It still didn’t quite convince him though. Harry wasn’t sure if anything could.

“Harry?” Liam asked softly when the silence stretched out and Harry just kept staring at his own hands, fingertips tracing the seam of the blanket. There was a clock somewhere in the room, it’s ticking a hollow reminder of every second that was passing by.  
  
“It _is_ though,” Harry finally said, voice tiny and sad even to his own ears.

But it was. _It was_ his fault. There was no way around it. All this could have been avoided if he had just… If he…

Harry shrugged stiffly, fingers leaving the blanket to brush at the wisps of hair by his ear, then moving to tug at his lower lip.

With a sigh Liam curled a heavy but comforting arm behind Harry’s neck when he failed to elaborate, pulling him in and pressing his lips briefly against Harry’s temple.

“Lou’s mum’s gonna sort this out, yeah? They’re in the meeting right now,” the beta said, his cheek pressing to rest on top of Harry’s head. “No one’s blaming you for this mess.”

Harry shrugged again, exhaling silently before nuzzling against Liam’s shoulder and breathing in his familiar scent. He wondered briefly about the fight between Zayn and Louis but decided to figure it out later. What mattered more to him right then was the fact that they were _there_. They were there, and Niall and Harry himself were both safe and alright, and so was _Euan_ , which… Harry was still trying to wrap his head around that one.

“How come you’re here and not in the meeting?” Niall asked Liam then, scooting closer so he was able to properly lean against the two of them.

“Oh, um…” Liam furrowed his brows.

“Only alphas allowed,” Euan muttered, joining the conversation, and his brows lowered to match Liam’s. It contradicted with what he had said about the meeting earlier, but before Harry could start wondering about it, he continued, “The higher ups.”

“That’s rubbish,” Niall sneered, chest puffing as his eyes swivelled sharply from Liam to the alpha on the other mattress.

Euan just shrugged, lowering his gaze and avoiding the obvious invite for confrontation. Niall clearly was the more temperamental out of the two, and not even close to as forgiving as the alpha was. Harry was silently thankful for Euan’s calm personality allowing the snarky omega’s jabs to slide, otherwise they would have had a proper problem in their hands.

“Do you think… Do you think they'll tell the Alpha about what I told? About what- really happened?” Harry asked quietly, eyes dropping and teeth nervously biting down on his lip.

Niall shrugged slowly, brows furrowing further in thought.

And if they did tell, then what would happen? Would they be mad? Would Euan get in trouble for lying for Harry? And… A big part of Harry still did think that he deserved to get in trouble, to get punished for what he did to Euan. It was unacceptable, no matter the circumstances.

“What- What _was it_ about?” Euan asked carefully, grey eyes concerned and serious.

Harry swallowed, fingers curling into fists.

“I panicked,” he said quietly, staring down at his hands. Liam rubbed his cheek briefly against Harry’s curls, the heavy sigh that followed shifting Harry along the beta’s chest.

“But why? I mean, I get that you were nervous. And it's a big change but... It's a good mating, yeah? That’s why you agreed to it, that’s why the pack agreed to it. They wouldn’t have if there was even a hint of doubt that the Rowlands wouldn’t be able take care of you.” Euan locked his confused, questioning eyes with Harry’s when he slowly peeked up at the alpha.  
  
Harry swallowed, jaw clenched. He glanced at Niall, then Liam, with loss of words. “I guess I- I did agree to it, yeah…”

Euan looked at Harry with a quirked eyebrow when his words died out. He just… It was…

“I… I—” Harry wavered, tongue suddenly heavy in his mouth. Why was this so difficult? It was simple, really, wasn’t it? And yet he couldn’t get it out, no matter how many times the topic was discussed.

“Harry?” Euan urged gently, leaning forward. He looked so earnest and concerned, and Harry had ripped out his throat.

Harry couldn’t help dropping his gaze, hands squeezing into tighter fists, nails digging to his palms.  
  
“Did he really have a choice?” Niall asked then, voice decidedly calm, probably for Harry’s sake.

“Oh? Um, what?” Euan tilted his head, eyes shifting towards Niall, sitting back up straighter.

“Did he have the option to say ‘no’?” Niall clarified, and suddenly Harry was way too aware of the dangerous edge in the omega’s voice.

Harry really should learn to talk for himself- he had to learn that, and he wanted to be able to do it- but he just wasn’t there yet. He wasn’t used to it nor was he nowhere near confident enough for it.

So Niall’s version it was… _Shit_.

“I... Yeah?” Euan answered slowly, brows pressing together. His eyes shifted between Harry and Niall, trying to find any hints of where the discussion was going. “Of course?”

Niall hummed.

 _Shit_ , Harry thought again, and pressed closer against Liam’s side.

“So you’re saying that you didn’t just lay out how the pack wouldn’t be able to make it through the winter if Harry didn’t agree to it? Make it seem like saying ‘ _no_ ’ was him behaving badly and disrespectfully? Saying ‘ _no_ ’ to a mating with _an old fucking man_ who he would be mating against his own desires so his ‘oh, so caring’ _pack_ could have an easier winter?” The words fell from Niall’s lips like they were something dirty, something burning and disgusting that he needed to get rid of. And he wasn’t done. “Oh, and how about all those other times he didn’t want to do something but did it anyway because ‘ _that’s how it is_ ’ here? That’s how it ‘works’? Did you ask him then if he wanted it? Or did you make him live his whole life believing that he wasn’t capable of making his own decisions because someone else was more qualified for that job? More qualified to use _brains_ than he is?”

Tense silence rang through the room in wake of Niall’s heated rant.

“That's... I- Is that how you feel?” Euan looked shocked, dark shadow coloured with devastation clouding his eyes. He turned towards Harry, mouth ajar and fingers twisting anxiously in his lap. “Harry?”

Niall was growling under his breath, it was barely audible but he was so tense that it was causing Harry’s muscles to start locking up too, instinct readying him for an imaginary attack.

No one said anything for a few quiet moments, during which Liam reached out a sure hand, resting his fingertips gently on Niall’s nape. It took a moment to work but in the end Niall managed to bite down the agitated words he had clearly been mulling over, ready to throw them at Euan.

Harry took in a deep breath, squeezing his eyes closed for a second to help himself focus.  
  
“I don’t... I don't know,” Harry answered weakly, even though he did know. Kind of? He thought he did but… “I- I guess, but…”  
  
“Haz, it’s okay to tell him, yeah?” Liam said softly against the side of Harry’s head. His words urged Harry to nod; tiny, shaky movement, but enough to convey the others that he was on board. It was just that… It wasn’t just Euan he needed to tell this. It was Liam and Niall too, and maybe Zayn and Louis as well, later on. And it was terrifying. What if they wouldn’t like what he had to say? What if—

“It's... Sometimes.” Harry had to rush out the words before he could overthink. He swallowed down hard, head hanging as if it could give him the illusion of being hidden. It didn't. “It’s how I feel- sometimes. About some things.”

Harry had stop to clear his throat, too aware of the possibility of this going all wrong- of it coming out all wrong, ruining things. This was exactly why he hated to be the one doing the talking: even about the things that affected him directly. It was- He just didn’t want to mess up. Someone else would probably be able to say it better anyway.

“I'm just- I'm so confused…” Harry sighed, giving his head a tiny shake before looking slowly up towards Euan. “Sometimes, here, it was really clear to me what I wanted but then I didn’t… I couldn’t ask for that. Because, you know, it’s not my place to tell someone taking care of me _how to do it_ , right? And the girls did complain sometimes and it was always made clear that it wasn’t what ‘nicely behaved omegas do’. Like, they never got yelled at or anything but- you just know when an alpha, or a beta, is cross with you. I mean, at least we sense that, I guess. A-and, and then; do I even need to be taken care of in the first place? I’m not- I… Niall doesn’t need anyone, like. Not in the way it works here…”

Harry took a deep breath, trying to slow down the rush of words that was falling almost uncontrollably over his lips. It didn’t help much. “Then, then sometimes with you guys, Niall, Li, I just... If something feels overwhelming- or well, it doesn’t even have to be that… It can be just whatever. Like, sometimes I just feel like I would like someone to decide for me. Just, tell me what to do so I know I'm doing the right thing or saying the right thing at the right time… But then, how am I supposed to know if that’s just how _I think_ I should think; how I was brought up to think, or is that a- me thing? And, and, and then! If it _is_ a me thing, will it bother you guys? Because you always say that—”

“Hey, hey,” Euan whispered, comforting rumbling tone seeping into his voice. “Take a breath, yeah?”

Liam nodded, Harry could feel the movement against the side of his head and tried to will his heart so slow down. With a shaky burst of air he exhaled, leaning into the soft touches of the beta’s hand that was rubbing up and down his arm.

“There’s a difference though, Haz,” Niall started softly, prompting Harry to turn towards him. The omega’s blue eyes were noticeably calmer than they had been a few minutes ago, although there was a hint of sadness in them now. Harry didn’t know which look he disliked more. “The other is you, it's what you want and it’s your free will. The other is you acting in a way someone wants you to- makes you to. It’s external, it’s for someone else. And… Especially if you comply out of fear of making someone mad or even hurt you- then it’s against your consent. It’s abuse.”

Harry knew his brows were furrowing. Why did it have to be so confusing?

“But- I don’t always know which it is… Because- Sometimes I like it, want it, but sometimes…” Harry sighed, bringing his fisted hands up and pressing his eyes against them. Liam tightened the arm around him for a second, pulling Harry into a firmer hug.

“I reckon it depends on the situation,” the beta commented carefully, thinking over the words before voicing them. “I don’t think there’s some absolute truth and a certain way of dealing with- _this_ , but… The baseline is that you shouldn’t be doing anything you don’t want to just because someone tells you to, yeah? You can, and should, take advice from other people though; I’m not saying you should _never_ comply others, just… Make sure it’s what you want too, first. No matter how traditional it is to agree to what the alphas around you say; they are just people too, you know.”

“Especially if they are asking you to sell yourself to some ancient Alpha who’s into cradle robbing,” Niall tagged on, the corners of his mouth pulling down, “and worse.”

Silence settled over the room again as they all mulled over the big mess they had just barely started to unravel. It sounded so simple, laid out like that, but Harry… He knew that it didn’t work like that in practice. They had already seen it with the unfamiliar alpha, Amanda, and the beta man who had been with her. If Harry had progressed at all during the time he had spent with the boys, it really all went out the window the second it had came to executing the _‘I’m a strong independent man’_ behaviour outside their little circle.

“Harry,” Euan spoke up finally after a long pause. His voice had gone tight and he looked pained, shaking his head when Harry met his eyes. Miserable. He looked just so miserable. “None of this is your fault, okay? I didn’t even… I didn’t realise… I think the problem- I think it’s way bigger than any of us… It’s- None of this should’ve happened in the first place. Things need to change, that much is clear, and I don’t think… It’s not right. What happened to you, how this all went; it’s not right. And how it might happen again, to others. It’s…”

The alpha shook his head, mouth a thin line.

“Still think he’s a douche?” Liam nudged at Niall when Euan trailed off, gently attempting to lighten the mood. Harry smiled tiredly against Liam’s shoulder, once again so grateful for having stumbled across these exact boys. How lucky could he get? Even in the middle of his unluckiness.

“Yes,” Niall answered right away, flashing his teeth. Although he paused for long enough to reach out and take one of Harry’s still tightly fisted hands in his, noticing how much Euan’s words had really meant to him. “But like, a little less douchier douche. Maybe.”

“Wow, thanks,” Euan huffed out, unimpressed, as he pushed a hand through his hair, the movement familiar. The alpha might have rolled his eyes but Harry could tell there was now a hint of a smile hiding in the corners of his still tense mouth.

“ _Maybe,_ ” Niall pressed, eyes squinting to emphasise the word when a sudden barking bellow cut sharply across the building. It echoed from somewhere near the front door, followed with a rattling bang.

They all jolted, startled, and turned towards the door that Euan had left ajar after retrieving the clothes for Liam.

“Oh,” the said beta breathed out, swiftly uncurling from around Niall and Harry. “That would be Louis.”

Harry’s heart lurched, his back straightening as all his senses seemed to scramble into full focus at once. His skin tingled, eyes glued to the door, and he barely noticed how Niall scooted after Liam.

It didn’t take long for Louis to appear to the door. His wolf was looking ruffled and tired, but his eyes were clear and familiar. They zeroed on Harry right away, lingering there for a bit before zapping to Niall.

After that he swept a short, cursory glance around the room before stalking across it with intent, head lowered and tail tensed, pointed horizontally behind him. His eyes were now sharply glued to the unfamiliar alpha sitting on the edge of the second mattress even though he headed straight to Harry.

Euan wisely scooted further away, clearly not too keen to cause any trouble. Louis looked tense enough to snap at the smallest irritant, not in the mood for kidding around. Liam’s eyes twinkled with amusement but he didn’t say anything, choosing to just let Louis stench the room with his overplayed dominance.

To a stranger the rough looking wolf could have seemed overly aggressive but the assumption was quickly proved wrong as Louis walked right up to Harry, and headfirst to his chest.

He curled tightly against Harry with a short, growly grunt, and Harry couldn’t help the low whine that pushed out from between his teeth. The relief was almost devastating. It hurt, clawing inside Harry’s ribcage, trying to pull out his rabidly beating heart. He had actively been trying to avoid thinking about anything that caused him to worry and now it was like all the floodgates had opened at once.

Harry wasn’t sure how long they sat like that, him holding on to Louis’ matted, damp fur and Louis’ licking over Harry’s neck and under his jawline, anywhere where he could reach.

The alpha was pretty frantic, unable to properly still as he kept eyeing Euan and glancing towards Niall in even succession. He was emitting a high-strung rumble, his tongue making a wet mess on Harry’s skin. And Harry wouldn’t have it any other way. His fingers curled tighter in the familiar fur.

After a while Louis reached out to press his snout against Niall’s side, nudging him and greeting him with the same concerned look still stuck in his eyes. The omega smiled softly down at him, curling his fingers under Louis’ muzzle.

“We’re alright, Lou,” he assured with a quiet voice, running his fingertips over the soft, short fur. Louis answered by licking at his fingers, causing Niall to scrunch up his nose. “I missed you too, twat. But not that much. Gross.”

Harry huffed a wet laugh against Louis’ shoulders, the fur there tickling his skin. Liam’s chuckle blended in with Harry’s, before the beta nodded towards the door, gesturing Euan to lead the way.

The alpha’s brows furrowed curiously, eyes calculating for a moment as he took another look of the tight embrace of Louis and Harry’s. Then he blinked, grey eyes clearly broadcasting the moment it clicked. The silent “Oh” left his mouth ajar.

“We’ll bring your clothes later,” Liam said to Louis’ by the door, letting Euan go through it first, then Niall, who was smirking at Harry, his mood clearly and noticeably brightened from the time they had woken up.

Harry barely registered the words, too focused on rubbing his cheek over Louis’ neck, scenting him the best he could. His wolf was squirming happily in the back of his mind, frantic and excited to be surrounded by the alpha’s familiar scent again.

The second the door clicked closed behind the three, Harry found himself flat on his back, tightly pressed against the mattress.

Harry gasped, eyes flying open just to have Louis’ lips crashing against his. Distraught hands swept gently but firmly over his body, as if making sure he was really there. Harry breathed hastily through his nose as he circled his arms around Louis’ neck, pulling the alpha tighter against his chest while leaning up into the almost desperate kiss.

He whined, low on his throat, fingers curling in the nape of Louis’ neck, heart almost bursting with the feeling. Harry’s lips were unpractised and clumsy against Louis’, too hurried, causing their teeth to knock into each other.

Louis brought his hands up, cradling Harry’s face in his palms, and pulled back just slightly, far enough to look Harry in the eyes. The alpha chuckled wetly, blinking tears from his as he smiled down at Harry.

“Lou,” Harry breathed out after seeing the tears in the corners of Louis’ eyes. He tightened his hold around the alpha, rushing to reassure him, “No, no, please don’t cry. We’re alright, it’s all good!”

Louis barked out a short laugh, a hint of a hysteric edge twisted into it.

“Love, I should be allowed to have a little cry after having my best friend and my _boyfriend_ kidnapped, don't you think?” Louis smiled, voice weak and scratchy. He leaned down, just for a second, pecking Harry’s worriedly pouting lower lip. Harry's heart twisted some more at the use of _that_ word. 

“No,” he muttered sadly, bringing one hand lower and thumbing gently along Louis’ cheekbone. “Yeah, but... No.”

Louis sniffled a bit, amused, eyes warm and fond as he looked at Harry. The alpha shifted carefully, letting his weight rest more on Harry instead of propping himself up on his elbows, their chests pressing together.

Louis sighed, reaching to take a hold of Harry’s wrists before gently pulling both of their hands down, resting them on the mattress by Harry’s head. The alpha entwined their fingers, palms pressed together, and gave Harry a little squeeze, like making sure he was staying there.

“W's so worried…" Louis admitted then, quietly, eyes still brimmed with wetness. “We didn't even notice you were gone until it was way too late.”

“Louis,” Harry whispered, his own eyes starting to feel the burn too. He tugged at his hands in Louis’ hold, to bring his arms up again and wrap them behind the alpha's neck, hug him close. But Louis didn't let go, just pressed their joined hands tighter against the mattress.

Thin, weak whine emitted from Louis, stilling Harry’s movements. The voice filtered into a deep, shaky sigh, and the alpha let his head drop down, face pressing in the hollow of Harry’s throat, his prickly stubble familiar on Harry’s skin.

“Just... Stay- for a bit, yeah?” Louis whispered, voice thick, barely audible. “Let me- Just… Please.”

“Yeah, Lou. Yeah, of course,” Harry soothed then, realising what the alpha was after- what he needed.

With shaky exhale he relaxed into the touch. Pleased little sigh followed as Louis shifted to get more comfortable leaning against Harry’s chest, fingers firm but not hurtful around Harry’s, keeping him in place.

It was so easy to fall into the safe lull of it after that.

“Please, Haz, don't drop here,” a familiar voice hummed against Harry’s ear, oddly distant. Gentle fingers were tracing along his cheeks, over the bridge of his nose. “Come on love, we can do that at home. Please, ’m not really that comfortable having you like that here.”

“Huh?” Harry blinked, eyes and head suddenly hazy. Or was it suddenly? “But w're safe… 'M with you.”

His words were slurred and even more syrupy and slow than usual, limbs heavy and uncoordinated. Louis chuckled softly, pressing a brief kiss in the corner of Harry’s mouth. “Let's just wait until we get back home. You haven't dropped without it being an accident before, right?”

“No, don't think so…” Harry muttered, trying to get his brain back online, fingers flexing lazily in Louis’ hold, curling and uncurling. Should he be worried how quickly that had happened? Was he back to the point where a simple touch was able to lure him under? But- No… With Liam he had been fine.

“Yeah?” Louis hummed, rubbing his stubbly cheek along Harry’s jawline, down to his neck and to his collarbones that were peeking from his jumper's neckline. “More reason to wait 'til we're somewhere where we can properly relax.”

Harry just exhaled through his nose, wrinkling it afterwards. He didn't really care right then, too happy to just cuddle there, snuggly held under his alpha. Well, his… Uh, under- Louis. Right.

Oh, _gosh_.

Harry blinked rabidly, trying to kickstart his brain before it managed to get him into something he couldn’t handle. Or worse: letting Louis know what his subconscious was stuttering about.  
  
“So, what's going to happen? How was the meeting?” Harry asked, rushing and trying to sound coherent. A tint of nervousness seeped to his voice though, urging Louis to abandon one of Harry’s hands to burrow his fingers in his curls.

“You've got nothing to worry about. Mum made it clear that it's up to you to decide what you want to do from now on. And she wouldn't decide anything involving you before you were there to hear it as well.” Louis tugged at a springy curl, making it bounce, just the way Harry had already learned to love. “Hyde said- uh, your Alpha said you'd be free to go if that's what you really want.”

Harry raised his head, not really that surprised but curious.

“Yeah?” Harry asked, trying not to shiver as Louis bend down to litter tiny kisses all over his neck and the hollow of his throat.

“U-huh,” Louis hummed there, “He just wants to hear it from you first. He... He wasn't as bad as I thought. I mean, we didn't talk much because everyone agreed that we needed you there, but still... I had prepared for worse.”

“They are not bad people,” Harry said quietly, recalling himself saying those same words when he had just met Louis and the others. They weren't bad people, they just... It was different. The people, the customs, the way of living. It was the circumstances that had lead to a bad situation.

Louis hummed agreeably, raking his fingertips through Harry’s hair, gently and soothingly scratching at his scalp. Harry leaned into it, eyes closing.

*

Harry was pretty sure Louis' fingers must have been hurting already, that’s how tightly he was holding onto the alpha’s hand under the table.

Niall was sitting next to him while Liam and Zayn stood somewhere behind them. Harry had only been able to hug Zayn briefly before he had been whisked away to his- to the Hyde Alpha. The man’s embrace had been tight and relieved, his scent soothing in its familiarity.

The Alpha surely hadn’t wasted any time on pleasantries after that, quickly assembling everyone around the table, himself sitting down across from Louis’ mum. And… Oh gosh, Harry had dragged so many people in this, hadn’t he?

He just kept squeezing Louis’ fingers, not knowing what else to do.

“Harry, did you attack Euan?” the Alpha asked first thing, getting right into it. His voice was calm but it felt like thunder inside Harry’s chest.

Harry tried to focus on breathing, his whole body feeling trembly and stressed under the eyes of all the people in the room. He wanted to hide. He wasn’t really aware of what was going on around him, too mortified to lift his gaze from the tabletop.

And… How could people feel so familiar, and yet so distant? Had he really grown up with these people? Who eve where they, really. Or who was he?

The hand that wasn’t crushing Louis’ started to curl against the wood of the table, nails digging in. Who the fuck was _he_?

“He blacked out. Scared… Because he didn’t want to go,” Niall filled in carefully, glancing at Harry when he clearly wasn’t able to answer and the silence had started to stretch.

The Alpha’s eyes snapped to the omega, possibly because he was talking out of turn, Harry figured, before his serious gaze turned back at him. “Is this true, Harry? I really need to hear it from you.”

“I- I…” Harry swallowed around the stuttering mess of words that he was trying to get out in the right order. The Alpha reached over the table, heavy hand covering Harry’s wrist, warm and secure, stopping him from clawing at the table.

“You can tell me, it’s alright. I just need to know the truth,” he said, eyes reassuring and fingers curling gently over Harry’s skin. Louis squeezed his other hand, their fingers slotting together like a right-fit puzzle piece.

“I… Y-yes, sir. That is co-correct,” Harry breathed out rushedly, voice thin and desperate. “I’m s-so sorry, sir!”

Harry’s eyes dropped, shoulders hunching protectively. _Shit, shit, shit._ He was fucked. He had fucked up, yes, but now he was _fucked. Shit, shit_ —

The Alpha nodded slowly, “I see,” then sighed heavily, leaning back against the backrest of his chair. Then he nodded again. “I see.”

Harry hooked his ankles nervously behind the legs of his chair, hair curling over his shoulders and temples, catching on his rabidly blinking lashes. Louis shifted next to him, leaning closer before carefully reaching to tug the bothering wisp of hair back behind his ear.

A clearing of a throat had Harry lifting his eyes, nervous energy bubbling inside him, no matter how soothing the presence of his friends around him was.

“So, I’ll be correct to assume that you won’t be staying with us?” the Alpha said steadily, eyes shifting attentively between Louis and Harry, causing Harry to swallow with a click of his throat.

“I… Yes. If that’s- Yes, sir. Please.” The messy agreement was more of a gasp than anything but they were words and they were the right ones. For the most part, at least.

The Alpha breathed in deeply, eyes dark but fair.

“Alright,” he said. And… What?

“ _Alright?_ ” Harry couldn't help but repeat. Because- What? “J-just… Just like that?”

“Yes. Of course, just like that,” the Alpha said, Harry’s genuine surprise over his answer clearly saddening him, his eyes darkening further with it. “You’re not a prisoner here, Harry. We’ve always tried to do what’s the best for you and if the best for you means letting you go then so be it.”

Harry had to blink the sudden wetness from his eyes, fingers flexing around Louis’. The Alpha sighed, heavily and regretful. “And clearly we’ll have to look into the issue that got us here, and start working on fixing it. I want- _need_ the members of my pack to feel free to speak up openly over situations like this. _All_ the members: at any point, anywhere.”

“Sounds good,” Louis’ mum said then, nodding, the tight smile on her lips genuine but still wary. It was clear to Harry that there were still some topics that the Alphas didn’t agree on- topics that they had discussed when Harry wasn’t present and wanted to discuss again privately- but they were trying their best for this to work. “I can assure you that Harry will be taken care of, as we discussed before. He can, of course, come visit any time he wants to as well- or change his mind about this.”

“I’m relieved to hear that,” the Alpha said, formally, with a tilt of his head. His voice was rough but genuine as he continued, “I’m afraid that we can’t be much help financially, however. Not in a way Harry deserves—”

“That won’t be a problem, Anthony,” Louis’ mum cut in smoothly, smile softening a tad. “I’ll personally take care of that.”

Was this… Harry blinked, bewildered and amazed. He- That was… And- He couldn’t accept something like that, could he? What if… How about—

“What?” A harsh tone coming from Harry’s left had him startling, head snapping to the side, towards the speaker. Everyone around the table seemed to be curious about the sudden distraction as well, all heads turning.

It was Declan, and the beta didn’t look too happy. “Excuse me, sir, but what about our agreement?”

And… _Oh_.

“Ah, I’m sure that won’t be a problem. I’ve spoken with Rowland already, he was very understanding,” the Alpha hummed, nodding at Declan whose lips thinned. “He’s a good man. Good friend.”

“Right”, Declan said, expression clouding as he stood up, jerkily. The chair’s legs dragged noisily against the floorboards and the man muttered under his breath, “Understanding, yes. Forgiving? Not so much.”

“Don’t worry, Declan. He knows how happy we’ve been with your assistance here,” the Alpha said briskly, standing up himself and offering a hand to shake the beta’s.

“Thank you, sir,” Declan said with a stiff nod, shortly gripping the older man’s hand before stepping back, gesturing towards the door. ”If I may?”

“Of course,” the Alpha said, tilting his head.

And with that the beta stalked out of the room, pulling a phone out of his pocket with swift fingers.

It was silent for a few short moments after the door clicked closed behind the man.

“Alright then!” the Alpha said, clapping his hands together, smile spreading over his previously serious and focused face. He turned towards Harry’s side of the table, addressing all the guests in the room, “I insists you stay at least a couple of days. The Vernal Equinox celebration is in a few days, we would love for you all to run with us.”

Harry perked up at that, purposefully burying the exchange with the Rowland beta for later inspection, and turned towards his- pack… pack mates? Friends? 

“Yes, please.”

It was Niall who blurted it out, excitement clear in his voice, and it was only a matter of seconds before everyone was nodding in agreement.

*

The room still smelled faintly of Harry but he was pretty sure someone had stayed there at some point during the past year. Growing up he had moved from room to room pretty often, only having this room for his own when he had reached his teens and hit the puberty. The other omegas, the girls, usually liked to flock together, sleeping and staying in the same rooms, sometimes four at the time.

Harry had always been the odd one out, and even though he easily got along with everyone he didn’t really fit in properly. As a kid the other omegas had sometimes whined about playing with him because “ _he was a boy_ ”. The older they got the more it had showed; the girls having the “he’s a boy, he doesn’t get it”- card and the boys, betas and alphas, having the “he’s an omega” line. And there was also the fact that it was deemed inappropriate for him to spend too much time, unsupervised or not, with the guys his age. So, a lot of alone time it was.

That was what had lead Harry to spend time babysitting all and any kids in the pack. They were a small pack however, and there could only be that many kids in need of a babysitter.

Harry leaned against the side of the bed, legs stretched out straight on the wooden floorboards. Sitting like that the room felt so tiny; his feet were just able to fit underneath the office chair that was tugged under a medium sized table along the opposite wall. There was only a tiny window in the corner of the room, where the darkness of the winter caused the glass to reflect the yellowed ceiling light.

With a sigh Harry ran a hand through his hair, fingers catching on messy knots behind his ears where he had been too distracted by the day’s events to keep it tamed. With careful fingers Harry tried to unknot the strands, lower lip caught in between his teeth.

That was what he was doing when Louis came in, carrying the backpack he had left to get from the car over his shoulder.

“Hazza!” the alpha grinned delightedly, abandoning the bag on the floor with a thump. He spread his arms exaggeratedly wide and with one smooth movement dived into Harry’s side. “It’s been _forever_! How are you?”

“It’s barely been ten minutes,” Harry said. Giggled. Okay, yes, he definitely giggled. Even his damn dimples popped out, that’s how gone he was. And happy. Fuck was he ever happy. “I’m alright, I guess. Just bonding with my old bed.”

Louis waggled his brows, mirthful smirk widening as he uncurled from Harry’s side to slump down and lie on top of his thighs, hands holding on to the knitted material of Harry's jumper.

Harry rolled his eyes with a huff of a laugh but didn’t try to hide the adoring expression he most likely had plastered on his face. Instead he just rubbed one hand up Louis’ arm until his fingers reached the soft skin peeking from the alpha’s hoodie’s neckline.

“You should do some bonding with me too, yeah?” Louis hummed, the teasing smirk making his eyes squint. “Come here.”

Before Harry could figure out where he was supposed to go, Louis had curled one arm behind his neck and tugged him down.

With a surprised grunt Harry managed to stop himself from completely tipping over and crashing on top of Louis. Landing on each side of the alpha’s head his hands hastily smacked against the floorboards to support his weight, his gangly legs sliding to the side from underneath Louis so Harry could lay more comfortably.

Mouth ajar Harry stared down at the amused pair of blue eyes.

“So eloquent,” Louis chuckled, tipping his chin up as he tugged at Harry’s curls at the nape of his neck. And yeah, he really needed to shut up.

“Shut up,” Harry muttered, and pressed their lips together.

They kissed leisurely for a long time, just relishing the fact that they were able to, holding each other close.

Harry was quickly feeling warm with it, cheeks reddening and his chest rising and falling rabidly; the lack of oxygen making him breathless. Louis kept running his fingers through Harry’s hair, massaging his scalp and thumbing over the hinge of Harry’s jaw, touch soft and loving and…

With a shaky, gasping inhale Harry stilled, realising to his horror that he was chubbing up in his jeans where his groin was pressed against Louis’ hip.

It… It had never really happened before.

Well, it had, but not like this. Fuck, not like this when Louis was clearly able to feel it.

“Uhm,” Harry swallowed, face burning hot and hands suddenly feeling overwhelmingly awkward where they had been inching up Louis’ sides. His heart was beating overtime.

“’s okay, Haz,” the alpha hummed softly, reaching up to bring their lips back together, apparently not too bothered. He briefly licked over Harry’s lower lip, catching it gently between his teeth before letting it go, and then pressed a short kiss in the corner Harry’s mouth. “C’mon, you can… Here.”

Louis shifted, one of his thighs slotting between both of Harry’s, carefully pressing up. And Harry, heck, he really had to force that air in his lungs around the gasp that was ripped from him.

“O-oh!” The noise tumbled over his lips, shaky and surprised, his eyes squeezing shut with the overwhelming wave of ‘ _good, oh so good_ ’.

“Alright?” Louis breathed out hotly against Harry’s cheek where his lips had pressed when Harry had slumped down with the sudden wave of pleasure.

A soft hand moved down from Harry’s hair, all the way over his back to the ridden up hem of his jumper. Warm fingers pushed underneath the fabric, splaying wide over the heated skin they found there. “Harry?”

“Y-yeah, yes. Yes,” Harry managed to force out with a heavy exhale, fingers curling in Louis’ hoodie as their chests pressed tighter together. So much yes, his body screamed.

Harry let his head drop down, forehead coming to rest against the hollow of Louis’ throat. The muscles on his back were tensed up to the point of trembling while his mind was battling over the unsureness whether he really could press his hips down to get more of that breathtakingly good feeling.

Louis’ hand underneath Harry’s jumper just petted over his back, fingertips tracing the knobs of his spine and awakening what seemed to be all of the goosebumps while doing so.

“So good, love,” Louis muttered against the side of Harry’s head, or at least it sounded like that over the rush in Harry’s ears.

Harry’s heart swelled at the words, warmth erupting inside his chest. A breathy gasp puffed against the side of Louis’ throat as his hips rutted down without any input from his stuttering brain.

“Yeah, that’s it,” Louis whispered, voice shaking but encouraging nevertheless, his arms like a safety net curling over Harry’s back and behind his neck. “C’mon, s’ good.”

Harry squeezed his eyes closed, face pressed against the skin of Louis’ neck, his scent safe and comforting there.

There was a new, muskier tone to the scent though; one that caused a tremble wreck through Harry’s body as he carefully allowed himself rut down again. He was able to figure out the meaning of that scent quick enough, as it clearly went together with the hardness that was pressed against the top of his thigh. Which… _Oh_.

Right.

“Lou?” Harry mumbled, hint of nervousness seeping into his tone. His own hips refused to get the message of slowing down though, continuing to grind against the snuggly positioned thigh, and caused his breath to come out in gasping pants. “L-Lou, I…”

“Hey,” Louis soothed, picking up on the hesitancy. His arms tightened momentarily around Harry, reassuring. “Do you- want to stop?”

Harry took a deep breath through his nose to calm down his heartbeat, which however, turned out to be more counterproductive than anything. The heady scent of ‘Louis’ clouded over his already hazy mind like a thick, overpowering fog, making it really difficult to form words.

“I- I don’t know,” Harry managed to say, voice low and hiccupy, brows pressing tighter together.

A calming rumble started to strengthen and rise louder from Louis chest, vibrating where Harry was pressed against him. The alpha’s hand that had been raking through Harry’s hair slid down to his hips where the other hand joined it, abandoning its spot underneath the jumper. Gentle but firm fingers curled over Harry’s hip bones, halting his stuttering, rutting movements.

“It’s okay,” Louis said quietly, voice breathless, like he was just as affected as Harry was. And that… It was something Harry hadn’t even had time to concentrate on yet, and he felt horribly bad immediately after realising that. “It’s okay if you want to. There’s no rush.”

Harry swallowed, fingers flexing a bit but just barely relaxing from the dead grip he still had on Louis’ jumper. There was a tingling tension pulsing beneath his skin; tensing his muscles and jumbling his thoughts into a distracted mess. Louis hummed, kissing Harry’s curls and circling his thumbs lazily where he was still holding onto Harry’s hips.

“How ’bout we just kiss some more, huh?” Louis suggested, sweetly nuzzling against Harry’s hair, movements slow, as if he had all the time in the world. “Maybe get up from the floor too?”

Harry just nodded jerkingly, trying to calm his breathing and gain back the control over his heavy limbs. He probably should have been way more worried about the fact that he would have done pretty much anything Louis asked or wanted right then. It was definitely a good thing that Louis seemed to know what to do and what was the best for them, since Harry was completely lost in the sensation of it all.

“C’mon, let’s get on the bed then,” Louis said after a short moment of them just breathing together. He gently started to nudge Harry to get him to sit back while simultaneously pushing himself upwards.

Harry blinked when he managed to straighten up enough: chest by chest with Louis, sitting on his haunches with the alpha’s thigh still in between his legs. And, well… If his face hadn’t been red enough already, it certainly was now.

“S-sorry,” Harry muttered hastily, shoulders hunching in embarrassment as he scooted to the side, sliding off from on top of Louis.

What on Earth had he been thinking? _Shit, shit…_ And in his childhood bedroom, surrounded by members of two packs no less. Had he lost his bloody mind? Did Louis even want to—

“No apologies allowed,” Louis huffed with a smile, faint rosy flush high on his cheekbones. He was leaning back now, hands supporting his weight behind him, and hair all mussed up and soft looking.

Harry licked his lips cautiously and despite the just spoken words he still searched Louis’ eyes for signs of the alpha being upset. He didn’t find any, at least none that were visible, and he could instantly feel his shoulders relaxing. Well, until his gaze shifted focus and he properly took in Louis’ relaxed form.

The alpha’s legs were splayed open, chest rising with the still heavier than normal breathing, and his eyes were dark but curious, peering up at Harry. There was a definite, unmistakable bulge in Louis’ joggers that mirrored the state of Harry’s own- lower regions… Yeah.

Harry really needed to look away. Like, now.

“Okay, yeah. That’s not helping,” Louis said, more to himself than Harry, voice having gone a bit tense.

That managed to snap Harry out of it for a bit. Clearing his throat Harry ducked his head, knees pressing together to hide his own… situation. Louis grinned, eyes twinkling.

“Just so you know, I’m trying really hard not to say anything naughty right now. It’d be a proper inappropriate one too”, the alpha chuckled, biting on his tongue so it peeked out from between his teeth.

“Just so you know, you don’t have to censor because of me,” Harry said softly after a steadying inhale, tiny smile insistent on curving his lips.

He pushed himself up on the edge of the bed, falling right on his back when the most of his body was on the mattress. Louis scampered after Harry right away, rolling halfway on top of him too while he was at it.

“Ah, now see? That’s where you’re wrong,” Louis quipped, tapping Harry on the nose with a gentle finger. “Someone’s got to protect your sweet innocence.”

It was hard not to be fond of Louis when he was being… Well, _Louis_.

With a tiny huffing laugh, and a pleased sigh following it, Harry tugged the smiling alpha down and closer to himself. And for that he got a slow, open mouthed kiss as a reward.

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >:)
> 
> shyshyserious.tumblr.com  
> sshyserious@gmail.com


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi hii! :)
> 
> Finally, chapter 15!! Thank you all for your lovely comments and patience!<3
> 
> A massive thank you also for J for letting me know that I wasn't using the grammatically correct english when punctuating the dialogue! I fixed that for this chapter and I'll be going back to fix the previous chapters as well after I've finished with this story. Thank you!
> 
> This is not beta'd yet but hopefully it's not too typoful. 
> 
> (Also; a little warning for the violent themes in this part.)
> 
> Enjoy! xxx

There were shards of broken glass all over the stone floor.

Harry couldn’t see but his ears twitched anxiously as the glass tinkled, shifting under his paws and piercing into the skin of his pads. He was panting, tongue hanging out with red tinted spit dripping from it. Each breath had a wheezing rattle to it.

The darkness was thick and unforgiving, the stone walls cold and unbreachable, no sound able to push through. Harry’s head was hanging low, tail limp between his legs as his eyes darted around the surrounding blackness. The whites of his eyes were showing; the panicked terror tensing his body, looking for a release.  

There was no sound, no light. Only the stench of his own blood told him that there was still something alive in the small place he was locked in.

Harry’s wolf was getting more and more suffocating inside his head again, forcing him to pace back and forth, uncaring of the sharp glass and whatever had been inside the now broken jars.

He was hurting. His legs hurt, his chest hurt and his wolf hurt.

His mind was slowing down, his wolf clouding over the reality and twisting the darkness into threats and aggressively advancing shapes. It wanted to bite, tear and break everything, forcefully dig a way out through the darkness and the cold stone.

It had been too long already. Harry was exhausted, too far gone to fight for the ownership of his body, of his mind.

He let go.

He let the wolf fight the darkness.        

*

Harry tumbled over with a grunt, wet snow and the soil under it flying in the air with the force of his fall.

He huffed, out of breath, and hastily squirmed to twist his torso so he could get his feet back under his body. With a growly bark Harry scrambled back to his feet, head low and ears twitching, tail tensely hanging between his hind legs. His fur was damp and dirty and he was panting, tongue flicking out to sweep over his lips. Zayn, his current opponent, wasn’t doing much better, which Harry was secretly proud of.

The alpha’s fur was a mix of silvers and black, the wetness clinging to it making it look spiky and disheveled. Zayn’s tail was pointing up, high and proud, and he was circling Harry, amusement clear and twinkling in his brown eyes.

Harry shook his fur, droplets spraying all over, his eyes staying glued to the bigger, advancing wolf. Zayn was moving confidently, ears forward and tongue peeking through his sharp grin.

Harry danced backwards and to the side, the snow and the dirt further mixing under his swift paws. He glanced warily to his sides, making sure he had his escape routes covered, before suddenly hurling his whole weight forward, managing to surprise the alpha. Just like he had hoped.

Harry knocked right into Zayn’s chest, growling and excitedly reaching to nip at his ear, forepaws kicking and hind legs spraying a coat of dirty snow over the alpha’s. However, before the bigger wolf could react, Harry bounced back, twisting and turning in the air, and bolted towards the gap between the leafless bushes he had been eyeing earlier.

To his glee Harry could hear how the alpha realised what had happened; sharp bark announcing the moment Zayn lunged to sprint after him. It was against all Harry’s natural instincts to stop then, being chased like that, but he forced his paws to dig into the snow.

He stumbled a bit, belly brushing against the icy forest floor as he slid to a stop.

Chest heaving Harry rushed to turn around- just in time to see Zayn’s bewildered look over his playmate’s sudden change of mind- before the alpha was taken down by a tawny flash of fur.

Harry panted out a gleeful mewl as Niall gnawed his teeth into Zayn’s fur, the power of the omega’s attack sending the two of them off their feet before hitting the ground.

Niall was tugging and growling as they rolled around on the messy forest floor, easily managing to twist away from Zayn’s nipping teeth. Harry cantered closer, tail wagging delightedly, and as he got close enough he grabbed a mouthful of the alpha’s tail, jumping right into the mix of paws and snarls.

Someone might have said that Niall and Harry’s ambush could be considered cheating- someone like Zayn possibly, at least the outraged look in his eyes implied as much- but to be fair; there had been no talk about rules before their little tussle had started. And as there were no rules, the whole thing was a bit of a playful, hectic mess.

It was different playing with each of the alphas, and Liam, of course. Zayn was the type to just let others do most of the work before he patted whoever advancing him away, nipping them in the arse as they went down. Whereas Liam liked to just sit on anyone annoying him, his bulk allowing him to keep any wolf in check.

Then there was Euan who was a very energetic player, loving to sprint around bullying others into running with him. However, whenever Harry, or Niall, caught him the alpha was easy to take down. The bigger wolf loved the chase but was more meek and submissive when it came to actual play fighting.

It was somewhat similar with Louis, Harry had quickly noticed, although Louis’ gentleness towards him wasn’t because his wolf was submissive. The alpha just was horribly fond of Harry and clearly enjoyed riling him up, which happened a lot as Harry got easily frustrated when the alpha just showed his belly with a smirk visible in his eyes. Harry had spent a lot of time just trying to have Louis defend himself from his playful advances, only to then be tackled suddenly and ending up losing the mini-battle **.**

Niall and Harry had automatically teamed up right from the beginning. Harry was secretly relieved about it, not wanting to be the one being targeted by the tawny menace. Niall played hard and he played dirty, but it was all in the name of fun and games.

The only proper fight had been between Zayn and Louis who had been avoiding each other the best they could. Neither of them had really wanted to clarify what had happened but apparently the tension over the disappearance of their pack mates had had them throwing some pretty low blows.

The two alpha’s had collided with snarls and tufts of bitten out fur flying in the air, pushing and dragging and biting at each other with fire in their eyes- until they just didn’t anymore.

The whole thing had been over faster than Harry had been able to blink; the alphas smoothly going from aggressive posturing to rubbing their cheeks together.

And then Niall had jumped in, knocking Louis down, and the game had been on.

Zayn really wasn’t doing a good job at handling both Niall and Harry all over him. The alpha barely managed to roll to his side, trying to get up, before he was nailed down again.

Harry was breathless, excited yet feeling calm with his wolf for once. It had been so long since the last time he had been able to run on four legs; carefree and guided by the nature of the wolf. He was having a good time with the people he cared about, not stressing over anything, just relaxing and enjoying the breeze of freedom.

Harry was a bit too lost in the happy feeling of it all as he didn’t notice how Louis had sneaked behind him. Harry was doing a good job at gnawing at Zayn’s hock when he was suddenly knocked down, Louis pinning him against the mess of snow and wet forest ground.   

Louis looked way too pleased with himself.

Harry faked a hurt whine, looking sadly up with big eyes as he let his tail curl meekly in between his hind legs, chin tucked and panting. The alpha paused to look at him, leaning down to nudge at Harry’s chest as if to see where the whine had came from. Louis’ eyes were attentive, not quite convinced, yet he still let up a bit, allowing Harry more space to move. Harry wagged his tail at that, nosing up to lick over the alpha’s muzzle, amused by the bigger wolf’s suspicious carefulness.       

Suddenly a low, vibrating howl echoed through the forest, standing out from the cacophony of their game. The dark rumble of it caused their ears twitch and heads perk up, play forgotten.

Niall shook his fur as he got up from where he had been pinning Zayn down and trotted to Harry’s side. Louis let Harry up, giving space to Niall who nudged Harry with his snout, eyes curious.

Euan huffed, sitting down a bit further away with his chest puffed and paws in a neat row. The alpha looked so proper and important as he listened to the remains of the howl linger in the air that Harry couldn’t help the amused snort escaping from him.

Euan glared at Harry but dropped the act as the howl rang again.

The others gathered around and closer, sniffing the air confused and curious, eyeing the surroundings. Liam whined low in his throat, looking at Harry questioningly.

Harry wanted to laugh at their wary confusion as for once he wasn’t the unsure one.

Instead he threw his head back, mirroring Euan, and howled.

Their voiced harmonised together, curling and twisting through the chilled air and echoing for miles. The others joined them one by one, not able to resist the pull to howl along.

When Harry finally let the last notes of the melancholic song to die down the silence quickly engulfed them. He dropped his chin and found Euan standing up on two legs already, pushing his messy hair back.

“Dinner,” the alpha said with a smirk, unbothered by his nudity, and turned to walk towards the Den which roofs were visible through the trees.

Harry could feel how everyone turned to look at him, curious and still clearly a bit wary.

With a determined inhale Harry made his decision and shifted. With the adrenalin running through his body he was feeling pretty confident, even when the air pressed coldly against his bare skin and the snow prickled icy as ever. But it was worth it.

He uncurled his long legs from underneath himself and straightened up. The freezing mess of sleet and mud quickly had the soles of his feet throbbing but Harry just licked his lips in thought, holding back the shivers. With two careless sweeps he tugged his curling, damp hair behind his ears, before peeking at the others over his shoulder.

“Dinner,” Harry repeated with a nod, not able to hide the little smile pulling at the corners of his mouth.

He glanced pointedly at Louis from underneath his lashes, feeling proper ridiculous while doing it. And then just turned, heading towards the warmth of the Den, amusedly listening how the others stumbled after him.       

Harry was the first one out of the showers, already dressed and tying his hair into a messy bun when Niall only just sneaked across the hallway, wrapped in a blanket, face muddy and stretched to accommodate his massive grin.

“Shit, Haz, that was great!” he exclaimed, voice too loud but happy as he stopped by the doorway of Harry’s room. “We need to do that back home too! Love nothing more than kicking some sorry alpha’s ass!”

Harry couldn’t help but laugh at the excitement that was pouring out of Niall. The omega was shivering with cold but his cheeks were flushed and eyes bright **,** and Harry was pretty sure that some of the visible trembles were just waves of adrenalin rush **.**

“Yeah? Screw Fifa?” Harry asked with a smirk. He felt warm with the sudden realisation that there actually was something _good_ in the ways of his old pack, something so good that Niall could barely contain his smile.

“Fuck Fifa!” Niall laughed just as Zayn walked past him, flicking the omega in the ear as he went. “Ow!”

“Cheat,” the alpha announced without stopping, then pointed at Harry over Niall’s shoulder with a dark glare. “Cheat.”

“Stop whining, oh-mighty-alpha,” Niall snarked with a toothy grin as he trailed after him, quickly disappearing from Harry’s view. “It’s not our fault you’re a weakling.”

“Oi!”

Harry shook his head fondly and amused, feeling the warmth spread all over his body. With a happy hum he swiped a stubborn, drying ringlet behind his ear from where it had been tickling his temple and then turned to hang his towel over the backrest of the chair that was tugged close to the small desk by the bed.

Harry didn’t get much further than that before he could hear the door click closed behind him.      

“You little minx,” Louis gasped just a moment later, crowding against Harry’s back, arms wrapping tightly around his middle.

Harry couldn’t stifle the little giggle bubbling out of him, fingers wrapping around the edge of the desk to steady his stance with the alpha’s weight resting on him.

“What?” he asked innocently through a smile and leaned his head back, rubbing his cheek against Louis’.

“‘ _What?_ ’” the alpha mocked quietly as he turned to nip at Harry’s neck, tiny growl brushing warm air on Harry’s skin. “Don’t even try. Should’ve known you’d turn into a cheeky little monkey sooner or later.”      

“Not a monkey,” Harry argued weakly, giggles quickly turning into a shaky exhale as Louis mouthed over his skin. He gasped sharply as Louis bit down on the junction of his neck and shoulder. “L-Lou… We have to- The dinner…”

“Yeah, yeah,” Louis hummed grumpily, letting up and kissing Harry where the sting of his bite still lingered, then begrudgingly leaned back enough to allow Harry to turn around. “The dinner.”

*

“She’s so big, Lou,” Harry whispered with a breathless gasp as his stomach dropped in devastation.

The dinner had been lovely but Harry hadn’t been able to focus, not after Anabell had promised to bring Evina around for a bit after the cub’s nap time.

“What if she doesn’t remember me,” Harry worried out loud, fingers nervously curling against his palms as he watched the older omega carry Evina closer, stopping right by their side.

“Don’t be silly,” Ana hummed, unceremoniously plopping the baby in Harry’s arms. “She might be shy at first but cubs have good noses and she’ll know your scent. You’re her favourite, after all.”

The little girl didn’t even realise she had been given to someone else at first as she just stared around, blinking owlishly, still groggy from her nap.

Harry looked down at her, his own eyes almost just a wide, although his were getting worryingly wet.

“Evi, look. It’s Harry,” Ana encouraged the baby who was still gazing at all the new faces in the room with round, blue eyes. In the corner of his vision Harry could see Louis smiling broadly, looking adoringly down at the girl in Harry’s arms.

The baby blinked at Louis then, like sensing his gaze, staring at him with a little crinkle forming on her little forehead. She was just so little. A big girl already, but still so, so little.

“Who?” she huffed, demanding, mouth round and feet kicking, and Harry really had to force down the shakiness of his exhale. He ended up covering it up with a weak chuckle which was finally what grabbed Evina’s attention.

And she stared.

First at Harry and then back at Louis, blinking questioningly at Ana in between.

“That’s Louis,” Anabell said, voice deliberately excited, making Evina bounce with it in Harry’s hold. The older omega pointed at Louis, Evina copying the move with her whole hand.

“Lu! Lu!” the girl declared Louis to be and the alpha’s smile widened even further if  possible.

“Hi, Evi,” he said softly, reaching to shake the girl’s hand with gentle fingers. “Nice to meet you, love.”

The girl tracked the fingers touching hers, sniffing the air like the tiny wolf cub she was, before shyly leaning against Harry’s chest.

Harry swore he almost had a heart attack just because of it.

“‘A’ry,” Evina quietly stammered, the r weak and airy. She hid her face against Harry’s neck and curled her tiny fingers in his shirt, making Harry swallow with some great difficulty.        

“Uh oh,” he whispered after a short moment, just holding the girl who was snuggling against him for security like there had not been almost a year from the last time they had been together. Harry didn’t stand a chance against the burn in the corners of his eyes.

“Told you,” Ana grinned at Harry, petting over Evina’s sleep-flushed cheek with a soft touch of her fingertips. Louis looked like he had fondness and adoration flooding freely somewhere inside him, his eyes wide and soft, tiny upwards tilt lingering on his lips.

“Are you gonna cry, Haz?” Louis teased, sweet and gentle, his fingers curling over Harry’s waist. The alpha pressed a bit closer, looking like he wanted to cuddle up both Harry and the baby in his arms. He didn’t though, just leaned reassuringly against Harry’s shoulder.

“Not gonna,” Harry sniffled with a tiny voice, smiling up at Ana before peeking towards Louis by his side. “You’re making her shy.”

“It’s the Tommo-charm, I reckon,” Louis grinned, making Harry huff out a laugh. He rolled his eyes at the alpha while adjusting his hold on the girl who was now starting to glance up again, shyness easing.

“Lu,” she commented, waving a hand towards the alpha. Harry nodded with a smile, his cheek rubbing against the cub’s soft hair.

“Yeah, that’s Louis,” he hummed, trying not to smile too fondly when Louis waved at the girl with his free hand’s fingers.

“Tom-cha?” Evi tried out, having Louis nod eagerly with it.

“Yes!” the alpha celebrated softly, not wanting to scare the cub with his eagerness. “Tommo-charm!”

“Well, this is just embarrassing,” Harry sighed, unable to hide his amusement as he watched how Louis tried to teach the title to the wide eyed baby. Louis nudged at him with an elbow but otherwise didn’t move his focus.

“How about you guys have a play-date the day after the Run? You’d be able to properly spend some time together,” Ana said, her amused smile matching Harry’s as she watched Evina curl a fist around Louis’ finger. “I’ll of course have to ask her mummy first but I don’t think it’ll be a problem.”

“Yes, please,” Harry blurted hurriedly and right away, looking up at the omega with wide eyes. “That’d… Please.”   

“Good. It’s a date then,” Anabell smiled, reaching her arms out towards Evina.

It felt way too soon to be separated again but Harry wasn’t in the place to complain. He helped the older omega to have a proper hold of the cub, nasty flashbacks of the last time rushing through his mind as he did.

Louis rubbed the arm resting on Harry’s waist up and down his side, soothing the tension that had started to build there. It was the moments like those Harry could be almost thankful for everything that had happened.

“So good to see you, Harry,” Ana said, brushing his cheek with the side of her finger before pinching the skin gently. Evina was closing and opening her tiny little right hand in her awkward baby version of a wave.

“You too,” Harry answered, voice thick as he waved back at the cub, the words spoken more to her than to anyone else.

Louis was all over him the second Anabell had the baby out of the room.

“Hi, Haz. Hi, hi, hi,” Louis chanted quietly, voice light and reassuring as he draped himself over Harry’s back just the way he liked to do.

The alpha buried his face in Harry’s neck, his soft lips and breathing tickling the sensitive skin there.  

“Hey,” Harry hummed back, forcing himself to look away from the now empty doorway and instead tilted his head to lean it against Louis’, letting him twine their fingers together.

“That’s one cute baby-cub-wolf,” Louis gushed, making Harry smile against the alpha’s cheek.

“Yeah?” he said, then added with a smirk, “You were pretty cute with her too, you big-manly-alpha-wolf you.”

“Bully,” Louis sniffed, pinching Harry’s side and leaning down to dig his clever little teeth somewhere where it would probably hurt.

He didn’t get quite that far.

“Harry-love,” Amanda suddenly cut in, appearing by their side. Her voice was gentle but she tilted her head to the side with urgency, “Come here for a second, please?”

Harry swallowed, brows furrowing as Louis warmth disappeared from his back.

“I’ll wait here,” Louis said, nodding towards the fireplace that had multiple picture frames arranged on the edge of it. “Snoop through your baby-cub pictures.”

Harry rolled his eyes but didn’t argue, he knew there probably were some pictures of him too there but nothing too embarrassing. Luckily only the formal ones were allowed over the main Den’s fireplace.

Amanda was already standing by the windows when Harry reached her. She was looking outside, arms crossed and teeth worrying her lip.

Harry cleared his throat to let her know he was there. A wave of nerves making him feel awkward, shuffle his weight from one feet to the other before settling, shoulder leaning against the wall.

Amanda turned towards him with a sigh, then nodded; acknowledging him.

Harry knew that he was free to talk now but the rebellious burning under his ribs made him hope that he had said something before the nod. He wasn’t used to it anymore; not used to waiting around until someone decided that what he had to say was important enough to be heard. But… He had to respect the way it was. It wasn’t his home anymore, it was someone else’s and he was just visiting. And as long as he was a guest he would try to respect their ways.

“You wanted to talk, ma’am?” Harry asked carefully, bowing his head a bit. The alpha nodded again.

“Yes, dear, I…” she started but then paused to inhale, subtly scenting Harry as she did so. “I know you two don’t mean anything bad by it but-” Amanda glanced to the side, towards Louis, with a pained sigh- “it’d probably be for the best if you and Louis weren’t so…”

She trailed off, leaving Harry hanging with the suspension. She didn’t go on, just turned back to look straight at Harry again.

“Close?” Harry offered, mumbling the word defeatedly as his shoulders fell.

He should have known, really.

Amanda sighed again, her gentle fingers curling around Harry’s wrist. “I know you both care for each other and I hate to be saying this. Just… It’d be better if you kept it more- private. Before someone else catches on, yes? His scent is pretty strong on you already and you know how… You know what some people here would think about that.”

Harry lifted his shoulders sadly, chin pressing down towards his chest as he was left feeling like a chastised pup. The alpha hummed, squeezing Harry’s wrist reassuringly, “You two are lovely, Harry. I’m so happy to see _you_ happy like this. You did well.”

Harry lifted his head, eyes widening with surprise. Amanda smiled, her eyes warm, “You’re doing so well, I’m proud of you. I know you don’t know me well but- for whatever it’s worth- I’m proud of you.”

Harry ducked his head right back, cheeks flushing and warmth exploding inside his chest. The praise curled around him like a tight hug, taking his breath away for a moment.

“Thank you, ma’am,” Harry said politely, head bowed all proper and omega-like, hiding the smile tugging at the corners of his lips.  

“Your mother would be proud of you too if she knew.”

The statement had his body freezing, smile vanishing as his mouth slackened.

“M-my mum?” Harry stuttered, not lifting his head but looking up through his lashes. _His mum?_ “You know my mum?”

The alpha swallowed, regret flashing in her eyes as she gave Harry a tight nod, “Not anymore, but I used to.”

Then she squeezed at Harry’s wrist once more before letting go, titling her head and clearly dismissing him, “Consider what I said, yes? It’s only for a few more days.”

“B-but—” Harry breathed out shakily, getting antsy over the possibility of being left without any more answers as the alpha moved to leave. Her eyes snapped back at Harry when the weak word fell from his lips; out of turn.

“Manners, love,” she reminded softly, and then left Harry stand alone by the window.  

His _mum_? But… And what did she mean ‘she used to’ know her? Where was she now? Was she somewhere near, even?

Probably not, as the alpha wasn’t in contact with her anymore. Maybe she had passed away already?

The thought twisted uglily inside his belly; urging his shoulders to rise up and tongue to sneak out to wet his lower lip. Harry glanced around the room to locate Louis and to distract himself from his thoughts. He didn’t want to dwell on it right then.

There were some others around too but no one seemed to be paying attention to him.

Harry scurried across the room and back to Louis with hunched shoulders and ducked head, fingers nervously tugging on his lip. As he got close enough the alpha lifted his gaze from where he had been looking at old framed photographs of the pack, his lips curling up and arm automatically reaching out towards Harry.

With a regretful swallow Harry sidestepped away from the touch.

“I… Um,” Harry mumbled, looking up sadly at the confusedly furrowing brows Louis was now sporting. He tugged at the hem of his jumper before leaning in, close enough to whisper in the alpha’s ear. “We… Um. We should’t be- touching. As much.”

“What?” Louis asked puzzled, head tilting as he leaned back to get a proper look at Harry’s face. “Was I… Did I make you uncomfortable?”

“No! I mean- no. Of course not. I like- it. You. I…” Harry bit down on his lip in frustration, the words refusing to come out in a way that made sense. However, Louis just huffed out a quiet chuckle, the line of his shoulders relaxing a bit.  

“Well, that’s good. I like you too,” Louis said with crinkling eyes, rolling them dramatically right after, “so, what’s up then?”

Harry licked his lips, the bottom one pouting out slightly. He shrugged, fingers twitching. He didn’t like this. _Louis_ really wouldn’t like this.

“We should- keep it more private?” Harry said with an uncomfortable sigh, the words sounding more questioning than anything. Louis raised his brows, urging Harry to go on. “It’s just… We’re not really supposed to be- like that. It’s, uh- inappropriate, I guess…”

Louis gave him a pointed look, mouth twisting displeasedly, “Inappropriate, huh.”

“I know, Lou, I just… It’s different here, right?” Harry continued with a small voice, shifting uneasily from one feet to the other. He didn’t really want to mention Amanda to Louis, hoping to avoid any and all grudges that could build up between the three packs. Harry swallowed, glancing away guiltily. “We’re… We’re not- you know…”

Louis just shook his head, confused crease deepening between his brows. He had crossed his arms over his chest while his chin was tilted up, eyes attentive, and he was clearly still unimpressed with what he was hearing. Harry sighed, squirming a little as blush creeped high on his cheekbones.

“Mated… We’re not- mated. So, um… Yeah,” Harry muttered, head ducking and fingers curling together behind his back. He cleared his throat awkwardly, heat instantly starting to prickle underneath his skin.

The following silence felt too heavy over his shoulders, embarrassment and nerves making his pulse quicken. Harry sniffled a bit, just to have something to do other than standing awkwardly, and tried to push down the wolf who had perked up over the tension.

“Wait. So, you’re not allowed to date? Well, here. Like, people here don’t date?” Louis asked incredulously, breaking the silence and causing Harry to look up at him. The alpha seemed to be somewhat stunned; mouth ajar and brows twitching, unsure if to furrow or fly up in confusion.

When the answer didn't come fast enough the alpha’s sharp blue eyes met Harry’s, holding his gaze firmly so he couldn’t look down again.

“Um. No. Not really,” Harry said, fingers curling tighter around each other, wrists pressing to his lower back. “You’re either mated or not.”

“How are you supposed to get to know your mate then?” Louis asked, looking more and more horrified by every passing moment. “Don’t tell me that all the matings are arranged?”

“Oh! No, no no. It’s, no,” Harry hurried to say, shaking his head earnestly, “Arranged matings aren’t really that common. And even when they happen the pair usually knows each other beforehand… So, it’s nothing like- this. Usually.”

“Right,” Louis said slowly, eyes sceptical. Harry fought down the urge to look away.

“Right. Um, courtship?” Harry offered, hoping for it to be a familiar term. Louis hummed with a nod.

“Like in the ‘ _prince gets the princess’_ -type of novels?” Louis asked, the word _backwards_ ringing in Harry’s ears alongside the alpha’s voice.

Harry exhaled deeply, his shrug just a tiny movement, “I guess. Like, the Alpha of the wolf who’s asked to be courted needs to grand a permission for it to happen. Unless the Alpha agrees, there’s no courtship and if there’s no courtship, there’s no mating.”

“So you’re saying I’d have to ask Hyde for a permission to start a courtship?” Louis confirmed, looking thoughtful.

“Yeah… If you- If you wanted to- intended to mate someone from his pack,” Harry said anxiously, voice quiet and a bit mortified. He hated talking about the customs of his birth pack even though he knew Louis and the others didn’t mean to be judgemental about it. It just… It was so different.

“Okay. I’d do that,” Louis declared after a short pause, “I can do that.”    

Harry lifted his gaze so fast he got a headrush.

“Is it okay for me to kiss you in public if I ask for a permission to court you?” the alpha continued, “and call you my boyfriend in front of others? No, wait! Do I have to ask Hyde or my mum, now? I mean, mum won’t care either way but if the courting thing is something you’d like to have, I’ll ask her-”

“Louis,” Harry cut in, the tension bleeding out of his joints, giving way to relief and- and to confused amazement, “Louis, you know that… You’d be asking for a permission to mate me, ultimately…”

Louis looked so soft all of a sudden, pink hue rising on the top of his sharp cheekbones, “Well… I mean- Yeah?”

And… _Oh._

“Really?” Harry whispered without meaning to, biting on his lip as he stared at the alpha. The alpha that could _properly be his,_ at some point, maybe.

“Really,” Louis said just as softly, “Maybe not, like, anytime really soon but… Yeah.”

“Okay,” Harry said after a short pause of thinking it over, flustered smile pushing at the corners of his lips. “Good.”

“Good,” Louis repeated.

For a bit they were just smiling at each other like idiots. Harry’s cheeks hurt with it, his dimples digging into his skin and eyes squinting as if he was looking right into the Sun.

“Okay,” Harry sighed, unable to tame his upturned lips. “Okay… I don’t- The courting? I don’t need anything like that. I- I like the way we are now, so maybe… Maybe we could just…”

“Stay on the opposite sides of the room for a bit?” Louis smirked, eyes bright as he uncrossed his arms from his chest and tugged his fingertips inside the front pockets of his jeans.

“Yeah,” Harry breathed out with a relieved exhale, then chuckled quietly as he peeked up at the alpha from underneath his lashes. Louis took a look at him and tutted.

“None of that if you want me to stay away,” he ordered, poking Harry in the forehead with a playful squint. “Now, minimum of ten steps distance at all times, yeah? Be good.”

“‘m good,” Harry assured hurriedly, cheeks flushing further as he eagerly straightened his posture, hands still behind his back.

Louis just stared at him quietly for a short moment, blinking with a somewhat pained look all over his features. Harry was starting to worry about the stretching silence when the alpha finally shook his head.

“Right. Ten steps,” Louis said firmly, clearly more to himself than to Harry, “Right… I- Right.”

Then he was gone, looking a bit dazed as he crossed the room and sat down with Zayn and Liam on one of the couches.

 _Right_.  

*

It turned out to be way more difficult to keep his distance than he had originally thought it would. Even though they had spend the night together it was nowhere enough.

The whole thing just made him realise how touchy Louis and him had actually been, how _obvious_ **_,_ ** and Harry was feeling more thankful towards Amanda than he had been in the beginning.

Still, it was crap. Honestly, such crap. He had this amazing alpha who wanted to kiss him- and stuff- and they weren’t doing that.  

“Stop frowning,” Euan said, interrupting Harry’s thoughts. The alpha patted the top of Harry's head and then tugged at the loose strand curling behind his ear. “Seriously, stop it.”

They were in the main Den again, all the boys scattered around the room. There were some of the young alphas around too but not too many. Most of the time it was just the five of them, with Euan joining in occasionally. The others were a bit wary of the “city wolves”, they did talk to them but didn’t really stick around.

“Shut up,” Harry grumbled, snapping his teeth halfheartedly at the fingers tugging his hair.

“Your alpha is frowning too,” Euan noted casually, making Harry look up and towards Louis, and yeah… Louis was frowning, or glaring more like, his steely eyes glancing pointedly at Euan’s arm that was now draped over Harry’s shoulders.

“He’s not my alpha,” Harry muttered. “I mean, he is. Boyfriend, yeah. But not like- _my_ alpha.”

Euan made a face, amused, and clearly calling Harry out on his bullshit.  

“Shut up,” Harry said again with a huff even though the alpha hadn’t said anything, “or I’ll tell Niall you fancy him.”

“Absolutely not,” Euan hissed, stepping away from Harry with a glare. “That’s pure evil, that lunatic would end me. You- you wouldn’t?”

Harry flashed his teeth at the alpha, smirk sharp and challenging, “Wanna try me?”

“The big city has changed you,” Euan sniffed, palms rising up in surrender, “Disgusting.”

Harry barked out a loud laugh, quickly clapping a hand over his mouth to cover it.

The guffawing sound had Euan throwing a genuine smile at him, chuckling at Harry’s flushed cheeks before nudging their shoulder together.

“It has chanced you, really,” the alpha commended after a short pause, softer than before. “I like it.”

“Oh… Well. Thanks,” Harry said, smiling towards the floor and shrugged. “I like it too.”

“That’s good,” Euan grinned and then stepped back, away from Harry, exaggeratedly and deliberately. “What’s not good is that alpha of yours trying to murder me with his mind.”

Harry glanced towards Louis again, unable to contain the delighted snort when he saw him.

The alpha was still standing next to Zayn, arms crossed and body tense, grumpy downturn of his lips accompanying the dangerous gleam in his eyes.  

“It’s cute,” Harry hummed a bit distractedly, letting his eyes roam over the compact, bossy alpha that wasn’t doing too good of a job hiding the jealous tilt from his tense posture.

“Oh yeah, just as cute as telling Ireland that I fancy him”, Euan snorted and then grimaced at his own words.

“You do?” said Liam suddenly from behind their backs, his delighted laugh making Harry and Euan jolt. “Oh wow, I’m so sorry! Don’t let Niall hear that.”

“No! Liam, no,” Euan rushed to deny, too loudly and horrified. “Just no, it was a joke. Like, so much no—”

“Hey hey, it’s cool. I know the effect Niall has on most people, I get it,” Liam said reassuringly, tone a bit too earnest to be completely genuine but it wasn’t like Harry was going to tell Euan that. “I could talk to him for you if you’d like?”

“No!” The alpha’s eyes were starting to look a bit panicked when Liam gazed around the room thoughtfully, looking for the familiar blond head.

“Huh. It could work out pretty well actually, now that I think of it.”

Euan stumbled after Liam as the beta wandered towards the other room, muttering to himself as if he would actually go through with the plan.

“Liam, I swear—”

Harry didn’t hear what Euan swore to do but he didn’t really care either, his attention already shifting away from the retreating pair.

Harry was getting antsy, skin tingling and restlessness plaguing his mind. Logically he knew that he had went most of his life without proper, regular cuddlings just fine, but it didn’t soothe his neediness now. Maybe it was worse, actually, to know what he was missing. Have it tangled right out of his reach, knowing how good Louis’ embrace was and not able to lean into it.

He had already tried to glue himself to Niall in hopes of it helping with his- _situation._ However, even Niall had his limits, and after Harry had been sadly tugging on his arm, asking for hugs for the sixth time during the same hour, it had all ended with Niall telling him to, _“go get a good dicking already, for fucks sake!”_

The comment had made Harry flush, as usual, and also horrified after noticing the wide eyed, scandalised look the dark haired young alpha was sporting on the opposite couch. _Oops._   

And… And _of course_ the words had stayed, lingering in his mind even now. Harry felt simultaneously mortified and excited with it, and he was one hundred percent sure the neediness building up within him was at least a little bit because of that stupid comment.

So. Niall’s fault.

And Niall was the one who would be taking the blame if Harry got caught.     

Harry glanced hastily around the room before tangling his fingers in the hem of Louis’ shirt, having sneaked up behind him. He leaned against the alpha’s shoulder, forcing him to take a surprised sidestep, and then another.

“Haz?” Louis asked softly, craning his neck to see Harry’s face while still allowing himself to be pushed out of the room and into the hallway.

Harry didn’t trust his voice enough to answer anything and instead gave into the urge to lean his chest properly against Louis’ back, cheek pressing to the alpha’s temple. Louis hummed happily at that, reaching backwards to wrap his arms around Harry’s lower back, and without complain let Harry stumble them inside the room they had claimed as theirs.

After some manoeuvring Harry had Louis facing him and neatly sitting on the edge of the bed.

Steadying fingers curled around Harry’s hips as he kneeled over the alpha, the tops of Louis’ thighs offering a seat for him. When Harry found his balance the fingers trailed towards the dip if his back, warm palms pressing against the skin visible in the gap between his jumper and the waistline of his joggers.

Louis sighed against Harry’s knit covered chest, hands pushing underneath the fabric, the move raking it up a bit.

A hurt little sound fell from Harry’s lips as he was finally able to press closer against Louis without anyone seeing. He curled his arms around Louis’ shoulders, nose pressed in the alpha’s neck, tongue peeking out, tasting the skin like he had noticed Louis doing to him before.

Harry was definitely acting way bolder than he actually felt like, bolder than he had ever let himself be around any alpha, around Louis. And Louis let him.

“Lou,” Harry choked out, his voice just as weak and shaky as he had anticipated. “Lou, I want… Want.” It didn’t make sense but the alpha seemed to get it anyway, his palms sliding up Harry’s back, moving to touch everywhere he could reach.

“Haz, we just agreed to tone it down,” Louis chuckled softly but amused, clearly pleasantly surprised by Harry’s urgency. Although if the way the alpha was mapping Harry’s skin with his hands was any indication, he was feeling the exact same urgency.

Louis glanced at the door over Harry’s shoulder, probably making sure it was properly closed, before leaning to nuzzle against Harry’s neck, then biting gently down on his shoulder.

It was clearly a spot he gravitated towards, as if he wished to have his teeth on it all the time; bite deeper, leave a mark… The thought made Harry shudder with a full body shiver.

The sting of Louis’ teeth had Harry whining, fingers curling in the back of the alpha’s shirt. It didn’t really hurt, as Louis was just barely pressing the sharpness of his canines against Harry’s skin, but it was the promise of the gesture that had Harry flustered.

Harry wasn’t sure why he felt so desperate and needy all of a sudden. He was feeling a bit silly- and a lot sheepish- by the way he was clinging on Louis. And yeah, maybe it was because of the forced distance they had managed to keep for the most part of the past few days but whatever it was it was now making him squirmy, skin flushing and breathing picking up. There was embarrassment tingling under his heated skin.

Harry shifted around too much, nervous energy running in his veins, and caused Louis to growl around the biting hold he had of Harry’s shoulder. When it alone didn’t manage to calm Harry’s restless wriggling, the alpha bit down harder.

Harder, sharper, deeper until Harry had nowhere else to go other than lax in Louis’ hold.

“T’s good,” Louis breathed out gently after releasing his hold, pressing his lips over the smarting bite mark as Harry sighed happily at the praise. _Good. Good. Good._     

“Missed you,” Harry muttered groggily. The high-strung tension having left with the sting of Louis’ bite, Harry was now feeling boneless and a bit floaty. He tried to scoot forward in Louis’ lap, hoping to get even closer.  

“Yeah. Missed you too, love.” Louis smiled. Harry could feel the curve of his lips on his skin. “I don’t think I quite like the ten steps rule," the alpha admitted quietly then, lips brushing against Harry’s jumper covered chest. Louis had already told the same thing to him last night when they had curled up together in bed, "Don't like not being close to you."

"Me neither," Harry sighed, agreeing wholeheartedly.

Louis snorted, “Well, I guess if I was you I’d like to be around myself all the time too.”

“Ha ha,” Harry huffed, purposefully turning his head so his loose curls tickled over Louis face.

It didn’t really have the revengeful effect Harry had gone for as the alpha just breathed in deeply before pressing his nose in the junction of Harry’s neck and jaw.

“Always smell so nice, H,” Louis hummed, nuzzling his nose along Harry’s neck and then kissing over the spot he had just dug his teeth in.

After a dozen gentle kisses had been littered all over the sensitive skin the alpha asked softly, “What got you all hot all of a sudden then, hm?”

Harry squirmed a bit at the question, ending up ducking his face against Louis’ shoulder even though he had to arch down uncomfortably from where he was perched on top of the alpha.

“Sorry,” Harry sighed out deeply, not really sure if he meant it. He just wanted to be close to Louis but nothing seemed to be close enough.

When Louis’ phone suddenly vibrated it jolted them harshly out of the little daze they had fallen into, making it clear that it was way too easy for them to get lost into each other.

“ _you better not be giving H a dicking in there!?! why is N saying u’re doing that!? We need to b in the forest soon! wtf, not the time bro?!”_

Harry couldn’t quite stifle the huffing laugh that bubbled out as he read the text. His cheeks were already flushed with the pleasant drum under his skin, created by Louis’ presence alone, but his cheeks did a good job darkening a few shades still.

Louis had one brow arched as he quickly typed something back to Liam before dropping the phone on the bed, not even trying to push it back in his pocket where it had been.

“I’m not sure if I even want to know what you and Ni get up to when you two are left alone but… Dicking? Really?” Louis looked way too amused, delighted even, when he saw the state of Harry’s flushed face. “Were you practising being a minx? Is that what you two do?”

Harry was just getting more and more flustered as Louis kept teasing, the alpha’s smirk widening, “What other saucy words have you learned, huh? Roll in the hay? Screwing? Shagging?”

“Oh gosh,” Harry whined, even his chest feeling flushed with the mortification. He kept licking his lips, not sure if he wanted Louis to stop or keep talking until the gently furling, tingling tension would spread all over his body form the bottom of his abdomen.  

“— Copulation? Coitus? _Breeding_?”

“It’s Niall’s fault!” Harry blurted out to cut him off, not even able to organise his thoughts enough to deny anything Louis had said. “He- he said..! It’s his fault.”

Harry could feel the vibrations of Louis’ laugh where he was pressed against the alpha’s chest.

“I don’t mind, love,” Louis chuckled, still teasing, before leaning up to peck Harry’s cheek and then the tip of his nose which was scrunching up displeasedly from being laughed at. “Got me a lapful of you, didn’t it?”

*

Niall was forcing Liam to piggyback ride him to the forest, bullying the beta until he growled and threw the omega over his shoulder, leaving him hang there, gasping profanities.

Zayn trailed after them, talking with Euan in quiet, hushed tones as the farer alpha guided a young beta girl towards the tree line, holding her hand.

They were the last ones to leave the Den, having stayed behind to learn about the history of the Vernal Equinox and how the celebration would go once they got to the forest. Louis had gone with his mum a bit earlier, being the second in line of the Tomlinson pack he was traditionally meant to stand by her side for the beginning of the celebration.

Harry shouldered the door closed, making sure it clicked and then turned to jog after the others. He halted his steps though, noticing Amanda exiting one of the side buildings.

The alpha had her arms curled around a big pile of blankets, the size of the stack a bit too tall to be comfortably carried. Harry hurried to her side, tilting his head when the woman noticed him.

“Oh, Harry,” the alpha said breathlessly, glancing around the yard before taking in a deep breath while adjusting her hold, and continued, “Be a dear and take the rest of the blankets with you, will you? They’re right by the door, should be just enough for everyone.”

“Of course,” Harry said with a small smile, shoulders rising a bit under the alpha’s intense gaze. She nodded, turning to let Harry walk past her.

“That’s a good lad,” she said quietly, smiling when Harry wasn’t able to hide the flush that instantly rose to his cheeks. “See you in a bit. Remember to lock the door.”  

There was no one around when Harry stepped up the small steps leading to the building. The old wooden floorboards of the porch whined as he made his way inside.

Humming under his breath Harry clicked the light on, the small corridor of the storeroom brightening up.

There were no blankets.

Harry furrowed his brows, glancing back towards the yard but the alpha was already gone, only the hum of the surrounding forest answering to his questioning gaze.

It always seemed to start with an unnaturally heavy silence.

And Harry still haven’t learned that.

Harsh fingers knotted in his hair, forcing a sharp gasp to fall from his lips.

“I’m sorry, son,” Declan said, regret in his eyes just before he knocked Harry’s head against the doorframe.

*

Harry woke up to a soft jerks of a car. The hum of a engine was vibrating underneath his cheek where it was pressed against something soft.

There were gentle fingers petting through his hair, carefully avoiding the area that was throbbing with pain. _Pain?_  

Harry jolted, twisting around and away from the touch but not getting far as he was securely held down with the seatbelt around his waist and the blanket over his shoulders. Panic twisted inside him, the feeling of being trapped building up to be too suffocating. He trashed, high-strung whine bleeding through his bared teeth.  

“Hey now, love. Calm down.” The voice was familiar and soft, belonging to the person who had been stroking his hair just moment before. “You'll hurt yourself.”

Harry stilled.

Not because he was getting calmer but because of the overwhelming rush of confusion that flooded his senses. He felt cold all of a sudden, the throbbing pain in the side of his head becoming sharper.

“That’s a good lad,” Amanda said, reaching to tug the blanket back over Harry’s body where it had slipped down. “How’s your head? We have painkillers, just say the word.”

Harry swallowed thickly, turning his head carefully to see that by _‘we’_ Amanda meant herself and Declan, who was glancing at Harry from the rear mirror as he drove. The beta looked unhappy, scowl furrowing his brows when he turned his gaze back towards the road.

“W-what?” Harry rasped, dread and confusion mixing in his weak voice. He could see the pale grey sky and shadows of dark tree branches contrasting against it flash by in a blur through the window.

With careful, tentative movements Harry pushed himself up into a sitting position, eyes darting between the alpha and the beta in the car, suspicious and full of anxious dread. Harry tugged at the seatbelt, sneaking a hand underneath the blanket to look for the releasing button. He could tell that Amanda was clearly aware of what he was doing but the alpha didn’t interfere, just looked at him calmly while pulling a packet of painkillers from the bag by her feet.    

Amanda popped out two pills from the packet, the foil of it crinkling, and unscrewed the cap of a water bottle before turning to offer them to Harry.

Nervously licking over his bottom lip Harry traced the shape of the seatbelt’s lock with his fingertips, cautiously looking between the offered medicines and the woman holding them out. Swallowing hard he released the seatbelt, letting it slowly slide up before scooting backwards, away from the middle seat and to the furthest one, until his back was harshly digging against the door.     

His head was hurting, yes, the throbbing even force now that he was sitting up. But something wasn’t quite… The whole situation was off. Harry could feel Declan’s gaze on him through the rear mirror, the memory of the regret in the beta’s eyes flashing in Harry’s mind. Amanda was tense even though she was being just as gentle as Harry had learned to expect her to be.

There was a stench of fear lingering in the car- and it wasn’t just Harry’s.  

“Y-you… Are you going to d-drug me?” Harry whispered, pressing tighter against the door which to his horror was locked from the outside. His wolf was pacing, picking up on Harry’s unease and anxiety; clawing to get out, to bite and tear and to run.     

“Oh, don’t be silly,” Amanda sighed, pressing one of the pills on her own tongue and then sipped from the bottle to wash it down. She swallowed, rubbing at her temple with the side of her palm, the open bottle hanging from her fingers. “We’ll see if that gets rid of this headache.” She sighed again, deeper this time, “Come on now, here.”

Harry was still wary, glancing at the offered pill that seemed to be identical to the one the alpha had taken. But how could he be sure? How could he trust Amanda’s words when something was clearly was up?

But… The pain was getting to be too much, too sharp; his fingertips turning numb with it, palms clammy.

With a nervous swallow Harry reached out a cautious hand, carefully accepting the pill Amanda dropped on his palm. He glanced up at the alpha, receiving a pleased smile as he took the water as well. The soft gesture twisted something ugly low in Harry’s belly.  

“What is going on?” Harry asked quietly, a moment after he had forced himself to swallow the pill. The water did nothing to soothe his dry mouth, tasting too clean and the temperature of it warmed up by the heating in the car. “W-why… What are you doing?”

Amanda sighed, taking the bottle from Harry and screwing the cap back on. She dropped it back in the bag. “We’re just going with the plan. Like it was _supposed_ to go.”

There was a clenching fist suddenly crushing around Harry’s heart, cold sweat prickling on his temples. Declan cleared his throat, rolling his shoulders back and adjusting his hold on the steering wheel. The beta didn’t say a word.

“I- I don’t understand…” Harry uttered, curling up on the seat, pulse steadily quickening. “I… I thought you were…”

“Human?” Amanda chuckled, voice dark and worn out. She hummed, looking out of the window for a short moment before she turned to face Harry properly. “He has our boy, Harry.” The alpha’s eyes were shining with regret and sorrow. Fear. “Rowland, he… Donell is just a _child_.”

Harry’s brows furrowed, thoughts getting messy inside his racing mind, “Your child? Yours and- Declan’s?”

“Yes,” Amanda said, swallowing and then smiling in a way that just showed she was hurting inside. “Declan and I are mated. And Rowland has our son.”

Harry’s mouth slowly fell ajar, eyes glancing between the pair in the car. The alpha nodded to herself as if wording the statement out loud like that was making the situation clearer.

“I… Is he like me? Your son,” Harry stuttered out after a while, fingers rising to tug at his bottom lip nervously. “Is he an omega too?”

“Oh, no,” Amanda said, smiling a bit as she entwined her fingers together, resting them over her lap. “He’s our little alpha, already bossy with it.” The alpha’s chuckle was wet after a shaky exhale, “He will be quite taken with you, I’m reckon. He’s just getting to this age when having a crush is becoming a thing.”

Harry swallowed as he gave the alpha a tiny nod, wrapping arms around himself to feel more secure.

“How old is he?” Harry’s voice came out quiet and shaky, unsure of where the conversation was going. Endless possibilities circled inside his mind, echoing the rounds of his pacing, agitated wolf.

“Ten. In a few months,” Declan suddenly said from the front seat, breaking his silence. The beta’s tone was heavy and dark, his knuckles turning paler where he was gripping the steering wheel. “If he makes it.”

“Declan!” Amanda gasped, devastated anger colouring her voice harshly, which was making the beta’s shoulders tense further. “Don’t—”

“Be realistic?” Declan growled, cutting the alpha off. The car was starting to speed up under the man’s frustrated tension. “Fuck, Amanda! You know too damn well that it could happen! If this doesn’t work out? It will!”

“No! Stop it!” Amanda hissed, one hand flying to grasp at the edge of Declan’s seat. “You won’t talk like that!”

Harry wanted to hide, curl up and whimper until the alpha’s anger subsided. He pulled his knees higher up, chin pressing down to rest against them. It was horrible. The car was filled with tension, anger and fear, while sleet slid down the windows as if the world wasn’t crashing down around them.

“I’m sorry, Harry,” Amanda’s voice soothed softly through the overwhelming mess muddling Harry’s brain. “I- I shouldn’t have. I didn’t mean to get so upset.”

“I-I d-don’t understand,” Harry blurted out hastily, anxiously shifting his gaze between Declan and Amanda, who both looked agitated. “Please. This was supposed to be o-over. I was s-supposed to go _home!_ ”

“I know, love. I’m- I’m so sorry,” Amanda said, eyes starting to brim with tears and Harry could feel the panic rising inside his chest along them. No. He didn’t want the alpha to break down, she was supposed tell that this was just a mistake. That they were on their way back. “Legally you’re his. Rowland’s. You belong to his pack, not Hyde’s.”

Harry squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head. It didn’t make any sense. It couldn’t be right.

“Rowland is not a good man, even worse of a pack Alpha,” Amanda started, voice thick and fingers twitching nervously as she swiped her tearful eyes. “He rules with fear and blackmail- threats… Hanging on traditions with all he’s got; he hates change, wants to be the one in power no matter what.”

“Your mother, she… There’s not much one can do to make a living here. The pack is supposed to support everyone, everyone working to help each other. But Rowland, he makes people work for _him_ \- and then he leaves the people to suffer. Poor and dependent on him.” Amanda leaned her head back, staring at the roof of the car. Harry tried to remember how to breathe, heartbeat wild and it was making him tremble.

“Your mother was in debt; having two children but no mate to help her pay for their place in the pack. And Rowland doesn’t tolerate ‘ _worthless leaches’,_ as he called them. The Alpha… He told them to leave and that- That if they took you with them you’d all be hunted down.”

Harry couldn’t move. His throat was burning, head hurting with the blow even with the painkiller and his fingers were pressing too deep into the skin of his palms.

“It wasn’t just a threat either, it’s something that happens. Still happens now,” Amanda went on, clearly struggling to get the story out, not wanting to say the words. “You are valuable to him, Harry. _Special._ The old, obsolete Alphas still milking the traditionalist beliefs where male omegas give them status and power; respect. In their circles it might do that, _it does,_ and they want it, no matter what.”

“So your mother’s debt? Rowland promised to forgive it if they left you for him. If not, you’d all be dead by now… Although, I’m sure he would’ve still kept you, too hungry for his status and ego to strengthen to waste the opportunity.”

Amanda’s lips were tight as she paused to gather her thoughts. The hum of the car felt deafening, the pressure of it almost painful against Harry’s skin.

“At the time there weren’t many omegas in Rowland’s pack; no one from the outside wanted in- _weren't_ wanted in _-_ and the ones that were already part of the pack, and not hunted down for disobeying, were getting old. Traditionally it’s seen wrong for an alpha or a beta to care for a child, it’s the omegas’ job, especially if the cub is not their own. It’d be a sign of a weak dominant; too soft to be taken seriously.”

“So Rowland decided to give you to Hyde: promised to support his pack financially as long as they took care of you. Until you’d be of age, of course, and ready to become the _‘Alpha’s mate_ ’ like he had planned. I don’t think Hyde knew that though. I mean, there’s always been rumours around Rowland but… There’s no proof. People fear him; he gets rid of the ones that disagree, takes over weaker packs after he’s taken everything they can offer and more. Rowland’s probably planning on doing that to Hyde too, pretending to be by his side until he can take Hyde’s pack right out of his hands.”

Amanda glanced at Harry, taking in his horrified expression and shaky breaths. She sighed, regretful and sad, “Hyde saw it as Rowland being responsible; giving the cub to someone who could be there for him, for you. Raise you properly and raise you with the similar mindset Rowland appreciates; teach you the more traditional ways of being a wolf. He refuses to admit that those customs are starting to vanish and are seen as brutish by most of us…”

Silence filled the car as Amanda trailed off, only the steady hum of the engine trembling on in the background, still feeling suffocating.

Harry stared forward without seeing a thing, his mind being too loud, senses tingling and refusing to settle. His wolf was howling, the volume of it ringing against his eardrums, making his hands curl into a tighter fists.

“W-why didn’t they just tell me?” Harry asked weakly and hiccuping. His hands where shaking, back aching where it was digging into the door. “My m-mum… They said not to ask when I—”

“Rowland told them she’d abandoned you,” Declan grunted shortly. “No one wants to tell a child something like that.”

Harry wasn’t a child anymore but what they were telling him now was way worse than anything he could have heard when he was a cub.

“S-so she didn’t..? She didn’t want to…” Harry whispered brokenly, the wavering question almost too quiet to be heard.

“Love, no,” Amanda said right away, eyes still wet but her voice was firm. “She did the only thing that would keep both of her children safe. Even if she hated herself for it.”

Harry tried to swallow the tears burning the corners of his eyes, blinking rabidly and trying to process what he was hearing.

“O-okay. Alright,” Harry said finally, swallowing again and then nodded his head softly. “T-thank you. I- um… Thank you for t-telling me.”

“Always so polite,” Amanda praised quietly, the corners of her mouth tense. She clearly didn’t want to go on about Rowland and Harry almost hoped she would just lie, make it all go away.

“Donell is worthless to him,” Declan continued sharply then, clearly so his mate didn’t have to. His jaw was clenched angrily, eyes dark as he stared at the icy road. “There’s nothing stopping Rowland from hurting the kid if he decides so. You being an omega saved you from that.”

“We’re the same as your family was; too much debt and no way to pay it back. The winters are too harsh, no one can leave the pack and Rowland wants something in exchange of a place to stay. And… You are his. Inside his fucked head, you are his and he won’t give that up just because some city wolves came in throwing demands.”   

“He saw the opportunity in Don- in us. He’s never liked us much anyways, our mating not following his traditional _‘Alpha and omega’_ and _‘beta and beta’_ view. We didn’t wait for his permission before choosing each other, either. And…”

“And Don’s too young and weak to fight back alone and we care about him enough to do anything to keep him safe.”

“Anything?” Harry forced out, even though he was already sure about the answer he would get.

Declan’s hands clenched around the wheel.

“He wants you back. Or Don is done for.”

Amanda’s voice was broken and pained, tainted with the way she tried to hold back her tears, “He’s just a baby.”

Harry fell asleep at some point after that, lulled into sleep by the heavy silence hanging over them, even though his whole body was filled with shock and disbelief.  

He was horrified. Horrified but aware that he couldn’t blame the pair, no matter how much he hoped he could. This was the only way no one would get hurt; Harry would get mated to Rowland, like the plan had originally been, and Donell would be free to go with his parents. Hyde had a strong ally in the Tomlinson pack now, probably able to stand up against Rowland with their help if it went to that. And… Well, Harry doubted everyone would just go on with their lives but… Sometimes people had to do just that.

This whole nightmare needed to stop and Harry was the only reason why there was now so many people involved- too many people. They would get hurt, Harry just knew it, and…

He just wanted to be done with it. He would do it- he would mate whoever he had to; to make it all _stop_.  

The car jolted sharply to a stop.

“Shit,” Declan cursed, one hand on the wheel as the other help tight on a phone. Harry blinked his eyes sleepily, nauseous with all the feelings bubbling inside him. “Shit!”

“What is it?” Amanda rushed to ask, reaching out for the phone through the space between the front seats. Harry straightened from his slouched position, his back and the side of his head aching still, but he tried to ignore that, focusing on the scene before him instead.

“They went straight to Rowland,” Declan growled, pushing the phone to Amanda and grabbing the steering wheel with both hands. “Fuck!” he barked, engine groaning as the beta rushed the car back on.

He twisted to look out the window at the now dark view of the road before hastily jolting the car around, making a u-turn and quickly speeding towards the way the had came from.

“Do they know it’s us?” Amanda spoke tensely, staring at the phone that was lighting up her face, making her look older that she was. “If they know it’s us, why didn’t they come after us?”

“Fucking Rowland! I told him it wouldn’t work like this!” Declan was livid, growl rolling out of his chest, sharp and wet. “Where else would we be taking him?”

“We need to go back,” Amanda said then, suddenly and voice clear of emotion.

“What?” Declan snarled, twisting around dangerously to stare at his mate in the backseat, the car rushing forward, “You’re got to be kidding me! We’ll all get killed!”

“No,” the alpha said sharply, opening her seatbelt with one shift motion. She leaned forward, pressing in between the front seats and forcing the beta to sit back. Harry could see Amanda point at something further up on the road. “Turn left there. Don’t argue, just do it.” Then, leaning back she twisted to face Harry and tugged on his blanket, “Keep this on and do as you’re told, yes? Be a good lad now, love.”  

Harry didn’t have time to answer before the car was already stopping again. The doors clicked open and Amanda was out of the vehicle faster than Harry thought it was possible to move.

It was dark and wet outside when the alpha pulled him out of the car, fist tightly grasping the hairs by his nape. With a pained whine Harry went with her, stumbling over his own feet.

The air was icy and burning his lungs as he forced in air for an alarm howl.

For a howl that no one would hear, not there in the middle of nowhere. For a howl that got cut short by a powerful hit that landed against the side of his mouth, the back of Declan’s hand retreating out of his vision with an open cut and blood running over his thick wrist.

“P-please, don’t!” Harry managed to gasp through the pain and mess of blood flooding his mouth. He was dragged deeper into the forest, the trees there massive and old, yet still easily swallowed by the darkness. “Please!”

Were they going to get rid of him now? Was this how it was going tho finally end for him? Beaten and cold at the edge of some unknown forest, left there to be dragged away by the wildlife as if he was just a worthless piece in the bigger game?

Harry could feel the salt from his tears sting the cut on his lips with every ragged breath he took, “I’ll do anything! P-please! Please, let me go!”

Amanda curled a firm hand over his wet mouth, muffling his pleads. Her posture was commanding and strong where she was hoisting Harry’s struggling body forward, her steps sure and fast.

“There,” the alpha pointed to Declan who had one strong arm around Harry’s back, carrying him from under his armpits. Harry couldn’t see anything through the darkness. “The keys should still work.”  

It was a small cellar door, almost completely disappeared under the overgrown bushes and wild grass that was matted and drooping under the weight of the winter.  

“No,” Harry gasped, realising finally what was happening. He started to trash with all his strength, Amanda’s hand slipping from his blood-wet mouth, allowing the words come out clearly. “No! Please, don’t! No, no, no..!”

Declan had the door sliding open, the heavy metal and the hinges screeching with unuse. Behind the door appeared a black hole, the darkness of it tenser and thicker than anything else in the forest around them.

Harry’s voice was choppy with the blood in his mouth and the pure terror clawing underneath his skin, “Please, p-please, no! Don’t—”

He was hauled forward from the back of his neck.

Harry lost is balance when there suddenly wasn’t anything under his feet; steep steps of stairs hiding somewhere behind the darkness, and he fell.

Suddenly there was glass everywhere, shards of it raining on him after he collided into something on his way down.   

Air was forced out of his lungs as he hit the stone floor, groan twisting his throat as he felt the sharp glass press into his skin. Harry coughed, trying to get up, hurting himself more with it.

"Just wait here. We’ll be back soon." Amanda’s voice assured hastily from above him, snapping Harry’s attention towards the mouth of the cellar. The alpha’s, “ _I’m so sorry,_ ” was barely audible as she was already backing away, yanking the heavy door to close behind her.

“No!” Harry gasped one more time, forcing himself up and lunging towards the only way out. The slim trace of light was quickly being swallowed behind the narrowing opening of the doorway.

Harry’s feet slipped over the rough edged stone step and he fell forward, trying to reach the door before the sliver of light disappeared. He collided against the metal of the heavy door, his palms hitting it with a hollow clang just as the lock clicked.

Deafening silence engulfed Harry, only his panicked breathing and the rush in his ears echoing through the silent underground cellar.

The shards of glass crunched under his shoes, piercing the skin through his joggers when he fell on his knees.

“Please, no…”

They didn’t come back.

 

*

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OkAy I was making myself anxious with that ending.  
> Everything’s all right though, deep breaths. We’re all good. :’o
> 
> Here's something I wrote in the comments of the previous chapter:  
> "There's not too many chapters left of this story before we reach the end(sad face) and I have a clear plan for what is going to happen in the next two chapters. After that there's some space for something 'extra'. SO, is there something you'd like to have/read in this story? I would love to hear your suggestions and ideas (although I can't promise to include anything/everything if I feel like it doesn't fit the vibe/plot/characters of the story smoothly). :)"
> 
> Thank you so much guyss! I hope you liked this chapter. 
> 
> Let me know your thoughts xxx
> 
> shyshyserious.tumblr.com  
> sshyserious@gmail.com


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys. I actually had a little cry after I finally finished this one… Not only because it’s quite dark (Trigger Warnings: Anxiety, violence, graphicness...) but also because not being able to update/write this has really been stressing me out.
> 
> But now it’s here. Go ahead. I’ll continue to babble a bit more in the end notes.  
> Maybe check back on the past few chapters to freshen your memory and… Yeah.
> 
> I really, really hope you like this as blood and tears went into creating it.  
> Mine or the characters’s? Well...

* 

There was something moving in the darkness.

Heavy shadows flickered against even heavier ones, creating twisting and turning shapes against the walls that were hidden behind the teasing dance of the never-ending blackness.

There was nothing there but something was moving.

Harry tried to open his eyes but he couldn’t quite tell if he succeeded, or if they had been open all along. The wolf had him lying collapsed on the floor, panting and struggling. Everything hurt, Harry could feel the pain, but when he tried to move he couldn't. The wolf kept pushing him away, locking him up, and the more Harry tried to fight against it the darker his surroundings got. His mind was quieting down, blackness seeping inside him like thin smoke.    

The pain went away with his consciousness. Whenever he realised he was able to sense his surroundings again the pain and anxiety and fear were so strong that he struggled to believe it was worth feeling. It was too much.  

But something kept telling him that he couldn't give in, couldn't just let the wolf take over and suffocate the last tired and wavering traces of - _him_.

*

 _“Oh, my poor thing. Look at you_.”

There was a deep, low voice speaking against the back of Harry’s ear. It was unfamiliar, the notes of the speech hazy through the distorted reality his wolf was projecting. _“What have they done to you?”_

Harry whined.

There was blackness everywhere, surrounding him, suffocating him. His senses were assaulted with the metallic reek of his own blood, sick, and the cold, dusty smell of the cellar. The scent of an unfamiliar alpha was starting to pierce through it all; pushing the chaotic, unpleasant mix of terror to the background and lodging itself in the centre of Harry’s, and his wolf’s, focus.

It was unsettling, the presence of the unfamiliar person. They were too close, touching too much, and it had his hackles rising. The wolf had suddenly stilled, unsure and nervous, not used to being in control around anyone else other than Harry. It was pulling back, ever so slightly, enough for him to feel like he could breathe more freely again.

Harry could now feel the warmth pressing along his sore back, the scenting inhales still puffing near his ears, and with a building rumble his lip started to roll up from over his teeth. The snarl kept raising, wetly getting louder; vicious and deranged.

“Come on now, darling,” the voice tutted, a firm hand closing unforgivingly around Harry’s muzzle, restricting him.

He hadn’t seen any movement; only blackness after blackness after blackness. The panic was heavy on his tongue, the unfamiliar scent of the alpha stuffing his lungs. The fingers around his muzzle were too harsh.

The hold had the wolf thrashing against the fragile walls of Harry’s mind, the animal’s movements flowing through his body and twisting his joints and muscles until he was kicking out and thrashing too.

The hold didn’t let up. Rough fingertips dug into the thinner skin of Harry’s lips, short nails pressing sharply to keep his jaws closed, forcing his canines to stab his own gums.   

It didn’t stop the wolf from fighting. Pieces of broken glass on the ground chinked as the shards were sent flying, some of them cutting into Harry’s already marred skin. The thunderous growl trapped inside his chest vibrated against the chilled ground when a heavy weight pressed his body flat and down, forcing his movements to still.       

“Care to explain why my omega is nearly feral, hm?”

The voice was lazy yet the traces of it were ringing in the small space so loudly that it had Harry’s ears twisting where they were pinned against his skull. The fingers around Harry’s snout pressed harder, uncaring when he tried to wrench his head away from the hold.   

“Did I ask Amanda and her bitch to bring me ruined goods?”

Harry wasn’t sure who the voice was talking to. Did it expect Harry to answer? “Don't they know how rare, how valuable, he is?”

Harry growled, curving his back to dislodge the pressure holding him down. The movement only managed to awaken twinges of pain all over his body before he was pressed tighter against the ground.

Harry’s growl turned into a wet hiss, air escaping his lungs as the pressure on his back got heavier. The owner of the voice, of the painful hand around his jaws, was kneeling on Harry’s back with what seemed to be their whole weight. The pressure was turning into a sharp pain, his spine curving unnaturally until all Harry could do was to whine his cries against the bloodied, dusty ground.

“Get the muzzle.”

Suddenly a too bright light flashed on, blinding Harry, making him whimper with the sting. It forced him to squeeze his eyes shut but the light still burned even through his closed eyelids.

It was enough distraction for him not to notice how the fingers around his snout were replaced with a thick, harsh fabric, and something that tied up behind his ears and neck.

“There we go,” the voice said with a calm and pleased rumble underlining it.

Harry’s heart was pounding.

There was something wrapped around his face, something uncomfortable and tight and confining. It smelled like plastic and something industrial, and it didn’t let him open his mouth. Harry whined, panicked and distraught, trying to force his eyes open against the harsh light that was still lighting up the cellar.

It was a flashlight. It was aimed at Harry, the person holding it hidden behind the contrast of the light and the darkness of the underground space.

Harry tried to desperately blink the brightness and the panicking wolf away from his eyes but both of those things seemed to be too strong.

The time started to feel skewed again. One moment he was blinking against the harsh light and the next someone was talking again. The words were hazy, jumbling together, meaningless.

Firm fingers dug into the skin of the back of his neck, knotting into his fur, and pinning him down. The heavy knees were still pressed down on his rump and shoulders, forcing him flat against the dirty, glass littered floor.

The light flashed, focusing somewhere else for a moment before floating towards Harry again.

There was a shirt on the floor, on the edge of Harry’s vision. It hadn’t been there before, Harry was pretty sure. Although everything was kind of a mess, his wolf kept taking over and pieces were missing from his memory. Yet he was pretty sure the shirt hadn’t been there.

Neither had _the other wolf_.

The hold on the back of his neck disappeared for a short moment, only to be replaced with teeth and the vibration of a dominant growl.

The light flashed, shards of glass clinked, scraping against the ground, and then slowly, pointedly, two sharp rows of teeth pressed against Harry’s throat.

The teeth dug in, like burning hot needles threatening to puncture through his skin but never quite pressing far enough to do so.

Harry tried to breathe. Just breathe and breathe and maybe it would all go away.

His wolf went limp, going belly up inside his mind, and cutting off the last notes of his whimpering growls. No questions asked. The jaws around his throat were enough for the animal to submit to the bigger, more dominant wolf.

Pure horror was squeezing his windpipe, making it hard to fill his lungs, as if the panic wanted to help the assaulting teeth. He couldn’t reach his muscles to move, couldn’t stop the wolf from rolling them over physically.

_He couldn’t reach his own body._

Harry welcomed the numbing darkness.

*

_“Make sure Alistair takes a look at him… He better know how to reverse this.”_

_“-an omega, not some rabid animal…”_

_“…should never trust anyone else with things this important…”_

Hazy sentences seeped through Harry’s consciousness, wavering and unclear.

Little by little he started to feel his body again; the sharp panting breaths he was taking finally registering in his ears. There was something soft under him, the air around him warm and free of the dusty aroma that had hung all around the cellar.

 _The cellar._   

Harry blinked his eyes, focusing on getting his vision back. He knew his eyes were open, wide and staring while he panted, but it was still all black.

“So gorgeous,” a voice commented somewhere really close, too close. There was a gentle touch petting the short hairs in between Harry’s eyes. “What a shame you’ve ended up like this… People just don’t know how to take care of someone like you, hm? Don’t appreciate you like they should. Although, I wouldn’t expect anything else. A strong wolf like yours? Many don’t know how to handle that.”

Harry tried to lick over his chops, only to be stopped by something squeezing around his face. _The muzzle._ Harry breathed heavily through his nose, growly whimper rolling out with it.

“Don’t worry, Harry, we’ll sort you out. I know what your wolf needs.”

Something nasty was crawling underneath Harry’s skin. The reality was piecing itself together around him, webs tying and roping the memories into clear images. _This man…_

“What do we do now, sir?” another male voice spoke from their left, causing Harry to lift his head. The movement was jerky, sending foamed spit running down and over the edges of his lips.

The man was an alpha, short but stocky, and probably the same age as… _Rowland_?

Fingers raked through the fur on the back of Harry’s neck, leaving behind a burning echo of _wrong, wrong, wrong_.

“Amanda and her little bitch think I’m stupid enough not so see what they’re trying. Playing both sides? Ha, I don’t think so.” The Alpha, _Rowland,_ kneaded his fingers gently into the tensed muscles of Harry’s shoulders, urging his wolf to purr, pleased and trusting.

_Rowland._

The animal’s reaction had all the red flags going up and the alarms ringing inside Harry’s head. _Oh, he was screwed. The wolf…_

Harry really needed to block the animal, he needed to- He had to get away.

The sudden panic felt raw and harsh, complete contrast to the wolf that seemed to be content right where he was; basking in the safety the Alpha offered. It was just pleased, gladly leaning towards the man, the dominant wolf, who had helped them out from underground; provided them with warmth and comfort and _Harry wanted to gag_.   

The growl he managed to push out was ragged and wet, his ears folding back, tightly against his skull.

“Oh, someone’s not happy,” Rowland hummed. His voice too light, too pleased and smug, and too close. There was a tugging touch in the back of Harry’s head, behind his ears, and suddenly the muzzle came off. “There we go. That’s better now, isn’t it?”

The restraint was thrown on the floor haphazardly, the buckle of it clinking against the wooden floorboards as it landed.

Harry licked over his lips, then again, and again. A warning grow kept building inside his chest, his eyes flashing when the man just kept petting him. Harry couldn’t stop himself from snapping his teeth, just barely missing the Alpha’s wrist as he twisted to lunge towards it.  

He knew it was stupid, even before he had done it. But the man kept touching him. He wouldn’t stop, even with all the warnings. Harry’s wolf was whining, pushing against the walls of his mind.

“Come on now, pet. You know better,” Rowland said with a sigh, tone condescending. The back of his hand collided with Harry’s cheek.    

Harry’s head jerked to the side with the strength of the blow and he allowed the movement to lead his body. He stumbled forward, falling from the seat he had been laying on, and rolling gracelessly to the ground.

His snout was smarting. His whole body was smarting, and the wolf kept clawing at his brain.

Harry twisted on the floor, quickly trying to find his footing before snarling, teeth bared. The other alpha looked doubtful, “Why don’t you just make him submit again? He’s going to try bite our faces off, he’s fucking insane.”

Rowland stood up lazily, as if he had all the time in the world. Maybe he had.

He crossed the room, not even bothering to look at Harry, which had his wolf whining sadly. The Alpha stopped when he reached the other man.

“Not insane. It’s the wolf,” Rowland said, arms crossing over his chest. “It’s not used to having so much power and it unnerves it, making him lash out. That’s how going feral works, and that’s why he needs someone to take control; before he hurts himself more.”

Harry felt unsteady and confused then. Angry and vulnerable too, but mostly confused. It wasn’t adding up. It wasn’t his wolf. Not right then, at least.

He recognised what Rowland was describing; the hollow feelings of rage and freedom and fear that had tried to suffocate him while he had been locked in the cellar. But-

 _He wasn’t there yet._ Not all the time, clearly. Harry still had something, some kind of control and hold on the reality. And that? That was something he could work with.

There was a hint of a plan forming. He didn’t know what the goal was but at least he had something to anchor himself with. _A plan._

Act feral. Look feral. Insane. Mad. _Let them feel it._

The Alpha tutted, not looking too worried even though Harry was now advancing them, spit drooling down his longer canines and muscles quivering with tension. He made sure to flash the whites of his eyes while letting his mouth hang open a bit too widely, hoping it would make him look even more out of control.

Harry tried to remember everything he could from the times the wolf had actually taken over; how it had moved, reacted, sounded…

“But he does look quite lovely like this, don’t you think?” Rowland hummed, eyes calculating but disgustingly smug. _Proud._ “I wonder how often these little omegas get to let their wolves out like this, let them feel the power? People these days really don’t appreciate the wolf enough; so much wasted raw power…”

“A bit hard to control though, isn’t he, Alpha?” the other man said, posture and facial expression slightly unsure and careful, eyeing Harry. Rowland smirked.

“Well. I’m sure we’ll be able to break him just fine,” he said while fishing a phone out of his pocket and tapping something on it, careless and- There was just something so _off_ with him. “His wolf clearly submits to anyone it considers to be stronger, it’s mainly the boy we’ll need to concentrate on. Help him keep the animal in check, and then keep _him_ in check. But that shouldn’t be a problem either; after all, omegas are naturally desperate to please.”

Harry snarled, having heard quite enough. He charged forward, making the other alpha stumble a few steps backwards, colliding with the door. Rowland didn’t as much as blink.

“Look at that. So feisty,” the Alpha chuckled in thought, a purring undertone in his voice as he eyed Harry. “Perfect.”

It made Harry feel dirty and disgusting, like something ugly was trying to crawl deeper underneath his skin.

He stiffly backed away from the now more cautious looking alpha who was leaning against the door. His nails clicked against the wooden floor and the wet growls kept vibrating through his sore chest. Harry kept an eye on Rowland, in case the man decided to do something, but the Alpha had moved his focus back to his phone.

It buzzed.     

“Alright then, let’s see what he thinks of the little alpha,” Rowland said, lifting his eyes from the screen of his phone, eyes illuminated by the light of it.

The smirk on his face had a twisted tilt to it, making Harry nervous. “That should teach Amanda to handle my property with care; I think the pup can make the inventory for the damages just fine, hm?”

Harry almost halted his pacing, his snarl cutting short for a bit before he realised it and covered it up by licking over his spit-wet snout. He snapped his teeth at the men, heart rate increasing rapidly as the meaning of Rowland’s words dawned on him. _The pup? Amanda’s… Donell?_

Rowland stepped back, making the other alpha move away from the floor with a brief glance, before opening it.

Harry backed away, growls rising and belly almost touching the floor as he tried to get a hold of the situation. _Rowland wouldn’t… He couldn’t do something like that, surely?_ _To a child._

“Bit me in the hand, this bugger,” the man coming in grunted huffingly, brows furrowed as he walked a small, pale boy into the room with a tight hold of his cloudy blond hair. The boy’s eyes were flashing, teeth sharper than they should be in human form, and he was growling, panicked but strong.

“Well, we’ll let Amanda know he put on a fight,” Rowland said, dismissively. He jerked his head towards Harry, “Throw him in.”

Harry felt the pooling drool spill over his lips again as he bared his teeth, thoughts running hectically all over the place. He could feel the moment the boy realised what was happening; the half a second of horrified silence before he began to thrash with all his will.

The man holding Donell, a beta, tightened the hold he had on the boys hair, his other hand fisting tighter in the back of his hoodie. “Throw him in? That’s… a bit harsh, surely? Don’t you think, Alpha?”

Rowland’s demeanour changed the moment the words were out of the beta’s mouth. His eyes turned a shade colder, shoulders tensing as he turned to face the other man.

“Harsh?” Rowland said almost softly, voice disturbingly light. There was something very unhinged in the way the Alpha’s eyes gleamed. “Look at _my_ omega and tell me if what they did to _him_ wasn’t harsh. Hm? Does he look like he’s been taken care of these past months?”

“Well… No, sir, but-” the beta started, clearing his throat when Rowland cut him off.

“Would you like to stay instead?” the Alpha offered with a sharp smile, before pointedly quieting and letting the room fill with just Harry’s loud rumble and the sounds of Donell’s struggling.

“Thought so,” Rowland said with a unimpressed rise of his eyebrows when neither of the two men spoke up. Then he unceremoniously grabbed the boy, jerking him of the beta’s hold, and threw him on the floor.

The sound of Donell crashing down and the sudden movement startled Harry, making his nails scrape against the floor as he lunged further away from the others.

“If he's not done with you in an hour I'll deal with you myself,” Rowland spitted through his teeth as he turned, on his way out. He didn’t even glance at the young alpha who was now frozen in his spot on the floor. “Blame your mummy, boy.”

The beta followed Rowland out silently but the other alpha looked like he was going to stay behind, uncomfortably cracking his knuckles. It all felt too unreal. Ridiculous. How could it even be happening?

In a short, still moment- looking from the retiring back of the Alpha, to the trembling child curling into a ball on the floor- Harry made his decision.

He lunged towards the man still inside the room, wet barking sound ripping from his chest as he calculatingly just let the alpha sidestep his attack. The man cursed loudly, all but jumping out the door and hurriedly reaching for the doorknob.

Harry spun around hastily, his feet slipping noisily on the wooden floor with the rush of it.

He charged towards the boy next, snarling loud and wet and out of control, knowing that he was still being watched. He knocked Donell down where he had been trying to get up and scramble backwards, clamping his jaws around the fabric of the boy’s hoodie, right in the middle of his chest.

The cub’s voice was still clear and high from his youngness when he screamed in fear, panicked sob pressing against Harry’s snout where he was growling and tearing at the thick fabric.  

The door was pulled closed, the sound of it hollow in the large room.

 _“Don’t think they’ll need my help, after all,”_ Rowland’s voice carried through from the outside, the other two men silent, or just speechless.

Donell was still screaming, desperate little growls puffing out from his throat as he tried to push Harry away. The boy might have been an alpha but he was still just a child and Harry was able to easily overpower him.

Hopefully, he wouldn’t have to.

With a loud snarl Harry let go. He stepped back but stayed close enough to still tower over Donell, one paw keeping him down.

“Please, please, please…” the boy was chanting from behind his arms, elbows crossed over his own neck like he had probably learned from someone. “Mum… P-please- Please, let me go. Help-p..!”

The view twisted something painfully inside Harry’s chest. He wanted nothing but to soothe the pup but he wasn’t sure how much time they had. He needed to come up with something, quickly, and he needed to hide the boy and…

With a calming inhale Harry forced himself to focus, collecting himself in the middle of the situation where everything this far had gone wrong. But now it wasn’t just him anymore and he had to make sure the cub was safe.

Hopefully before his wolf decided to come back and take over again.

It was easier then; knowing there was someone he had to protect. It clicked, his mind clearing a little, his only focus on getting Donell somewhere safe. Harry forced his body into a shift.

Bellowing out a barking, broken howl, Harry felt his joints and muscles twist and stretch. The intensity of it was something else, he barely had to fake the growling sounds as the pain was pushing them out without his efforts. It was clear he was hurt from the time he had spent in the cellar, his wolf having managed to tear, cut, and bruise his skin all over.

The burning pain clouded his head for a second, making him want to just curl up and pant against the floor. There wasn’t time for that though, the room was too quiet already.

With a whimpering undertone Harry forced a powerful snarl out, mimicking the way the wolf sounded. The paw that had been holding Donell down was now able to properly take a hold of him. Harry wrapped his shaky fingers tightly around the boy’s shoulder, not letting him go even though he was already recovering from the surprise of Harry’s shift; kicking him and trying to twist away.

“Let go!” Donell was gasping, his pale face wet with tears and hair sticking to his cheeks.

Harry tried to make an eye contact while keeping up the loud growl, but the boy was working himself into panic. Harry could feel it in waves, getting too affected by the fear and despair. He had to do something.

“Donell,” Harry rasped out hushed, following it with a new growling roar that felt ridiculous. _How could this ever work?_ The boy’s eyes finally snapped up to meet his, wide and wet. “I need you to keep yelling.”

“W-what?” Donell hiccuped, arms still lifted to cover his neck and the lower half of his face.

Harry was pretty sure he was still able to hear movement from the other side of the door, and his heart was working double time, anxiety spiking sharply. He dug his free hand’s fingers into Donell’s ribs, way too harshly for his own liking, but he was getting desperate. And it worked.

Donell yelped loudly, hands flying down from his face to push at Harry’s hand. Half of Harry wanted to celebrate, finally getting through with him, and the other half was horrified that the boy had now left his throat unprotected. “Yes, that’s it! Again; as if I was hurting you.”

There was a brief pause where Harry and Donell just stared each other; one pleading and the other suspicious yet considering.

A hint of a nervous upturn finally curled in the corners of the pup’s lips, as if he had just realised something.

And then: he screamed bloody murder.  

The noise, no matter how fake it was, had something nasty tingling at the back of Harry’s neck. However, he forced himself to throw the boy a quiet thumbs up, while cranking up his of act. The mix of their voices together was hopefully realistic enough to make it seem like Harry was actually tearing the boy in pieces. Which… Oh gosh, Harry felt sick even thinking about it.

While trying to distract himself Harry searched the room for something helpful. He quickly spotted a small cabinet that was part of the bookshelves taking over the shorter wall. It wasn’t much of a plan and the cabinet looked tiny, but it was the only thing he could come up with.

Something banged and then crashed loudly upstair, the sound echoing through the ceiling.

The sudden noise jolted both Harry and Donell, making them quieten enough for them to hear how two pairs of footsteps rushed away from the other side of the door.

When something crashed again, now almost right on top of them, Harry knew they had to be fast.

“Shift!” he hissed, trying to keep his voice down. There was no way of telling if someone was still listening on them. Donell was gasping for air, cheeks ruddy from exertion, but he nodded hastily, trusting. Too trusting. “Come on, quickly.”  

The boy squeezed his eyes shut, eyebrows pinching together in concentration. Harry glanced at the door worriedly while tugging the worn looking sneakers off of the boy’s feet. Something was definitely going on upstairs; heavy footsteps kept hitting the ceiling and suddenly there was a fire alarm ringing across the building.

“I- I can’t do it,” Donell whispered with an agitated sob, drawing Harry’s focus from the ceiling back to him. The boy’s eyes were getting wetter as his breathing stuttered, “I-I h-haven’t learned it yet, I- I can’t-”

“Shh, hey, look at me. Donell, look at me,” Harry hushed firmly, bringing up his shaky hands to wipe the tears from the boy’s face. He left his palms to cradle the pup’s cheeks. His throat hurt from talking and his body felt like it wanted to shift back, longing for the other shape himself. “Have you shifted before?”

Donell nodded, eyelashes clumped together and glistening with the unshed tears. “With m-mum. Mum s-showed me.”

“That’s good, Don, well done! Remember what she told you then?” The boy nodded, serious, and the look in his eyes turning thoughtful rather than panicked. “Just focus on that, okay? Talk to the wolf, ask him to come forward. Take your time, it’s alright.”

It wasn’t alright and they definitely didn’t have the time. The fire alarm was starting to pierce through Harry’s mind, stirring up a cutting headache; _stirring up his wolf_.

Who was he to rush the pup with his shift when he himself couldn’t properly control his own?

Still, knowing that didn’t mean Harry didn’t let a out a relieved sigh when Donell’s skin finally sprouted out a thick growth of fur.

“That’s it, good!” Harry whispered, hastily picking up the clothes that were now surrounding a small, tawny haired wolf cub. Donell whimpered, flexing his paws and then shaking his head, too big ears flopping side to side. “I know it’s sore, love. But you did well, such a nice shift.”

The eager, wagging tail he got as an answer was endearing but unfortunately they didn’t have time for that.

“Alright, Donell, I need you to listen to me now, okay?” Harry said, forcing his voice to sound firm, strong, as he maintained the eye contact. He was feeling anything but strong, his body too tired and shaky, but he forced himself.

His hard look was enough to slow down the tail-wag to a stop until the pup was focused and listening. “I am going to lock you inside that cabinet there. That one with the double doors. I’m going to put all your clothes in there with you so you will stay warm. I will close the door, lock it; give you the key through the gap and you’ll keep it safe. Alright?”  

Donell nodded, unsurely, and glancing at the cabinet nervously.   

“You’ll stay quiet, no matter what.”

Nod.

“And you won’t open the door, even if you could.”

Another nod.

“Not even if I ask.”

Donell looked hesitant, confused, at that.

“ _Especially_ if I ask.” Donell whined, head tilting to the side. There was a series of sharp bangs, almost like gunshots- maybe they were gunshots… The sound of them ran over the piercing ring of the fire alarm before they faded away. Harry inhaled sharply, urging the boy to move closer to the bookshelves. “We can’t trust my wolf. Rowland wasn’t joking when he said I was feral. Okay? No matter what I do or say; _do not open the doors_.”

Donell whined again but let Harry lift him up after he had unlocked and opened the cabinet. Luckily it was empty enough for a growing pup; only a stack of papers and a few thick books leaning against some binders.

Harry covered the lower shelf with Donell’s trousers, smoothing the hoodie on top of them. The shoes he dropped on the higher self, on top of the papers. He pushed the boy inside, careful not to hit his head against the shelves.

Harry exhaled shakily.

“No matter what,” he repeated, looking the cub in the eyes for the last time before closing the door.

He worked quickly, trying not to let the trembling of his fingers slow him down.

Harry locked the door with the small key and then pushed it through the gap between the doors. He only let go of it when he felt Donell bite on the other end and pull it all the way through.

Harry was shaking.

His breathing was picking up, heartbeat like a set of drums inside his head, echoed with the still ongoing fire alarm. Was there an actual fire blazing somewhere?

Harry had just locked a kid into a wooden cabinet with literally no way for him to get out by himself and there was something going on in the building, maybe a fire- but the boy had to be hidden, he had to be safe, he… Harry’s thoughts started to stutter; ideas and sentences and plans jumbling together.

He knew he had to shift back into the wolf. It was his only way to defend himself if something happened but… Harry also knew that the animal would take any and all leeway as an opening to take over again. It had been suspiciously quiet inside his mind since Harry had ended up at Rowland’s and come back to his senses. There hadn’t been much pressure against the sides of his temples, nor dark shadows clouding his vision.

The animal was fickle, clearly unsure if it was safe with Harry in charge, while the wolf’s submissive traits still made them both long for someone to take control and lead.  

The wolf was waking up now though, there was no doubt about it. The animal was curiously lifting his head, triggered by the rising anxiety and loud noises. Harry knew what was coming by now, it would have been stupid to pretend otherwise.

The rush of adrenaline he had gotten from making sure Donell was safe was slowing down, leaving his body cold and trembling.

Harry tried to stop his chaotic thoughts, open palms pressed against the wooden floorboards, trying to ground himself. The sounds from upstairs were getting louder, maybe closer, and the familiar dark fog was curling almost gently over the edges of his vision.

He knew that panicking wouldn’t do anything and he should just be grateful that he had been in his right mind for the past half an hour, or so.

Harry was hurting all over and the floor was cold against his bare skin. He was too vulnerable in human form, he wouldn’t be able to stop anyone getting to Donell like that. But… Harry wasn’t sure if he would be able to pull through, after, and…

The darkness was familiar when it rolled over him, alongside with the shift.

*                    

There was a quiet whimper coming from the cabinet.

There were cuts in the soft parts of his paws, running all the way up to his chest, to his face. There was splintered wood everywhere, teared fabric on the floor; furniture cushions ripped apart.

Something was making too loud noises outside, above… _Inside_ the room. It was unnerving, not knowing if there was an ambush coming; where it would be coming from.

The wolf stalked back and forth, reddened spit splattering on the floor from the jaws that were hanging open.

The room was twisting and morphing, darkness looking like the darkness in the cellar. There were shapes moving in the corners of it all, but when the wolf charged there was nothing there. Just darkness.

The wolf attacked against it, still. Biting through the air, colliding against the walls. The room’s door didn’t open no matter how much it was clawed at and the cabinet wouldn’t stop making noise.

When one of the wooden structures, filled with books, came crashing down, the cabinet next to it finally quieted. However, the scent was still clear in the air, frustrating and taunting.  

There were marks on the doors, from nails and teeth, the dark wood even darker with the spit that had rubbed on it. The wolf kept circling, sniffing… He growled with growing frustration when there was no way to get in.

Standing on top of the fallen shelf, the animal clawed at the sides of the still upright one. There was a way to tip this one over too, surely? The possibility of the threat hiding inside was too much, making the unsure animal obsess over it; clawing, pushing, tearing. He wanted to bite, tear and rip it apart, make it safe. Make it quiet. It was all to loud.

A vibrating, chilling chorus of howls suddenly cut through it all.

Then, it _was_ quiet.

The alarm was gone. No crashing, no footsteps, nothing.

The wolf whined, silently stepping away from the destroyed furniture, and flattening against the floor near the back wall, staring at the room’s closed door.

There was a massive wolf there, suddenly, standing in the shadows of the doorway, eyes glowing in the dark, a big pack circling behind him.

The room was full of them, surrounding him and suffocating him, as if they were seeping inside from between the gaps of the floorboards.

Someone attacked, or maybe it was the wolf himself. Everything was hurting, flashes of pain and lights and darkness flickering all around.

The wolf was biting down on something, jaws locking and mouth filling with a copper taste.

_Something…_

But something was bleeding into the wolf’s mind along with the rusty stickiness that was wetting his fur.

_There was…_

_Rowland?_

_The pack…_

There was a wolf.

There was a forceful hold on Harry’s neck, teeth digging into his skin as the stench of blood assaulted his senses. There was a heavy weight on top of him, the mass of the bigger wolf pinning him down. The vibrations of the threatening growl intensified Harry’s trembling, it was forcing him to lay down, almost making him want to just lay limp, instead of fighting.

His own teeth were biting down on something, unable to let go even if he wanted to. Not even when he was laying belly up on the floor, a deadly bite threatening to crush his windpipe.  

_“It’s okay, it’s okay, Harry. You need to come back to us now. It’s alright. Please…”_

_Rowland?_

_The…_

Harry didn’t know what did it; the voice, the scent, the taste of the suddenly furless, teared skin against his tongue. It was hard to blink against all the lights. So many lights. Too many people.

"Harry, Haz, please, love." The voice was uneven and choppy, pinched with pain, but the harsh hands that had replaced the jaws around his neck were anything but. They still had Harry gasping for air.

There were others circling them, Harry could sense them on the edges of his vision; dark shapes flickering in and out of focus. They seemed to be ready to pull them apart but- _Them?_

“Harry, where's the pup?” The voice… It wasn’t just a figment of the wolf’s senses this time; the tone of it wasn't harsh, or cruel, or belittling. It was just firm. And real. “I need you to come back, alright? Oh gosh, Harry. Please, come on. Mum? What do I do?”

The hands around his neck were twisting desperately, knuckles pressing into the underside of Harry’s jaw.    

The room was reeking of anxiety and worry and there was a burning twist of horrified threat inside him. _“Harry, where is the pup?”_ The pup...

There had been a boy. Where- He hadn't? He couldn't have...

Louis- _Louis Louis Louis_ , his mind screamed- leaned closer, careful and so, so wary that Harry couldn't stop the devastated whine that had been building in the bottom of his throat. They were scared of him. Louis and the others…

But the pup... The pup had to be alright. Harry couldn't smell much other than the stench of Louis’ blood mixed with his own. He couldn’t see properly, still, the heavy curtain of the wolf still blanketing his vision.

“Louis, let go,” a woman’s voice said from somewhere in the room, causing Louis to move a bit. It was Louis, right? Harry couldn’t see… It had to be Louis; the scent, the taste-

Harry wrenched his jaws open, a pained grunt following his panicked movement. _Oh, no, no no no…_

“Harry, Haz…” There was uncertain relief hidden in Louis’ shaky words, hopeful and concerned.

“Let him move, he- give him space, Lou.”

The tight hold disappeared from around Harry’s neck, the weight pressing his body to the floor letting up. And then he was scrambling back, away- somewhere.

It was all so hazy. Pieces tying back together too slowly.

Harry whined quietly, lowering his belly to the ground, looking pleadingly up at the others towering over him. Still just blurry shapes, but he knew they were looking at him like he was a stranger. A feral stranger. Dangerous. There was blood in his mouth.

“Where's the pup?” someone asked, the tone of the voice inpatient; tense and sharp.

And Harry didn't know.

He could smell him, knew he had been in the room with him but why was it so quiet now? Harry couldn’t remember. He had made sure the boy was safe, right? He had… He…

He kept glancing towards where he thought the cabinet was. It was quiet, the door of it dented and marked with his teeth and nails, it was clear even through his recovering vision.

Something moved a few steps away from him, causing Harry to twist around, snarl ready on his tongue. Louis halted his steps again, so, so careful, and... Harry could see him swallow, the alpha’s palms were raised as if in surrender but also to shield himself. From Harry. And that…

Harry whimpered, tail pressing tighter against his underbelly and he just- rolled over. Belly up and stretching his throat out.

The move had Louis’ shoulders dropping slightly, somewhat relieved look flashing in his eyes.

“Good, Haz, that’s good,” he said, voice calming and gentle. _Good? No. He was..? No…_ “I’m going to look in there now, yeah? Is that okay?”

Harry felt his tail shift pathetically, his trembling wolf eager to please- Harry himself eager to please.

Louis was inching towards the cabinet. The alpha seemed to be moving really, really fast at first, then almost like in slow motion. There were dark clouds lingering over Harry’s vision, still, his consciousness and touch with reality flickering unnervingly, and he clearly couldn’t trust everything he was seeing.

Reality or not, it pained him that Louis wasn’t coming straight to him even though he knew that there was more pressing issues than his comfort right then. Feeling like that made him feel so selfish, so greedy and childish wanting to feel coddled in a moment like that.

What if he had… The boy had to be alright.

There wasn’t that much left of the door, to be honest. It was horrifying to see how easily Louis was able to force the cabinet open, lifting the square of wood from its hinges while the splintered surface of it groaned. The wolf had really wanted to get through, and Harry felt his efforts all over his body; in his teared nails and pads, in his aching bones.

There was a tense silence hanging over the room, everyone focused on Louis who was kneeling on the floor, bowing down to see inside the small space between books and binders.

A vicious little ball of fur collided against the alpha’s thighs with a yowl.

The cub was disheveled, fur messy and knotted but otherwise he looked unharmed. Harry felt his body go lax, finally being able to let go of the tension. His sight was clearing up, his ears starting to pick up how loud his own panting, rasping gasps were.

“Donny!” a man’s voice breathed out from behind Harry, gruff and full of emotion. The pup was struggling against the steadying hold Louis had on him, growling and wriggling, and finally biting Louis in the arm, hard, forcing the alpha to let go with a yelp. There was now a matching row of teeth marks on the alpha’s both arms. Although the pup didn’t draw blood.

Donell growled at everyone, unhappy and all baby alpha-like, as he found his footing. He scrambled away when Louis tried to snatch him up, snapping his little teeth, pink tongue peeking through between the longer canines.

He determinately stalked his way to Harry, constantly keeping an eye on everyone else in the room. He was huffy and trembling, tail flagged up and the fur on his back buffed and spiky.  

Donell curled up against Harry’s rabidly falling and rising side, glaring suspiciously with a snarl on his little face.

He snuggled up, pressing close to Harry like living heater, and promptly settled to guard.

There was a beat of silence, bewilderment hanging heavy and clear in the air.

Someone cleared their throat, catching Harry’s attention even though he felt too drained to even lift his head.

“Um… Should we try to separate them?” the same person wondered quietly, and Harry was finally able to identify him. It was Liam. The beta’s voice had a tint of nervous amusement shadowing it, and he was shifting his weight from one foot to another. “What if- I don’t think Harry is in his right mind now to… They could get hurt.”

“Good luck with that, mate,” Niall snorted. He was there too, standing next to Louis’ mum. His face had blood and dirt all over. But… He was there. Zayn too. Everyone he knew. “I’m not sure which one will mutilate you worse- but by all means, be my guest.”

*

Harry didn’t want anyone touching him.

They had taken the pup, making Donell growl and snap his teeth, and left Harry to curl up against the nearest wall, tail under his belly and the whites of his eyes flashing anxiously.

He was in a trance, in shock too, probably, if the trembling was any indication.

“I don’t like this,” someone said, voice quiet but the words clear enough to catch Harry’s attention. He lowered his head even more, glancing around the room nervously.

“No one likes this,” a woman’s voice answered, tone tired but firm. _The Alpha._ “We can’t risk it though. He’s too out of it.”   

“But _a muzzle_? That’s just… And it’s Rowland’s- I don’t…”

“I know, I- We can’t let anyone else get hurt. He’s not- _Harry_ right now. Not quite.”

Harry hated the muzzle. It was humiliating and restricting and it stirred claustrophobic panic inside him. But Harry didn’t make a move to escape when he was approached.

He kept his head low, half of his face pressed against the chilly wall. His breathing was wetting the surface of the cream coloured paint, swirls of red transferring to it from the cuts in his mouth.

Everything ached. His mind mostly.

Louis kneeled by his side, movements so slow and careful that it was painful to see. Harry knew it was him now, didn’t even have to lift gaze to know it. Once his sight and hearing had been recovered all his focus had seemed to zero on Louis, tracking him. Harry desperately needed something to anchor him, and Louis _was there_.

He whined, tail wagging tensely against his lower belly as he bared his throat for the alpha. Harry’s wolf was quiet, letting him have his clear mind, but it had him pinned in place, and Harry could still see flashes through the animal’s eyes.

“Alright, love,” Louis said gently, gauging Harry’s reaction.

He seemed to come to some conclusion, even though Harry was avoiding his eyes, because he leaned closer, the muzzle tangling from his fingers.

Harry nosed tiredly at the thick material of it, relieved when his wolf didn’t resist his tentative movements; it was happy to do whatever the alpha wanted. He hated the restraint, _hated it,_ but- he had already hurt…

Louis’ arm was bleeding, the dark redness of it seeping into the grey vest he was now wearing, some of it sliding down to soak into his joggers. It was like syrup; slowly drooling down the alpha’s forearm, reeking of life and hurt and regret.

“I’m sorry,” Louis muttered, the words echoing what Harry’s mind was screaming. The alpha warily opened the buckle of the muzzle, careful not to startle the shaking mess that Harry was.

It hurt to see him like that. The tangy scent of cautious nerves and anxiety Louis was emitting curled around Harry’s chest and clawed at it.

Harry couldn’t help but feel horrified; Louis was afraid of him. He had done that, he had lost it, finally, and he had hurt the others. He was out of control and ruined and _oh gosh, Harry hated himself._

With a high-strung whine Harry pushed his snout inside the muzzle, surprising Louis with the eager movement. He whimpered, looking pleadingly up at the alpha.

He just wanted the others to feel safe. Needed them to be safe. And without the muzzle they wouldn’t be. Harry couldn't be trusted. He needed the muzzle. _He needed the muzzle._

Harry whined again, more desperate and the sound broken as his sore throat struggled to work around it, as he leaned against the confining restraint. He leaned away from the wall, just a hint, nudging Louis carefully with his trembling shoulder.

Louis sighed, the sad look in his eyes hinting that he had figured it out even before his words followed; “You’re too sweet for something like this.”

The alpha chewed on his bottom lip, pinched look on his face and eyes tortured. Harry could vaguely sense the other people in the room with them, their silently spoken words just a tense background noise that hummed somewhere in the edges of his mind. Harry nudged at the muzzle again, pleadingly, and watched Louis to release his bitten lip, tongue swiping over it as he breathed out another heavy sigh.

With a swallow the alpha tightened his hold on the muzzle.

Harry watched his Adam’s apple bob, throat clicking with it. He allowed Louis to tug the thick bands around his face and behind his neck, the buckle sliding in place.        

When Harry could feel that the muzzle was finally secure he let out the tense whimper he had been holding back. His whole body slumped against Louis’, the alpha quickly curling around him, arms holding tight and fingers twisting in Harry’s dirty, matted fur.

Louis gasped out a heavy breath, weak curses falling from his lips as if he had been punched. “ _Harry._ ”

Harry groaned, high and long, his tail still doing the pathetic, pleading quiver tight against his belly; trying to please and soothe the alpha in Louis. He twisted his neck enough to be able to press his snout against Louis’ shoulder. The muzzle felt unnatural and didn’t allow him to feel the warm, recklessly bared skin there but it was enough for him to get surrounded by the familiar scent, no matter how tainted it was with fear and stress.

“You’re alright, you’re safe. We’re all alright. Oh my- fuck- It’s all over now, love. I’m so glad… ”

The alpha’s barely audible chant- the rushed words hushed against Harry’s fur- rang in his ears, curling around him like fragile traces of warm light.

*

Harry had his body curled into a tight ball, his chin ducked down against his shakily rising and falling chest. His paws were tucked neatly against his belly, tense but unmoving, the pads of his forelegs pressing softly against the arm that was looped around him.

Louis’ sleeping breaths puffed against the back of Harry’s left ear, making it twitch every now and then, but Harry refused to move, not even to turn his head away from the cause of the twitching. The hold the alpha had on his fur- the fistfuls of it in both of his hands; matted, dirty hairs twisting and tufting out in the gaps of his fingers- was grounding. Secure. _Safe._

Harry trusted Louis. Everything was falling apart, had already, and Louis was the only thing that stood strong in the middle of it, settling Harry. He wouldn’t be able to hurt anyone as long as Louis was there. It was _safe._

The car hummed steadily, almost covering the low notes of an acoustic song playing from the radio. It was dark outside, hours after midnight already, yet Harry still kept staring out the window. Streetlights and cars passed by in flashes, giving enough light for Harry to see glimpses of fields after fields, dark and cold under the black sky. After every passing car; their headlights like two blindingly bright eyes in the night, Harry was left staring at his own reflection in the window.

The muzzle was snug around his face, a bit too tight and uncomfortable where one of the straps was pressing against the back of his ears. Louis’ cheek was resting over it, the phantom touches of his tired, careful kisses still lingering in the knots of Harry’s fur. With a weak sigh Harry closed his eyes to avoid staring at his own reflection that had appeared again to stare back at him.   

Harry could easily tell when Louis started to wake up. The alpha’s knuckles pressed tighter against his belly for a moment, face nuzzling into his fur as a sleepy inhale wavered against his ear.  

“‘m so glad…” Louis muttered drowsily, his heavy exhale hot and calming against Harry’s skin. The alpha hummed softly, voice low and rough from the sleep, and rubbed his cheek over the back of Harry’s neck.

Harry felt dirty, knew he was, but he couldn’t even think about moving away from Louis, not even though it meant that the alpha would be rubbing his face into all kinds of disgusting. Instead he found himself letting out a small whine, thin and weary.  

“Have you slept at all, Haz?” Louis asked softly, releasing the fur from his fists and ran his open palms up and down Harry’s belly, smoothing the hairs while mapping Harry’s body carefully. There was a bandage, smelling of antiseptic, disappearing up the sleeve of his shirt.  

“He hasn’t,” Liam’s voice answered quietly from the driver’s seat. The beta turned to peek at them, his torso twisting so he could see behind the headrest and to the back. His brown eyes were tired, blue hued darkness curving under them, but he looked relaxed; at ease. “Niall texted. They stopped for gas but are still pretty much right behind us.”

Harry found himself tensing up at that, his insides turning uglily at the knowledge that the others weren’t as close by as they were supposed to be. His hind leg kicked out jerkingly, almost hurting from how long it had been tucked against his belly and unmoving. His paw hit a stuffed-full camping bag- the two empty seats in the car were filled with back-bags and luggage- but it barely moved from his weak kick.

With a huffing breath Harry turned his head and tried to see through the back window, only to see his own glowing eyes reflected there. The glow quickly disappeared as the nearest streetlight was left behind, just a thin layer of snow was visible swirling on the surface of the road.

“They’re alright, love,” Louis said with a sad sigh. He ran a hand up Harry’s side, over his chest and shoulder blade, before finally reaching his cheek. The alpha pressed gentle fingers in the hinge of Harry’s jaw, urging him to turn his head while his thumb softly caressed the sensitive, silky haired area under his eye. “We’re all alright.”

Harry let the alpha move his attention away from the growing distance with the others and gratefully leaned against his careful fingertips. The featherlight touches traced along the edges of the muzzle tentatively.        

“Can I… Would you let me take this off now?” Louis asked, fingers swiping slowly over Harry’s snout, over the thick fabric. “It can’t be comfortable and I- Harry…”

Harry whined, hating the way Louis’ voice crumpled. He pressed his face against the alpha’s collarbones, the tip of his nose pressing into the soft skin under Louis’ chin.

They had had this conversation for a couple of times already, and each of those times had ended with Harry feeling devastated, Louis hugging him close, back tense and jaw clenching.

“No?” Louis sighed, voice gentle but tired in defeat. Harry burrowed tighter against his chest, trying to hide from everything. “At home, then? We should take it off when we get back home, yeah? Is that… How’s that sound?”

Louis voice rumbled calmingly where Harry was pressed against his chest, and secure arms wrapped around him, lips pressing everywhere they could reach. The alpha was clearly trying to hide his distress, although Harry could scent it lingering in the air.

Harry nodded, barely, and squeezed his eyes shut.

He had to trust Louis to keep everything under control, keep everything from falling apart.

He had to trust Louis because he couldn’t trust himself.  

* 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So. Yeah. Right.
> 
> How are we feeling?? Are we okay?
> 
> This was so hard for me to write at times because I was seriously just longing to get some fluff in. D’: I tend to leech the feelings I write and working on this has been a bit tricky as I don’t want to feel worried and spooked all the time. Can’t wait for the fluff-fest the rest of the chapters will be (mostly. hopefully.).  
> 
> You might’ve noticed that I find psychological battles more intense and effective than the physical ones (Yes, it’s been purposeful throughout this story). How did that work out for you? Oh, and yes, the choppiness and jumpiness of the writing 'style' on this one was purposeful as well. 
> 
> (This hasn’t been beta’d nor read through by anyone else. I have no idea if anything makes sense or if it’s just a horrid mess but it’s my mess. And it’s finally here!)
> 
> Okay, enough of me ranting.
> 
> I hope I haven’t lost all of you.
> 
> Love,  
> Shy xx
> 
> shyshyserious.tumblr.com  
> sshyserious@gmail.com


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello. 
> 
> We have almost reached the end, can you guys believe that? When I started writing this last year I had no idea how massive and intense this story was turning out to be. And here we are. 
> 
> Happy 2017, you lovely people, and thank you so much for reading and commenting and making writing this story such a great and amazing experience for me.
> 
> I really, really hope you'll enjoy this second last chapter. (Slight warnings for anxiety and sad puppies.)
> 
> xxx

Harry only had his snout peeking out from under the thick blanket he was wrapped in. Most of his body was snugly hidden underneath the coffee table while his head rested on Louis’ thigh, the alpha’s tireless hand rubbing up and down Harry’s covered back.

“Are you hungry, Haz?” Louis asked, words slow and the tone sweetly echoing the sleepy afternoon atmosphere.

The alpha yawned quietly, stretching his back. Harry didn’t move, content to stay inside the cocoon of soft darkness the blanket provided.  

“Silence means yes,” Louis hummed, relaxing back down from his stretch and then rubbed both palms up Harry’s neck, over the top of his head. His fingertips pressed softly on the short hairs of Harry’s exposed snout, the touch tickling in its gentleness. Harry licked over his chops, breathing heavily out through his nose.

“Would you like something from the cafe or shall I try cooking something myself?” Louis asked while he hooked his fingers under the edge of the blanket, starting to peel it back. “And see here? Your silence means: _Your cooking is absolutely fantastic, Louis. Please cook me something, it’s to die for!_ ”

Louis’ mimicking voice was exaggeratedly lowered and his hands were gentle when he uncovered Harry’s face. _“I also love it when you brush my fur because I’m a messy little boy that can’t handle a few knots without making a fuss.”_  

The alpha swept his fingers over Harry’s ears, pushing the blanket back to rest ot on Harry’s shoulders. Harry kept his eyes closed, the daylight insistent on making them hurt. “ _I would love to have a hot cuppa too. You make the best tea my tastebuds have ever been graced with, you absolute angel you._ ”

“Ah, Harry, please,” Louis scoffed delightedly, “You’re just too nice.”

Harry couldn’t help but roll his eyes, even though they were still closed. It didn’t take long for Louis to wrap his clever fingers around one of Harry’s ears, and tug.

“Are you rolling your eyes at me, Harold?” the alpha asked, tugging again. _Tug, tug, tug._ “ _Why yes I am, your highness, as I am a rude, mannerless puppy, whose silences mean yes. Yes to everything._ ”

Harry breathed out quietly. He sounded nothing like that.

Without moving his head from Louis’ thigh Harry blinked his eyes open, looking up at the alpha, trying not to squint against the light. Louis was looking right back at him, eyes tired and the skin under them bruised with insomnia. He was smiling gently, as he always was, but Harry still could barely hold his gaze. The burden Harry had caused had been branded on the alpha’s skin, making Harry want to avoid seeing it; curling away, inwards.

“Want to go for a walk after we’ve eaten?” Louis asked, voice quieting and getting rawer around the edges. The humour was slipping away, barely hanging on the downturn of his lips. “ _Yes, Lou, I’d love to._ ”

“Yeah?” he continued, sharp blue eyes holding Harry’s hostage now that he had finally captured their attention. “And then you’ll shift back and we can go cuddle in bed and sleep a bit and maybe watch a movie or two… Cuddle some more.”

Louis was rubbing the tip of Harry’s ear between his fingers, softly warming up the silky skin there. A low whine was balling up inside Harry’s chest, trying to crawl up his throat and out from between his teeth. Louis’ eyes were so sad. So tired

He didn’t even seem to have enough energy to lower his voice to pretend to be Harry anymore.

“ _Of course, Lou. Everything. Anything. It’s been weeks, can’t wait._ ”

Louis was the first to break the eye contact, turning his face towards the ceiling, eyes squeezing shut.

“ _I’ve missed you too._ ”

*

There was something peaceful in the way one could drown in themselves. The mind like a whirlwind of endless twisting pools, deep and unforgiving to the ones that were unfortunate enough to fall too far in the depths of it all.    

Harry knew he was right there, right on the edge of _too far_ and yet still hanging on the remains of _just a little while longer._

The anxiety had lodged itself so firmly underneath his sternum that it was hard to tell at times when it was flaring up and when it was just simmering slightly. Harry knew he was repressing himself, too afraid to let himself relax in fear of the wolf taking over.

Each day was getting more and more exhausting as he tried to stay on guard. Always so, _so_ aware of everything, at all times. He had to be. It was easier when he was able to stay in one spot. That spot usually being the small, familiar space under the living room’s coffee table, from where he would only move if there were several people in the flat at the same time. Those days contained mostly obsessive walking from room to room to see that everyone's alright and where they were supposed to be.

After a few restless weeks of it the others decided that it was better if it was just Harry and Louis for a bit, noticing that Harry couldn’t stop guarding them when they were all there at the same time. Harry was too horrified and tired to even think about leaving the flat, so when the others left he just stayed behind, soaked in his own tense anxiety, hoping that they would be alright. Hoping they would be back.

They did come back. Scents familiar and the warming outdoor air clinging to their clothes and skin. They visited like a clockwork, one at a time, on certain days of the week. And still Harry kept losing track of the time, then slowly losing his mind when he realised there were gaps missing from his memory. He was always so nervous that it was because of the wolf.

Sometimes, some days, when his breathing was coming easier, he was able to rationalise that maybe it was because the days had started to blend together.

Louis did his best to coax Harry into eating, cuddling with him in both human and wolf form, keeping him warm with blankets and soothing words. He, just like the others, kept coming back, trying to talk him into shifting. Then into communicating. Then into reacting.

Harry knew that his wolf form was more dangerous than his human body could ever be. But the animal was closer when he stayed behind the fur and the canines; it was easier to control. Harry feared the shift. The short moment where he wouldn’t have control over either of the forms as they were twirling and combining and separating. He was afraid that the shifting would allow the wolf too much leeway as it would take a lot of energy to kickstart the change. The shift usually wasn’t a problem for a healthy body and mind but Harry doubted he had either of those. The physical injuries had already healed on their own and with the help of the others just fine, but the stress and the unsureness and the fear of hurting someone, even hurting himself, were weighing him down.

It was all spiralling down, too fast and too much, and when Euan came to visit after having his forty one stitches removed- the ones he had gotten by stopping someone from biting through Niall’s stomach- Harry couldn’t lift his head to greet him. He didn’t want to.

Empty days after empty days went by, Harry laying unfocused in the midst of it. They had a routine, Louis and him. It was simple, practical. Wake up, eat what the alpha offers, sleep, worry and guard, sleep again, worry again, sleep again, eat, and so on. Again and again and again.

Until the rhythm of it stuttered. As it was ought to, at some point.

Harry started to fret when the pattern they usually worked with didn’t add up. It was already nearing the time when Louis came to sit with Harry, a steaming mug in hand and words gentle where they would be traced amongst Harry’s dulling fur.

It was the first time in a while when Harry had properly paid attention to what was going on around him, mind locking into tentative curiosity rather than obsession.  

Louis didn't show up in his usual timeframe. He didn’t show up at all. The flat’s door hadn’t opened that day, however. Harry was sure of it. Harry was pretty sure.

Something inside his mind shifted again; a soft _tick-click,_ and the curiosity dissolved, the guarding mode and worry lodging itself all over his awareness.

It hurt to get on his feet after such a long time of not moving. His joints were stiff and the feeling of the blood rushing back into the numb muscles was pure agony.

Agony that had nothing on the feeling of guilt that resurfaced when Harry heard Louis talking on the phone. It was Louis’ mum on the other end, Harry assumed by the words exchanged. Louis was crying.

The alpha was trying to be quiet, something pressed against his mouth to stifle the hiccuping breaths. Harry couldn’t see, the door closed between them, and he felt like he had locked it himself, and swallowed the key.

The wolf had been quiet for days at that point, maybe weeks even. The animal didn’t as much as lift it’s head, not even after Harry had been on his feet so suddenly. It had only been for a few devastating minutes and small steps, true, but the passiveness of the wolf had Harry’s suspicions rising during the next few following days. Harry didn't trust it anymore, he knew how strong it was, and the animal was clever; it knew now how to take over. And now Harry couldn't tell if it still wanted to. _When_ would it want to.

Harry had stopped eating properly, his appetite gone. He knew the others were worried but he didn't want to move from the curled up ball where he had retrieved after hearing Louis. It all made sense in Harry’s mind, oddly enough. It was safer like that, to everyone. Louis and the boys were making sure the flat was safe from the outside while Harry was making sure the wolf was kept in check, at all times, from the inside. He didn't want to risk it, didn't want to be distracted from guarding the wolf- the beast he had become- in case he would miss something. In case he would make _another_ mistake.  

It took him a long time to understand that while not wanting to miss anything going on with the wolf, he kept missing everything else. He kept losing himself.

*

The door of the flat opened with a breeze of fresh air, only a slight hint of chill tied into it. It was a day, like any other, not too long after the one which had left the soundtrack of Louis’ desperation imprinted in Harry’s ears.

“Hey, Harry,” the Alpha’s voice came from the other side of the coach, warm and bright. Louis sat up from the middle seat where he had been sitting, messing about on his phone with one feet tucked under Harry’s belly. The alpha greeted his mum with a tight hug. “Look who’s here, love. He wanted to come say hi before we leave.”

Harry couldn’t see who it was right away, his head resting on top of his front paws and the furniture blocking most of his view. The scent got to him first; distantly familiar, fresh and young.

Donell looked shy, cheeks flushed and hands wringing when the Alpha gave him an encouraging nudge towards Harry.

The boy’s fingers were clumsy as they wrapped in Harry’s fur, careful and questioning, before he leaned down to press their cheeks together. Harry huffed out a soft breath in greeting, blinking against the blurry haziness in his eyes. It was a lot of effort to refocus his attention from the consuming patterns that were rhythmically directing his obsessive mind. Maybe it was the break from the usual routine; the familiar yet still unfamiliar scent of the pup, that caused the haze to start thinning.  

Donell was gentle and hesitant, petting Harry’s fur as if it was something fragile. It felt nice, Harry noticed, not at all bothered by the boy’s presence, even though they weren’t really familiar with each other. It was odd how a shared experience, no matter how quick and hasty, could create such a connection.

Harry sighed, eyesight clearing little by little. When he was able to see past the backrest of the couch, his eyes went straight to Louis.

The alpha’s jaws were clenched, not looking happy at the way Donell was digging his fingers in Harry’s fur.

“Right,” Louis said stiffly, brows furrowed, “I think I’ll go,” he jerked his head towards the hallway. “Mess about online for a bit, or summat.”

“Lou,” the Alpha chuckled bemused, shaking her head, “he’s _ten._ ”

“I know,” Louis said shortly, clearly annoyed and already disappearing from the room, shoulders tense. “Can’t help it.”

“Silly boy,” the Alpha huffed under her breath, mostly for Donell’s sake, as the boy had started to look a bit worried with the reaction his presence had caused. “I bet you won’t be a cranky old man like that when you grow up, huh?”

“No,” Donell answered with a cheeky grin rising on his face, chin coming to rest on top of Harry’s head, “I’ll just have cuddles and have fun all the time.”

The Alpha’s eyes twinkled, “Sounds like a good plan, pup. Louis should learn a thing or two from you.”

Donell laugh felt warm against Harry’s fur.

The Alpha left them be after a while, disappearing into the kitchen, and by the sounds of it starting to sort out the dishes. Harry tried to keep track of her movements, one ear turning with every clink, while the other twitched between listening Donell and making sure Louis was where he was supposed to be. It was hard, exertion quickly overwhelming his senses and causing his breathing come out heavier, panting.

“The Alpha said that you've been sick?” Donell’s questioning voice startled Harry, the sudden words making his muscles jerk. “I hope you'll feel better soon.”

Harry sighed, trying to focus on something else than the fact that his safe patterns were shattered for that day. While his ears kept twitching anxiously and nose working overtime, he still forced a paw up, resting it down over Donell’s ankle.

“I once had a flu for over week,” the boy said, fingers fluffing Harry’s fur, kneading it. “Mum said it was because I kept doing stuff instead of resting properly,” he sighed, “It was so boring. I hope you’re not bored.”

Harry closed his eyes, letting the aimless rambles wash over him, focusing on the subtle tilts of the boy’s accent. Donell bounced his foot and Harry’s paw with it.

“You can’t even play any games,” the boy noticed, tone almost annoyed on Harry’s behalf. Harry blinked his eyes back open, just to see how the consoles underneath the telly were being eyed skeptically. Donell huffed and wrapped his hand around Harry’s paw. “I like your paws though.”

Harry flexed the said paw, the move allowing Donell to push his fingertips in the fur-tufted spaces between his pads. It tickled.

“Do you think I can come visit again?” the boy asked quietly after a short pause. He seemed to be deep in thought. “Like, sometime? The Alpha said that the pack I’ll be staying with is not too far away but…”

Harry froze, confused, before turning his heavy head to meet Donell’s curious gaze. A small, questioning whine pushed up Harry’s throat.

“Oh, right,” Donell said, nose scrunching up as he shook his head, “Mum and dad have to- have to go away for a bit so… I’m going to stay with some relatives. I think. I don’t remember them but, yeah.” The pup didn’t _seem_ overly upset but Harry couldn’t stop the dread that was starting to twist his windpipe. “Daddy said it was only going to be for a bit but I’m not- I’m not dumb, okay?”

Harry whined again, pushing himself to sit up with shaky legs, nudging Donell’s shoulder with his snout when his balance tilted. The boy looked surprised by the movement but his arms quickly wrapped around Harry’s straining back. “Maybe you could come visit me, if I can’t come here? If- if you want to. Like, when you feel better?”

There was a soft flush spreading over the boy’s cheeks and Harry would have been endeared if he wasn’t still panicking about his previous words.

Harry was getting more and more agitated by the minute. His brain had been filled and full of dull fog for weeks, only rarely something piercing through it to grab his attention. Now there was a sudden alarm starting to rise from the back of his mind.

“Donell, love,” the Alpha’s voice called from the doorway, the words wavering in Harry’s ears as the erratic beat of his own heart hammered over them. “Are you ready to go soon? Do you need to use the toilet before we leave?”  

Harry almost tipped over when he tried to lurch up on four feet. Donell made a startled noise in the back of his throat at the movement but it didn’t stop him from hugging Harry, steadying him. The boy nodded at the Alpha, pressing his face against Harry’s chest for a quiet second before standing up as well, carefully letting go.

_No. It was… It wasn’t right. They couldn’t…_

“I think he’s feeling better already, ma’am,” Donell noted happily, petting over Harry’s ears. They were starting to press back nervously.

“Yes,” the Alpha hummed unsurely, eyes worriedly following the way Harry was swaying on his feet, head low and struggling to draw air in his lungs. “Go on now. We need to get going so they don’t start wondering where we are.”

“Yeah, okay,” Donell mumbled, making a face after he had turned his back to the woman, bending down to hug Harry for the one last time. Harry couldn’t stop the pained whimper.

After the boy had straightened up and walked around the couch with a slight bounce in his step, he asked, “Alpha? Could I come visit sometime, please?”

His voice was bright, hopeful like only a child’s voice could be.

“We’ll have to talk with your auntie about that,” the Alpha answered with a smile, palm coming to rest on the boy’s shoulder softly, nudging him towards the bathroom, “but I don’t see why not.”

Children were easy like that. For one moment Donell was nervous and fidgety, trying to form a way to politely ask his question, and the next he was grinning widely, trustingly accepting the words of an adult. Donell wasn’t dumb, just like he had said before. Children weren't dumb. But they were still children and they didn’t understand. The couldn’t understand… Sometimes the people who seemingly cared for them the most were the ones that could hurt them the worst.  

Harry was staring at the back of the young alpha disappearing behind the wall and his lungs felt like they were crushing inside his chest. For a second it felt like he was being shredded apart.

Between one gasping, drowning breath and another Harry was suddenly lying on is naked front on the cold floor, shaking almost uncontrollably, fingers digging into his palms with the searing pain in his muscles and bones.

There was blood on his lips and a sharp sting on inside of his cheek where his teeth had dug into. His muscles felt like they had been pulled off, stretched too far and wrong before being punched back together. All of his bones were sharp and burning inside of them, feeling almost shattered even though they weren’t. Probably weren’t.

A broken noise that forced its way over Harry’s lips got pressed against the floor, his eyes squeezing shut as if it could close his senses off from the burn and pain.

“P-please…”

There was a careful touch on his shoulder, gentle but urgent.

“Alright, love, it’s alright.” Hair was pushed away from his face, tears wiped away with a rushed motion. “Let’s get you up from the floor, yeah? You’re alright- there we go.”

The Alpha looked relieved yet heartbreakingly worried, rushing to snatch up a blanket from the couch to wrap it around Harry’s trembling body.

“P-please, Alpha, l-let them go,” came through Harry’s chattering teeth with his chopped, hiccuping exhale. It hurt. Everything hurt. It was as if his shift was stuck; pulling back but not quite, leaving Harry in the mix of tearing agony and locked up stillness.

“It's alright, Harry. Here. Let’s wrap you up, hm?” the Alpha hummed, chatting softly as she clearly tried to distract Harry from the overwhelmingness of it all. “What do you mean love? Who? Lean back here. That’s it.”

“A-Amanda and Declan,” Harry gasped. Even the backrest of the sofa was too harsh. His ribcage felt like it was trying to rip open through his chest. “They n-need to be with Donell.”

“Oh, Harry. I don’t think…" The Alpha had a pinched expression on her face, the corners of her mouth tight and unhappy. “You shouldn’t be worrying about this right now, dear. Just focus on breathing, alright?”

“N-no, I… I can’t—” Harry started, voice weak and raspy still. The Alpha gently cut him off.

“What they did was wrong. You know this, love. Even though they were doing it to protect their boy, it’s still not acceptable.” She tugged another blanket from the back of the couch and wrapped it around Harry’s shaking, bony shoulders. “They could’ve, and _should_ have, tried to protect you both. You’re someone’s boy too. You are _our_ boy, _our_ pack. And we need you to be safe, just like Donell needs to be.” The Alpha raised her arms and pushed Harry’s wild curls behind his ears, soft fingers petting the flushed skin of his cheeks. “The laws are there for a reason, love. They broke them, they endangered you and many others by doing what they did- the way they did it. There’s consequences for that.”

“But… They’re not a danger for anyone now, a-are they?” Harry asked softly, voice croaky and weak, but slowly starting to even out. With a pained swallow he carefully thought through his next words, “N-now that Donell is safe, I mean. T-they just want to get on with their lives. They can’t… Donell can’t do that if his parents are l-locked up, o-or just away. What good d-does that do?”

“Harry…” the Alpha sighed, tilting her head to the side with a sad smile. Harry shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut when it made him feel dizzier.

“D-Donell has done nothing wrong. And he's the one who'll suffer from this,” he said as firmly as he could with his dry, breaking voice, and while speaking to an Alpha. “P-please. I can't watch... I don't want him to grow up without his family. Not after- Not when I know what it’s like…”

Harry wasn't sure how he managed to get the words out. His throat felt raw and his insides churned with the too demanding words and the way the shift that was still crawling underneath his skin.

“Harry!” came Donell’s delighted gasp when he raced back to the room. Harry tried to lift his head from the backrest of the couch but only managed a pained, hitching inhale.

The Alpha stopped Donell’s reaching hand, kindly squeezing his fingers with her own before the boy managed to touch Harry’s shoulder.

“We don't want Louis to get all grumpy over you getting all the cuddles from Harry, now do we, huh?” she said with a smile, but her tone was making it evident that it wasn’t a joking matter. “He'll get all huffy again if he finds out Harry actually likes you better.”

The silly words made Donell flush, shyly peeking up at Harry and the Alpha. The boy shrugged, then nodded. Harry knew that the Alpha wasn't just kidding. Louis had became overly protective over Harry during the past weeks and even letting the other boys get close had been an obvious struggle. Euan, the most unfamiliar and newest addition to their little company, getting the worst of it. If Harry hadn't been twitching in pain, trying not to vomit all over himself, he might have been amused by the fact that a ten year old had made the alpha so jealous that he had had to go for a time out to another room.

“Donny, could you get Louis for us?” the Alpha told the boy, more than asked. Her tone was still sweet, just like her petting motions were against Harry’s trembling back. “Be gentle, please.”  

Harry forced out an encouraging smile for Donell who nodded seriously, clearly realising that it wasn’t the time for kidding around.

Harry didn’t want to move his head to see if the boy had left the room, only concentrating on staying still and breathing. He blinked his eyes open again when something was touching his lips; a soft tissue wiping the wetness from his chin and the corners of his mouth. It was quiet for moment. Harry followed with a slightly blurry vision how the Alpha cleaned the already sticking blood.

“I can’t promise you anything, Harry,” she said quietly then, breaking the silence as she folded the napkin over to find a clean side to use. “It’s not just my decision.”  

Harry blinked up at her, tense fingers curling against his chest underneath the layers of blankets.

“I’ll see what I can do.”

“Harry!” Louis’ breathless exclamation came from the hallway, far before Harry could sense him in the room.

The alpha charged in with Donell skipping behind him, holding on to his sleeve. The pup had nervous fingers in his mouth, looking up at Louis with big eyes when he was gently directed towards the Alpha.

Louis patted the boy’s shoulder hastily, not really paying attention, before he rushed around the couch to kneel in front of Harry, knees slipping against the floor.     

“Thank you,” Harry mouthed at the Alpha, grateful for the promise, even though he couldn’t be sure if he was being just as gullible as Donell earlier. Harry forced himself to hold the eye contact for a little while longer before finally letting his eyes meet Louis’ frantic ones.

It was an easy, safe place to get lost in.

“Louis, we need to get going now,” the Alpha commented gently, after a while, not wanting to startle them. “Have him wear something warm, love. I’ll call you later when I’ve sorted someone to come and check on him. I’ll stop by as soon as I get back.”

“Yeah. I… Thank you.” Louis nodded, eyes not leaving Harry. He seemed to be unsure of how close he was allowed to get. “Could you also let the others know?”

“Of course,” the Alpha said, stepping closer to softly touch the back of Louis’ head, “I’ll text them, don’t worry about it. Just… Take care of each other, alright?”

“Yeah,” Louis said again, swallowing hard and then sniffing quietly, “Thanks, mum.” He lifted his head enough to see more than just Harry’s curls, “Thank you too, Donny. We’ll see you soon, yeah?”

“Yes, sir,” Donell rushed to say right away, clearly pleased to be noticed like that. Harry couldn’t help the tired smile lifting the corners of his lips when Louis made a face at the formal title. “Will he… Is Harry going to be alright?”

“He’ll be just fine, love,” the Alpha butted in, ruffling the boy’s hair after glancing at the clock. “Go put your shoes on now, hm? I think we still have time to go get some treats for the drive if we leave now.”

The boy grinned bigger, nodding, and then glanced towards Harry and Louis.

“Bye,” he said simply, voice going a bit shy, and Harry couldn’t stop the echo of _unfair unfair unfair_ repeating in his mind.

“Bye, Donny,” Harry said, voice cracking and the smile on his lips weak but real. “I’ll call you soon.”

Donell smiled some more, faint hint of a dimple appearing near the left corner of his mouth. Harry never wanted that smile to disappear, not because of something Harry had caused.    

When the door closed behind the two, the flat fell into silence.

“‘m sorry, Lou,” Harry rasped, eyes glued to the tattoos peeking from under the alpha’s shirt collar.

With a steadying breath he tried to sit up straighter, grimacing as twinges of sharp pain spiked all over. It was already getting better though; his body rabidly working on healing the aftermath of the unusual, unhealthy shift.

Louis let out a wet, unbelieving laugh, eyes scanning Harry’s pale features. “Gosh… I- I don’t even know what to say to that. I can’t… Just- Please don’t apologise.”  

Harry opened his mouth to apologise again, only to realise what he was doing. He barely managed to stop the words with a lick over his chapped lips.

They ended up stuck in another hesitant silence, Louis’ hands making the only sound as he kept rearranging the blankets. Harry licked his lips again, tasting copper. He didn’t want Louis to feel unsure.

Realising that made Harry feel even more selfish than he already did; during the past weeks Harry hadn’t given the alpha any reason not to be unsure. Unsure and stressed and scared and broken…

“K-kiss, please?” Harry requested carefully, tentatively, and giving into his own selfishness. He needed his mind to- to just stop. Maybe Louis didn’t even want to, anymore. Maybe Harry shouldn’t just assume—

The alpha lifted his gaze sharply, teeth biting down on his lower lip.

“Are you sure, Haz?” Louis swallowed, his Adam’s apple visibly bobbing with a click. “I- I don’t want to hurt you.”

Harry shook his head, slowly unwrapping a hand from the warmth of the blankets while a selfish relief was warming his cheeks. So selfish. _How dared he?_

His fingers felt clumsy. They were trembling and bending them hurt but he wanted nothing more than to feel the warmth of Louis’ skin against his palm.

Harry curled his hand behind Louis’ neck, the alpha’s hair soft as it brushed against his wrist, and weakly pulled him closer. There was a growing urgency building underneath the pain.

The kiss did hurt but it was the good kind of hurt; lips clumsily pressing against sharp teeth and harsh breaths. Harry’s fingers twisted in the back of the hoodie Louis was wearing, the fabric bunching up and his joints protesting. He didn’t even think about letting go.

Everything about Louis’ was gentle and calm in contrast to Harry’s sudden desperate urgency, which he didn’t really have energy for. Louis’ hands rested lightly on Harry’s sides, touch barely there but it still managing to keep the mess inside Harry’s mind in check.

The alpha kissed back, taking Harry’s breath away. He kissed, and kissed, and kissed until Harry was dizzy with it, more than with the fading cramps from the shift. There, caged in by the alpha and the reassuring scent that was _Louis,_ Harry soon felt like he was melting against the backrest of the sofa.

It took Harry an extra second to notice when Louis pulled back; having been too lost in the feelings of _closeness_ and _mine_ and _kisses_. His head felt like it was clearing up with every touch though, the sharpness of it almost too much.

“Hazza—” Louis breathed out harshly, lips wet and hot against Harry’s flushed cheek.

“You _cried_ ,” Harry hushed, words heavy, cutting him off. It came out surprisingly accusing even though he had no right to be. Harry’s brows furrowed and he was sure he would have been pouting if he hadn’t bitten down on his lower lip right after the words got out. “I - I heard you.”

Louis laughed shortly as he leaned back more, shaking his head while he just kept looking at Harry, as if seeing him for the first time. It had been _weeks._

“I did, yeah. I’ve been…” Louis said after a stretching pause, voice soft and tiny, and breaking at the end. His fingertips were gentle as they swept over Harry’s cheekbone, under his eye. “I wasn’t sure if… If you were coming back. You know… Anytime soon.”

“I’m… I-I was,” Harry stuttered, fingers trembling as he freed his other hand from the blankets as well, both of them then raising and wrapping around Louis’ wrists. There was something hollow inside Harry’s chest. “I just… I-I can’t. I shouldn’t—”

“You can’t what?” Louis asked, pulling Harry in and tighter against his chest, using Harry’s own hold of his wrists to do so. The alpha was moving so, _so_ carefully, their cheeks hot against each other. Harry breathed in the scent of the familiar safety.

“I can’t hurt you again. Anyone. I-I…” Harry had to pause and take a calming breath, “It’s not s-safe. What if I… Maybe I should just shift b-back? It’s easier to control the wolf like that. I-I can’t feel him— What if—”

“Harry, no,” Louis hurried to say, clearly perturbed. The alpha gently twisted his wrists out of Harry’s hold and brought his hands up to push up the wild curls from Harry’s face. “Please, don’t… Don’t shift back, okay? We can work this out, love, it’ll be alright.”

“No. I can’t- It’s not. It’s not alright, Louis!” There was worry and pain in Louis eyes but he just hugged Harry close. Harry’s whitened knuckles were pressed into the alpha’s belly where his hands were now trapped between their bodies, but Louis just hummed under his breath, lips against Harry’s throat.     

“We’ll be fine,” Louis said quietly, barely a whisper, and Harry had to squeeze his eyes shut to fight the voices in the back of his mind arguing against his humanity.

“I- I can’t trust myself,” Harry gritted out, voice rising in desperation, “I almost _killed_ someone! A _child._ And I- I hurt you, Lou… And then… Euan—”

“You didn’t hurt the kid, Harry,” Louis answered confidently and Harry could feel a press of the alpha’s teeth against his shoulder where the blanket had slipped down. There was a hint of a growl in the words, “You didn’t, you know you didn’t. You helped him.”

“But I tried to! I wanted to, I- the wolf… If I had gotten through that door— Or, or got to your throat and—”

“But you didn’t, Harry.” The sharpening sting of the teeth had Harry hunching forward, his breathing coming easier and his erratic heart starting to calm down. After a short quiet moment Louis kissed the tingling spot, speaking against it, “The wolf wanted- _needed_ to- because it was feeling threatened. It was just trying to _survive_.”

“Lou…” Harry managed to mumble, all the fight starting to drain out of him. He wanted to believe Louis. He really wanted to. But he couldn’t hurt anyone again, he wouldn’t be able to handle it. The others shouldn’t have to deal with something like that.

“It’s not you, Haz. It’s not even your wolf, really. It is, and it _was_ , the situation. You know this. I know you know.” Louis leaned back to look Harry in the eye, firm and full of confidence in what he was saying.

Harry nodded timidly, the movement small and jerky, just like he was feeling right then, inside and out. Louis sighed, leaning to press his lips against Harry’s, soft and sweet, before moving back enough to have space to pull off the hoodie he was wearing.

Once it was on Harry, the alpha sneaked a hand up the back of it, the skin on skin contact almost scalding. Louis’ palm slid all the way up, under the hood and the neckline, fingers curling around the ringlets by Harry’s nape, knotting into them with meaning.

”Situations like that can never, _ever_ , happen again.”

When Louis had wrapped Harry into several layers of clothes, he half walked, half carried him to the bedroom. Harry had been cocooned in the duvets and blankets, and made warm and snug between the pillows and soft fabrics. The alpha had only left Harry’s side for long enough to lock the room’s door and close the curtains; creating a soft, safe den for them to hide in.

The alpha's chest was vibrating under Harry’s cheek almost desperately, the rumbling sound urgent and tense. His hands were buried in Harry’s overgrown curls, fingertips gently raking against his scalp.

Harry slowly blinked against the dim lighting of the room, nose pressed against Louis’ t-shirt, breathing in his scent. His mind was going hazy, but this time it wasn't in a bad, dark way. The way he was afraid of, _horrified_ of. No. It was gentle, and soft, and cloudy, making him feel heavy and loose.

Harry licked over his lips, brows furrowing in concentration. He knew they should talk more. Louis deserved to know what had been happening inside his head for the past few weeks. Even though Harry wasn’t quite sure if he understood it himself either.

Nothing was fixed yet- nothing was quite right… But it was getting difficult to think through the soft haze. Difficult to keep his head clear.

"Lou," Harry breathed out, almost inaudible. He nuzzled against the alpha's chest, relishing in the feeling of the lips pressing against his hair.

"Yes?" Louis answered, tone attentive and almost breathless. Harry couldn't help but lean against the fingers that were massaging the base of his neck, digging into the knots of his muscles there.

He whined softly, his own hand pushing up and fingers curling around the fabric of Louis' shirt. The move revealed a sliver of the alpha's bare stomach, the burning warmth of it pressing against Harry's forearm.

"Harry?" Louis spoke softly, tugging at the curls twisting at Harry's nape, the feeling of it making Harry's fingers flex. "Are you..? What did you..?"

Harry could tell Louis was still tense, the chopped questions making the alpha’s breathing jerky and chest waver. He wanted Louis to know he was alright, for now, and that he felt nice. First time since what felt like a forever. So nice. But his mind was getting lighter and lighter while still managing to feel like the heaviest thing Harry had ever encountered. The pain in his body was dulling into something bearable, just aching and pulsing underneath his skin.  

"'s good, Lou," Harry sighed, brows scrunching together more, just slightly. "Want to go with... Head's flying."

It didn't make sense, really, but Louis seemed to understand somehow. Although he seemed a bit hesitant.

The alpha shifted them both with slow, careful movements, trying not to jostle Harry as he wrapped his arms around him. Lips pressed hotly against Harry’s temple.

"Alright. You go flying then.” Louis sighed, quiet and calming. "I'll be here when you come back, yeah?"

“Uh-huh…" Harry muttered weakly, his own voice echoing and syrupy in his ears, coming from somewhere far away. “Thanks, Lou.”

He was pretty sure Louis answered something but the words were lost in the warm hum that was curling around him. Harry sighed, blinking his unseeing eyes.

"Love you," he said, or intended to at least. He couldn't tell what was really real right then. But he felt it; the feeling wrapping calmingly around his aching body. He knew it as a solid truth as his lips mouthed delicately around the words.

_"Love you."_

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The last chapter (18th) will be up sometime this weekend, it's currently going through some heavy editing and finishing touches. This 17th was originally meant to be the last chapter but I decided to cut it in two as it was getting really heavy and long to read comfortably.
> 
> I'm so nervous about posting these last two, I really want you guys to enjoy this and feel satisfied with the story. How does one even finish a massive story like this? Like, how am I supposed to let go of my baby? :')
> 
> Thank you so much for reading, let me know your thoughts.
> 
> (Not beta'd, all mistakes are mine.)
> 
> Shy xxx
> 
> shyshyserious.tumblr.com  
> sshyserious@gmail.com


	18. Chapter 18

It took months for Harry to stop flinching from even the slightest of sudden movements. It was a new struggle everyday- spiking heart rate and locking muscles- but Harry was insistent on getting through it.  

Zayn didn’t move the arm he had thrown over Harry’s shoulders even though he noticed the jerky hunch he had fallen into. The alpha just pulled him tighter to his side, scruff on his chin prickly against Harry’s cheek as they sank more comfortably in the softness of the couch.

The flinching was just one part of a bigger picture. Day after day of trying to fight the hopeless feelings of unsureness, and fear- and some days it was solely trying to remember how to breathe. It was weeks of wanting to hide and run away, disappear so he couldn’t hurt anyone. In his mind he was always doing that; hurting the others. And if he wasn’t worried about that, he was worried about Rowland. Which was stupid really, as he had himself asked for the others to spare him from the details, or from any information, really. Maybe Harry would ask some day but recently he hadn’t felt like he could cope yet. Too easily internalising the blame and guilt.

That decision left him in the dark about the demonic Alpha’s fate. The man was mostly just a name for him, their short encounter something Harry was still working on processing without getting extremely agitated. He knew Rowland was only a man like any other, yet his presence was still hunting Harry in his dreams where there was always something lurking behind the darkness.

Harry knew the man had been “ _dealt with_ ” but thinking about him as a prisoner made Harry fear he would be coming back. Thinking about him dead made Harry feel like a killer.

So, Harry didn’t like to think about it, instead choosing to push the invading worst case scenarios somewhere deep down. He knew it wasn’t good for him to avoid the topics that were bothering him, but he also knew that he didn’t have to be able to handle everything at once. Days, weeks, months… All of those he got through, some days struggling more than the others, but he got through. Always being able to curl up with someone who would keep his racing mind quiet, or help him unravel the troubled thoughts.

“So. How was Donny-boy?” asked Euan, cutting off the route Harry’s spiralling mind was trying to take; dwelling on the lows. The alpha dropped down on Harry’s other side, hand curling under Harry’s, linking their arms. “Still crushing on you?”

“Oh, um.” Harry rubbed his eye with the back of his wrist. The words reminded him that he should borrow someone’s phone soon to call the boy. The last time they had met Donell had been so excited to go stay with his parents again after such a long time of separation. Even if it was in a guarded household. “That didn't happen, had to reschedule this week. I, um…”

Zayn hummed softly under his breath when Harry trailed off. His elegant fingers wrapped around Harry’s upper arm in calming, quiet support. Harry cleared his throat.

“Hyde somehow managed get in touch with my mum…” he said softly, swallowing around the nervousness he still got from the idea. It felt unbelievable. So much so that he was still not able to quite believe it, even though he knew it was true. Harry wasn’t sure if it would ever feel normal, or real. “She, um… She called me.”

“Oh,” Euan breathed out, eyes widening slightly, “wow.”

“Yeah,” Harry said, smiling a little when he noticed that the alpha was subtly trying to gauge how he was feeling about it. “It was… It was nice. Weird but- nice.”

“Yeah?” Euan returned the smile, shoulders relaxing just slightly but enough for it to be noticeable. “How did it go?”

“She… Well, she cried,” Harry said with a tiny laugh, shrugging his shoulders and smiling down towards his lap. “Said- Said she couldn’t wait to meet her b-baby boy, if- if I wanted to.”

Harry swallowed, then cleared his throat again, trying to get rid of the heaviness pressing there.

“And do you?” Euan asked gently. His smile was growing to be so genuinely happy that it helped Harry’s own to transform into a bigger one.

“Yeah, I… I think so?” he said after a short pause of thinking it over, once again, teeth pressing down to worry on his bottom lip. “Like, I think I will. Might want to have some more phone calls first, though.”

“Sounds good, Haz,” Zayn said, even though he had known of the plan already, having been there when the overwhelming aftermath of the call had blown over. But Harry appreciated it, pleased and feeling calmer with the soft approval from his friend.  

“Yeah,” Harry said, more to himself than to the other two. “M-mum… Mum said I could talk to my sister too, the next time. If I’d like.”

“That’s brilliant!” Euan sounded as excited as he looked like, grinning and tugging on Harry’s arm until he was snuggly pressed against his side. Zayn furrowed his brows at losing his headrest, but silently settled with crossing his legs, the top one coming to rest over both of Harry’s.

Harry felt toasty and comfy there, cheeks quickly glowing up with the body heat the two were surrounding him with. Euan’s other hand had found its way in Harry’s hair, dutifully playing with the curls the way all the boys had been conditioned into by now.  

“How nice of you to join us, Lou,” Zayn said suddenly, causing Harry to startle, once again. Luckily this time Harry only had to remind himself to take a deep breath and relax his shoulders, and his heart was quick to calm down.

Louis walked in Harry’s line of sight, in process of pulling a jean jacket on, keys and coins jingling in its pockets. Zayn smirked sharply, teasing, “For someone who doesn’t give a shit you sure take long messing with your hair.”

“I can take as long as I feel like _because_ I don’t give a shit,” Louis sniffed, fixing the collar of the jacket with a sharp flick of his wrist and then tugged at the hem of the t-shirt under it. He looked handsome, Harry decided, causing a happy rush of warmth to add to the flush already high on his cheekbones.

Louis was smiling smugly at him, pleased, as Harry’s his eyes traveled back up from the lovely jean clad thighs.

“Well, are we going then?” Louis asked while successfully making Harry squirm with the eye contact. “Or are we just going to stay here and laze on Harold?”

“That sounds good, actually,” Euan hummed right away, relaxing further into the cushions. Zayn just nodded languidly, rubbing his temple against Harry’s hoodie covered shoulder.   

It was kind of sweet to follow how the annoyed tension started to build behind Louis’ eyes.

The alpha kept shifting in his spot, mouth tilting displeasedly and brow furrowing as he was taking in the fact that there was no space for him on the couch. And that his boyfriend was being hogged by two alphas, of which neither was him.

Harry hid his secretly pleased smile against Zayn’s hair, and then burrowed deeper into the couch and against Euan’s side, just to see what Louis was going to do. Yeah, he was cruel like that… Well, he was learning to be brave enough for things like that again.

And Louis could handle it. After all, he was the one being stupid and ridiculous.

Euan seemed to agree.

“Are you really huffing at us, Tomlinson?” the youngest of the alphas smirked, eyes bright and teasing. Harry tilted his head up to smile at Louis, eyes half closed at the feeling of the nice, gentle fingers still working against his scalp. Louis was so easy to provoke it was amazing- and amusing.

Zayn sighed exasperatedly when Louis quietly crossed his arms, chin raising just a tad as his gaze turned sharper.

“Not this again,” Zayn grumbled, eyeing the other two with an unimpressed squint of his eyes. “We need to get to the shops before everything closes, and I sure as hell won’t wait for an extra half an hour just so you two idiots can wrestle it out. Again.”

“It’s funny, though,” Harry said softly from his spot under Euan’s arm, fingertips tracing the webbed scar that was visible under the collar of the alpha’s shirt. His brows were furrowed in gentle concentration, still not sure how to react to it, even after all the months that had passed.

“Right. And you should stop winding them up, babe,” Zayn snorted, squeezing Harry’s neck shortly in gentle reprimand before getting up from the couch. He looked expectantly at Euan who didn't make a move to follow suit, “Get your arse up, or you’re paying.”

Euan rolled his eyes but didn’t bother with a proper answer. Harry was pretty sure the alpha wasn’t going to the store anyway, rather heading to his own flat across the town. Yeah, there were a lot of new changes Harry still had to learn to get used to. For now, he was just thankful that the recent changes had mostly been positive ones.

Euan sighed exaggeratedly before turning properly towards Harry, wrapping his arms around him tightly. Harry grunted from where his cheek was now squished against a firm chest.

“Still up for that run next week?” Euan asked, tipping his head to purposefully be annoying and let his messy fringe fall on Harry’s face. “Niall might come with.”

Harry leaned back then, waggling his brows with a dumb grin on his lips, both of which went pointedly ignored. “Definitely.”

“Good,” the alpha said, big smile spreading on his face too, and then smacked a kiss on Harry’s cheek. It was probably meant equally for annoying Louis and saying good-bye to Harry.

With a huff Harry shook his head. The teasing and tormenting game the alphas had going on was mostly just a way of silly posturing, nothing really serious about it. The first one getting a reaction out of the other usually won.  

“Good,” Zayn mimicked, dropping a hand in Harry’s hair as Euan got up. He ruffled the curls, messing them up, smirking up at Louis while doing it.

“I hate you,” Louis said stiltedly, mouth tense and fingers twitching. It was cute how hard he had to focus on not getting snappy for real. Zayn blew him a kiss on his way to the front door where Euan was already tugging on his shoes.

Louis pouted at Harry, stepping closer to stand right in front of him.

“I hate you the most,” the alpha announced grumpily, clearly aware of how silly he was acting. They had actually talked about it before, after Louis had admitted that it was sometimes a struggle to control his possessiveness when it came to Harry. He had even made Harry promise to let him know if it ever got to be too much. Luckily for him Harry just found it somewhat sweet- it wasn’t controlling, mostly just harmless yapping- _and_ it made his wolf preen happily at the attention.   

“No you don’t,” Harry replied, smirking, and then head-butted the alpha’s stomach with the top of his head. It didn’t take long for Harry to feel the need to face him properly though, having him rest his chin over the softness of Louis’ lower belly.  

Louis raised his left hand, the right one curling behind Harry’s neck, and made a circle with his thumb and forefinger, leaving a teeny tiny space in between. Harry nipped at him for that, mostly getting a mouthful of his shirt.  

“Not even that much,” Harry growled, “I’m your favourite.”

“Lies,” Louis said, grinning as he knotted both of his hands in the curls by Harry’s nape, not even trying to be subtle with the scenting. “Are you sure you don’t want to come with? You’ll be alright staying here?”

Louis was fussing and Harry laughed softly against his shirt, “I think I’ll manage.”

Harry still didn’t like leaving the flat if it wasn’t absolutely necessary. He did still work in the cafe but never wandered to the front anymore either. It was a Saturday evening and he had been feeling antsy underneath the surface since the morning of the previous day. He had opted out from the grocery trip early on, anxiety starting to buzz hotly under his skin at the thought of leaving the safety of the flat. Harry felt bad and _stuck_ but he tried not to dwell on it too much. He would go with the next time. That’s what he promised himself when the empty flat fell into silence around him.

With a sigh Harry pushed his hands inside the front pocket of his hoodie- well, _Louis_ ’ hoodie. The same one Harry had a habit of stealing and wearing every chance he got. He leaned against the wall by the living room’s window where it was a little chillier, the glass cold even though the Spring had already settled firmly into the earth and winds outside. The chill felt nice against Harry’s flushed skin; the uneasiness and tension having been boiling underneath it on a higher flame ever since the flat’s door had closed behind the noisy, bickering alphas.  

It was pretty rare for Harry to be alone. Usually there was always someone with him, even if it was _just_ in the flat. But he was getting better. It didn’t cause him as much anxiety to stay behind, or stay alone with his own thoughts. Talking with the lady who was specialised in omegas and trauma had definitely helped.

Harry tried to remember that when he was staring out the window like a hawk, hoping to catch a glimpse of the familiar faces on their way back. He kept pushing away the urge to shift into his wolf just to feel more secure. He knew now that it wouldn’t do him any good; it would just feed the tension, not helping him get rid of it. Harry was still working on trusting the process.

“Calm down,” Harry muttered to himself, focusing on breathing with intent, just like he had learned a while back. He tried to visualise how Louis’ chest felt against his own when he was matching his breathing with the alpha’s. Or how Liam had squeezed his hand to remind him to inhale properly in the midst of a panicked episode.

Harry forced his gaze away from the street and curled his clammy hands into fists inside the hoodie’s pocket. It would have been a lie to say it wasn’t a struggle to take the first steps towards Louis’ room. _Their_ room.  

The scent of them both together was heavy in the air there, instantly calming and sweet, helping him breathe in the right rhythm.

With a sigh Harry crawled on the bed, feet ending up hanging over the edge and arms relaxing over his head as he laid down on his back. The shapes of the ceiling were quickly turning blurry in his eyes so he closed them, exhaling heavily.

When Harry woke up it was to the sound of the front door slamming closed and a toasty heat licking all over his body. The t-shirt under the hoodie was sticking to his back and underarms. With a sleepy grunt Harry twisted his torso, fighting to get his heavy arms to bend down and get him out of the suffocating piece of clothing.

“Harry?” Louis’ voice carried from the front of the flat, slightly out of breath but cheery, like it should always be.

Harry’s sleepy brain just wanted to get rid of the too-hot cage he was wrapped in, annoyed growl tickling inside his chest as he wrestled the garment over his head. The air was pleasantly cool against his heated skin when he pushed the hoodie over the edge of the bed. He curled around a pillow with a content sigh, thighs pressing up and towards his chest.

“Hazza?” Louis called again, the voice coming a bit closer and finally registering fully into Harry’s mind. “Zayn went to Liam’s. I think Niall’s there too.” There was a pause. “Haz? Are you sleeping?”

Harry yawned, pressing his face against the pillow before stretching; his body deciding it was uncomfortable to stay curled up after all. He licked over his lips, shifting and trying to find a comfortable position, only to feel slightly more annoyed and achey.  

“‘m here, Lou,” Harry remembered to call out when the sound of a closing fridge caught his attention. His voice was gruff from the sleep and with a huff he rolled over to lay on his back, legs splayed and one of them hanging over the edge of the bed. Harry brought both of his hands up to rub over his face, pushing his hair back from his temples where it was trying to curl against his skin, damp with sweat. “What took you so long? I’m already old and grey now. It’s so unfortunate.”

The bright laugh carrying from the hallway was a prize enough to excuse the corny joke. Harry smiled towards the ceiling as he let his arms fall by his head, fingers absentmindedly twirling the curling strands of hair that were splaying over the sheets.

“I’m sure you’re still just as pretty,” the alpha answered confidently, the voice moving away and then getting stronger again. It sounded like he was moving around the kitchen. Harry felt too lazy to get up and help him, especially after the complimenting words had caused a new wave of flush to spread over his cheeks and neck, and all the way down his chest. It had been building up the whole day, the warmth.  

Harry squirmed, the heat uncomfortable and unfamiliar, and tugged the t-shirt over his head as well. He felt too sluggish to chug it on the floor where the hoodie was, and gave up moving his arms half way through, the shirt twisted around his forearms. With a huffing breath Harry rubbed at the soft fabric of the shirt between his fingers, silently glad that he had skipped wearing his usual jeans that day and had chosen the grey joggers instead.          

“I don’t think pretty helps me much if I can barely move,” Harry wondered out loud, voice raised a tiny bit to help it reach through the walls. His muscles felt twitchy and annoying, _so annoying_ , his lower lip pushing out into a pout on its own accord. “Stop being slow and come here, please.”

Harry was aware that his voice had gotten a whinier tone to it but he wasn’t going to feel bad about it, especially not after he could finally hear Louis walking towards him.

“So needy,” the alpha teased, smile visible in his voice as he pushed the room’s door open and appeared in the doorway. “ Can’t survive a few minut— _Fuck_.”

Harry rolled his head to the side, blinking curiously at Louis’ stunned voice, and then at the expression that was echoing it.

The alpha was staring. It quickly caused Harry to take notice of his own, well, _slightly_ compromising position.   

“Oh… Um,” Harry mumbled weakly, eyes wide as he met Louis’ gaze. The alpha was still standing frozen, just taking in the way Harry was spread out on the bed all shirtless and barefoot, torso stretched long and arms up, stuck inside the mess of a sweaty t-shirt.

“Unbelievable,” the alpha muttered, a hint of a growl creeping into his tone. His dark voice had Harry feeling hotter all over and tugging his arms down to curl up a bit more, suddenly feeling really exposed under the alpha’s intense attention. “Were you filming porn or summat?”

“Louis!” Harry whined, the embarrassment not helping to ease the glowing flush that was clearly making home all over his skin. “Shut up… It’s just too warm.”

“It’s really not, love,” Louis chuckled, shaking his head, and grin widening as Harry squirmed to cross his arms over his bare chest. The alpha finally stalked towards the bed then, teeth pressed cheekily against his lower lip, confining a teasing laugh.

Harry huffed and pretended to be more confident than he actually was by lifting his arms up, pointedly showing the way the t-shirt was twisted around them, “Help me, you git.”

“You’re not even stuck,” Louis noted, shaking his head as he watched Harry with a small endeared smile, “you’re holding on to it.”

“But it’s soft,” Harry answered, knowing it was silly, and turned to look up towards his hands, rubbing the fabric between his fingers again. It really was soft. It was nice. _Lovely._

“And you’re a weirdo,” Louis said, nodding, and then sat down on the edge of the bed, right by Harry’s side. He did reach out to untangle Harry from the shirt, dropping it on the bed as he leaned down to peck Harry on the lips. Harry hummed against the touch, pleased and warm, _warm warm warm,_ and let one of his arms fall and curl behind Louis’ neck. 

The sweet kiss didn’t last long though. Louis was fast to pull back and stare down at Harry with raised, surprised brows.

“Well,” the alpha stated slowly, eyes carefully scanning Harry’s face, “that explains the hard-on.”

“W-what?” Harry squeaked thinly, freezing for a second before his knees quickly jerked up, pressing together, and almost knocking against Louis’ back in their haste.

Harry’s arm slipped down from where it had just settled behind Louis’ neck, worriedly curling against his chest. He blinked up at the alpha, trying to understand the fond yet amused expression he was met with.

The— _hard-on_ was impossible to ignore now that he had been made aware of it. The uncomfortable heat from before had distracted him enough from paying attention to it in his sleepy state. And, and it wasn’t even a proper… hard-on. More like a half-on. Which was now going strong and getting there, thanks to Louis’ attention.

Louis leaned back down to press his lips against Harry’s forehead, then rubbed the bridge of his nose against the high of Harry’s cheekbone, breathing in. The alpha hummed, the bed dipping with his weight as he leaned closer, burying his face against the hairline by Harry’s temple, where the skin and the curls were a little damp.

“A-and you called _me_ a weirdo,” Harry breathed out jerkingly, lungs and senses filling with the intoxicating scent of Louis. His Adam’s apple bobbed with a heavy swallow, lashes fluttering against his cheeks when he felt Louis’ breathe against him.

“But I have an excuse,” Louis argued softly, voice gone rough and completely fried at the edges. He leaned back, just slightly, but enough to look Harry in the eyes when he blinked them back open. “Like your pre-heat scent.”         

Harry’s fingers flexed against his chest. Right. Because— Right.

Harry was trying to organise the thoughts stumbling inside his mind but everything was kind of too slow and yet too fast at the same time.

“Um. Right,” he said, brows furrowing. Louis smiled at his shaky wording, raising one hand and bringing it up to swipe down some insisted curls from Harry’s face. Right. Communication was the key… _Right._ “What does that mean, then? I- I mean I know w-what… But like, for us, now? What does it mean- for us?”

They actually had discussed this specific topic before. It had been right after a horrifyingly embarrassing session with the therapist which had left Harry blushing and wide eyed. No matter how nice the lady was it was bound to be an awkward topic to talk about with someone quite unfamiliar and double his age. It hadn’t helped that Harry had been basically clueless, ending up receiving some very in-depth explanations of ‘ _how-tos'_ and ‘ _whens’_ and ‘ _whys’_.

Louis had of course been understanding, only laughing at him a little when he had found out why Harry was permanently red after the therapy. It definitely hadn’t been as bad talking to Louis, although it had been difficult then too. For other reasons.   

Harry had known about heats, seasonal and mate-provoked, but pre-heats? Heat-mates? Heat-bonds? Not so much, and the list went on. He actually felt a bit dumb now for not connecting the dots with the way he had been feeling unusually clingy and uncomfortable, anxieties spiking with the temperature of his body- and how there had been three overprotective alphas tittering all over him half of the day.  

It was just embarrassing, and still making him feel uneasy, even though he knew it wasn’t something he could control. And it wasn’t even that big of a deal, really, he just hadn’t experienced something like that before. Every omega had to deal with the same thing, no matter how inconvenient or uncomfortable it might be. Having an insistent and spiked sex drive for a few days could even be a- a _nice_ thing, Harry supposed. _Gosh._

Well, when you got over the fact that it would come with a dose of annoyingly overbearing neediness and the little detail that Harry was still a total… Newbie. 

Harry licked his lips, peeking up at Louis shyly, only a little bit mortified by the sudden turn the evening had taken. He knew now that the pre-heat was just a fancier way to say the ‘ _early symptoms of an omega’s heat, or an alpha’s rut,’_ but right then Harry didn’t feel fancy in any way. And if this was just the _‘pre-’_ of the heat then how the hell was the actual thing going to be in a few days? Harry was sweating and itchy, not really feeling attractive at all. The warmth was making his cheeks glow red.  

“Well… It means that we probably need to have a chat with the pharmacist. I think,” Louis said, looking thoughtful and careful with his words. His brows furrowed, only relaxing after he had picked Harry’s slack wrist up and softly pressed his lips against it, inhaling. “You know, in case we- If you’ll want to…” Louis sighed, rolling his eyes at his own stuttering. “In case you'll want to go through your heat. With me. At some point in the future. Or, like, if you don’t want that, we still probably should—”

“Yeah, okay,” Harry said, cutting Louis off before the alpha ended up rambling for too long in fears of being assumptious, or making Harry uncomfortable. He wasn’t, but Harry really did appreciate the effort.

Louis was always being so considerate, and didn’t mind taking things slow. And by slow Harry meant _slow_. Even now, probably just a few days before his body would be whacked into a needy mess of, well, _need,_ Harry knew that they wouldn’t be doing what heats were biologically meant for. It was just… Not yet.

Harry’s cheeks were burning, heart vulnerable but full of trust.     

“Okay,” Louis confirmed slowly, scanning Harry’s expression carefully. Harry turned the hand Louis was holding over and pressed his palm against the alpha’s jaw, fingers curling behind his ear. Louis nuzzled against it, eyelashes fluttering prettily. Harry’s chest hurt.

“You know, it’s a really good thing, Haz,” Louis hummed after a short silence, eyes traveling over the expanse of Harry’s bared chest. Harry tried not to squirm under the appreciative gaze but he couldn't stop the goosebumps from raising and spreading all over his overly sensitive skin.

“Good?” Harry repeated, unsure.

“Uh-huh,” Louis nodded, kissing Harry’s palm, and then resting his own on Harry’s belly, just above his bellybutton, where it was raising and falling with every breath. “Means you’re healing, yeah? Your body’s starting to function like it’s supposed to.”

Harry made a soft sound in the back of his throat, thoughtful and considering. _Healing._

Louis’ hand was hot on his belly, making Harry kick out his feet, straightening them along the bed, abdominal muscles twitching.    

Maybe he was doing alright, after all and all things considering. Harry licked his lips, tentatively trying to let himself feel a little bit proud. _He was healing, yeah? He was doing better. Getting better._

“Do you need some time alone?” Louis asked softly, not making fun, as he linked their free hands together. Harry snapped his attention back to the present, deciding to think over the revelation later, even though it was making him feel pleasantly light and hesitantly excited. There was always time later. Now there were featherlight fingertips drawing tickling shapes against his relaxed, open palm. “I’ll go make us something to have with tea, yeah?”

Harry’s brows furrowed at the words. The warmth was starting to gather into sweat over his top lip again, and at his hairline, on the dip of his back, on the hollow of his throat…

His fingers slid between Louis’ as if they had a will of their own, curling against the back of the alpha’s hand, careful and questioning, but also firm enough to hold on.

“No,” Harry said weakly. There was a meek, slightly unsure, and definitely more than a little nervous feeling starting to wake up inside his chest. The thought of Louis leaving… “No. You should… You should stay.”

Louis looked kind of startled for a moment.

Then, a barely contained, stupidly boyish brightness lighted up his whole face. “ _Really?_ ”

The alpha was clearly trying to reign it in. Harry had to bite his lip, nervous laugh wanting to push out; tease Louis about his eagerness.

“Really.” Harry grinned, eyes crinkling at the corners when Louis poked a finger into his dimple.   

It didn’t take long for Harry to tug him closer, palm sliding from the alpha’s jaw to behind his neck. Louis hummed happily as their chests pressed together, the kiss eager and leaving Harry’s lips pulsing hotly.

Harry’s fingers curled in the hairs at Louis’ nape when the alpha trailed down, mouth wet and curious as it mapped Harry throat, then collarbones. The soft press of his teeth against Harry’s tensing abs had his breath hitching sharply, toes curling.   

Louis hummed soothingly, giving up on the trail of light pecks to lean his chin on the soft spot next to Harry’s hipbone.

“'s nice,” Harry sighed, his words coming out embarrassingly slurred, and Louis had _barely_ touched him. Well, for someone else’s standards Louis had barely touched him, but for Harry… It was almost too much. And yet- not enough?

Harry had to squeeze his eyes shut for a moment, focusing on catching his breath. It was so overwhelming and new. Even though they had been close and touchy before, it was…  Somehow just way- _more,_ because of the intent. The intimacy of it was shy but exciting. So, _so_ exciting, making Harry want to whine. He squirmed instead.

“Yeah?” Louis’ breath was warm against Harry’s flushing skin.  

“Uh-huh.” Harry nodded and squirmed a bit more, not really able to go anywhere with the alpha’s weight on his thighs, but it felt impossible to stay still.

Louis pressed closer and nipped teasingly at the sensitive skin around his hipbone, causing Harry to let out an embarrassing, surprised squeak.

“Gosh. S-sorry,” Harry whined, face flushing redder as Louis just cheekily grinned up at him. He stifled his laugh against Harry’s lower belly, the hot puff of air carrying to where Harry’s thigh met his groin.

With a tiny gasp Harry flexed his fingers around the bunched up duvet, unable to calm his racing heart. He kept bringing up his left knee only to push it back down, calf and inner thigh rubbing against Louis.

“You're so squirmy,” Louis huffed fondly, eyes shining in the dim light, the corners of them crinkling. Harry was pretty sure it wasn’t a bad thing, his squirming. It didn’t seem like Louis saw it as a bad thing. Harry just… It felt _too much_. He couldn’t help it.

“Can't help it. Feels... 's nice.” Harry tried to lift his head up, peering down at Louis who had gone back to nuzzling Harry’s skin. And that was his— Harry could see Louis’ tongue peek out, pink and clever, just before the feeling of _hot_ and _soft_ and _oh_ hit his brain full force. Harry let his head fall back against the sheets, his throat clicking with the heavy swallows he was trying to force down.  

“That's good,” Louis hummed, kissing the hipbone, and then lower. Harry still wanted to whine but he managed to catch the sound right between his teeth, only a tiny hiss escaping. “It’s supposed to feel nice.”

Well, yes, Harry supposed so. But…

“But... I don't know what to do,” he admitted haltingly, voice going quieter than before, fingers clenching tighter in the sheets. Was it meant to be this mortifying?

Louis looked up then, catching on his troubled tone. His eyes were curious and there was a soft curve on his lips. His fingertips were tucked under the waistband of Harry’s joggers. “You don't have to do anything, just... Be. Let me make you feel nice, yeah?”

Harry chewed on his bottom lip, cheek pressing to his shoulder as he looked down at Louis. That was kind of the problem though. It felt impossible to just _be._ Harry wanted to squirm out of his skin, the coiling tension building up to be too burning, too much… Too much _something. Everything_. And there was nowhere to go- and at the same time Harry really didn’t want to be anywhere else in the world right then.   

“I know this is kind of a cliche but… I’ve got you, Haz.”

Harry couldn’t really tell if it was a cliche or not, obviously not having been in a situation like that before, nor talked about something like that with anyone. Not even with Niall… Maybe Niall would know? Harry really needed to stop thinking about Niall.

“You really sure?” Louis asked softly then, untucking his fingers from under the joggers to rub his palms up and down Harry’s sides. Harry nodded hastily. “We can stop anytime, okay? Even if it feels nice now. Or even if it feels nice all along but for some reason you don’t wa—”

“I want to,” Harry cut him off, just as his heart stuttered into beating a tad bit faster; his hard cock was pressed right against Louis’ chest. Harry swallowed with some great difficulty at the realisation of it, licking his lips and _oh gosh, how was this real?_

“You too?” Harry rushed out, trying to distract himself. His abs clenched as he tried to stop his hips from rutting up. “If you don’t want to- anymore. You’ll tell me?”

Louis turned his head so his whole cheek was resting against Harry’s stomach, and ran his palms up, all the way up to Harry’s underarms. He was smiling, the upturn of his lips squishing against Harry’s belly, and the sight had Harry’s heart stuttering even more.

“Of course,” Louis promised. Harry was so in love with this boy.

There were kisses pressed onto his belly button and fingertips tickling, pressing into the skin under his arms.

When Louis rolled over to his back it was with one smooth move, surprising a barely audible noise from Harry. The alpha scooted up to the headboard of the bed, leaning his back against it, and then made grabby hands at Harry.

“Come here, then,” he said, voice gruff and eyes intense, complete opposite of the silly, childish hand movement.

With a swallow Harry sat up, then more slowly up to his knees, suddenly feeling shy again. Looking down he found his fingers curling around the string of his joggers. He felt clumsy and too eager- hands getting shaky and clammy- but Louis was pressing his ankle against Harry’s and the gentle encouragement of it felt easy. Calming. Nothing to worry about. It was _Louis._   

Harry pushed the joggers down to his thighs, and when the waistband caught on his boxer briefs, pulling them lower, Louis was quick to reach out and tug the thin fabric back in place. His fingers curled over Harry’s soft hip as he smiled up at him, head tilting back to lean against the headboard.   

The alpha’s fingers pressed into Harry’s skin, coaxing him gently to settle over his slightly spread thighs after the joggers had ended up on the floor. Harry’s hands felt shaky when he rested them on Louis’ shoulders.

“You good?” Louis asked, looking at Harry, arms sneaking around him. He pressed his palms against Harry’s heated back, petting over the whole span of it.

“Y-yeah,” Harry breathed out, licking over his lips as he looked down where his thighs were pressed against Louis’. “Um… You?”

Louis huffed out a short, fond laugh.

“I’m good, Harry,” he answered with a smile, bringing his hands up to cradle Harry’s face. Harry felt a little unsteady without the secure arms pulling him in. “And you are just something else.”

“Heyy,” Harry grumbled, although there was a pleased smile tugging at his lips; a hint of his nerves dissolving with the teasing. Louis leaned forward, resting their foreheads together.

“Mainly adorable,” the alpha added on, smile turning into a sharper, baiting smirk.

Harry huffed, fingers curling under and against his palms where his hands were still resting on Louis’ shoulders. He turned his head, only slightly, to nuzzle against Louis’ cheek and the side of his nose.

“Your face is adorable,” was Harry’s weak comeback, but he didn’t really care either way, too focused on wanting to press his lips against Louis’. Kissing was something they did all the time but each one of those times felt like the first, still.

“Maybe you should tone it down with the insults, Harold—”

Harry growled under his breath, resting his weight more fully on Louis’ lap and crowding the alpha against the headboard, their lips wet and bitten when they came together.

Louis’ fingers felt amazing in his hair, tugging and petting and knotting into it. The alpha was letting Harry to press against his chest, but it was him who kept Harry in place as they snogged each other breathless.

“Want to take your pants off?” Louis asked when they ran out of breath, eyes dark and flush dusting the tops of his cheeks. His chest pushed against Harry’s with every inhale.

Harry licked over his lips a couple of times, then again after Louis leaned in for another peck.

Looking down Harry could see how they were both straining against the fabric of their briefs- in Louis’ case also his jeans- and even just seeing them both together like that had Harry feeling hotter all over. He was so turned on it was starting to hurt.

He swallowed, and then nodded shakily, hips taking that as a cue to rut down as if they had a will of their own.

Instead of going for his own briefs Harry surprised himself by curling his fingers against Louis’ belly, the button of his jeans easily pushing through its hole. The zipper was soundless and the harshness of the fabric, bunching up underneath the backs of Harry’s tights, felt oddly grounding. Louis pressed the jeans further down anyway, turning the zipper-halves under, hiding them from any sensitive, vulnerable skin.

“You’re so lovely, Harry,” Louis said suddenly, serious and sure, and the intensity of his gaze captured Harry’s easily. The words caused a sharper and bashful wave of heat to rise up Harry’s neck, making him want to bow his head and hide the tiny smile. “Love you.”

“Love you, too,” Harry answered without hesitation. He always knew how to answer to that one, it was easy. Doubtless.

Louis’ serious demeanour transformed with the wide grin that appeared at Harry’s words. He loved to see what the words managed to do to Louis, each and every time.

“I’m going to put my hand in your pants now,” Louis announced with a straight face then, causing Harry to snort out a breathless giggle at the bluntness of the statement. He smacked a hand to cover his mouth, hips stuttering forward. They were both pretty ridiculous, Harry decided, refusing to feel too embarrassed.

When Louis wrapped his sure fingers around Harry’s straining length, it felt impossible to stay quiet. Or still. It only took a few slow pulls and a clever turn of Louis’ wrist for Harry hunch forward, hands gripping tight on Louis’ biceps. Harry already knew he wasn’t going to last long.

He mewled against Louis’ shoulder, teeth pressing against the skin to stifle the sound. Harry bit down, pleased to hear the hitch in Louis’ breath. When he let up he pressed his lips against the soft skin that tasted and smelled like the alpha so much that it was dizzying. His hips kept stuttering with Louis’ intent tugs, his heart beating loud and fast in his ears until the heat had his hair properly sticking and curling damply against his temples.  

“How’s that?” Louis asked, voice shaky. The alpha lifted his gaze to look at Harry.

“Y-yes, please,” Harry gasped, not really keeping track of what was coming out of his mouth, or if it made any sense. There was a hand in his pants, _touching_ him. It was an excuse enough.

Louis laughed breathlessly, turning his head to press his lips wetly against Harry’s reddened cheek. “So polite.”

Harry couldn’t help the hiccuping breath that stuttered out; he was just feeling too much. It didn’t seem like it could be possible to be any closer to Louis- physically or mentally- but Harry still tried, pressing closer.

Louis’ hand slowed to a stop when it got trapped under Harry’s weight, the alpha letting out a breathy giggle, “Love, what are you doing?”

“Want to be closer,” Harry whined huffily, palm slipping from Louis’ shoulder and unsteadying him. Louis looked way too fond when he took a hold of Harry’s hip with his free hand, making sure he didn’t tip over.

The tight fist of his other hand uncurled and pulled out of Harry’s briefs to push the fabric down, then moved to do the same to his own pants. Harry only noticed that there was a needy growl pushing against the backs of his teeth when it was already too late to hide it.

Louis’ grinned at the sound, leaning against the side of Harry’s face to nip at his jaw. “Come on, give me your hand.”

Harry hid his insistent growl against Louis’ neck, breathing in the concentrated scent there while still doing as he had been asked; offering up his hand. Louis curled his fingers around Harry’s, then guided them down and in between their bellies until he was able wrap them around the both of them.

Harry swallowed, hard, forehead falling to rest on Louis’ shoulder as he looked down, eyes slightly widened at the sight, and breath hitching. Harry’s hips mindlessly stuttered forward, pushing against Louis’ hot length and into his own fist, which tightness Louis was controlling. Harry’s eyes squeezed shut with a grunt, and Louis rested his teeth against Harry’s collarbone to stifle a snarling breath of his own.      

“Go on then,” Louis breathed out against Harry’s skin, kissing where his teeth had left a mark. His other hand rose from Harry’s hip and curled behind his back, pulling him in and not allowing much space to escape from the firm, hot hold their hands together created.

“L-Lou…” Harry hiccuped, blinking his eyes back open to stare down at how his hips worked against Louis’.

There was something horribly intimate about it all. Something that left Harry gasping, almost too scared to give into it. He did though, and so did Louis, who was keeping Harry grounded, keeping him safe and close, hugged in his lap and against his chest. _Close, close, closer._

“Close, Lou,” Harry bit out through his teeth, shaky whimper following the words as Louis swiped a thumb over the sensitive tip of his cock. With a heavy swallow Harry mimicked the move, causing Louis hiss out a harsh “ _yes._ ”

“So good, Haz,” Louis gasped out, guiding Harry’s hand to move faster, the slick sound of it almost too lewd for Harry to handle. Or rather, it was making him feel a bit too electrified to know how to deal with it.

“S-so proud of you, Hazza,” Louis spoke hoarsely against his ear, out of breath, when Harry’s back started to bow, muscles locking. “Look at you— Can’t believe I’ve got you. G-gosh.” Harry wasn’t sure if his heart was even beating anymore, the pleasure shocking his body so sharply he almost forgot to breathe. “Best boy, Haz, look so hot. So lucky to have you. Love you.”

Louis was rambling, breath hitching, and his lips hot where they were pressed against Harry’s ear. When the alpha’s teeth graced along the sensitive skin there, Harry was done for. He came all over their hands with a guiet, weak gasp.

Louis cursed against his shoulder, sounding overwhelmed, before pushing his hips against Harry’s slackening hold. The alpha didn’t seem to mind, rutting up a couple more times before stilling with a moan, fist squeezing around Harry’s tighter.

Only after a secure pair of arms had wrapped around his back and pulled him tightly against the firm chest, did Harry blink his eyes open. His belly felt sticky against Louis’ and there was a drop of sweat trickling down his temple. He could only hear the harshness of their calming breaths.   

Harry groaned, stupidly embarrassed all of a sudden, and pressed his flushing face in the crook of Louis neck.

Harry clung to him like a koala; both arms and legs crossing behind the alpha’s back, hugging him close. _Oh gosh, the reality was- Something else._ Harry felt sheepish and awkward, heart racing and aftershocks still trembling through his body.

“Hey,” Louis chuckled, giddy and out of breath, “Hey, hey, hey.”

Harry just burrowed closer, growling under his breath when Louis kept noisily kissing any part of Harry he could reach, palms petting up and down over his ribs.

“Where did you go?” Louis whined petulantly when Harry refused to budge, then revengefully wiped his sticky hands clean on Harry’s trembly thighs. “I want to kiss your face. Give it to me.”

Harry couldn’t help the soft laugh the words emitted, and he was only able to resist for a little longer before allowing the alpha to tug him away from his hiding spot. Louis cheered quietly, eyes twinkling when they met Harry’s shy gaze.

Then he promptly brought both of his hands up, grabbing Harry’s face, and snogged him dizzy.

Harry felt kind of hazy after the kiss, _kisses,_ for a long while. Somehow they still managed to shower together without neither one of the ending up with a cracked skull, and heat up some food that Harry was sure Louis had _not_ cooked himself, no matter what the alpha insisted.

The soft shyness didn’t really ease at all but Harry had figured out it was easier to deal with when he just stayed tucked against Louis’ side. The alpha teased him about it, of course, but when Harry had pretended to leave and sulk in peace, he had quickly been tackled and secured face down on the couch.

“If I promise not to leave will you stop crushing me?” Harry asked sweetly, a little short of breath with the alpha’s whole, shirtless weight on top of him. “I also wouldn’t mind if you stopped sniffing me every two seconds.”

“No,” Louis hummed contently, nose and lips pressed against the back of Harry’s neck. “Smell so good. Like me and- and nice warm things.”

“Wow,” Harry deadpanned dryly, cheeks flushing even though he was pretending to be cool. Harry was far from it, as usual. “Eloquent.”  

“Excuse me but—”

The front door clicked open with keys rattling in the lock from the outside, startling them both so bad it was almost comedic.  

There was a warning snarl on Louis’ lips, though, when his head whipped around, a wet growl pressing sharply against the backs of his teeth. Harry blinked, a splayed hand on his back holding him in place against the cushions.

Just as fast the alpha had tensed up into an aggressive defence mode, he relaxed back down. As if nothing had happened. Which… Alright.

The door clicked again, locking back up with a pointedly precise and passive aggressive care.

“’s just Niall,” Louis huffed, flopping back down and squirming to nuzzle his cheek against the side of Harry’s face. Even though he sounded calm Harry could still feel his rapid heartbeat hammering against his back. “That was one awkward eye contact.”

“Thank you for protecting me from the mighty threat, alpha,” Harry addressed formally, already smirking before he was even finished with the sentence. Louis nipped his ear in cheeky reprimand. Which… He really needed to stop that if he didn’t want to wind Harry up again. The whole pre-heat thing was no joke; every touch was more sensitive than the previous one.

“You’re welcome, princess,” Louis said seriously as he rolled to the side, squeezing in between Harry and the back of the sofa. His phone was chirping demandingly in the pocket of his joggers, the vibrations of it pressing against Harry’s thigh, making his toes curl.

Louis pulled the phone out, scoffing after tapping on it a few times, and then pretended to write a new message, “‘ _Dear, Horan, please do fuck off. Ps. No, H won’t share this massive dong even if you break and enter in our flat for it._ ’”

Harry guffawed embarrassingly loud at the sudden crudeness, fresh glow rising high on his cheekbones. It made Louis look pleased though, making it a little less humiliating.

“Don’t send that,” Harry huffed with a meek smile, turning to face the alpha with some difficulty due to the small space they were sharing. “What did he even say?”

Louis tapped at the phone before turning it towards Harry, lighting his face up with the blue hue of the screen.

From Niall: _I hate you both._

From Niall: _Thank you so much for sexing up the whole flat <3 _

From Niall: _I’m telling Z_

From Niall: _To Harry: Oi oi!! Get it!!!!_

From Niall: _I’ll hurt you if you hurt my boy, Tomlinson_

From Niall: _We’re coming over in a bit. Sort yourselves out !!!!_

From Niall: _Disgusting_

“Liam just sent a message full of exclamation marks,” Harry noted as a quick preview of it appeared on the top of the screen.

Louis turned the phone to see the unnecessarily long message. “I suppose that means that Niall’s been sharing. Can’t keep his gob shut, that one.”

Harry fished the phone from Louis hands, clumsily typing a new message with his still shaky fingers. Yeah, he was still feeling the aftermath of the… Well.

With a small chuckle Louis pressed his cheek against the side of Harry’s head, and wrapped a steadying hand around his trembly wrist. Harry knew that if he let himself investigate the feeling that kept growing inside his chest with every breath Louis took, he would just explode with it.

To Niall: _Thanks, Ni. See you later. Love you xx_

“Now he’ll think it’s from me,” Louis whined, grumbling even though he didn’t make a move to stop Harry from pressing send.

“Somehow I doubt it,” Harry answered honestly, and tucked the phone back in Louis pocket. The alpha kissed the corner of his eye, making Harry squint it closed.

“We really need to get you your own phone,” Louis hummed then, “Like, yesterday.”

“Why? I’m almost always with one of you guys,” Harry said, pushing Louis’ face away when the alpha tried to bite his cheek. “I can just use one of yours.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s just…” Louis sighed, settling down a little, arm snaking around Harry’s waist. “It would make me feel better if you had one on you.”

Harry turned his head so he could see Louis better. The alpha had raised his other hand to push back his fringe, the soft brown hair having stuck to his forehead with the dampness left from the shower. Harry couldn’t hold back his smile when the messy hair just ended up sticking right up.

The alpha met his traveling gaze with amusedly rising brows, a questioning tilt on the corners of his lips.

Harry squirmed a little, filled to the brim with the soft tingles of _floaty, happy, content, warm…_

With a small grin Harry pressed his teeth against the soft skin of Louis’ pec, trying to contain the growing feeling.   

“You just want me to have a phone so you can fill it up with rude pictures without the others seeing them,” Harry accused lightly, kissing the skin under his lips and then rubbing his cheek against it.

“Oh no, you caught me,” Louis sighed monotonously. His eyes were shining when Harry peeked up.

Louis crossed his arms behind Harry’s back, hugging him close and kissing the top of his head. Harry hummed, pleased, and rested his cheek back on the alpha’s chest.

It was all still a bit overwhelming, really. His whole life now. Louis. The pack. The closeness. Harry sighed, dampness clinging to his lashes when he blinked. He was sure it was always going to amaze him- scare him even, but Harry wouldn’t give up any of it. Good and bad memories, they were all evidence of what he had gained and how he had gotten to where they were now.

There was a quiet, tentative flutter of proudness whispering under Harry’s skin, plumping up goosebumps all over his bare shoulders.  

“I did,” Harry confirmed after a short pause of listening the even drum of Louis’ heart.

There were fingers pushing in his hair and a warm palm slowly running up and down his back, soothing the pleased shivers. Harry’s heart felt full and his mind quiet; the wolf content to stay curled in the back of it for now, safe and healing.

Harry gave into the urge to press his teeth back on the soft, bare skin his cheek was resting on, tongue pushing against the hotness of it.

It tasted like a promise. Like calmness and home.  

“I’m glad.”

*

**“ So kiss me on the mouth and set me free**

**_But please, don't bite_  ** **”**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you. 
> 
> All the love,  
> Shy xxx
> 
> shyshyserious.tumblr.com  
> sshyserious@gmail.com


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